Poor Blake. But I still don’t really know anything about him, so choosing whether to make him a dead boyfriend or not is a little difficult… Just to reiterate what I said before, though, if we’re given the option of being romantically involved with him, it would probably be best if there were some endings (not necessarily all) where he can be saved.
As an aside, how old are the characters approximately? I’m assuming late teens, although I guess they could be early twenties and still at University.
The world we see in front of us exists in planes, unofficially dubbed Planes of Existence or Planes of Vision by it’s many and diverse inhabitants.
Should be “its” (without the apostrophe).
Planes follow a few simple rules;
Should end with a colon ( : ), rather than a semicolon, as it begins a list.
those living in the Plane of the Mundane (humans) who can be seen by all but can not see others.
Although “can not” is not technically incorrect, “cannot” is far more usually used in most cases (including this one).
that being too nosey and curious, will eventually be the death of you.
No comma here.
The radio alram clock you have set up on your nightstand is too loud for your ears at this hour.
There is absolutly no pattern to whose being targeted. Everyone’s affraid they might be next.
“Absolutely” and “afraid”.
The Golden Florist’s…
The Angel’s Place Florist’s…
Still think there’s no reason whatsoever to choose the shop’s name. Either it’ll have no point whatsoever to the choice, or if it does, the outcome couldn’t be anything but arbitrary. Either way, it feels more immersion-breaking than helping.
These names seem to be rather weirdly chosen. As far as I can tell, we have two Arabic girls’ names (one very rare, the other far more common), and three Biblical boys’ names (plus Dana, which can be another Arabic girls’ name, but has other etymologies, and can also be used as a masculine or gender-neutral name, too). Is there any reason why you chose these names specifically?
You’ve always went to the same school, had a lot of the same classes, always hang out together and have sleepovers often.
The tenses in this sentence need a bit of work…