Sexuality and how it's perceived


YES. OMG, this speaks to me! Didn’t even hear of the demisexual designation until…ugh, too long. Would have cleared up a lot of confusion for me during some very important years! :sweat_smile: I would define the term, but it looks like others have quite nicely beaten me to it! Hopefully, that answers any questions people had, but if not, I’m happy to help elaborate, too.


I’m so glad to see how many aces are here :blush: so good not being alone.

Yeah, I hope we’re being useful to you, Nathan xD


sexuality is fluid. a couple years ago, I thought I was a lesbian. now I identify as pan, but I do have a girlfriend. I’m actually most attracted to nonbinary people.


Another thing I’m happy to see here. Someone who likes us, n-b people :smile:


Hmm. I know that I’m at a 0 on the Kinsey scale. But I find it appearance-based. I remember a strange circumstance of once being attracted to a genderfluid born female, with some contention when the subject came up. I couldn’t ‘feel’ any male-ness in terms of personality, which was distressing for the other party. But as to -what- attracts me… I - tend to get confused. When my libido is screaming at me moreso than not, it gets more appearance based, but when it’s down, more personality oriented. But there are things I just don’t know, like, if I’m demiromantic or not. Or at times demisexual. Or hypersexual. I’ve had few relationships, not as much physical contact as I’d -like- -or rather to say, no where near as many partners as I’d like, but I have emotionally invested feelings quite often through the years. My actual history by way of relationships is often dichotimous with my mental state of what I’d choose if I could. Which… changes. Literally goes from wishing for one long term girlfriend for myself some times, to wishing I could know what a one-night-stand-binge is like others. One of the most calming things for me is throwing myself into creative projects. It keeps me from becoming frustrated with my own sexuality and the problems I have finding any physical contact for myself. Emotional contact… thankfully, I have no problem with.


As @FairyGodfeather stated sexuality is complicated.
I identify as demiromantic myself and I don’t see sex in my future as of now. That doesn’t mean I won’t ever have it. As @Cirrocumulus said I wouldn’t mind it in order to make my partner happy.
I do have a friend who is demiromantic and he’ll never, under any circumstances, cross that line. It’s just not his cup of tea. He finds the act, and I quote, “A bloody waste of time, space, and bodily fluids.”.
There are millions of people who have differing opinions on sexuality and they all can be described by one word, complicated.


Sexuality can be rather confusing, especially if you’re not sure where you are in the spectrum.

I didn’t figure out I was asexual until about a year and half ago(I’m 32). I just don’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone, but was confused because I do have aesthetic attraction and some romantic(might be grayromantic) attraction, mainly towards men(or maybe it’s better to say people with masculine features/personality), but I have had soft spots for women before.

To make things more confusing, I do have a… low to medium sex drive… if, honestly, such a thing can be measured. In the beginning of my research on asexuality, I thought that pretty meant I wasn’t asexual. I’m glad I kept researching and found out that there are different orientations, attractions, etc.


Who and what you’re attracted to isn’t black or white but a spectrum. It’s effected by both biological and psychological factors along with the events in your life that make up who you are as a person.

All people can be attracted to all things at any point in their life based on the aforementioned factors. Best to keep an open mind about these things.


I’ve learned more in the last few hours than I have in all my years living which admittedly is only 19 but still I’ve learned a lot from this thread and the people on it.


We’ve some asexual specific threads on the forum


I know I’ve been on them :smiley: Maybe I should say I’ve learned more specifically about the spectrum of sexuality rather than the sexualitys themselves. Cuz man did my tiny cis mind get blown on the other threads. Especially the asexual and aromatic thread.


I can’t even begin to explain my sexuality. I just go with the flow… the flow of love. :sparkling_heart:


Honestly this is the best stance. Some people may have one inclination all their life but this is very unlikely even when not taking into account brief flashes of inclinations or desires you wouldn’t normally have.

Take life as it comes.


Exactly! I was about to type out something 10x more complicated-- I thought I was straight, thought I was ace, wondered if I was bi or pan or… or…

But the thing is I’m different today than I was then, and maybe I was those things! I’m not right now, but I might be later!

C’est la vie, etc.


Growing up I thought things were pretty cut and dry when it came to sexuality, I knew since I was a kid I was a lesbian despite not having the word to label it, and as I got older I understood everyone around me identified as straight, it seemed a simple system one or the other.

Then I started dating a girl that was bi and I was like “okie dokie, well I guess there is an option C for some people, makes sense”. Then I later dated a girl that was pan and found things weren’t so cut and dry for others as it was for me. Joining this community certainly opened my eyes to diversity of how this question is answered and makes me feel good that more and more people are able to feel comfortable being themselves.


i feel you, but i consider myself bi coz i feel attracted (mostly) to male character, but i cant deny the attraction from female character either. though irl… im not interested in sexual activity with both (edit : when i read it again, it really is missleading :sweat_smile:) i mean with either of them (if im correct its called asexual, right?)

i guess im 4 from that scale.

nod nod :grin:


If you mean that you’re not interested in any sort of sexual activity with either of them, then yep, that’s asexual.


I’m an aromantic (greyromantic? demiromantic?) polyamorous bisexual. Of all of these categories, the thing that’s given me the most trouble in my life is having a sexuality at all.

Women aren’t supposed to be enthusiastic about sex, to pursue relationships, to have casual partners. It’s ridiculous how many times I’ve been told I act “like a man” when it comes to sex. For behaving the same way that would be thought healthy for a male, people have thought I’m emotionally damaged, lying about my feelings so I won’t be rejected, or just a slut.

There was a movement around the time I was in high school to take back the word “slut”. To make it a proud word, a self-identifier. I found it tiresome. Why was it even an issue at all? Why did I need a descriptor… why couldn’t I just be a woman, and also have a sex life I liked a lot?


I think it’s ridiculous that women are called ‘slut’ just for having sex on a regular basis yet men aren’t. In fact it’s a point of pride for most men. To me personally I think that if you’re gonna call women a ‘slut’ for being sexually active then the same should apply for men or it just shouldn’t be a thing at all.

I mean at the end of the day sex is about procreation. It’s not even necessary to live a full and happy life. Yet people tend to forget that (god forbid you even suggest the very idea). Should you express that opinion then people tend to think there’s something wrong with you. Well not everyone is like that but I’m sure you guys know what I’m getting at.


I disagree - it’s not as simple “has procreative instinct” (possibly mistaken for something else) or “lacks it”. Sex fulfills several functions which may or may not apply for any given person. Besides reproduction it can be “about” stress relief, pair bonding, or nerve endings feeling good. Whether that contributes significantly to someone’s happiness has more to do with them as an individual than what’s necessary in life.