Seeking Redemption: Imprisoned (WIP, title may change)


#1

Hello everyone. My name is Etistor or Etis. As a kid, I loved writing stories, but eventually I lost that passion. I also love to play video games, especially the games here on this site. So after months of deliberating, I finally decided to get back into writing. I’m a bit rusty though. But after starting on chapter one, my passion for writing is returning.

Now I will get down to it.

Game Summary:
Seven nations coexisted together living in peace and harmony.
Until one day, a gruesome incident shattered the peace that binds them.
The powerful nation of Lutor; blamed, the nation of Calitor; for the incident that transpired.
For the last six years, the world has been plagued by a war between the two nations.
And, for the last six years you have been serving the military for your nation of Calitor.
But you’ve been captured by the enemy, during your latest mission.
Imprisoned, you recount your story to your captor; of how your simple old life ended and how your new life began out on the battlefield.

-Play as a Calitorian soldier.
-Told in a series of flashbacks, alternating between past and present.
-Your choices in the past will impact the present, and the future.
-Did you forge allies or made enemies? Did you save comrades or were you the last survivor in your infantry? Were you a hero or an outcast? Did you find love or did you lost love to war? Did you kill out of revenge or out of mercy? Many choices, with many outcomes.
-Uncover the mystery that surrounds the incident that started the war.
-Play as male or female; straight, gay, or bi.
This is your story, but it’s not the end.

There will most likely be changes along the way with this concept, since it is a WIP. Feedback is tremendously needed and welcomed. This is my first game and I hope to continue and finish it. I’ve made some progress with chapter one. There will be a link to a small demo down below. Hopefully,this is a game that some of you will enjoy. Tell me if there are any problems with coding, grammar and punctuation, and so on.

Demo:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/lprmjkdysbwtcqb/Seeking%20Redemtion_Imprisoned.htm?dl=0


#2

Did you get some of your inspiration from Tales of the Borderlands? That’s what I instantly thought of since you get captured by some dude and he makes you tell your story as well. Plus that’s also a choose your own adventure game. Anyway, here’s the errors I’ve found so far. No crashes though, which is good.

They knew you were coming and were waiting to ambush you so, then they must be Lutorian soldiers.

Either the comma shouldn’t be there or “so” should be behind the comma or keep the comma and remove “so” and “then”.

What was that weapon that they used on you.

Question mark at the end.

Immediately you start devouring everything on the tray. page_break After eating the whole tray you lay back down with a full belly.

Forgot the *.

Then what were you trying to do earlier! You point to your shoulder.

MC was talking. Need speech marks.

“…Fine,” You answer.

Lower case you.

And that’s all I’ve found at the moment. So far I’ve enjoyed it. Looking forward to what’s next. :slightly_smiling: :+1:


#3

Hahaha I forgot that tales of the borderlands had the same concept too. But I’m glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for the feedback. It helps a lot. I’ll correct these errors tomorrow.


#4

The lands lived in harmony, until the fire nation attacked


#5

Wow… This game is great, I LOVE IT!


#6

wow nice demo Ending it just at right clifhanger


#7

I liked this demo. I was a little worried because I’m working on my own story/game that also starts with the main character as a prisoner telling her/his story, but it’s very different from this.

I found a few mistakes if you’re interested.

Some one can mistaken you for a walking corpse.
“can mistaken” is the problem.
“could mistake” is probably more what you’re going for.

The route is the fastest at getting to the rendezvous point.
“at getting” is the problem here. Replacing it with "way"
or “way to get” fixes it.

But this city is even bigger than you had expected, it’s been hours since you’ve first step foot here.
Okay this should be two sentences. A period after
"expected" and capitalizes “it’s” fixes that problem, but
the first sentence should probably be linked to the one
before. Last, “first step foot here.” Usually that’s “set
foot here,” but if you really wanted to say “step” then it
had to be “stepped.”

We have one of our strongest soldier with us.
The word soldier just needs an “s” on the end.


#8

Hahaha sorry but no benders in this story.
Thanks and I’m glad you enjoyed it


#9

Oh haha sorry that I worried you there. But that’s good that there is nothing to be worried about. Also I’m really interested on seeing how your story/game develops. Good luck to the both of us.
Thank you for the feedback. Pointing out any errors helps a lot. I’m glad that you enjoyed my game so far.


#10

Thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it.


#11

I love this up to know cant wait for more


#12

Wow! A cliffhanger never got me this exited for more with almost anything!
But this is a cool demo, really liked it :3


#13

God cant wait for more from this I need more lol if you need a beta tester I would love to help out dude any time.


#14

pssst its been more than two weeks…try not to post on threads after two weeks or else it will probably be closed.


#15

@Etistor, you can drop a private message to any moderator to re-open this thread when you are ready with another update.