Rebirth As Vampire (Early-WIP) UPDATE (11/12/18)

young-adult-fiction
low-fantasy

#1

dashpic

Hello there, everyone!

I really enjoy reading Choice of Game books after I started reading 4 months ago and have decided to try my own COG. I’m not really good at writing since I never write a story before but I have tons of ideas that stored in my brains. Well, I let my idea flows away because I don’t have any media to fill in with. I give it a shot in COG, here we go. :triumph:

So about my newest game Rebirth As Vampire is a story about a student who once attacked by bullies when it was their 16th birthday that almost made them killed. Luckily, a bunch of vampires save your life. You’re dying. They don’t have any choice. Saving your life but turning you into a vampire or let you die horribly by the hands of bullies.

Of course they turned you into one of them. They even gave you a new place to life, to become part of them, part of the family, a happy vampire family. And since your age stopped at 16, you need to go to school. :slight_smile:

The question is this ‘present’ they gave to you is a gift or a curse? Your choice depends.

Currently it’s about 7% works done, planning on 300K words, 18 chapters including Prologue (startup), and currently it’s about 28.000 words (excluding codes).

Character Arts

MC Father, Edward.

To play the DEMO: Demo Rebirth As Vampire

UPDATED V.0.1.1 (11/12/18) CHECK BELOW
Estimated Update V.0.2: Sun (11/18/18).
What will you find in the next update:

  • Completed Prologue Act. (70% V.0.1.1)
  • Re-writen (Polished) story. (V.0.1.1)
  • Stats screen (Traits, Relationship, Information). (75% V.0.1.1)
  • More.

#2

So, since I love Vampire Games I had no other choice but to check this one out!
First thing that I noticed, there seems to be an a missing in Rebirth as A vampire? But idk I am not a native english speaker, so forgive me should I point out something stupid!
Also there seems to miss a The when Laure asks about the halloween costume.

  • You then ask Laura if she want

wants

  • You ask him the costume whereabouts.

You ask him about

Yeah, I can play as an aro ace vampire, thats awesome! So far I really like the Game, and the other characters are interesting, especially Eric. I really look forward learning more about the others, and the exact circumstances the MC became a Vampire.
And will there be more character costumization?
What about the real parents of the MC? Do they think MC is dead?


#3

Thank you for your support! I really appreciate it.

As for the answer of your questions

Well I did wrote it Rebirth As Vampire instead of Rebirth As A Vampire, because ‘Rebirth As Vampire’ is simple and suitable to become a Title and that’s why I choosed it.

There will be more character customization such as color of your skin, eyes, etc, and I try to make it as detailed as possible, and not just the character. I do really like details so I try to make everything in this book detailed.

Hmm, Spoilers! It depends on your choice. I already have the idea but I got very least time to write since I’m still a HighSchool student which makes me prioritize it than other things. Just wait for the updates, and I hope you will like it.

And thank you for reminding me of those mistakes [FIXED]

Thank you! :grin:


#4

Ooooh, I LOVE IT. I wish to see more of this :heart:


#5

Good, my brain was like “there is something missing!” xD
Thank you for the answers! I also love character costumation, and hope that you will have fun writing it :smiley:
Oh I feel you… except I am not in High School but it is still a school, and it is so stressfull after working for four years…
If you want I can look closer for mistakes when I have the time, I always like that.


#6

Thank you! :laughing: I will try to update RAV weekly if that’s possible, but still, gonna try it. :grimacing:

Thank you for understanding my circumstances. Yep, I really do enjoy my time writing this, even when I still didn’t fully understand all of the commands, hehe. :joy:

And of course, any help you can give will be very helpful for me. Thank you.


#7

No problem, I know how stressfull it is to write and study at the same time… Try writing a Book (funnily also about vampires, but my work for a military company) while you should be learning chemistry ID sucks
The Reason why I will never write a Game for CoG here xD I have no clue with that program and am general bad with machines xD
Good, I will look forward to find mistakes, in a few hours I should be able to look more closely.


#8

Finally other game like that. I read a wip like that a time ago but i think the thread died. PLease dont stop and keep the good work.


#9
  • you run out from your room and rush down the stairs to the house door in a blink of eye.

of your room, in the blink of an eye

  • Then why the hell She wears a witch costume?

Then why the hell she… And I am not sure here myself, but I think it is “is she wearing”, but thats just first instinct.

  • shaking her head, she add

she adds

  • she were looking

she was

  • Well, it is normal that someone seeing you hungrily since you came up with a beautiful eternal face

I am not sure here but if that sentence how MC looks hungrily, than it is right. If not: that someone looks at you

  • You smile by her behavior

You smile at

  • she looks at you a couple of time

a couple of times

  • that you leaning your chair

that you are leaning

  • "Eh?! What did I just said?!

What did I just say?!

  • “I…I, thank you.” she reply

she replies

  • “You…You are cold” she said as she frowning upon you

she says as she frowns (not sure about this one!) at you

  • Truth is always hurt.

Truth always hurts.

  • You break the hug, looking at her directly in the eyes, smiling

looking her directly

  • She snorts then smile

then smiles

  • “What’s up with the witch costume?” he ask

he asks

  • He was found dying by a wild bullet that hitted his body.

that hit

  • He was shooted when he was taking a picture of a parade.

He was shot

  • Your father who accidentally near

who was

And one big question… Maybe I am just picky but I consider myself well read at the topic of nazi germany and a Parade 1942 in Berlin… If there was a Shooting, there would have been a Panic. This is just an idea, and I am sorry if this is annoying to you: Maybe let him be stabbed by some asshole Gestapo guy who think Eric is spying?

  • ligth brown eyes that has the same color with his short hair

that have the same colour as his short hair

  • That is why he is working as journalist

is working as a

  • “Do you have some costumes that I can borrow?”. "Hmm…

a point too much

  • After a couple of minute later you still found nothing.

couple of minutes, still find nothing

  • A wide smile spreads on his face before he burts out laughing

bursts

  • “You always got me”

get

  • You let go the hug as he tidy up himself

let go off the hug?, he tidies himself up

So this was all I found, Sorry if I missed anything, and I am not a native speaker but I try my best!


#10

Oh, I definitely want to see more of this!


#11

Interesting, it’s cool hope to see more.


#12

It seems you have a good start. I am interested in seeing where this goes.


#13

I liked that, mainly that joke a the end… “you open it and you find a BOMB. YOU DIED.” that was funny as hell XD
Two things i would like to see more is for we to have more dialogue options(even it is flavor text) when our character is speaking, mainly in the beginning, i think this helps me to feel like i am making my own character rather than that character already has a premade personality, and could we have an “androgynous person” together with the “beautiful girl” and “handsome boy” options? Vampires are seductive creatures, so i guess it makes much sense for them to have this kind of appearance that would be attractive to most people.


#14

I love vampire lore, so I’m already interested in your game. :grin:
What kind of vampire can I be? Can I look down on humans or at least be indifferent to them? I’m not very fond of “nice vampires”.


#15

Thank you for your time checking those mistakes for me, I’ll try to fix it ASAP. :grin:

Thank you! I’ll try to update it weekly :smile:

Sure, I’m going to make it. I’ll try to re-write it when I’m done with the prologue. And of course, thank you for your support!

Thank you! You can become a badass vampire, but I haven’t yet creating options about it, I’m going to re-write it once I’m done with the prologue.


#16

Love it


#17

Your work is going to need some proof-reading, I suggest you look for someone willing to fill in that role.


#18

I already looked over the first part of the demo and posted these here for the author, but I am not a native speaker, so there is always the danger that I dont know stuff!


#19

Thank you for your support. It’s an un-finished prologue, but I’ll try to finisih it this Sunday :grimacing:

Of course. Thank you for reminding me of that. :kissing_heart:

Thank you! :grin:


#20

No problem, I am happy to help, especially with such an interesting game!