Runaway [WiP] [New Chapter Out: 26 February 2021]

[EricClem]

Thanks a lot for the feedback everybody! I really appreciate both the encouragements and the criticisms!

I’ve uploaded a fix to the demo for most of the pronoun errors you guys pointed out, and I’m going to take some of the more general feedback, try to incorporate it in the game and push out a new version by the end of the weekend!

@Anire_Rice

I haven’t read something like this before, with the mc running away from home.

Thanks for the encouragement, I hope to keep the story unique and engaging for everybody!

@Jayffel

In response to your question at the end of the prologue, maybe you could write something about what the MC thinks about their father and/or remembering their mother? Looking back on their family life, what they’re about to lose as they run away? I don’t know if there would be a great way to write choices about that, besides maybe a reaction to the father specifically, whether we’re feeling understanding or betrayed, etc.

For other feedback, I felt like the alt text on the page breaks was too frequent and too long. I get not wanting a bunch of NEXTs, but most of these felt jarring, especially the ones that were dialogue. I’d personally recommend switching at least some of those to normal text.

I feel like given the circumstances, visiting Nikolas at the Mage Comissioner’s office seems really dangerous. Would it be possible to have them discuss why Nikolas wants you to visit in person more, and/or have more reluctant or suspicious choices about it? To be honest I thought it was a trap and was kind of surprised when it wasn’t It’s cool if you don’t feel like that would work well, though.

Thanks a lot for the in-depth feedback! I’m definitely going to look at point 1 and point 3 for editing in the draft this weekend. Regarding point 2, since you seem to find it jarring a majority time rather than a minority of the time, it would be really helpful (if you don’t mind of course ) if you could point out maybe one or two instance where you think it worked, so I could try to either model the rest of them to follow it or simply cut them out and put them into the text itself.

@Ellery

I remember this from the interest check thread! I see a few more choices have been added, and I’m excited to see where you’ll take this story.

Hey there, I remember you too! I haven’t made all the changes I promised you yet sorry, . But I’ll definitely look to get them incorporated in soon, and hope you enjoy where the story keeps going!

@BreBee

Thank you for humoring my critiques. I hope I was able to help you in some way (and that I wasn’t too blunt). I’ve really enjoyed your story and I look forward to future updates!

Not blunt at all! Thanks a lot for pointing out so many mistakes that I didn’t catch.

@Empress_Nightmare

This demo really is an intriguing one so far…

Thanks, I hope you enjoy it too in the future