Sexuality and how it's perceived


#1

So I was talking with my friend the other day and the topic of sexual orientation came up. Or more specifically is it possible to be straight and still interested in the same sex without being BI.

If you are confused by the previous statement then let me give you an example.

I consider myself to be split 70-30 between attracted to woman(70) and men(30). But despite that split and the attraction to men I still consider myself to be straight.

So yeah the point of this topic:

How to you feel about sexuality? Is it as black and white as people say or is there more to it? If there is another topic too similar to this I would appreciate it if someone told me so I can ask there but when I checked there didn’t seem to be any so yeah…opinions?


#2

Sexuality’s complicated.

I’m all in favour of self-identification. So call yourself whatever you like.

You’re aware of the Kinsey Scale? It runs from 0-6 with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, and 6 being exclusively homosexual.

Attraction can also be split into Romantic and Sexual attraction. So you can be sexually attracted to people without ever wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them. (Or the opposite.)

There’s men who’re attracted to men who never intend to ever pursue a relationship with, or have sex, with a man, and so identify as straight.

There’s men who have sex with men but only as a physical thing and will never have a relationship with a man, and who identify as straight.

If they want to identify that way that’s their prerogative. (I think it does get tricky in situations where you have powerful men who have sex with men on the down low, but are also actively discriminating against, and/or preaching intolerance against same-sex relationships in public.)

Bisexuality has a great deal of stigma and prejudice attached to it. I can understand people not wanting to identify that way.

Can I ask (and this is entirely without judgement) why you consider yourself straight?


#3

I don’t think it’s that easy to make a distinction when it comes to sexual orientation.

I’ve always identified as being straight, pretty much because it’s the default, it didn’t clash with what I felt, and that I’ve never felt attracted to women.

Then again there have been times when I thought I might have been asexual instead, because I had never felt sexual attraction towards anyone until very recently. Now I identify an heterosexual with a bit more confidence, but that’s more a matter of convenience. Not a whole lot of people are familiar with the term demisexual, after all, though that description is probably closer to the mark.


#4

@FairyGodfeather is right.
And besides sexual attraction and romantic attraction, there are more types of attraction, like sensual attraction (the desire to touch, to kiss and do other non-sexual things) and aesthetic attraction (admiration by a people’ appearance, like wanting to keep looking at them, or draw them).
I say I’m pansexual because I get attracted by every gender. However, I actually don’t know my romantic orientation, I want to kiss and touch women for example, but I don’t know if I can fall in love with them.
And still, I am also asexual. Because I don’t really want to have sex with people, I’m much more for the sensual attraction than the sexual attraction.

It’s not really complicated. It’s just that people teach each other that you have to feel just one thing. And they’re so wrong.


#5

Sexuality is so varied and so confusing - there are all the shades of the rainbow to be found in people. I myself identify as asexual, but can’t be grouped together with all asexuals that exist due to the fact that while I do not find anything sexy, I’d still have sex with a future partner to make them happy - which a lot of aces wouldn’t do. But it would still be different from people wanting sex. If given the chance I’d take ice cream over sex any day.

I still want a relationship though, with a male partner. But if I were to stumble over the perfect person and they happened to be female then I’d be okay with that, too. I don’t actively ever envision myself in a relationship with a woman though. So on a romantic basis I am pretty much straight but an exception could happen under very specific circumstances.

Really, it’s all just as complicated as we make it. In the end you just have to find someone who shares a lot of the same sentiments or is okay with compromise.


#6

I’ll try to be short. Sexuality is VERY complicated. PPl thinks there’s : Bi, Gay and Straight. Apparently there’s over 20 sexualities. I’ve know asexual ppl, Demisexual, Pansexual, straight males who are reserved for sex, and women who hunger for it.

Its more something ya feel than just list. if that makes sense


#7

In terms of attraction I’ve paid less attention to gender than I have general fitness level. I remember seeing a guy girl couple jogging and I couldn’t decide where to stare.

Yet physically I could go either way but I found the majority of guys I’ve met turn me off just with their personality alone. I tend to get along with girls on an emotional level. Yet this flips completely when it comes to their sense of humor.

Weird I know.


#8

@Cirrocumulus took the words right out of my mouth… I mean fingers? Keyboard? Mind, let’s go with mind.


#9

When I think of what it means to be straight/gay/bi I generally think of a emotional relationship rather than a sexual one. I personally don’t see myself ever dating a man but well maybe if it’s the right person. Does that make sense?


#10

I don’t really think it’s all that weird honestly I experience the same thing a lot as well though it’s mostly the opposite with regards to gender. Most guys are offended at my sense of humour while most girls think I’m funny.

And btw in regards to the jogger conundrum I usually just stare at both :smirk:


#11

Would you mind explaining what demisexual means? It’s honestly the first time I’ve heard of it… though I guess that’s what your point was.


#12

Yeah that makes sense.

I think identify how feels right for you.

The Kinsey Scale runs as

Rating - Description
0 - Exclusively heterosexual
1 - Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 - Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 - Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 - Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 - Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 - Exclusively homosexual
X - No socio-sexual contacts or reactions

So you’re probably not a 0, and not anything above a 3 either.

Bisexuality isn’t an equal attraction to all genders. Some people are more attracted to one than the others. They might look for different things in different genders. They might be far, far more discriminating in their attraction to one gender, than the others.

Like maybe only attracted to men that look like Matt Bomer, but attracted to most women.

[details=Which one is Matt Bomer?]


http://media.vanityfair.com/photos/55c27390169027501c6ed8f2/master/w_790,c_limit/matt-bomer-cheyenne-jackson-max-greenfield-wes-bentley-finn-wittrock.jpg[/details]

Or maybe they’re really attracted to femininity, so there’s some people, who’re not women, that they find attractive, but mostly just women. There’s some bisexual people who’re poly, who’d never be happy without both male and female partners, and there’s others who’re happily monogamous.

Sometimes attractions wax and wane. They might find themselves more attracted to women at one point, and men at another in their lives. (Which I’ve seen some people call a bi-cycle heh)

Bisexuality can be really nuanced and complicated.


#13

It does :blush: if you, for example, like girls, you can sure go for them instead of looking for boys and girls. But if you someday notice that you’re actually starting to like a guy, I don’t think it’s good to run away just because of your “title” of straight. Don’t ever let your “title” get in your way.

Demisexual is a branch of asexuality. It means that you don’t feel sexual attraction to a person until you have a deeply strong relationship with them. Like, you start to dating this girl and you start to feel sexualy attracted by her when you are madly in love with her, when you really, really like that person.
There’s also demiromantic people, who just fall in love when they have another type of strong relationship with them, like a platonic love or even sexual attraction.


#14

Demisexual is part of the asexuality spectrum.

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.

Heh ninjaed.


#15

Descriptions vary a bit, but it’s basically that you only feel sexual attraction towards people you’ve already formed an emotional bond with. So no drooling after random people on the streets, and stuff :sweat_smile:

(Ninja’d twice, even :sweat_smile:)


#16

I think it´s black and white, and grey.

Because the perception is more complicated than the actual reality, which is that sexuality varies by individual, with virtually limitless possibilities and variations. It´s not as if one half of the human population is named “Bill”, and the other half, “Billy”, so the idea that there are only two sexualities or only two genders is a strange one. Labels and categorisations may make things neater and more palatable for some, but I don´t think that they should be used on human beings. We´re too fluid, and too complicated.


#17

I’d agree with that rating I’m probably about 1 or 2 and as to which one is Matt Bomber, he’s the first one on the second row? I think.


#18

Don’t worry it’s not that I would run from my feelings it’s just that it would have to be a specific person. So maybe demisexual applies to me in that respect?

In fact if I ever did feel that way about a guy I’d dive straight in there :smirk:


#19

Hmm, I don’t think it so. I feel the same thing about not seeing me with some genders but if I happen to like the person, then I’d surely go for them :blush: it doesn’t necessarily means that someone is demisexual, it is more like, open minded to be happy lol but yeah, it could be that you only feel romantic attraction to guys if you have a deep bond with them, maybe. :relaxed:


#20

Too true. I tend to crush on men easier, but I am also able to simply push a crush on a man away and if I don’t do anything about it, it is usually gone in a week or two .
Whereas I fall for fewer women, but then I fall and I am not able to go back to simply platonic love. In the wake of that I have lost two friendship. (Unrequited love is a not very kind word.)

Furthermore I have a preference for the androgyne aesthetic. (Though it is just the aesthetic I think look prettiest. I am ace and have never been physically attracted to anyone.)

Regardless, all of the above is the reason why I consider myself bi and not pan. (Which I personally understands as falling in love with all gender the same way. Not all pan and bi people agree with that definition, but it is mine.)