Poetry battle need help


#1

I want to do a poetry duel in my game the pc has to choose how to continue a poem in the court but I don’t now well how the metric works in English could some one help me with examples?

the labyrinths created by time disappear
only remains the whispering desert,
steel emptiness in the concrete sky…

yeah I know is bad but I still unknown how english poetry flows


#2

Hmm… The tone bears some similarity to Ozymandias, by Shelley. Mayhaps inspiration could be gleaned there.


#3

I don’t understand the 3rd line, but I think you could improve the rhythm of the first two lines like that:

The mazes created by time disappear
the whispering desert remains,

(rhythm:
xXxxXxxXxxX
xXxxXxxX,
where “X” are the accentuated syllables)


#4

Shelley Byron and Shakespeare is the only English poetry I have read @Drazen but I don’t know if sounds good I don’t rime but pc has to choose a option to continue and the viewers vote after do you think could work?

@loelet in my game the sky is covered by a steel concrete layer to protect against radiation


#5

Try this:

The marks of time are washed away,
Leaving us with deserts cold,
While concrete skies surround the earth.

I try to make it a point to use easy to rhyme words at the end. Which is why I changed the words a little, to make it easier to rhyme. Unless the poem is a free verse that doesn’t rhyme, in which case, sorry for my meddling. If the third line is hard to rhyme, I would suggest “our home” instead of" the earth". Less poetic, but much easier to rhyme.


#6

I love the idea of a poetry battle. It’s such a clever idea.

I don’t like Wyrmspawn’s version. I do like Loelet’s.

Poetry doesn’t need to rhyme, it’s the rhythm that matters. However the presence of a rhyme would make for an easier response and to know which answer is correct.

How’re you planning to choose which lines the player picks are correct? Will it be a stat-roll or a choice of four? If it’s a choice will you be using contextual elements or the rhythm and rhyme to decide which is best?


#7
The labyrinths fade day by day leaving only a desert's remain while sky of steel hard skies protect our heads

(optional) where people lived the land not left

is this good enough


#8

The marks of time are washed away,
Leaving us with deserts cold.
While concrete skies surround our home,
The sun is shielded by stone.
The leaves lose their color
And the birds cannot fly
Under our high metal dome
Over our low little home

*snap *snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap*snap


#9

Speaking of poetry, I am listening to some now.


#10

@Raven I love yours!! thanks people for the ideas in Spain metric are more fixed and closed and yes I will use the free verse not rhyme. and glad you like the idea @FairyGodfeather you could choose between a poetry battle or a dance duel is a strange court I know it :-))


#11

O the labyrinths of time fade away,
Where ill-shapen stone once held sway.
All that remains is the whispering sand,
sighing across the empty land.

10-8-10-8 penta/tetrameter, with AABB end-rhymes. Trochee metric variation, I think, though I don’t think it fits exactly.


#12

@FairyGodfeather

“Poetry doesn’t need to rhyme, it’s the rhythm that matters.”
Exactly.


#13

@tenryu I made a few adjustments.

O labyrinths of Nyan never fade,

The pop-tart body always has sway,

Will always whisper tales of space,

Forever remebered by the rainbow road paved.


#14

Nyan kitty you remember me the tea song from the hat seller in Alice in Wonderland :-)) I m still unsure to make a poem battle or a tale battle maybe I reserve poetry to a future Spain version my English poetry don’t flows like it should but a tale one is really more easy? what people think is a shame I haven’t got better English skills.


#15

You can’t improve language skills without using the language, so:
Do that poems.


#16

@loelet thanks for the support I will try :slight_smile: know I have to search for classic music to the dance contest that will be funny people have to select the moves of the Pc that will be fun!! the scientific path you have to hack resolving riddles know I only have to write my ideas


#17

I ran dance battles in one of the tabletop games I GMed. It was so much fun. Have you seen Zoolander and it’s a Walk Off?

Marajade, you’re far better at English than I am at Spanish and as Loelet says you improve your skills by practicing. A tale contest would be easier though and I think the results would be less open to interpretation.


#18

@FairyGodfeather well I really practice English at least one hour every day and write here. I’m think I’m improving but I’m a slow learner :frowning:
About Zoolander I had seen it but I don’t remember much about it I based my idea in the french XVIII dance parties poetry and dance duels were common that day in european courts. I try to do something similar but in the future XLVI I want to show the decadence of nobility in contrast the violence and poverty surround the other paths of the game.


#19

Oh sorry the Zoolander thing was a joke. I know there’s plenty of actual dance battles and contests. It’s just when it’s mentioned I think of the scene in Zoolander where it’s taken to a degree of absurdity with two models who walk down a runway doing ridiculous moves until one ends up pantsing himself. :slight_smile: And it’s just its placement as a fight between the main characters, instead of them punching eachother or waving guns or being violent in the usual way that made me mention it.

I actually love how you’ve thought it out, that you want to contrast the decadence of the nobility with the violence and poverty of the commoners. I think


#20

@MaraJade English is a horrible mishmash of inconsistencies, and it’s language rules are more like guidelines because there are always exceptions. Other languages are far better at following their own rules. To anyone learning English, you have my utmost admiration and support. As for poetry, I normally just give up with the syllable emphasis rules (who remembers which syllable is louder, really?) and just go, “Does it read right to me?”

@trollhunterthethird Your version gives me this image of an alien tribe of Hello Kitties landing in the distant past, building the Labyrinths of Nyan, dancing and telling tales to the evolving ape-people, then leaving on their rainbow-exhaust spaceships… :slight_smile: