Shengzhang: Journey of the Immortal [WIP] [Chapter 2 Part 1: Febuary 16th, 2023!] [63k Words]

Character Sketch Portraits - January 11th, 2023


Giving sketches and the like here or there seems like a good way to help give back here when the mood strikes! Though, if you want more may I recommend.

These are closer to paintings than to sketches, but considering they are headshots and not fully in colour I’ve opted to share these publicly. If you want to see WIPs, and the process as I make the portraits (or remake in some cases) then you know where to go :wink: .


Blurred for those who can’t unsee (I think the portraits are quite pretty myself but you know I’m biased :skull_and_crossbones:

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I’m a little confused, so sorry if this is a stupid question or is obvious and I’m just not understanding. lol

For the character of Zhen, the widower, it mentions that his preference is female as a the pursuee, but what exactly does that mean (considering we can play as a gay male)? Does it mean he’ll be more comfortable in the romance if the MC is female rather than a male, or?

I realize it says you can play as gay, but just want to make sure that I can actually romance him as a masculine male MC. Also, despite his preference, would he still try to pursue my MC if I (as the reader) indicated that my MC had some interest in him (despite my MC being pretty stoic, and so not so flirty or forthcoming with their feelings)?

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Response to @Erized :
Think of the preferences as just being things that can ease passage, but the ROs are romanceable by all!

Let me provide some clarity in a details section below:

Zhen Insight

You can romance Zhen as a masculine man, but he has thought of himself as straight and hasn’t thought much about romance in the interim since losing his wife. He will be a bit confused at his own attraction, and while not dismissive of it, he needs to work through those feelings. Those are things that just aren’t a consideration for him if he is considering a woman, so that is why there is a ‘preference’ there. Though keep in mind this explanation is tentative until it is codified in the actual work. His preference for a ‘pursuee’ means he prefers someone who is comfortable being attended to, he likes giving them attention. Don’t worry about upsetting him with stoicism, it’ll mean more when you open up!

Response to @Trazen4 :

Thank you! :blush: I am working on Chapter 2 as we speak and making good progress!

Response to @AmerHST :

Details in section below (Potentially mildly spoilery depending on how you define that)

Yuan Insght

Sorry correct me if I’m wrong but I assumed from what was written about “Yuán Wén” is that gender does not matter to them in romance but they prefer people who dress feminine? So that mean I can romance them as a male, is that correct or did I get it wrong?

I didn’t even realize that a lot of the ROs have a feminine preference, which is funny because I myself am masc-nonbinary so I wouldn’t fit that conception of their attraction. I might change that, but I explained in the blurb about ROs and how that works that the attractive traits don’t need to be followed at all. Those things just have some custom mention.

For Yuán Wén and a ‘feminine’ preference, its a lot more broad. Yuán Wén will gladly romance the Immortal no matter what gender they are. Wén has like no attachments to traditional identity, so as a result they just kind of do what they want regardless of the gender they identify with. There are some subtle changes, but overall Wén is meant to be pretty comfortable with themself in that regard.

To be honest I might just remove that preference entirely, because Wén I imagine will have a word for every type of Immortal. I’d imagine they get quite a hoot if you have wolf ears or feathers. Nonhuman characteristics might be a more amusing preference for them.

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This was a great answer, thank you! :slight_smile:

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Very promising and enjoyable so far. You got the weariness that an immortal may face down great.

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Sorry correct me if I’m wrong but I assumed from what was written about “Yuán Wén” is that gender does not matter to them in romance but they prefer people who dress feminine? So that mean I can romance them as a male, is that correct or did I get it wrong?

Anyhow your story is intersting, I always liked to play as characters that are very powerful/immortal/non-human that feel very removed from humanity but something happens to them that makes them question everything and start to struggle and try
to embrace being human.

Good luck dear author :+1:

Finally had a chance to play this and really like it!

Really, the only complaint I have so far is that I need a magnifying glass and a saved screenshot of what the stat change icons mean. I keep having to go into the stat screen to find them and it takes several clicks to get there. Plus, I have crap vision and can’t really tell what they are in the choices sometimes. Even my 2.0x glasses aren’t enough!

But I am enjoying it! Can’t wait to see more!

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Yeah, I had this issue with the symbols too, actually. I mean, I could tell what they were, but had to keep going into the key just to see what they are, and that was clicking through several pages. If the key could be put on the stats screen, it would already be a vast improvement. I feel that the similarity of some of the chess pieces can not only make it hard to discern between them at a glance, but also that the chess pieces don’t immediately make me think of whatever stat they’re each meant to indicate.

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Response to @EvilChani :
I am planning to address this in an update soon, part two of the stats update so to speak.
I am probably going to swap all of the stat indicators over to being variables, and that way I can have a text and symbol modes for people’s preferences. Thanks for bringing it up though, it’s good to keep in mind! I had talked with some others privately and we agreed. Either the chess pieces need to swap around or I should just swap to completely new symbols.

Response to @Erized :
Yes, I myself kept forgetting. I think the pawn for humanity felt fitting, and maybe the king piece for renown, but I’m unsure about the rest! I’m not sure what to do for correcting them but swapping to variable labels would probably be the first big step since it’ll make them easily replaceable.

Any suggestions for what to replace them with would be great :blush:

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Here are some suggestions.

  • Maybe something like :speaking_head: or :eye: for renown (how well known the Immortal is).
  • The crown is a good fit for reputation.
  • Perhaps :yin_yang: the yin yang for acceptance (the Immortal accepting/processing their grief). Positive and negative, dark and light.
  • This crossed sword symbol :crossed_swords: for suspicion (Immortal seeing the world in a more negative light)
  • Humanity (How the Immortal feels about mortal kind) is a hard one, cos what symbol could represent mortals? Maybe :balance_scale: (scales) for balancing the good and bad as the Immortal comes to an understanding? Honestly, acceptance and humanity could be either yin yang or scales, really.

EDIT: I used the simple, black and white text/universal symbols for this but for some reason when I posted it automatically turned them into these colourful emojis. See:


Easy enough to look them up tho.

EDIT 2: Or you could use the :peace_symbol: (peace) symbol for Immortal accepting their grief?

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These are some incredible suggestions, thank you! I am going to spend some time to look at some others, but these seem generally much clearer. A lot less confusing than the chess pieces, at the very least, hah! I liked the symbols because they are cleaner but it is hard to justify them when it becomes difficult to tell them apart! I should have been less afraid of making them direct, I suppose.

I’d probably like to avoid the peace symbol though, considering it is exceptionally modern and also has a very western association to me.

Response to @FabricSeat :
I mentioned earlier, planning to swap them over to variables so its shorter and that way you can swap between symbol or text based indicators! Itll be in the detailed settings menu in the next update!

Response to @Erized:

Response

Or you could avoid directly indicating which stat variable is being affected for those particular choices, and instead indicate it in the wording of the choice itself when it’s not obvious but you actually feel the player needs to be made aware.

Often, 2 or more stats are affected, and additionally I despise putting the name of a stat in choices directly. I know you are saying to do it subtly, but I’d rather the player know what is happening rather than what it effects, and learn what it effects through visual indicators if they want to know that.

However, it can also be fun to see the repercussions of your actions play out, for better or worse, when we’re just playing our MC to their personality rather then trying to choose the choice that look most “right” in the given situation.

Which is why there is the option to play with visual indicators off, I say as much when you select your indicators. I recommend playing with them just because it can help with bug testing, but nobody is forcing you to play with them if they take away from the experience. I’m confused on what this is saying I guess? Because the option to play with them not visible is already in the demo lol.

I do appreciate the input, by the way, I’m just a little confused.

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Maybe this is totally wrong-headed, but what about just doing away with the symbols and labelling the choices with the actual words? [Renown], [Humanity], [Acceptance] and so on. Nobody is guaranteed to instinctively attach the same meaning to any given symbol, and making people learn a new code to understand the story is likely to repel more people than it attracts in the long run, but anyone who is playing at all can be assumed to understand English words without further effort.

Sorry, I totally missed that. My eternal reading comprehension shame.

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Or you could avoid directly indicating which stat variable is being affected for those particular choices, and instead indicate it in the wording of the choice itself when it’s not obvious but you actually feel the player needs to be made aware.

I understand some people like to micro-manage their character (cos that’s very much me), and/or be aware of the potential impact of choices (especially when they’re harmful) before we make them. However, it can also be fun to see the repercussions of your actions play out, for better or worse, when we’re just playing our MC to their personality rather then trying to choose the choice that look most “right” in the given situation. It can also be interesting when we make a choice believing it will lead to one outcome but in a twist it actually leads to another very different one, which is made difficult if the reader is informed via the shown variables, OR if we’re completely in the dark about where it leads, but it’s all still just roleplaying our character and seeing where life takes us. That’s not really different to RL - where anything could happen at any moment and we’re kind of just stumbling through the dark and hoping for the best (like not to stub our toe on a piece of furniture… but I digress).

Most CoG stories include choices where we have no real idea what they could lead to, unless we watch our stats with an eagle eye (me, and I restart more than I should. lol. I wish save slots were more of a thing in CoG games). I think as long as the reader has a rough idea via the choice’s actual wording, it’s all good.

Progress Update (January 14th, 2023): It took all day, but all of the indicators have been swapped over from normal text to variables and changed in the Prologue and Chapter 1 in the Beta (No Public Release yet, sorry!). Additionally, I am basically finished with the first scene and almost done with the second scene for Chapter 2! (The third scene will take the longest due to variation, but progress is smooth!)


Look forward to the following features in the next update:

  • Visual Indicators can be swapped between symbols and text!
  • Visual Indicator Symbols have been swapped to something (hopefully) more intuitive!
  • You can choose to hide relationship changes, stat changes, or all changes except important choices on top of being able to have visual indicators on or off.
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UPDATE: Stats Screen Overhaul Pt. 2 - January 15th, 2023



Update Talk: Originally, I had the intentions of waiting for the completion of Chapter 2. However, considering I may or may not have uploaded the Beta files to Dashingdon, I moved up the release for this into a smaller UI update rather than a UI update with new content (outside of a few lines here or there). For the memers who might try to code dive for the new chapter, it has already been deleted :smiling_imp: , but the attempt is commended nonetheless.


The following has been addressed:

  • Flags have been added to the first two chapters to allow for proper responses in Chapter 2
  • F!Min will no longer have “hers” and “her” swapped.
  • Flavour text for those who select the Shi Class or are a lupine-eared Xiānlíng.
  • Changed Visual Indicators to New Symbols
  • Changed Visual Indicator Settings to Main Menu in Stats Screen
  • Added ability to hide Relationship or Stats Changes while maintaining Important or Special Choice Indicators
  • Adjusted, changed, and added new stats to the first two chapters
  • Added ability to swap between Text and Symbol Based Visual Indicators
  • Added about 3.5k Words w/ Code or 2k w/o Code
37 Likes

POLL: How Old Should the Child Be?


This is probably one of the most important polls I could release for gauging interest on specific plans for the story. I originally planned for the Child to be 8 months old. On reflection, I think that there could be more to explore with a toddler or young child that you cannot were the Child to be still in the throes of infancy. As such, I am interested in presenting the option to ask about it. Picking the Child’s age (as in a choice in the story) is out of question, because it would mean basically needing to completely write different versions of the story, as how the Child would understand their situation would drastically vary with their age at the start.

8 Months (Original Planned Age) - Unable to walk and still needing the bottle. They would just begin having an understanding of object permanence and would have just started learning a few words but would still predominantly rely on more direct means of getting help.

2 Years Old - Capable of walking, talking in limited forms. Capable of tantrums, beginning stages of independence, struggling with communication with strangers.

4 Years Old - They have developed some likes and dislikes, and enough to recognize that their parent is missing even if they don’t fully understand why. They would be affected by having memories (this is true of a 6-year-old age as well). Developing compassion, if literal in interpreting the ways to fix perceived problems. A child of this age would be expected to be able to dress themselves, have a general awareness of their own gender, and would just be beginning to learn how to read.

6 Years Old - Would have an understanding burgeoning for some of the more complex things. I would imagine this variation would be old enough for the novelty of their situation to really impact them in the future as well as now. They would understand their parent has either died or abandoned them. They also would have a small amount of basic literacy.


  • 8 Months Old
  • 2 Years Old
  • 4 Years Old
  • 6 Years Old

0 voters

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Most of the kids I know from other IFs are 6 or older (6-11) and that’s also the age I dislike them the most so I wouldn’t mind a younger.

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Response to @Cingulum_diaboli :

Cingulum

I don’t know really about how children tend to be written in other IF, but whatever they did I am not necessarily going to replicate no matter what the age of the kid ends up being. I have my own concept I guess for writing, generally my own experience with movies at least is that the way children are handled is that they are turned into plot devices or screaming tyrants. Either variation isn’t particularly appealing for me. No matter the age of the Child, I want them to have a distinctive personality beyond just ‘convenient tool for causing problems for the Immortal.’

When it comes to children in novels, honestly my experience might be more limited than I would like. But I think that forming too many preconceptions about how other stories handle it might work the opposite to my benefit. I want my own interpretation and the growth of the Child to be independent of their ‘status’ as a child. It is more important to me that it feels they grow organically like any other person might.

Response to @Dragomer :

Dragomer

In regard to time skipping, there are planned ‘skips.’ I don’t want to say more now since its far too early to be offering specifics.

Response to @Abhorash :

Abhorash

If for the majority of the story the child is going to be the starting age. Then I think older is better as there is just more you can do with a 6 year old or a 4 year old. Whereas a two year old or 8 month old even a 4 year old aren’t really characters, like you can get away with more when they are 4 but still there is in my opinion a very limited amount of interesting content there.

Wow! I really can’t comment on this at all! Still, what I can say without spoiling anything is that I will take this into consideration. Thank you for taking the time to leave a response. It helps to get a developed idea of what other people are thinking. Particularly with something this important, I wanted to re-evaluate before it would mean rewriting massive sections of text were I to change my mind. I am not sure I agree that there is ‘very little you can do’ though. Setsuko from GoFF is an incredible character despite her being 4!

Response to @geldar :

geldar

To be honest, it’s hard for me to pick what age I’d want a character I haven’t even met to be. I mean, there’s a brief mention of a child in the game, but it’s too brief for me to really get an idea of them. Also, is that child actually travelling with us after that scene? If so, that wasn’t very clear to me. It seemed to me it was just a passing mention of having seen a child, and in fact I hadn’t even recalled it at all, so I replayed to figure out what child you were talking about.

I deliberately didn’t make much mention of it because while I have a general idea of their personality, how much of it has really developed is different depending on their age. Think of it this way: how much can you tell about what a person is going to be like before they can even talk? This is a more generalized question about what you would be more interested in seeing, which is why it’s focusing on the developmental stages for children rather than the child’s personality themself.

The only mention of a child so far is the infant in the side by side for Scene 1 of Chapter 1.

The intent was for it to come across as happening at different location, drawing a contrast between the mind of the Immortal and the experience of the person on the run. It might get entirely rewritten in the future if it is confusing. For now, I’m more or less keeping it as is but adapting to whatever ends up feeling the best for the kid’s age.

To be fair, there was a greater narrative purpose behind seeing the events, but I can understand why it feels off especially considering there is no other POV shifting content for the time being. I could include an option to turn it off, but usually if I am including another perspective it would be for a good reason. Something to consider, to be sure, though.

Response to @Anna_B :

Anna_B

Ughh!! I really wish I could say more, I just don’t think it would be a good idea to release information impulsively because once it is out there you cannot return the cat back into the bag. I personally am leaning in part due to the poll and my own interests into a child in the 4-6 range though. Keep in mind that I am listening to your reply and I am very happy you took the time to leave feedback over your thoughts! I’m surprised that the poll is so split between 2 and 6, with 4 being so low in terms of interest. Seems kind of funny. I guess people just tend to lean into extremes.

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The more responsible for the kid you are, the more I’m for it so the younger is better, with maybe a timeskip after a while when say the immortal got used to their toddler era (and they are lowkey shocked because while they intellectually knew the kid would grow up, they aren’t really used to actually seeing that firsthand on a day to day basis).

Especially since it also make MC responsible for getting the child to know Ru since they wouldn’t have their own clear memories.

If no timeskip is possible, then 6 or 4 is better so they can be an actual character to some extent.

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Personally I think it depends on how those time skips are going to work. If for the majority of the story the child is going to be the starting age. Then I think older is better as there is just more you can do with a 6 year old or a 4 year old. Whereas a two year old or 8 month old even a 4 year old aren’t really characters, like you can get away with more when they are 4 but still there is in my opinion a very limited amount of interesting content there. So if the starting age is what they will be for the majority of the game 6 is better. But if those time-skips will allow the majority of the game to be spent with a child who is old enough to kinda be their own character and have interesting things going on that aren’t so completely tied to us then starting at 8 months or 2 years is perfectly okay.

11 Likes