The summary definitely caught my attention. Good luck with this!
Really like it so far seems interesting!
But can I get an option to not believe them, maybe attack them some more for intruding in my house and tying up my sister?
Actually, I planned those options for the next chapter Thank you so much for playing
I love games that focus on plot but I would warn you that if you do romance have it at least mean something and not some random scene to appease people. I would have it plot incorporated to make it nice and real. Anyhoo I will be watching this thread.
Great! “I don’t believe you!” continues beating them with an alarm clock.
Also in the beginning it mentions Hazel reaching over us because of our short height. Could it be possible to not mention our height or let us choose it?
@No_This_Is_Patrick Hehe (I really love that alarm clock sequence there) though, using a chandelier would’ve been more effective.
I actually wanted to put an option for height there, but changed my mind last minute and apperantly forgot to remove that bit of text. You get the option to choose your own appearance and height in the next chapter
@Chopper believe me, I have a couple of things in mind for romance Thank you for the tip, though!
@caelestys thank you
Thats an interesting plot here :0. I admire any authors ability to actually just get things written. Writing, time management, and dedication for these projects are usually the hardest obstacles to overcome. Most get stuck in the fantasy of planning haha. So congratulations!
On to the wip, I’m sure your grammatical errors wont be too much of a problem.
For some reason Hazel comes off as unintentionally manipulative. Acting all puppy eyes,whining and guilting us into listening to her mumbo jumbo. Im all out of sympathy for her aha. Was that perhaps your intention?
Absolutely interested in where this will go though!
@BoisterousBumblebee Hehe, thank you! I’m really awful at planning and time management, believe me. The main thing that gets me to write is dedication, truly!
Oh, they really left that impression on you? :‘D to be honest, I didn’t have a clear idea of their character when I started writing, but I already kinda planned out a small part of the story I want to give each character. So being overly puppy-eyed for Ha at the start is actually a plot- reason, but they are in general meant to be the mc’s hopeless little friend :’)
read this was great good luck on this
parallele universe…clones ? You know what that mean…Kill kill kill kill !
Seriously though , like the story…even if I’m not big on the whole ‘paralléle stuff’ . cose my clone is probably better looking then meh and everything…
forgot! also love that banner…very chic!
@E_RedMark Thank you!
I’m sorry, you won’t get to kill your clone from another universe :‘D (only if they are really really really evil and attractive) that would be a bit cliché :’)
@Takashi_Shin thank you!!
lol just remind me of a mod where a paralléle you…jump from dimension to dimension to kill those who look like him…
It was a bummer to tell you the truth lol
Do I get to smash those idiots head though ? they tie down mah sister! Like seriously…drag them to mah basement and introduce them to ‘Dont mess with meh’
@E_RedMark whispers you don’t have a basement…
BUT you’ll get a choice to either believe them or… not… in the next chapter :'D
lol and I don’t have one in real life…
but mah virtual basement will do
I haven’t formed much of an opinion on the story itself. It’s an interesting concept to be sure, so I’m looking forward to learning more about what’s going on.
There’s quite a few grammatical errors tbh. I only got a screenshot of one tho
I think you mean “hypothetical”? Two very different words
@pandaboi thank you! Autocorrection sucks and the grammar in this story is a bit off, I know, I’m not a native English speaker so I kinda need a lill bit help from the grammar nazi’s to fix my errors, Heh. Thank you for pointing it out (:
This will not contribute to this dicussion in any meaningfull way, but:
The books titles and author names had me laughing for a solid 5 minutes, I love this WIP for this choice alone.
That aside, the multiverse theory is so interesting, “Replica” has my complete attention and I can’t wait to read more!
Off to a good start. I’m a sucker for sci-fi so I’ll definitely keep an eye on this!
Interesting that all the romance in this game is supposed to be slow burn when there’s a character that already has a crush on us. I’m looking forward to seeing how that plays out.
hell of a first impression by our new “friends” too.
TFW dudes “accidentally” break into your home, tie up your sister, terrorize her, try to pin you down, get mad at you for defending yourself from home invaders, and are hell-bent on vandalizing all your mirrors because God only knows why.
and they ask you to trust them.
I think you meant candelabra, candlestick, or candleholder when we pick up our weapon. Chandeliers are usually attached to the ceiling and wouldn’t make for a very handy weapon.
on the same subject, while I know it’s probably not terribly important but when you pick up the candleholder our boldness decreases but you need boldness to use it most of the time. Maybe it’s just me, but this meant that a lot of times I couldn’t use it to either threaten or attack so it didn’t do me much good.
the stats screen says Mrs. when you play a female character, it should be Ms. unless we’re married.
The concept seems so cool
But as you referenced in the first post you aren’t a native english speaker and that does show through a bit. But there’s no problem with that since it’s pretty good given that fact.
There are more pages to review but school is starting in a few of weeks and I need to be less sleep deprived so I couldn’t do the rest. So if no one else finishes off my work I’d be more than happy to continue on my hunt for errors.
Also, I did manage to catch a few more errors that I didn’t include since I wanted to organize it for you assuming I’m doing that tomorrow.
And as another said before, the errors aren’t that big and bothersome so I wouldn’t worry to much until you get maybe 50k+ words in the story.
Regardless its a good story and I look forward to future updates and endeavors from you. Have a good night/day/afternoon!
Can we have character descriptions anytime soon? I’d love to draw for this story if you wanted profiles of the main characters
@Delphi You are my hero. Seriously. Thank you sooooo much a few of those smaller errors were autocorrections work, I hate it when it does that. I really appreciate the offer and you helping me and I would LOVE it if you could kill those errors out there but seriously, don’t push yourself too hard. Thank you!!
Also, I’ll try to add some of the character descriptions in the next chapter. The real introductions will be made there! And you actually want to draw for my sad little story? Please do deliver them to my grave because I am slowely dying over here
@ApplePi thank you! Believe me, when I say “slow burn” it IS a slow burn and it applies to every character :'D I have a lot of ideas stored for ha’s romance!
Don’t worry, you’ll get the option not to believe them in the next chapter :’)
WELL when you put it like that, those people are not really awesome with making good first impressions. I laughed a solid minute at that, thank you!
@Ch3rryB0mb I thought hard about those names alright :'D thank you !