I really enjoy reading Choice of Game books after I started reading 4 months ago and have decided to try my own COG. I’m not really good at writing since I never write a story before but I have tons of ideas that stored in my brains. Well, I let my idea flows away because I don’t have any media to fill in with. I give it a shot in COG, here we go.
So about my newest game Rebirth As Vampire is a story about a student who once attacked by bullies when it was their 16th birthday that almost made them killed. Luckily, a bunch of vampires save your life. You’re dying. They don’t have any choice. Saving your life but turning you into a vampire or let you die horribly by the hands of bullies.
Of course they turned you into one of them. They even gave you a new place to life, to become part of them, part of the family, a happy vampire family. And since your age stopped at 16, you need to go to school.
The question is this ‘present’ they gave to you is a gift or a curse? Your choice depends.
Currently it’s about 7% works done, planning on 300K words, 18 chapters including Prologue (startup), and currently it’s about 28.000 words (excluding codes).
So, since I love Vampire Games I had no other choice but to check this one out!
First thing that I noticed, there seems to be an a missing in Rebirth as A vampire? But idk I am not a native english speaker, so forgive me should I point out something stupid!
Also there seems to miss a The when Laure asks about the halloween costume.
You then ask Laura if she want
wants
You ask him the costume whereabouts.
You ask him about
Yeah, I can play as an aro ace vampire, thats awesome! So far I really like the Game, and the other characters are interesting, especially Eric. I really look forward learning more about the others, and the exact circumstances the MC became a Vampire.
And will there be more character costumization?
What about the real parents of the MC? Do they think MC is dead?
Thank you for your support! I really appreciate it.
As for the answer of your questions
Well I did wrote it Rebirth As Vampire instead of Rebirth As A Vampire, because ‘Rebirth As Vampire’ is simple and suitable to become a Title and that’s why I choosed it.
There will be more character customization such as color of your skin, eyes, etc, and I try to make it as detailed as possible, and not just the character. I do really like details so I try to make everything in this book detailed.
Hmm, Spoilers! It depends on your choice. I already have the idea but I got very least time to write since I’m still a HighSchool student which makes me prioritize it than other things. Just wait for the updates, and I hope you will like it.
And thank you for reminding me of those mistakes [FIXED]
Good, my brain was like “there is something missing!” xD
Thank you for the answers! I also love character costumation, and hope that you will have fun writing it
Oh I feel you… except I am not in High School but it is still a school, and it is so stressfull after working for four years…
If you want I can look closer for mistakes when I have the time, I always like that.
Thank you! I will try to update RAV weekly if that’s possible, but still, gonna try it.
Thank you for understanding my circumstances. Yep, I really do enjoy my time writing this, even when I still didn’t fully understand all of the commands, hehe.
And of course, any help you can give will be very helpful for me. Thank you.
No problem, I know how stressfull it is to write and study at the same time… Try writing a Book (funnily also about vampires, but my work for a military company) while you should be learning chemistry ID sucks
The Reason why I will never write a Game for CoG here xD I have no clue with that program and am general bad with machines xD
Good, I will look forward to find mistakes, in a few hours I should be able to look more closely.
you run out from your room and rush down the stairs to the house door in a blink of eye.
of your room, in the blink of an eye
Then why the hell She wears a witch costume?
Then why the hell she… And I am not sure here myself, but I think it is “is she wearing”, but thats just first instinct.
shaking her head, she add
she adds
she were looking
she was
Well, it is normal that someone seeing you hungrily since you came up with a beautiful eternal face
I am not sure here but if that sentence how MC looks hungrily, than it is right. If not: that someone looks at you
You smile by her behavior
You smile at
she looks at you a couple of time
a couple of times
that you leaning your chair
that you are leaning
"Eh?! What did I just said?!
What did I just say?!
“I…I, thank you.” she reply
she replies
“You…You are cold” she said as she frowning upon you
she says as she frowns (not sure about this one!) at you
Truth is always hurt.
Truth always hurts.
You break the hug, looking at her directly in the eyes, smiling
looking her directly
She snorts then smile
then smiles
“What’s up with the witch costume?” he ask
he asks
He was found dying by a wild bullet that hitted his body.
that hit
He was shooted when he was taking a picture of a parade.
He was shot
Your father who accidentally near
who was
And one big question… Maybe I am just picky but I consider myself well read at the topic of nazi germany and a Parade 1942 in Berlin… If there was a Shooting, there would have been a Panic. This is just an idea, and I am sorry if this is annoying to you: Maybe let him be stabbed by some asshole Gestapo guy who think Eric is spying?
ligth brown eyes that has the same color with his short hair
that have the same colour as his short hair
That is why he is working as journalist
is working as a
“Do you have some costumes that I can borrow?”. "Hmm…
a point too much
After a couple of minute later you still found nothing.
couple of minutes, still find nothing
A wide smile spreads on his face before he burts out laughing
bursts
“You always got me”
get
You let go the hug as he tidy up himself
let go off the hug?, he tidies himself up
So this was all I found, Sorry if I missed anything, and I am not a native speaker but I try my best!
I liked that, mainly that joke a the end… “you open it and you find a BOMB. YOU DIED.” that was funny as hell XD
Two things i would like to see more is for we to have more dialogue options(even it is flavor text) when our character is speaking, mainly in the beginning, i think this helps me to feel like i am making my own character rather than that character already has a premade personality, and could we have an “androgynous person” together with the “beautiful girl” and “handsome boy” options? Vampires are seductive creatures, so i guess it makes much sense for them to have this kind of appearance that would be attractive to most people.
I love vampire lore, so I’m already interested in your game.
What kind of vampire can I be? Can I look down on humans or at least be indifferent to them? I’m not very fond of “nice vampires”.
I already looked over the first part of the demo and posted these here for the author, but I am not a native speaker, so there is always the danger that I dont know stuff!
I will try to update RAV weekly if that’s possible, but still, gonna try it. 
