REMEMBER, YOU WILL DIE [126k wip, updated 31.03.2024]

@HarleyQueen haha I love that description of your merc! and yeah, I can see how the emoji might resemble them w the heart shaped glasses. they’re probably my fave choice of the lot too.

@yelhsa well let’s wait and see how that case turns out and who is really to blame.

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Thank you!

Glad to see you back, @bruisedsoldier.

Couple of things that I've got

“Strong jaw, the kind poeple would admire if you wouldn’t hide your face as often as you do.”
"you reply, "And likewise,"

Satisfied, Dante smiles"

Love it more than the first demo, and I liked it. Hope to see more of it.

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A line I found dealing with Dion: Put it down to a secret admirer getting bold. A woman as beautiful as her shouldn’t be a stranger to those sorts of men.

Confusing thought pattern for a lady MC?

Adding people fixes this easily in place of men.

Also, Jax used lose instead of loose in a line after being bailed out. Loose is to be shaken loose and lose is to lose a tail.

There are other words missed after cell scenes too.

Only stopped at motel. Waiting to see if Jax isnt an idiot doorman now. Get into a vault, steal “my” rifle, and leave it on a body after getting it back? Come on Jax, until this point you sounded wise, and intelligent. Hoping he isnt that dumb as a bodyguard. I like to believe he wished i did and that it wasnt someone else that managed to break through their defenses. Thats my thought as i finish demo now.

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Oh I remember this one! Good to see this back and running!

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I really love this can’t wait for more updates! But I can’t finish it every time I try to pick one of the choices this error pops up…any help?:sob::sob:

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I changed some code that I have removed since but I guess I haven’t updated the main file yet :sweat_smile: I will get to it tonight! thanks for pointing it out :slight_smile:

Edit: should be fixed now!

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Tysmmm! I need moreeeeeeeee

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I’m working on it :joy: the next chapter is coming along quite nicely!

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Aggressive cheering.:tada::tada::tada::tada::tada::tada::partying_face::partying_face:

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Really enjoyed what I read. But maybe because I was sleepy but I didn’t feel like I was in control of my character as much I felt I should be if that made sense. But I’ll play again soon when I’m not tired and see how it goes.

demo update

You smile. It’s a brittle one. Cracked around the edges. Plaster peeling and your skin with it. You don’t touch it this time around, like you did in the club. Afraid to find it slick again. To find blood coating it and your teeth. The top of your hand. When you glance down there’s nothing.

chapter three.

  • expect looots of dante/delilah & royal
  • more drama and fights
  • some revelations that could shock you happen
  • meet the vipers! and immediatly antagonize them!
  • the warnings at the beginning of the game have been updated so please pay attention to them! sensitive subject matter is alluded to later on in this chapter

general info.

  • as of this week, echo is a RO and romance options have been added to the previous chapters they have appeared in
  • that means that you’ll most likely be reset to the beginning because I made some bigger changes to the code and added a couple new scenes in chapter 001. & 002.

progress.

  • 74k → 126k (+ 52k)

play demo.

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Aside from a couple spelling goofs, everything is working very nicely with no errors on the route I played through. This is probably the most entertaining update yet, even with my MC being a Jaxmancer who didn’t really get more than that moment where you can have merc show a hint of concern by asking Royal about him. This one is a complete win! :grin:

I do feel really bad for Royal, and their reaction to the mystery box, tho! :sob:

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There seems to be no flirt options for female RO.

@LadyUmbreon89 thanks! glad you were entertained and i agree about royal </3

@Leon_Kincoln dante/delilah is gender selectable and if they’re female in your playthrough there are plenty of opportunities to flirt.

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What I’m encountering I think is imbalance of flirt options.My mc liked women, yet I keep getting bombarded by Jack’s flirt chooses that I thought I accidentally click chooses that made women RO away.

Unless you’re ignoring Orla, there should be several “flirting” options in the demo already. The keyword with her romance route (as many of the tumblr lurkers like myself know) is pining.

Many of the ones already in the demo that target her are indirect, and may not even have her in the scene at all (after attacking the Goliath goon harassing the dancer in S&S, Jax summons D to Orla’s office, and merc can mistake the requested target for themselves for a moment!)

That’s before mentioning that D romancers have basically an entire half of a chapter of flirting with them that bring their relationship meter up higher than any of the rest of the ROs. Mid 40s percent-wise, iirc while checking more than one play route for errors.

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I have no issues, not romancing Jax (the brainless, imo). I flirt with Orla, and she was aware it seemed.

Typos:

Scene with Echo welding:
Wielding should be welding
Wield should be weld

The going to Jail with Ortega:
Theoretical should be rhetorical instead

I think you meant bile?! Uncertain.
-bite tongue against ‘bike’ rising in back of your throat

This one is weird, maybe not for the Jaxmancers out there.
Jax pushes you against the car scene.
He cam for you when he didnt have to. Came

I thought the guy was intelligent, seemed smart and wise until he argues stupidly. Yeah, bruh, I’m gonna go through lots of crap to steal my own guns and hunt down a man then leave them on a dead body. Sure, no wonder security sucks at the club, your brainless bruh. So want to punch his face in. I dont care if he can crush my skull, he is an idiot.

I dont like him after that and it seems like so far, after that, nothing is brought up again. Sorry, but I’d not want to talk to him, at all, until he apologizes. He won’t. So, we wont talk.

Mentioning this as it shouldn’t be ignored for some people. As in, I just ignore or refuse to talk to Jax, unless forced to by Orla.

Cool story just did not really like any of the characters they all seem really annoying.

this story is def not meant for you then bc it’s pretty much driven by those “annoying” characters

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Seriously have the last few posters been reading the same story I have coz this story has hands down some of the best characters I’ve ever interacted with in any WIP. They all feel extremely human, warts and all as they say rather than copy pasted stereotypes you see in a lot of stories/games, that can’t do ANY wrong and are as perfect as perfect can be.

First off the merc I just ADORE! Every little imperfection and quirk has me batting between wanting to strangle and cuddle them to death. This imperfect person has issues and everyone around them knows they won’t find the merc sitting in a forest singing whimsically while gently stroking a baby deer, so is it really a surprise that the ROs react the way they do?

Jax is 100% right to react the way he does to finding out about the death of the Goliath member. We can all sit and think “why doesn’t he believe me?! I obviously didn’t do it coz blah blah reasons” Nope! The merc is well known as Orla’s pet, not the cute little bunny with big anime eyes- but the dangerous and slightly unhinged dog that can and WILL kill. We’re talking about a person who can plug in and live someone else in the bat of a eye and has DIED as these people- physically felt what it’s like to die- and has openly admitted they have sometimes hijacked someone else just to escape THEMSELVES. So we are talking about someone who is dangerous and able, a perfect killer so ofc Jax is going to assume it’s the merc! Despite romancing him I actually totally understand his anger and Royals for being dragged into a situation they didn’t want to be in.

On Royals part they’re being told to keep secrets from Orla which has much deeper repercussions, remember they’re a bartender not some combat hardened veteran. As far as Jax is concerned I think he’s well versed in the criminal hierarchy and the deadly results which come from gang killings so ofc the death of a Goliath member is going to send him into a panic rage mode. Not only for himself and his own gang associations but Orla and everyone connected to her too so his reaction is 100% understandable :face_holding_back_tears:

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