Questions about Sexuality and Gender Identity


#1

Is it right to say that I’m bisexual, if I only sometimes feel attraction to women?
Is it ok to say I’m genderfluid, if I choose to identify as female most of the time?
I feel like I’m doing something wrong by saying I’m these things, is it ok?


#2

The thing about labels is that, essentially, they are things invented by society. And sometimes none of those labels seem to fit properly, or they fit one day and then don’t on the next.

I personally flip-flopped between identifying as bisexual and identifying as gay for years because my attraction to men is a fickle and very specific thing and it was always rather hard to explain that, yeah, I feel attracted to men sometimes but I also identify as a lesbian. It took a long time for me to settle on homoromantic/bisexual and even then I often don’t bother spelling that out.

What I’m trying to say is: Identify with whatever you feel most comfortable with. Labels are hard and also something very personal - the only thing that matters is that you, personally, feel them to be true. Remember, no one knows what’s going on inside you except you.


#3

Personally, I think labels are, well, silly. Just be who you are, no need for all these slots and labels we humans apparently love to divide thing up into, especially not ourselves. :blush:

So I guess I am not the best one to advice on these things. :no_mouth:


#4

Sometimes still means the attraction exists. (Also compulsory heterosexuality is a thing that could be at play too.)

Most of the time doesn’t mean always and nonbinary people that feel aligned to one gender exist.

So yes, it’s okay, if you think those labels describe your experience it’s okay to use them. Maybe they won’t describe your expirience forever, but then it’s also okay to change it, but right now you seem to feel like it fits, so it’s absolutely okay to describe yourself that way.


#5

Thanks for clarification everyone! In truth, I’m genderfluid because don’t really care what my gender is. I mostly say I’m female, but I if look male and someone calls me as such, I’m like “Ok, guess I’m a guy now!” I just go with the flow. The identification that fits the most that I could find is genderfluid, so I identify as that. Unless there’s a more accurate term that I don’t know.


#6

Well here is a flowchart for nonbinary genders if you are interested.
I hesitate to say it’s a complete list just because the number of genders outside the binarity is huge and how a person relates to their gender is something only they can decide but it’s a good start

And using the label that fits most even if it’s not 100% accurate is absolutely okay because sometimes there really is no term (yet) that describes things that way. So go with the one that you think fits best.


#7

Hm…I think Demiflux actually fits better.


#8

Gimme your Bi Card and I’ll stamp it for you. :wink:


#9

I am a heterosexual guy. Sometimes I wondered if I was bisexual, sometimes I was thinking of changing sex. But I still think of changing my sex.


#10

I’m rarely attracted to women, and since I’m happily married to a man it’s a non-issue in some ways. But I’ll go ahead and call myself bisexual and never stop exploring what that means for me… while at the same time understanding that there’s a lot of stuff associated with being LGBTIQ that I haven’t had to deal with, and that some people (both straight and LGBTIQ, for different reasons) will try to take away my LGBTIQ card since there’s only the one stamp on it.

But it’s my stamp, so although I acknowledge other people’s experiences I also know they don’t invalidate my own. I could argue my credentials based on the bad stuff that I have experienced, but that’s not actually what stamps my card.

One reason I like identifying as bi is that it doesn’t require a lengthy explanation. (Speaking as a person who always has to spell their first name, and has to explain “interactive fiction” and often “steampunk” every time someone asks what I do.)


#11

Just print out business cards with a mini FAQ printed on it, and charge a dollar every time you have to hand one out to someone. :wink:


#12

Lol! I have double-sided business cards with info on my novels on one side, and info about my interactive fiction on the other side. Then when I pass them out I explain them…

wrestling self back to actual topic

Some people do literally carry a card with an FAQ on it, eg a tall person has a card saying: “Yes, the air is lovely up here. I’m 6 feet 4. No, I don’t play basketball, thanks for asking!”

Sometimes those’d be handy for gender & sexuality too. “I am ----, which means ------. My pronoun is ------, details about my genitals are none of your business, and I’m not interested in a romance with you, thanksverymuch. For further information, google -----------.”


#13

@PhoebePeak To put it simply, yes, yes, and yes. I think people covered the first two questions pretty well, but I just wanted to speak on the third for a second.

It’s not uncommon for people to question themselves and their own thoughts, especially when it comes to gender identity and orientation. I have never heard someone I know speak about their gender with an absolute certainty, even some women that have transitioned decades ago. There’s two sides of this: First, no two people are exactly the same, and in that same way, no two people’s genders are exactly the same. When we talk about these terms, trans, cis, nonbinary, genderfluid, ect., we’re talking about shared experiences and thoughts, not about absolute solid categories. Second, it’s not uncommon for us to subconsciously conform to expectations of us. To play the part so hard and well that were that acting ‘right’ starts to bleed into what is real.

I mean, this is a topic unto itself, but tl;dr? No, doubting yourself does make you any less anything, nor does it invalidate any feelings.

@Felicity_Banks I actually have more or less dropped calling myself bi- in favor of pan-, but I’m also a pan poly trans woman of color, and that’s just the things that are generally obvious within the first few minutes of talking with me.


#14

Another thing just came up that’s really confusing and wierd to me. Recently my mom got into a polymorous relationship, and it’s just…confusing. I always thought “three’s a crowd” and “love should be between two people”. It was the one thing I ws sure of. And now it’s a possibility to love more than one person at a time? What???


#15

What about the classic love triangle in the Arthurian legends between Guenevere and Lancelot and Arthur? Is it possible she loved both of those men?


#16

Polyamorous is a functioning relationship between three or more people at the same time.


#17

I’m one of the polyamorous people on the forums; my husband and I have been happily together for 15 years, while other boyfriends and girlfriends have passed through our lives.

I started a thread awhile back to answer questions about it. Maybe this will help: