Ohy
102
The premise is really cool but you instantly had me at ‘the naive heir to avralux’ because must protect
lol anyway I enjoyed the demo so far, I like the setting, how you introduced us to that world (and is the oracle going to make another appearance? i kinda want to get her out of that tower haha). For now my two main play styles are ‘the reluctant spy’ or the ‘dutybound but actually good at lying buuut will probably break later if this thing goes on for far too long - because unfortunately they can’t lie that much’. So far I like all the ROs (the mage, oh, the mage. so precious) but curious about Maeve tho, I can get a feel about how Alistair is like but Maeve is a bit hard to place for now? Is it because she’s more reserved?
Oh and I love the library scene with Ritar/Eirina! The shadow we saw there kinda reminds me of the dream sequence though, are they related? And the detail with the healer when the pc introduced themself with their real name - is he catching on to us? Or did he just… hate Etreans for some reason? (did he even knew about etrea?)
some bugs that aren't exactly bugs but they bothered me enough to screenshot them
Originally i wanted to attach pics but I cant for some reason (maybe something to do with my trust level?)
1 -
“Oh. I will be quick so that you do not have to linger in this memory. I will be quick then, your mother wants you to go to Lucidia. It’s central and the Avraluxian Prince will […]”
is the double ‘i will be quick’ intentional?
2 -
“Do you have to do anything?”
He snorts, “Other than not make an utter fool of myself, I am expected to show a certain degree of… loyalty towards Galanis. Were I inclined to politics, it would all be in their name.” You think back on his behavior as you traveled together, “You don’t seem noble.”
“That’s because I’m not. I was sponsored to be a knight by the great Lucidian House of Galanis. Fancy way of saying that they paid people to not laugh their asses off when I go to court.”
i think you forgot separating the paragraphs in this one, as the bolded part seems like the start of a reusable scene
3-
You gently take your hand away. “Nice to meet you, $[heal_name}.”
You gently take your hand away, “Nice to meet you, Jaspar.”
!he straightens, “What do I owe the pleasure of your introduction?”
4 - this happened when pc introduced themself stiffly to the healer
" Rene," you say stiffly.
his smile grows despite your shortness.
The healer bows slightly, with a flourish of his hands, “I am Jaspar. Priest of the All-Seer, faithful cleric,” he takes your hand bringing it up to his lips, pausing just before they touch your knuckle, “and utterly charmed to meet you.”
sounds a lot like punctuation nitpicking, but they threw me off enough to report this haha - something about the spacing here and the lowercase in the bolded part bothers me.
“Considering its not every day I meet a strange man in the woods I figured I should know your name.”
He smirks, “You first you are the one who approached me.”
(') and (,)
“Jaspar can I see him?”
Jaspar smiles wide, “Of course. I’m going to be close by though,” he winks, “So don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Or do something I would do. That’s certainly be more fun.”
he moves away from the entrance from the large tent, allowing you entrance. […]
5 -
Said tutor sighed, the woman closing the book she made you drone out of for the past hour, “The Princess should not be interrupted from hers studies!”
found this playing as a female pc during the rose flashback
6 -
You frown. To yourself. To the world. You care. You weren’t supposed to care. The camp is larger than you thought. Not just the three men who helped carry Alistair, but at least a dozen. Tents all circled […]
i think you meant to add a paragraph break between ‘you weren’t supposed to care’ and the camp description
7 - There’s a weird chapter title placement for the interlude chapter, it’s placed at the end of the second chapter (after a paragraph) instead of by its own page or at the beginning of ch 3, s it intentional?
Looking forward to seeing more of the universe. Good luck!
2 Likes
At the camp right after ending the conversation with the princess it throws a choice of responses for a question that was never asked (training the princess), it comes out of the blue.
Incorrect pronouns
Also, @JinxedGames you might want to update the updated date in the topic title.
2 Likes
Thank you so much and sorry for the late reply! Maeve is definitely the most reserved of the RO’s, at least initially.
The shadows from the library scene and dream sequence aren’t related it’s just how the MC perceived whatever the Mage saw. (They saw something much different) And as for the Healer, I will say that they’ve been around enough to recognize the origin of the name if nothing else.
3 Likes
Just coming on here really quickly to tell you guys that the game has a non-binary gender option now!
At the moment a non-binary PC’s role is determined by which parent intervenes for them after the priestess addresses them. But I realize that might not be clear to new players and I will try and make it more clear in the final version of the demo.
9 Likes
Can we become a powerful bodyguard like Game of Throne’s The Mountain?
1 Like
I’m afraid I don’t know enough about the character to answer that. You will have the choice to consistently protect the Royal from others throughout the game.
2 Likes
bric
108
I’m currently reading the demo, but I wanted to post this comment before I forget about it!
I’ve noticed you mix past and present tense a lot. For example, when describing a place you’ll say “It was x.” But when describing actions, you’ll use present tense. I’m not sure if that’s intentional or not, but I figured I’d mention it in case it’s not.
I’ve also noticed, at least for the prince, that you mix pronouns (he with their)
Thanks for letting me know! I’ll definitely smooth out as much as I can by the next update.
6 Likes
Just thought I’d give you guys a quick update since it’s been a hot minute. Though there isn’t much to say as my mental health and current workload has slowed down my writing significantly. I have started the first draft, and have made a good amount of progress overall. But there’s still quite a ways to go before it’s anywhere near a finished update. I am going to try and at least get near finished by the end of the month, but the pragmatic side of me is saying that I’m shooting too close to the sun.
Thank you for your patience and I hope that you guys are staying safe and healthy!
48 Likes
Can you update the page heading?
resuri08
Closed
112
Hi @JinxedGames, please PM me or any other leaders and mods to re-open the thread once you’re ready.
