Shadow of Death (working title) (WIP)

[MsPenguin]

Shadow of Death recounts the story of the prince/princess after the fall of Penthia. With the help of his/her mysterious power, he/she must build an army to reclaim his/her stolen kingdom.

Main Character

Main Character is the first-born son/daughter of King Arthur and Queen Mary. When he/she was eleven years old, he/she felt his/her power for the first time. After six years, he/she finally discovered that he/she can manage to manipulate fire after the fall of Penthia.

Characters

King Arthur - The current king of Penthia and MC’s father.

Queen Mary - King Arthur’s wife and MC’s mother.

Maria - The princess of Penthia and MC’s little sister.

Albert - Queen Mary’s brother and MC’s uncle.

Ser Morgan - One of the best knights in the kingdom and MC’s mentor.

Damien - Ser Morgan’s son and MC’s guard. (RO)

Livia - A mysterious girl in the forest. (RO)

Echo - A strong warrior who has same powers with MC. (RO)

Adrian - The leader of strong tribe of the North. (RO)

Kingdoms

Penthia - One of the strongest kingdoms of the North. The ruler, King Arthur is the only leader who managed to form a coalition which includes seven kingdoms. Unfortunately, because of the betrayals and traitors, the kingdom has fallen.

Marshfield - One of the kingdoms of the North that is ruled by King Gabriel. A part of the territory of Penthia is under his control.

Raymond - One of the kingdoms of the North that is ruled by King Williams. A part of the territory of Penthia is under his control. He’s King Arthur’s biggest enemy.

DEMO: https://dashingdon.com/play/mspenguin/shadow-of-death/mygame/index.php?cb=98851

Thanks for your attention Tell me if you find grammar mistakes, typos or errors in the game.

Oh, and if you have any better idea for the title of the game, please let me know.

[ToxicDreams]

*Startup line 723 I think (it disappeared when I went to check again) there’s an error about dishonesty.

From the first read, it does strike me as an interesting and potentially good read. I’m interested to hear more about the kingdoms. Personally though, I couldn’t get into the characters, or the MC. I’m not exactly sure if it’s because of how you do the short time-lapses or if it’s something else, but just for me I just didn’t feel anything for any of the characters so far.

Grammar wise, there were actually a couple of issues that were a bit too many to point out. I suggest just going back over it and reading it, or using some kind of grammar program to help out there.

But again, I am interested to see where you go from here and how you develop the story.

[FelxBelt]

Found some minor errors in the Prince path.

The “H” in “he’s” should be capitalized.

It should “your father”.

“Herself” should be “himself”.

I feel like “Your” should have been “You”.

These are all of the grammar mistakes I found. Just like @ToxicDreams, there was error on dishonesty:

However, I think this game is going along really well and I can’t wait to see how this game turns out.

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

Sounds good I’m going to play it know but can we be evil or good

[Kyle]

The demo itself is fairly decent, and is on its way to becoming a WIP I’ll watch closely. My only real gripe is that the story kinda sounds very similar to the lost heir trilogy

[RagEgnite]

Played through the demo, and I think the biggest problem with it is the pacing. We grow up way too fast, and as a result, there’s not much reason to be really invested with any of the characters introduced to us. Sure there are scenes laced with Arthur, Mary, and Maria, but there’s no real hook to make me care for them other than “Oh hi dad”, “Oh hi lil’ sis”.

This story still has potential though, if there would be more sustenance to it.

startup line 878: bad label undefined

This is the first time I got an error when I hit the “Play Again” option at the end.

[Takashi_Shin]

that was cool hope you make chapter 2 love see more

[Umbreonpanda]

The pacing is a bit too fast. However, I like it where it is going.

Summary

The s should be capitalized.

your mother

‘Are they hurting mother?’

[Nightgazer]

Can I just burn the whole world into the ground? I don’t feel like giving anyone a second chance after the stunt they pulled off. If the coalition didn’t do my kingdom any good, I might as well get rid of them, those useless lot. The only way they could redeem themselves to me is if they don’t follow those two usurper.

[anon49824592]

Agreed. I’m raring to kill everyone involved; Gabriel, Livia, the lords who stood by and watched. Looking forward to your expansion of the story–this seems like a nice, straightforward revenge tale.

It does sound similar to the Lost Heir trilogy, though.

[The_Lady_Luck]

I get:

• startup line 723: Non-existent variable ‘dishonesty’

when I choose that I’m a little scared.

[lokidemon007]

Good start, looking forward to more!

[Kelvin]

“You’re one years old”

Year