Seasons of the Moon: Part One (UPDATED: 6/30/21) WIP

I enjoyed the update demo good luck on the future update :ok_hand: :+1: :grin:

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I’m reading right now and I’m soooo hooked! I found a repetition here, thought I’d let you know : )

cold eyes peer at you even more closely, observing for any kind of reaction.

You remain where you are, wondering just what the hell is wrong with him before someone suddenly pushes up against against you

I’ll go back to reading now!!

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Thank you so much for the wonderful things you’ve said! As well as catching the spelling errors. I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time re-working the first chapter into what it is, regarding the pacing. I’m glad you were able to immerse yourself in the world! Tara and Tress were the first RO’s I came up with. I really appreciate how you’ve helped me get it to where it is.

It is a bit of a spoiler for the next chapter, but I will go ahead and tell you, that isn’t the case. There’s no way the MC will turn regardless of the bite. I know that will be a breath of relief to some people! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

She is not set to be one of the RO’s. She is most definitely supernatural, however!

They are another ballfield of beings for sure! Their appearance in the world is a pretty rare thing to see for the supernatural beings in the story to witness. So that will be interesting for everyone to be a part of when the angel and demon RO’s make their appearance.

I will need the luck for sure! Thank you for reading! :grin:

Thank you for that! I’ve read over the story too many times to count and never once saw that. Lol. I’m totally mind blind to what I’ve written too often. Thank you for reading! :blush:

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Hey! I’ve played the update, both the new things implemented to the first chapter, and chapter 2!

The changes are absolutely great and I love them! Not only the added options to some choices add a lot to the immersion (at least for me), but the progression and pacing also feel way more natural with the flashback and so on. So yeah, all in all, the changes were awesome :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

There is just one small detail that doesn't work too well now, but that's quite minor!

Since you added the option for MC to always have believed in the supernatural (thank you so much for that, btw!), there’s that part right after Gable’s reveal (and before MC can react) that doesn’t work well: “His words only reassure you that everything that happened before was real. And the ugly truth of the matter: humans aren’t alone in the universe and supernatural beings exist. It’s something you never imagined could be true…”
While the part about his words reassuring MC about it having been real make sense, the rest not so much, since now for some MCs it won’t necessarily be an “ugly” truth, and more than anything, that part wouldn’t be necessarily accurate, depending on what the player choses: “It’s something you never imagined could be true…” - since I selected the option for my MC to have always believed in the supernatural, it’s obviously something he would have imagined to be true.
Considering that part comes before the player decides how MC reacts, I think it could be reduced to: “His words only reassure you that everything that happened before was real. And the truth of the matter: humans aren’t alone in the universe and supernatural beings exist.”
Without the “ugly” and if scrapping the the last sentence, it sounds more neutral, and doesn’t imply anything about MC’s belief in the supernatural.

I think that’s the only thing that remains from the prior version that bothers me. Thank you so much for not forcing MC to dislike Trent now, too!

Other issues I've encountered:
The flashback:

As I said, I love it! There’s nothing wrong with it, but maybe it would be good to make it start on a different page than the present-time narration?

When reaching the cementery:

I have only noticed this on my replay - the choice that starts with “You’ve always had a strong lure toward places of the dead” adds to the Bold stat instead of the Brave one. Is that intentional? Doesn’t feel so… :thinking:
I was wondering the first time around how did I get Bold points, but since I had no idea, I decided to wait for my replay and pay attention to that, and it leaves me a bit confused. It really seems like a Brave choice, not a Bold one, since Bold is the stat opposed to Bashful, and that shouldn’t have much to do with liking cementeries or not :rofl:

When finding the trio in the morning, in the bar:

For a MC whose vice / coping mechanism is drinking, maybe you should restrict the selection of drinks to alcoholic beverages only? Considering they were even craving a drink only moments before.

If drinking tea:

When Gable comes back with the drink, the line is: “You react with a slight jolt as a glass of tea suddenly appears in front of you.”
Shouldn’t it be a cup of tea? Granted, I do drink tea in glasses or mugs at home, but in most bars and restaurants (western, at least), you rather get cups, unless it’s some sort of ice tea, but that wasn’t specified so I assumed it was the regular warm tea.
When Trent shatters the glass, it’s also said the liquid is cold, but again, when talking about tea that was not specified to be ice / chilled tea, I think of a warm beverage. :thinking:
Maybe you could make a distinction, and put - “some chilled tea” as one option, and “a warm cup of tea” as another one?

Werewolf bite:

While the game seems to hint that MC is not exactly human so they probably won’t “turn” anyway, at this point in the game they still think they are, and the trio explained them that a werewolf can transform a human into one with a bite… :thinking:
I can’t see how MC wouldn’t think on the spot about what that implies, and the fact they can transform into a werewolf.
Since it’s Trent who later explains them about the bite and what it entails in more detail, maybe during that first talk with the trio, you shouldn’t reveal to MC that a bite can turn a human into a werewolf, and only make the trio say that a werewolf can turn a human into a werewolf, without telling them how it’s done.

When Trent takes MC away from the bar:

“Trent mutters a curse before he tells you to get in.”
It doesn’t say he wants MC to get in his truck, so the following sentences are a bit confusing.

That would be it - I have seen typos, but I didn’t write them down this time around - I was too immersed in the story and a bit too tired too.

Anyway, I’m so hyped about this story! Can’t wait for more now! :rofl:

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Whoa interesting.

That’s intriguing. Can’t wait to see how it all plays out!

The pacing is a lot better than the first demo. Keep up the good work :beers:

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Yay! I’m glad you enjoyed the changes I made. You have been super helpful with adding more sides to the MC and helping with immersion. I changed the issues in chapter one you suggested. I admit all the stats will be a work in progress for a while since I’ve just been adding random points. Still wondering what more I can do in that area. I think more will unfold as I write. I also rewrote the bar scene talking about the werewolf bite! Fixed Trent’s truck scene. Added ice and hot tea. The alcohol option is a nice touch. I may re-work that in once I stop being lazy and feel like facing script again :sweat_smile:

Over all, thank you!! You are the best!

I will do my best! :blush: :beers:

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Well enjoyed the update, really liked the flashback, I did notice Taj was put in some of the conversations in the bar after, as far as I know Taj was an alternate male for Tara or something, my character liked women, so not sure if the name was linked to that or Taj is someone i haven’t met yet.

One of the flaws for the MC and the conversation with merde made me think the MC is a Succubus.

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Oops, sorry about that! I changed the part that I believe you’re talking about. Should be fixed now. That is also a very interesting thought on what the MC is! Thank you for your interest and help! :grin:

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Yeah I started typing my reply at about 0500 this morning, but took almost 5 hours to type as I am in work :upside_down_face:

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Lol. That makes sense! Hopefully your time at work went by fast.

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OK just reread it, Taj is mentioned, the page after the MC wakes up when they are talking to or at the MC (think its Tess saying it). " I told Taj this was a bad idea!" Hope this helps as I can’t screenshot on my mobile. That may not be the exact line but it is something along those lines.

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Okay, I fixed it. I seem to struggle most with forgetting to switch Taj’s name. That likely would have sat there forever had you not posted it. Thanks so much for helping me pinpoint that!

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Aw, thank you! You’re welcome!
I have one more then :rofl:

I didn’t replay with the changes, but I skimmed over the code of the changed segments.
For the tea, you labelled both as ice tea here (the second one should be simply “tea”):

*if (drink=“ice tea”)
*goto teaglass

*if (drink=“ice tea”)
*goto teacup

It’s before the segment with Trent breaking the glass/cup.

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The hostile between the MC and Trent is a little bit put me off…my MC is a fluffy ball with 56% Friendly and 60% Easygoing when Trent gives him the book Werewolves: Not a Myth

And that he kept acting being crept out when he has 70% Brave felt strange.

This scene is a little much with a friendly and easygoing MC… :cold_sweat:

The only semi-friendly reaction is a flirt option here:

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My MC is very friendly and easygoing, and I asked for some modifications in MC’s behavior with Trent that have been implemented already, but I don’t exactly agree with you on that specific one.
Trent was really AWFUL with MC up until that point, and I see it as being the one little thing too much, like a breaking point - you have to consider just how much MC is stressed out at that point.

But I WOULD like the opportunity to apologize for calling him a dog boy later on!

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I must say I stumbled across this today, and WOW your writing is phenomenal!! I’m already digging the story, and boy am I torn between them werewolf brothers :heart_eyes: I think there were a few grammar mistakes I saw, but it flowed so smoothly and that’s huge! :+1: seriously kudos to you mate! I’m going to be stalking this closely for sure. Cheers!

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Thanks for pointing that out to me. I’ve changed the levels of the stats. I also changed some of the wording so the MC isn’t assumed to be frightened.

I admit I had the MC geared to not like Trent in the first demo. Much of that has been changed. I think that given how awful a night the MC has had as well as being constantly bullied by Trent would result in a breaking point. I did, however, change some of the wording here that is being used by the MC so they aren’t coming off so rude. I do appreciate you making note of this. I would like to make sure the MC is what you want them to be as much as possible!

I just changed that for you. I added another option that is friendly. Thank you so much for your feedback! :grin:

I changed up the wording in that scene so the MC is less insulting. I also agree about the MC finally reaching a breaking point, no matter how easygoing. Also, thanks for telling me about the tea thing! I was half asleep while editing it. I also have a tendency of fixing one thing only to break another! :sweat_smile: Thank you! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Thank you so much for saying that! :blush: It makes me happy to hear that! I’m thinking about adding an optional love triangle between them down the line for extra drama. Hehe.

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Okay have to say the game surprised me.

I thought until the end there that the MC had never been human to begin with.

Which unless the gang is in for a big surprise when the MC doesn’t become a fuzzy wuzzy under the full moon, doesn’t seem to be the case.

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… you wouldn’t dare :scream::smirk: oh the sweet sweet drama!! God I wouldn’t know who to choose :weary: that would be the most delectable torture, you genius author you haha! I can’t wait to see what wonderful drama you cook up, with that conniving mind of yours :heart: BRING. IT. ON!

I would like to still call them a dog lol, I’m planning on romancing them but they’re an ass and deserve it at that time :joy:

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