@E_RedMark whispers you don’t have a basement…
BUT you’ll get a choice to either believe them or… not… in the next chapter :'D
@E_RedMark whispers you don’t have a basement…
lol and I don’t have one in real life…
but mah virtual basement will do
I haven’t formed much of an opinion on the story itself. It’s an interesting concept to be sure, so I’m looking forward to learning more about what’s going on.
There’s quite a few grammatical errors tbh. I only got a screenshot of one tho
I think you mean “hypothetical”? Two very different words
@pandaboi thank you! Autocorrection sucks and the grammar in this story is a bit off, I know, I’m not a native English speaker so I kinda need a lill bit help from the grammar nazi’s to fix my errors, Heh. Thank you for pointing it out (:
This will not contribute to this dicussion in any meaningfull way, but:
The books titles and author names had me laughing for a solid 5 minutes, I love this WIP for this choice alone.
That aside, the multiverse theory is so interesting, “Replica” has my complete attention and I can’t wait to read more!
Off to a good start. I’m a sucker for sci-fi so I’ll definitely keep an eye on this!
Interesting that all the romance in this game is supposed to be slow burn when there’s a character that already has a crush on us. I’m looking forward to seeing how that plays out.
hell of a first impression by our new “friends” too.
TFW dudes “accidentally” break into your home, tie up your sister, terrorize her, try to pin you down, get mad at you for defending yourself from home invaders, and are hell-bent on vandalizing all your mirrors because God only knows why.
and they ask you to trust them.
I think you meant candelabra, candlestick, or candleholder when we pick up our weapon. Chandeliers are usually attached to the ceiling and wouldn’t make for a very handy weapon.
on the same subject, while I know it’s probably not terribly important but when you pick up the candleholder our boldness decreases but you need boldness to use it most of the time. Maybe it’s just me, but this meant that a lot of times I couldn’t use it to either threaten or attack so it didn’t do me much good.
the stats screen says Mrs. when you play a female character, it should be Ms. unless we’re married.
The concept seems so cool
But as you referenced in the first post you aren’t a native english speaker and that does show through a bit. But there’s no problem with that since it’s pretty good given that fact.
There are more pages to review but school is starting in a few of weeks and I need to be less sleep deprived so I couldn’t do the rest. So if no one else finishes off my work I’d be more than happy to continue on my hunt for errors.
Also, I did manage to catch a few more errors that I didn’t include since I wanted to organize it for you assuming I’m doing that tomorrow.
And as another said before, the errors aren’t that big and bothersome so I wouldn’t worry to much until you get maybe 50k+ words in the story.
Regardless its a good story and I look forward to future updates and endeavors from you. Have a good night/day/afternoon!
Can we have character descriptions anytime soon? I’d love to draw for this story if you wanted profiles of the main characters
@Delphi You are my hero. Seriously. Thank you sooooo much a few of those smaller errors were autocorrections work, I hate it when it does that. I really appreciate the offer and you helping me and I would LOVE it if you could kill those errors out there but seriously, don’t push yourself too hard. Thank you!!
Also, I’ll try to add some of the character descriptions in the next chapter. The real introductions will be made there! And you actually want to draw for my sad little story? Please do deliver them to my grave because I am slowely dying over here
@ApplePi thank you! Believe me, when I say “slow burn” it IS a slow burn and it applies to every character :'D I have a lot of ideas stored for ha’s romance!
Don’t worry, you’ll get the option not to believe them in the next chapter :’)
WELL when you put it like that, those people are not really awesome with making good first impressions. I laughed a solid minute at that, thank you!
@Ch3rryB0mb I thought hard about those names alright :'D thank you !
I really love it! Can’t wait for the game to finish ><
It’s very interesting can’t wait for more
@FireFlyy No problem! I need time to kill so it won’t be much of a burden to me. I do recomend adding a save system maybe with the third or fourth chapter. After that point it’ll get harder and harder to find errors without one.
Also I forgot to mention yesterday the restart button doesn’t work, you just get infinite loading.
About the art
And yes I would actually do some line art for the story. We can smooth out the details through private messages of course. And as long as its just a couple pieces of line art I’m cool with doing it for free. Anything more than that I can’t guarentee it will be free. Sorry
But don’t die on me lmao
Anyways I’m off to hunt and organize the errors… and to finish checking my other notifications but regardless I will do it
@Delphi I noticed that too, about the restart button. I really don’t know how to fix that though, I need to look into that one soon.
That save system would be smart, I guess :’) I was planning to look into that, too, because I don’t know how to activate that entire save thingy either.
Thank you for your help I really appreciate it!
This should’ve been done hours ago but Sundays are always bad for me but I have the compiled errors now so yay
@FireFlyy If you search up ‘save system’ on the forum, I’m sure you can read up on it. And you’re welcome!
This list isn’t as neat as the first one but the first one was problematic when I was trying to crop everything so not doing that again.
I hope this doesn’t make you feel bad but there’s still more pages too review but just remember these are generally small errors.
I guess I’ll be hunting for more errors so
@Delphi thank you! I fixed every error you wrote down, just gonna write the missing WIP scenes before updating it you are a true hero :'D
The issue with the restart buttons seems to be a problem with the first page of the story, as anything that tries to send you to that page also results in an infinite load bar (ie going to stats and back on the first page, to settings and back, etc). Don’t know if that will help or not, but it’s something.
My first small update if any living soul is interested yay
So I’ve been working on the story itself and most things are complete now. I am still trying to decide if I’m going to create a set of various multiple endings or not, or if I’m going to split this entire story in 3 books or not, but I’ll worry about that later… when I actually reach that point of the story one day.
another note: I fixed some grammatical errors in the first parts of chapter 1, thanks to @Delphi (And I’m back on my laptop so I got the chance to properly fix some errors myself, yay) and a lot of the pronunciation errors are gone now, too.
Also, I completed most of the missing WIP scenes when you get to bond with your roommate, the only option which I didn’t get to write just yet is the one where you choose to make something for yourself in the kitchen, along with your roommate.
And I wrote the the start of chapter 2. Yay. So that’s that.
Also, @Gwenstn, thank you! I looked back at the first page after your comment, and there was something wrong with the scene_list. I fixed it and It should work now!
I still have a lot of grammar, small errors and whatnot to fix, and I’ll try to fix them by the end of chapter 2. But… well… I hope y’all like it.
We can fall in love with another version of us ? like im a alex boy and be in love with a alex girl ?
@Pedro_Ferreira Well, you actually do get the chance to meet an alternative version of yourself, and their personalities differ depending on your own stats, but I don’t really have plans for… making yourself fall in love with, err, yourself
Darn… id totally get in a relationship with female me.
That sounds like it’ll be fun to code. And by fun I mean hell