Saturnine [WIP] [370K words] (Updated 06/06/2024)

I literally can’t wait for more!! This is so well written and had me immersed from the very beginning.

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Oooh I loved this so, so much!! I adore everything about it, but especially the world setting and the player character. I hope we can interact more with Manfred in these coming chapters, as I simply love ship AIs (ART has very much skewed my feelings on the matter, truth be told). Anyway, this is so great so far, really looking forward to reading more of it! Thanks for sharing this with us :))

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Errors, typo etc


I elect to use…

me remove one.

stolen worlds, stolen systems

Gender flip, my MC is male unless this is deliberate

Errors pt2


rest of humanity should the homeworld…

gender flip again, MC is male unless this is deliberate again

Wrong Pronouns this time he fails…

The flap of her wings…

First off, I very much enjoyed the character interactions with the meta’s especially the little jabs and how their personalities clash yet also mix so well. Fight scenes were okay, they felt a bit 2D, maybe a bit more depth to make it create tension or that little extra oomph. Otherwise it’s actually pretty good for a beginning considering the jump backs to memory lane. We’ve got a good feel for who the MC is, and where they are in both the lore and world building.
So in conclusion definitely looking forward to meeting the rest of the cast, and seeing where this goes.

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MC Fighting Hellhound


MC after finding out Hellhound is a werewolf mid battle

My MC’s views on how to treat humans: (it’s time to turn the tables :smiling_imp:)
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@Lyle_Schiefer The gender flip (or sex randomization, to be more precise) in the flashback is deliberate. I guess it’s not clear from the demo itself, but the MC can change their pseudo-sexual characteristics basically on a whim, so there’s no reason their current form would have any bearing on what they were 990 years ago. It also plays into the theme of them not having any self-determination prior to the Shriek, so I’m dead-set on leaving it in, even if it confuses a reader or two.

I also don’t consider “stolen world, stolen system” a mistake, since humanity is explicitely limited to a single (Solar) system which is their world in a manner of speaking. I suppose worlds would work just as well, but I’m not sure if I’ll bother changing it.

Otherwise, fair points. I’ll fix the typos and maybe add some combat options in the next update, which should come out within a few hours. I worry that doing multiple small updates (like I may have done in the past) will mess up the saves, which is another reason I wasn’t enthusiastic about having them in. Thank you and good evening, or whatever the time is in your place.

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Kinda figured the gender flip was deliberate, considering we are a machine. Glad to find it wasn’t a bug :sweat_smile::+1:.

Ah, so we never left the Sol system gotcha :ok_hand:

I wouldn’t say you need to add, as to what is provided is more than adequate, …I’d suggest merely fleshing out existing scenes, a sentence here, a paragraph here, boom!, fleshed out :joy::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:.
Anyway glad to be of help, looking forward to what’s to come.

Ooooh, could we get to choose gender in the flashback? I like the idea of including purposeful trans rep in these kinds of stories.

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@Raptorofwar I don’t see how that would work though? You get to choose the MC’s gender identity at the very start of the story, and there really isn’t any better place for it. Certainly not a flashback sequence far later into the story that’s all about lacking choice and identity.

In general, I don’t think the MC even can be transgender, anymore than they can be cisgender. That distinction depends on what sex someone was assigned at birth, but the MC was never born and doesn’t really have a sex either. They’re just whatever the hell they want to be at the moment, both physically and identity-wise. You can play them as being something roughly analogous to a transgender person, but actual trans representation would have to involve humans, or at least something biological.

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Oh, I do see what you mean by the lack of choice! That’s very interesting, and on second thought I think I’d agree with you.

As for your second point, I think being a robot that chooses a gender where before they had none is a very transgender thing to do. Being trans is not being the gender you were assigned with; therefore any choice could be seen as trans. That being said, not being defined by gender is also delicious, and I like everything going on here.

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Liked this quite a bit, very interested in seeing where this goes.

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Lmao! People who don’t know Polish may think that name is a joke. Ok, I stand corrected. The name is a joke from a comedy film. But if you’re familiar with Polish pronunciation, the name isn’t that intimidating or confusing.

If I’m not wrong, I think it’s pronounced something like: Gzhe-gosh Bzhen-chysh-chy-ki-e-vich (the “e” in “Brzę” ends with strong nasal sound instead of actual “n” sound.)

Anyway, this game has bio-engineered wyverns that can potentially shift into dragons. I’m sold!

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I mean, the name is a joke. Literally, it was created solely for the purpose of a comedic scene in a comedy movie. Sure, a native speaker can read it aloud with little difficulty, but A) The scene in question involves a Nazi officer who can’t speak Polish fluently and B) He has to write down the name, which would involve guesswork even if he did know everything about the language. It’s an intimidating and confusing “name” alright, which is where the humor comes from.

Thank you for coming to my Polish culture lesson.

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Lol. I see. I didn’t know that name came from a comedy film. :joy:

I’m neither a Pole, nor can I speak Polish conversationally, I’m just familiar with the language enough to be able to sing a few Polish songs that I’ve came across by chance.

Anyway, I’m really excited about this WIP. Keep up the good work. I’m rooting for you.

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Can there please be an option to just have one Gender identity through out the story? I don’t care if a millions years have past, I decided the gender for my character I should have the option to keep it. I don’t like change and this has come from stress response of never having consistency when it came from living in different homes, states, and schools growing up. I just want my selection to be determined and set instead of being at odds to the image I have in my head even mid scene. I don’t even know what gender the person who owned my MC is because that keeps changing mid scene too. Please just give me the choice of having consistency! Otherwise this is going to get too confusing and frustrating to keep reading

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It would be heavy rewrites for sure but it might be interesting to move the present day gender choice after the flashback part? One of my playthroughs at the moment is a turbo-loyalist who’s been picking as many pro-human choices as possible, fought on the side of the humans, generally was scared of making choices and I think it would make sense for her to not change her gender presentation from how it was originally assigned. On the other hand, my other playthrough rolled male on the past gender but currently presents and identifies as female so she’s got clear line between her former self that she never wants to return to and her current self

Maybe an extra choice of like, how your character feels about their former/current gender presentation would be easier and more in line with the theme of lacking choice. Like if it’s changed or not, why did they or did they not change it could be interesting? I just think there’s something interesting there and it could be worth addressing in game how your character sees this change (or not change) in relation to their self and their loyalties especially since there is a human lover/human hater bar

I do think it’s a really solid idea so I wouldn’t want to see it trashed but I think it could be elaborated on a little more in the game itself.

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Good point there. Whilst I’m strongly attached to the idea of tying the player choice with the in-universe agency of the MC, and moving the pronoun selection to the second chapter seems impractical, I should definitely do something more with the subject of gender. I’m leaning towards moving the “die roll” to the very start and announcing the result there, so that the choice of gender can be more… informed, in a way. But I’ll need at least one night’s sleep before ripping into the project again.

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Maybe I just missed it so if it’s already mentioned sorry, but I think it would be good to clarify in the first page or original post that there’s RNG in the game in general. I messed up a choice and had to restart and was quite surprised when I got a different outcome for stealing the bank data (and then kept resetting till I got it as I did in the first attempt, to keep with my original “canon”). If I didn’t get it initially I wouldn’t have chosen it again, thinking it would always fail.

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I really enjoy this one. Not usually a fan of sci-fi but I love the concept and playing as an android is something I’ve only experienced once. Looking forward to your updates!

(If it’s true that this WIP has RNG, I think you should mention that in the post)

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Eh. The current WIP, sitting at 64k words excluding code, has a grand total of three “rand” commands of which only one affects anything other than some word swaps. I know that some people are really allergic to RNG of any kind, but I don’t think such sporadic use of it deserves a mention in the post, since it would give people the wrong idea of what the story is actually like.

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Major update. Added 16K words excluding code and finished the second chapter. To be more specific:

  • Added dialogue trees for each of MCs current companions and each member of the Meta Trio.
  • Added (two variants of) the arrival to Saturn Nine station.
  • Added the introduction of a new companion, and alternate introductions to the existing ones.
  • Made moderate changes to the stat screen and the stats themselves.
  • Changed the gender/sex selection so that the flashback switch is less surprising and/or confusing.
  • Added the option to crush Rook’s hopes and dreams forever.

Also made significant changes to the variables, which means old saves won’t work anymore. Probably. I still don’t really know how these work :man_shrugging:

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Great update! Loving this one so far!