Maybe, to keep the ending from feeling so abrupt, you could add something to the effect of, “When the elevator reached the ground, the men recoiled at what they saw.” So depending on the ending and the reader’s interpretation, that horrific sight could be any number of things… Feldberg’s corpse and a traumatized MC; the corpses of both people; Feldberg and the MC doing it… etc.
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The thing is that was exactly the approach I was going for. It was supposed to trail off and leave you to imagine what they would see when they got to the bottom. 
Also, Did you find that the passwords were too hard?
No, the passwords weren’t too hard. The first was very easy, the second was difficult but not too difficult.
I know you were going for that effect, and I like that effect, but the way it is now, it felt cut off. After the first playthrough I got it, but on that first time I was confused; it felt like there was supposed to be another sentence after it. Maybe it could go like this…
“That is precisely the reason why you need to grow up.”
The elevator door opens.
And then it ends.
I will probably add that in in tomorrow’s upload (if I do get time to get around to it 
)
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Ok, I’m confused about the endings (which probably means an achievement system would help)…
Is the Take It Back ending the one where the MC sees the clone in the bathtub without checking the computer first and then kills Feldberg? Or is that one of the bad endings? I just want to know if there are any other endings I should be looking for. I know I already got the romance ending, secret ending, and Loaded for Bear endings.
@Mirabella Yea you have to kill him, but having a good disposition towards him allows for an alternate ending.
New copy with changes should be going up in about an hour.
Ok, I got it now, thank you! I think that one might be my favorite ending.
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Okay I uploaded a better version. I might not have gotten all of the things you pointed out. But I think I did…probably. I looked for all loose ‘its’ and tried to correct them. But, this is still not a final copy. Still need to re-write some parts…possibly.
@Mirabella Thank you for all your help. Any thing else you think would help, don’t be afraid to say it.
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KP_Paul
89
I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore the romance ending.
It was satisfying, made me feel uncomfortable and weirded me out.
In other words, it was perfect.
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Aducan
90
Ahoy, just wanted to pop in with a quick question.
Seeing as how I’m apparently too dumb to figure out the passwords, and too lazy to persevere and find out what they are, I was wondering if someone kind enough could perhaps drop them behind spoiler tags in a reply?
Thanks in advance!
P.S. Loving the sci-fi horror feel. I would also encourage you NOT to describe the monster. I think it makes it scarier that way as it leaves more to the reader’s imagination. Being trapped in a house with a murder is scary, being trapped with one you can’t see is doubly so (think Jaws-esque).
@BlueSquare No problem! Anytime 
@Aducan I’ll give you hints, and then if you still need help I’ll tell you the passwords
For the camera password (the first one)… What does Feldberg call you?
For the Mementos password Check the “Staying Sane” file. Somewhere in that file is the word Mementos; the password is in that same paragraph.
Edit: @BlueSquare Since you said that the only stat you really care about tracking is the relationship with Feldberg, what other stats will there be?
@KP_Paul Glad you like it. Those are exactly the feelings I was aiming for with that ending.
@Mirabella What other stats will there be?..(uh oh… don’t hate me…) The main reason I have been so reluctant to add the stat screen is for this fact: That will probably be the only stat tracked. I mean, it will have all of the basic necessities(You know, a nice little place to see your name.) But stats were never meant to be a big part of this game. Since this was my first time working with ChoiceScript, I decided to take it easy, in case this whole thing turned out to be a nightmare. If I ever get around to writing another game, I would have a lot more things for people to toy around with, stat wise(since I am more comfortable with the whole system.).
Hmmm, I guess you could add some “flavor” stats that don’t really do anything but look nice. Maybe something for how well the MC is handling being down there in the lab, like a sanity stat (I guess that would make discovering Feldberg’s sanity-tracking thing on the computer kind of funny in a meta sense). The knowledge test thing can also go on there. There could also be a stat tracking the MC’s opinion of the creature, like the extent that Feldberg’s personifying it bothers the MC. You know, stuff that makes it feel like the little choices matter even if they don’t change any of the outcomes. It’s the little details that make a game feel fleshed-out. But don’t hurt yourself trying to make it happen.
Edit: Oh, and this line…
Now you let your partner in science deal with all things clone related.
It seems the more you try to distance yourself the more individuality
you regain… or at least that is what you tell yourself…
Maybe individuality can be a flavor stat? Considering the events and revelations in the second half of the game…
And the typo crusade continues…
9 years ago, if the government had told him how dull his life would
become after the first 4 years in this containment, he would never have
signed on
If a number comes at the beginning of a sentence, you’re supposed to use the word form, not the numeral form. Technically, you’re also supposed to do that with any number that is only one word, but that’s mostly just for sticklers like myself.
The prey’s actions differ slightly each time, but it always plays the same way.
I’m not sure if you meant it to say “plays out” or not.
Luckily you both rationed down the remainder for the creature until the yearly visit from our government watchers.
You switched from second to first person in the same sentence.
Then what happens to courts and testimonies, the Olympics with a countries ‘best’, or even scientists?
Country’s, not countries.
Clones are stark naked and they have no heartbeat until we use the ‘defib’ to activate it.
Again, unexpected first person.
Your partners eyes are drawn from the glass and intently locked onto yours.
Partner’s
As you back away from the computer the constant though of what this all means, runs through your head.
Thought
Suddenly a quite voice rings out, “Rabbit, you awake?”
Quiet
His hand jerks back, which causes you to be thrown to the ground, but his grips is also thrown off.
Grip
The sound only ceased when the incubation was complete. When we would
know if Feldburg could live again. If he could, would he forgive me?
You quickly switched from second person to first person plural to first person singular on one page.
Were too late?
Missing a “you”
Your hands tremble as you take the bloody needle from his his grasp.
It’s interesting keep up with the good work
Just curious: Are you planning to release this commercially as a Hosted Game or just leave it on the forum?
Edit: You know, it just occurred to me that this sounds like something that can be made into a low-budget indie movie. Obviously, the creature would be harder to pull off with a low budget and limited special effects, but the clone drama can easily be done.
(Here’s my totally-not-subtle hint that I would happily do anything I can to help make that happen, hint-hint nudge-nudge.)
How far this thing goes is truly based on the community here. I started this as a labor of love, with no real intentions. I just had a story in my head I couldn’t get out, so I decide to commit it to writing. (even though I hate writing.)
As to the low-budget ideas, when it comes to ‘i.p.’ of mine I am laissez faire. I would be willing to hear out and correspond with anything, but it would be up to people in the community as a whole to start it and make it happen. If people can take my idea and spin it better, more power to them. Just credit where it is due.
Also for progress: It has been slow due to midterms, but I have a working stat screen. Just trying to flesh it out now. Also working on, @Mirabella 's wave two of corrections. Probably post an updated version in a few hours. With corrections, and at least a working stat screen.
EDIT: rolled out the new version with a bare-bones Stat screen. Probably just to show the world I could manage it… seeing as it has gone all this time without one. Also fixed what I believe to be most of the found typos. So for the future here is a short list ordered in meaningful priority:
- Fix overall flow in bad sections.
- Fix typos, show by the community.
- Find my own typos (this is up here mainly just for show. If I missed it once I am likely to miss it again.)
- Work on stat screen. (lowest priority. mainly fluff it, the only two meaningful stats are already there.)
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Hi, I just joined this site and couldn’t figure out how to send messages to people. I played through the game three times and got three different endings. The last one I just got said it was the “true” ending. I was wondering how many endings are there and which ones are considered “good”? None of the ones I have gotten seem very pleasant however the “true” ending was by far the most interesting. I was hoping you could elaborate on a couple things for me and help me figure out any other potential endings.
If you can bear with me for a small tangent I will give you a, probably, better answer. But, a ‘good’ ending is subjective. Honestly I feel the creepy romance ending is a good ending. Two broken people, both pieces of the same puzzle, that come together… but don’t quite fit. Now for an answer more on line with a straight one. There really is no ‘good’ ending. It is like telling a story about the end of the world. You can do whatever you want, but there is no real good ending. The world still ends, no matter how you spent your final day. So how does the end of the world and this line up? Well, in the true ending you learn that the ‘creature’ plans on leaving soon. And that it has the ability to break out whenever it wants. So taking that into context on the ending of every story, it truly becomes the final day of the MC and Feldburg. Although Final day is relative and not literal here, as it doesn’t have to leave this instant. In fact the best time for it to leave is when the lift is down and ready to go back up. Each ending can be different, but I wanted them to simply be different ways of looking at an ‘equation’. such as: 2+2=4 or (1+1)+2=4. Still the same answer, but we get more or less by the view point. This being a shorter story I felt it better to contain the experience and have it grow in a weird complexity, and not purely branching. While I love me some branches, this was done out of purely extra-curricular want and I am not a good writer, so I kept the task manageable.
As for helping you with the other endings, I left stupid little riddles at the top. If those are too weird or time-waste-y I will elaborate here. Though I suggest looking at those first, because why not?
The take it back ending: is you maintain a high relationship with Feldburg. Then you ignore his computer, because privacy, am-i-right? The you avoid all confrontation until it is almost forced upon you. Then you use your high opinion to… take it back.
The loaded for bear ending: is where you see everything on his computer and offer no understanding or forgiveness. Some people aren’t worth it…sometimes.
The well it has been 9 years ending: is maintaining a high relationship with Feldburg, and talking it out with him…and then maybe forgive him, after all wouldn’t we all want to take it back?
and the So THAT is what that is ending: is the true ending.
The other ending is mainly generic and can be found by just playing through, where you end up as food. Foolish rabbit, you let your guard down.
Feel free as well to leave feed-back. I am working on wrapping up the final changes soon. So before I post a new version any feedback would be welcome.
Thank you very much for the response, I believe I’ve only missed one ending and that’s because I consistently dislike Feldburg because I looked at the computer the first time (no respect for privacy lol). It really is a very interesting game. As far as feedback goes I’m sure it’s intentional but I can’t help but want to see what happens when the soldiers come down after each ending (especially the true one). Aside from that I can’t really imagine anything I would like to change or add. I have a strong desire to understand things so while part of me wants codex entries and explanations for everything (especially the true one) the game really works because you DON’T understand everything. One thing that I thought might be kinda interesting would be a “silly” ending. I had an example of a “silly” ending but I don’t know how to hide text and it had spoilers so I deleted it lol
