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Hmmm now that does present a challange, how to keep the reader intrested long enough to discover this. That I would have to think long and hard on lol. I will read more of it when I have the opportunity to do so… Redardless of the abrupt tempo change still looks like a really good read. :smile:

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It has been a week since I posted here oops :sweat::cry:

Rest assured I am still working just some bouts of the dreaded writers block, and a lot of stuff in life going on. Very busy, but the Battle Mage is still within my mind, constantly haunting me saying “WORK”

Anyways here’s a little teaser of a future scene that’s still in the works (note: mild spoilers. Actually kinda big spoilers. So only click at your own peril or continue to stare at it fighting the temptation and cursing me for tempting you )

[spoiler]“I fear for the future.” Captain Varius confides. “Aurora has not seen war in a long time and our standing army is outnumbered. Our chances do not look good, the quality of our soldiers may not be enough to win…”

Captain Varius is too used to the common soldier’s warfare. Blades, shields, and arrows doing the heavy work, but clearly Captain Varius has never experienced a war led by Mages.

“Are you suggesting we will lose, Captain?” Duke Rocabert says, surprising you and Captain Varius.

Captain Varius immediately stands to attention “Duke Rocabert! I did not mean to offend. I was simply-”

“Displaying your cowardnice, Captain Varius.” Duke Rocabert interrupted. Duke Rocabert walked forward and leaned on the balcony staring at the city of Aurora below.

“We must not fall Captain, no matter the price. If we lose here we lose it all. Aurora has many who would love to see it fall simply to profit from our remains. The vultures. If we lose…”

Duke Rocabert’s voice is laden with emotion, hands balled into fists, you see his body shudder. Duke Rocabert eventually straightens up and turns around looking back at you and Captain Varius.

“No, we will not lose.” Duke Rocabert says, but his voice nearly cracks as he speaks.[/spoiler]

Hope that helps set the tone for the far far future of the WIP.

Now then if anyone is interested in what exactly I’m working on at the moment…

  1. Kill any remaining bugs. I believe I’ve gotten all the ones pointed out to me.

  2. Diversify the backgrounds more. Ancestral Magic will be a big part, because you will have different families depending on your Ancestral Magic. It’s more to uptake, but I think I can manage.

  3. Making it more character oriented. I want a balance of RPG mechanics and story-telling. You have several skills of course, but I don’t want it to be all about them. I want your character to be more than just a vessel. I want to be able to have players flesh their characters out more.

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Well I got into a great writing mood recently and have been doing a large amount of changes to Chapter 1. It’s ending up a lot bigger than I originally planned, but that’s not a bad thing. What I do need though is two things if anyone is willing to volunteer.

First: An editor. I really need an editor that’s good for American English Grammar. I find I unconsciously make too many mistakes grammar wise (especially commas, have the time I don’t even notice I put them… Uh oh.) If anyone is willing to volunteer and help out that would be great. (I’m just bad at grammar :confused:)

2nd: Testers. I’m looking for a few volunteers for private testing. Essentially private testers get first look at stuff I put out and have that chance to point things out to me before I do a public release. Normally I like to do a public release any time from 3 days to a week after the private thread is updated.

Due to my busy schedule the updates come a bit randomly, but I do try to keep everyone informed on a upcoming update or anything I’m working on when it comes to the Battle Mage.

I do a few rules set. Nothing too strict or too relaxed.

  1. Provide some (viable) feedback at least every month. If the game is updated, then 2 weeks.

  2. If you feel you might not be able to provide feedback within the
    time limit for legitimate reason, let me know beforehand, and when you
    believe you can return.

  3. Be polite/courteous/Respectful. No fighting over opinions, if
    someone has a different opinion from you there’s no reason to harass or
    bully them over it.

  4. No spoilers. Don’t give spoilers out to the forum. They’ll get
    their chance to read the updates. Leaking updates, before their
    scheduled public update is a big no no

  5. Be honest. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. Whether it’s
    something isn’t good to you, or a plotline doesn’t seem to make sense,
    whatever don’t be afraid to let me know. It’s your opinion and I want to
    respect it and listen.

  6. Have fun. I want great feedback, but I also want people to enjoy the game.

As long as you can abide by those then we’re golden. If not or you can’t continue that’s fine you’ll just be removed from the alpha testing. No harm done or anything, eventually everyone will get to enjoy the progress, just Alpha testers are my first line of criticism sort to speak.

Also I’ve had a few questions when it comes to testing so I’ll clarify them here.

Will I still be able to see the updated content?
A: Yes, answered above. Everyone will get to just the Alpha testing will first so I can try to squash whatever bugs, plot problems, etc before a public release.

Can I suggest ideas despite not being in the Alpha?
A: Of course. I love suggestions. Different ideas bring in different perspectives. That helps, because I want to expand my knowledge and ideas and make the Battle Mage unique and as best as I can. With community help, ideas, etc I can improve.

I can’t continue testing will I be reported or penalized, etc etc.
A: No I don’t hold grudges. If you can’t continue testing I’ll have you removed from the testing thread, but other than that no hard feelings or anything.

If you have any other questions or want to volunteer for testing or being an editor you can drop a message here or pm me if you’re a shy introvert like myself.

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Just finished the demo and I have to say, that was the most enjoyable W.I.P I’ve ever played. I was actually sad when it ended because I just wanted to see so much more. I would offer to be a tester but I just wouldn’t be able to do a good enough job aha.

Is it cool if I offer some suggestions? I don’t want it to sound rude, it’s just this seems like it could be super amazing as a finished product and I wanna help out any way I can. Sorry if any of these things have been mentioned already or are already planned, I haven’t actually read through the thread; it’s a bad habit of mine when a thread has over like 20 posts :s

  1. There’s a few grammar errors; some are simple typos that can be easily fixed. However at one point, the writing style changes from 3rd person to 1st person for a short paragraph and then swaps back to 3rd person. That was really jarring and in general a story should stay in the same person the whole way through to keep immersion.

  2. Will there be more choices for the Ancestral magic’s? If so, some suggestions could include: Blood magic, Time magic, Life magic, Necromancy. 'Course some of these could be seriously OP.

  3. Could we get more personality choices for the choices we can make? My character was very indifferent and stoic, I was playing her as if she was not exactly emotionless but she didn’t really care about anything that wasn’t directly involving her. However, when her parents arrived back, the only choices were two happy choices (Excited and the other one) and one unhappy (resentment). Could we get a more varied choice in our characters personality types?

  4. Is it mentioned how old our character is? I might have overlooked it but I wasn’t sure whether my character was 12, 15, 18 etc.

  5. During the prologue, every character archetype is addressed with a gender-neutral name (Ranger, Archer etc.) except for the Priestess. I don’t know how the prologue will play into the story but could the Priestess be replaced with a more gender-neutral name? Like the Healer or something? If these Archetypes end up being characters we can recruit over the course of the game(s?) then while all of the others could be any gender, we know the Priestess is most likely going to be female.

I really hope none of this came off as rude or insulting or anything :s Also, if some of it didnt make any sense, sorry. I tend to lose my train of thought after 5 minutes of writing so please just ask if you want me to clarify anything. Please keep up the good work! I can’t wait to see what becomes of this :smiley:

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I’ll help you when I’m free. I’m just a bit busy at the moment.

Give me a week or two to get settled. Hahaha

Good luck and tell @Snowpanther too that I look forward to continuing our project.

Cheers!

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would have like too see what any of those skills i just trained with do and or change story wise!

right now its stats boosting but i don`t know how or if they help

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Thanks for your comments :slight_smile: Happy to know people are enjoying my W.I.P

  1. Yep those grammar choices I’ve been spending my time trying to fix. I just haven’t been able to push an update, because I always think to myself “You don’t have enough new content! Don’t post!” alongside quite a few things in life that are keeping me busy.

  2. I’m not sure about more Ancestral Magic. The reason being is that I’m fully fleshing out different family backgrounds from the Ancestral Magic. Essentially a good portion of the story you experience would change depending on your background, because your family history changes. Of course I also want everyone to have a decently sized read as well, so I’m trying to create a good amount of replay ability, but still make it enjoyable even as a first time read.

Basically I increased my workload, but the Battle Mage is something I want to be amazing and really want people to enjoy.

Hefty words coming from me hahaha.

3 )Yep that’s been pointed out by some of my private testers. I definitely plan on adding more choices to define who you are. I’m hoping I can get to the point where one point you’re a coward who only seeks self-preservation and self-gain to a valiant hero sacrificing everything for a random peasant and anything in between. Or at the very least you don’t seem like a robot.

  1. At the start of chapter 1 you are 12 years old. It’s not mentioned in text, but it is mentioned in the stats.

  2. The reason being for the archetypes is that some will be flexible gender wise and some are pre-set. There’s actually lore reasons for the Priestess.

I have quite a large amount of lore build up for the world, but it’s still increasing a lot each day.

Also I was not offended at all. Rather I’m glad people are taking such a good interest in the W.I.P enough to point out xyz. I enjoy being pointed out stuff whether it’s things that could be added or mistakes I’ve done. It helps me improve.

@Knightstrike Holy cr- You’re alive!!! How’s ye old U.K.

@Bob_Rijke Stats will have quite a impact. You’ll find people will judge you based on what you can do. Whether they’re amazed your magic ability is so great, taunt you for being a know-it-all, or look down on you for practicing “lesser” arts like swordsmanship and martial arts. It depends who you are with, and there’s also many things that Magical Society and High Magical Society (You are apart of the latter) have notions and beliefs in.

Like the superiority of magic. The ridiculousness of peasants salting their beef when a mage could simply freeze it (yep you’re gonna encounter idiot mages. Who wouldda guessed it.), etc etc.

The way I had the stat boosting going is that I wanted that whole “I don’t know what to study before I enter school phase” Of course many people would simply opt to have fun and goof off, you won’t be given that choice because your parents expect the best. Or at the very least your tutors do if your parents actually cared enough to see if you were still alive.

Note: Parent interactions will vary.

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Well I finally have dropbox working for myself… I’ll be switching to a new dropbox link when I push the next Public Update. The Private thread has been updated for my alpha testers out there hiding in the shadows.

Also I’m still currently looking for more testers :stuck_out_tongue:

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not sure i am the best person for that but would be willing too help whenever and however i can

spelling and grammer however are not my strong suit

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Any help is appreciated really.

Also noticed @Lucid liked my first post.

Excuse me as I go fangirl now.

Warning: Keep objects that are breakable by high pitched screams far away.

Continuing with update news. I’m going to be fixing several grammatical errors (by no means will it be anywhere close to all of them) and then I will be posting the new dropbox link for The Legend of the Battle Mage.

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I wish I had more time to poke around on here. There’s so many cool things happening. :slight_smile:

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I do hope you’ll be able to enjoy my WIP like I enjoyed your stories. I’m trying to establish my own brand with writing starting with the Battle Mage. (Apologies to my testers for any headaches I give you :stuck_out_tongue: )

One day I hope to collab with you, after I become a bonafide author though.

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Woo. Not very related to the Battle Mage, but I finally earned the Anniversary badge. Already it’s been a whole year since I joined CoG. So thank you all for the wonderful and supportive community.

(^__^)

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https://dl.dropbox.com/s/ldtoz7737o7rbr3/TheLegendOfTheBattleMage.html?dl=0

Here is the new link to the Battle Mage. Right now I’m experimenting with two different versions of chapter 1. new chapter 1 and the current chapter 1.

In new Chapter 1 I’m trying to make it more diverse background wise depending on your Ancestral Magic. Also I want to show some of the giant lore I’ve been creating more in the intro at the very least to show people that there’s more to the world than what you see.

Newchapter1 isn’t very fleshed out yet. Mostly I’d say choose the Poison Magic as that is a bit further ahead than the rest. I think the current chapter 1 will make a large transition over to the Runic magic background (so basically take the current chapter 1, shave it down a few pages, and that’s the length Runic Magic will at the minimum become alongside the others. It’s more work, but I want each family to be unique. Who needs sleep??)

Also I changed the prologue a bit as well.
IMPORTANT
new chapter 1 can only be accessed in the beginning. If you go through the prologue it will take you to the original chapter 1.

Also I’m trying to keep the prologue entirely in past tense and chapter 1 in present tense, but for some reason depending on the time of day I write differently in tenses. I corrected a lot of the tenses problems in the prologue, but after I think the spell choice it entirely switches to present tense.

Also if possible could a mod change the dashingdon link at the top to my new dropbox link? Please and thank you.

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Your friendly neighborhood mod is on the case.
salutes

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Now then this is for those who have tried both versions of chapter 1.
(Been trying to get polls to work for me, but recently haven’t been able to for some reason… even used the [poll command straight from the original thread introducing polls)

What seems to appeal to you more for a beginning?
Original Chapter 1?
New chapter 1?
Or is new chapter 1 not developed enough for you to decide?

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I think you forgot to add the choice for a first name for female characters in the new version of chapter 1, instead the game just skipped directly to the House and named the character “unknown”:

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Honestly…by now I would chose the original chapter over the new one…I certainly like the old transition from the prolog into chapter one better (even when the runic magic path has a variant of it) because the new beginning of the chapter (the exposition) feels somewhat…disruptive (?) in the way it’s deliverd. I like world building, but while playing a game I prefer to get the informations through the MC, be it by internal monoloug or because the MC themself did need to be told about it too (Or additional information available through the stats menu when it doesn’t fit anywhere directl in the story). Also, too much exposition at once can in the worst case seem like infodumping which often ends up more boring as the story or the world the story plays in deserves.

The follow up scenes to the choice of the powers also feels somewhat sudden for me. Specifically the Poison magic path. It’s intersting to see how differently the MC is raised depending on their families background but the whole Nox thing comes somewhat out of nowhere and I feel somewhat disconnected to the MC in the situation…however maybe it’s only because by now only so few options are playable.

I mean, the new version is far from bad, just somewhat too short to really be able to truly judge it. And maybe it was a fault on my side to replay the old chapter 1 directly before trying out the new version, what is quite the contrast (I guess that’s how it’s supposed to be anyway), so it’s possible that this is the reason I didn’t get quite into the new version :sweat: (and I’m a tad bit miffed because Possession Magic is actually my favorite of the three powers, but it’s not done yet :cry:).

Anyway it’s only my first impression so it could change with time and when seeing where you want to go to with the new version of the chapter.

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I like the idea of you having a Golem but I think the original chapter 1 you have probably works better as a story at the moment. The intro to the world is nice. Perhaps the wisest course of action would be to combine the two versions that you have written thus far.

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Hmm… I had issues with the way the intro went as well. The problem is that I’m trying to diversify each background, but I don’t want you to suddenly wake up to a bright and cheerful Rosalie and living as a family of deadly assassins.

@Sammysam the reason for Possession magic being on home is actually because since it’s a family of thieves I’ve been thinking of adding a reference or two to other Hosted or CoG games that involve thieves. So don’t worry Possession will be there soon enough :wink:

The whole infodumping part is unfortunately something I do a lot if I’m not careful. It’s the whole reason why the Battle Mage went over its first big revamp.

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Well, you could let the MC wake up at a time they aren’t used to (middle of the night or something)? :thinking: That way they shouldn’t be greeted by someone of their household and because they aren’t used to wake up at that time (and vivid dreams can also lead people to be somewhat disorientated after waking up) they may need some time to compose themself what could be the oppertunity to drop some information and let the player chose their family.

Yay!:grinning:

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