http://db.tt/pi11tvLP
Enjoy and please leave feedback.
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Looks like a great game; it really leaves you wanting more! There seem to be several different paths- stealth, brute force etc. which adds a lot of variation to the game! I’d like to be able to choose a name, but if it’s for story purposes I can see why you may need a forced name 
Thanks for testing! I have a little treat for the first 10 people who beta test it. I’ll try to extend the story more as it progresses. I’m an amateur coder, so I really don’t know much about names and stats. Did you find any errors?
The treat is that you get to test a whole chapter of the game before I release it in public. So let the reviews roll in!
@revanrulesrussia one error; something about a bad label on line one-one-something (I think it was either 112 or 118) to do with a vault, when I was trying to use stealth in the bank. Apart from that, no errors!
One thing; you can merge at least two or three pages I’m sure. A page with one paragraph on it only to click through to a second page with the same amount of writing just make me click through. >.> I don’t mind reading longer pages.
I hope things slow down a bit in the next chapter. The game seems to be very simple right now, with not much reason to choose one option over another. It’s like an action movie, without the eye candy…
I really like it! Something new and fresh, I’ll keep my eye on this thread I didn’t get any errors. I don’t mind that it’s just male but I would like to ask if you plan in the future making it female aswel? And any idea for romance?
Nice start, but it crashed on an error. You may want to run the Quicktest to pick those up.
-The sound of cars honking and the smell of meals cooking and This is truly a beautiful spot in the city.
(Grammar: The sound of cars honking and the smell of meals cooking makes this a truly beautiful spot in the city.)
- Soon, your mind drift and you think back onto why you are doing this every night.
“drifts”
-Even when you were six, the rage against your parent’s killer would leave you steamed.
" parents’ "
-
The police never did find your parent’s killer
" parents’ " -
revealing your parent’s murder
" parents’ " -
it was the same style of killing that your parent’s fell victim to
“parents”
-Your kevlar will defiantly stop a couple of rounds
“definitely”
Line 118: Bad label stealthvault
It’s good to see this back, it’s a fantastic game
I really like your game, but like shoelip i too think it needs to slow down a touch, not a lot (as i quite like the action feel) but- it’s not where your going, but how you got there kinda thing your missing(try stretching it out) Also I’d try to avoid using the same word repeatedly in a sentence
Quickly, you climb to the “roof” and jump “roof” by “roof”, until you reach the bank’s “roof”.
Could be- quickly you climb up the side of the building and start making your way across the roof tops, stoping as you drop down onto the bank.
Not a writer myself, so it’s not the best example, but it hits two birds with one stone- stretch’s it out a bit, and avoids over using a word.
That’s one unruly Kevlar vest. Oh yeah, on the topic of slowing down, both this and your other game, don’t really give the player the chance to get a feel for their character or any NPC. They both just seem to be rushed from point A to point B with tons of short text pages with not choices.
I love the story, and It leaves me wanting more. I got an error after I decided to use stealth and intimidation to stop the robbers. And also I want to delve into the characters family and Hayden to get a sense of lost and tragedy.
I followed this story from the start, from the first time it was posted to the second time it was posted by your friend, and now this one XD
The second one had alot of cool ideas, I kinda wanna see a few return like, you growing up as an orphan and fighting off bullies and stuff, but there is also some things that werent in all 3 versions, like I really wanted to see like the MC’s training like I kinda wanted to pick my own styles maybe, and possibly go in depth on the owning a karate studio, cause usually all hero movies start out slow, and I feel there is nothing wrong with the start how it is, but myself I like the slow build up in hero movies, Like Kick-ass, spider-man, and other movies where they paint a picture of a world in need of rescuing from people who take advantage of the meek, and terrorize the innocent, and I think you did really well with the tragedy of the MC so you understand why they are doing things like this
Thanks for the feedback, everyone! I will definatly go into more depth from the training to the tragedies. How did you feel about the fight scenes? And should there be romance?
I liked the fight scenes, but they were over fast, as in lack of detail. like in the bank I had chose to rush in and kill everyone, I ran in and stabbed the boss then “quickly butchered the remaining goons” ? How? Why didn’t they just shoot me? Where’s the insane fight scene with three on one lol?
As for romance, I’m not really a romanic… So I’m not to fussed about it, but I no a lot of people would enjoy such an option, a chance to gain back a piece of your humanity
I like the fighting, but maybe you can have like different kinda options depending on your training like, if you pick like that one style that teaches you to use everyday objects as weapons, like you might be able to like grab a cane or something and beat ass with it, or like get a style thats more subtle and tied to stealth then you get stealth options, and maybe down the line you get like hero tools, cuz all vigiliantes have tools
And I feel like all Heros should have atleast a small circle of people they care for, and a Love interest would be nice, cause then later a Bad guy can make it more personal by kidnapping like a loved one and make you make some hard choices
I want to become a evil villian! C’mon, all that goodie stuff can’t last forever!
Blarg. Lots, lots, LOTS of work. I’ll try to start on the coding again though…
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Welcome back RRR!