Huh, how come a game with this premise has been around for checks post date two years, and I’m only learning about it now? Ah, well, better late than never.
Stuff and musings and spoilers
I’m pretty sure you’re missing something here. “Contains depictions of language”. I mean, it’s true. Wait, is this a dig at the morons who buy the games that are clearly described as “text only and powered by your imagination” and then leave negative reviews where they whine “it’s just text”? Please tell me it is. Pleasepleaseplease.
Oh, I see. So our surname isn’t our ORIGINAL surname, I see, I seeeeeeeeee.
You know, I could deal with creepy. And I could deal with haunting. And I could deal with disembodied, because hey, the world’s gone mad, I might as well join it. But this:
This? THIS?!
“Something terrible is going to happen, and you need to stop it.”
“What do I need to stop?”
“Not telling.”
This cryptic bullshit about important events? I’m punching this voice in the face first chance I get. “Disembodied voices don’t have fac-” I’LL FIND A WAY! See if I don’t!
Anyone that says “the rightful rule of light” sets off all of my alarm bells, by the way. Like, ALL of them.
I’m not sure in what tense you want to write the game, but “For you, these nightmares were a common occurrence, they always have been.” and “The familiar rays of light peeked from the window.” are in the past tense, but the choices are in the present tense.
Ok, further ahead things seem to be written in the present tense, so i guess that’s what you’re aiming for?
(just checked the stats screen, Stubborn/Logical sounds like a strange pairing, but maybe it makes sense in the context of the choices)
Tense disconnection shows up here again. The MC does things in the present tense, but Cass speaks in the past tense.
If I’m understanding correctly, this is a POV change from the MC to third person. You should consider adding a note at the start to show that that’s the case, something like “Meanwhile, in the woods.”, because I honestly thought this was a scene we ran into on the way to work.
See? In the next page you have “Swatheford Police Station” at the start, and that lets me know there’s a change, but there’s no such indicator for the woods scene.
Wow. Those options escalated quick. 
Oooof, sleep deprivation kicking in, TBC tomorrow.
