Phasma-WIP (09/29/17)

Im actually quite interested in the game becuase of the story.
And i’m curious what motivated you to make the game.
And i really hope that the story will get updated soon :persevere:

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Thanks for showing me!
I’ll fix it ASAP.

Update: I just fixed it, I hope you can tell me again if you find anymore mistakes.

Thanks!

I’ll fix that typo too as soon as I can.

Update: I just fixed the typo, thanks again.

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Thanks for the encouraging comment! I’ll try to update it as soon as I can.

There are two reasons I started writing.

Summary

1.- I’ve always admired the writers of my favorite books since I was a child, then I discovered Choice of Games and Hosted Games and I loved the writers there, so I was inspired to try to make my own game/interactive book.
2.-People have always told me that I’m a very “creative” person, so I just want to test my limits with this (I’ve never believed them to be honest).

Sorry for the long response.

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It would be better if you were to add punctuation to the end of the speech options considering most of them are in quotations.
It’s really just more of an aesthetics thing, tbh.

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Could you give me an example? Sorry for my stupid question.

Just adding periods, question marks and so on to the end of each dialogue option.

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Thanks! I’ll change them ASAP.

@Ed.Fox
These are what I found :point_down:

Summary

laughing


“you.” She says", the space.


Since this just like this, I think it’s better if this:

You walk into your room and change into the first thing you find. You don't remember when you fell asleep.
*page_break
You sleep a dreamless night.
*page_break

Become this:

You walk into your room and change into the first thing you find. You don't remember when you fell asleep.
*page_break You sleep a dreamless night.

Is this supposed to be impressed? If not, I don’t think “clearly says” is needed.


We have a long and complicated history with the Demon Hunters," Aeshma explains. “We’ve fought for centuries, only stopping because your father proved to them that we can be civilized and reasonable. It all began around the time of ancient Egypt, since then they have tried to keep the human world free of Demons. I can’t say I blame them, the Demons of that time are the reason most religions picture us as evil and cruel. After centuries of war, the Demon hunters managed to push back the Demons of old and truly liberate their world. This happened because they combined their technological advances with magic, creating some fearsome weapons, some even managed to be on par with the power of Demon Barons. After that, Demons saw the importance of technology and have been implementing it to every aspect of our lives, which also lead to the advancement of our society. The conflict officially stopped when your father showed the Demon Hunters that we had changed since then, ungratefully they don’t trust us completely, so they have put some regulations so that only Demons that have their permission can come to the human world.”

You might want to break this wall text into paragraph :point_up:


instinctively


“Why did you make that place?


This is just suggestion, I think this better if it losing instead of fighting.


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Thank you so much for pointing out my mistakes, I’ll change them ASAP. :slight_smile:

Update:
Hey, I just fixed everything you showed me. Thanks again! :grin:

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Sorry, but I can’t understand what you’re trying to say. Did I miss something or am I just dumb?

Its kinda my fault
I posted a comment and he answerd that you cant comment on month old post…sorry

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Don’t worry about it. Thanks for telling me!

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Can i hit on Maria?? Is she an RO?

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She might hit back…so duck

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Ok, just to be sure - MC and maria are not related?

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Yeah, but you’ll have to wait a bit for her to be available.

They aren’t.
Is it not clear? I’m asking to see if I should change it.

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Actually It is. I just wasn’t sure. So now I have two questions - wher are her mother/father and what happend to mc between his mother death and meeting Marie’s familly? And are holgers this universe version of angels or something?

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For your first question and second question:
I’ll be adding all that to the introduction (I think I’ll split it in two so it’s short and sweet)
For your third question:
They kinda are, but I’m trying to combine what many religions consider angels.

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