Perspectives on Bullying


#1

This thread is to explore the topic of Bullying - and perhaps by sharing our experiences and discussion we can write better stories because of it/

@FairyGodfeather was nice enough to help move the discussion from another thread to here. Thanks my friend!


What Frustrates You Big Time?
#2

I got bullied in primary, but it made me a more assertive person. And help other who’re being bullied, so now I’m not bullied anymore.
Except I can barely remember my life in primary as my mind has basically blocked it.


#3

Bullying did nothing but bad to me. It did not make me a better person. It gave me anxiety and a severe distrust of people.


#4

I have a high expectations stereotypical asian parent.
She screamed at me, the people bullying me, the parents of the people bullying me and the teachers who done nothing about it. Then made me take martial arts classes.

She handled that pretty awesomely. And sorry about your experience-- bullying is terrible.


#5

Why do people bully? That’s something I never really understood.Is it because they have a bad life,so everyone around them should as well? Or maybe because they think that being a complete douche to “nerds” will gain them popularity.

Thankfully,I never had to deal with bullying.Sure,there was that one asshole who kept making unfunny,overused jokes in class and kept asking the girls for some “quality time”,but other than that I was relatively safe from bullying.

@FairyGodfeather Maybe one day you’ll send your secret army of birds to poop on your bullies cars! It’s genius,I tell you!


#6

I understand that the boy who bullied me was being beaten by his stepfather at home. While at the time, I developed a pathological hatred for him, now I just feel sorry for him.

Why he chose me to bully, I don’t know, although I have a few guesses. I was quiet, nerdy, and gay (although never out, so I don’t know if he actually guessed, or just used the term as an insult, as bullies are wont to do), and also prone to fits of anger (I once overturned a desk in a rage), so I suppose it could have been any (or all) of those things.

Fortunately, the school found out after a couple of years, and ensured that we were in separate classes for (most of) the rest of our school careers, which did make it easier (although not perfect; the desk incident occurred after that).

So, to keep this on topic, I would say that, yes, bullying does frustrate me big time.


#7

Sometimes I feel especially lucky, because all through my life I’ve been both; I’ve been incredibly gifted in terms of academia and intelligence, but at the same time I’ve always been complimented on my very powerful work ethic.

The work ethic is kind of a product of my environment though, I think. In England, there was never any regional competitions for maths or science; I’m certain that if there were, I would have competed in them for sure. But I was always so fascinated in everything outside of human interaction; mathematics, science, history; all of it was so much more interesting than what other people were doing or saying, even my own family. So I’d dive into it all, and I’d actually relish homework because it was a chance to showcase how much I knew. It wasn’t until I was a bit older and I was near the end of high school that I took a look around me for the first time and genuinely realised that everybody had friends and girlfriends and good relationships with their family…and I had no-one. Even more so than that…it didn’t faze me nearly as much as I expected.

So I got my top grades and my top recommendations from teachers, and so I got to medical school with the potential to do anything I wanted to do. I could reinvent myself if I so chose; I could make friends, combine interests, live, laugh, and most importantly love.

Within my first week I had already spent six days in the library researching and doing my assignments, and the one other day was because I had some difficulty moving my stuff in.

To this day, I’m still not entirely sure as to where my work ethic came from, and certainly not to the magnitude that it has consumed my life. When my sister told me that she was going to go on a gap year at uni, I looked at her like she’d sprouted another head. Homework and raw reading and analysis has always drawn me to it like a moth to a flame, and I’ve had some health concerns because of it; most things are best in moderation and studying is no different. I’ve literally worked myself into exhaustion multiple times. Passed out once. That wasn’t fun. But even now, I’m practically nocturnal and can survive on negligible amounts of sleep. Even now, the literal only socialising I get done outside of my roommate, my professors and occasionally my family is…on here. So…congratulations??

And now I’ve gotten to here; I’ve consistently achieved some of the highest marks and some of the best grades in the country, but in doing so I’ve pretty much guaranteed that I’ll live the rest of my life on my own. I never really had the distraction of social issues mainly because I avoided them like the plague, and the fact that I have the same sex drive as a slab of concrete also helped I suppose. I don’t even know if I am asexual or a lesbian or heterosexual; never really given the thoughts the time of day.

Of course, I do still have hobbies and interests that I pursue and follow that I’ve cultivated since I started primary school, but they will always be second. I almost bankrupted my parents as a child I bet, buying different books. And in every social event I’d be reading, usually. Even now, I wonder how I managed to keep that up without any legitimate work like now in my life, but most of it went by quite quickly. I wonder if I’m at risk for any mental issues sometimes, but even that takes a back seat. An alarm bell should go off there when that happens, and it does; but it’s like it’s muted.

In terms of the bullying…whoo boy, there was a lot of it. Most of it was just passive aggressive shit though, because I didn’t really respond to being provoked; I may have been the gigantic bookworm nerd (both figuratively and literally), but eventually people, and I mean a lot of people, even people who didn’t bully anyone else resorted to more subtle methods. I think the one I remember the most was being tripped as I was going down the stairs. As far as why people do it…I can’t say. More often than not it happens to them, and they not only need an outlet, but think that that outlet is acceptable because it happens to them. I never really know anything about what happened to my bullies, but if I never hear anything for the rest of my life, it’ll be too soon. I’m the same as @FairyGodfeather; bullying didn’t help me in any way character-wise. It just made me even more vindictive, cold and unforgiving than I already was.

On the flip side, I think I see a line of people forming outside to be my friend because I’m so fun…


#9

Oh, something this young nb can answer at last! Yeah, I’ve been bullied, bully and abused by family and friends so I feel for all of ya.

So! Majorly, in-group out-group behaviour. That’s what we call it psychologically speaking. People, usually the majority in a given area, always find other people to hate for x reason because it makes them feel better about themselves and more like they belong to an established group of people who hate x or y. It’s a power thing, nothing to do with the people, just that they’re different.


#10

There are different reasons for bullying. Not that any of them are good, mind you.

Two years ago, I was bullied by this physically inclined dude at my class.

I was never really good at sports, which gained me a few jabs. What I did excel at was studying. I am super-smart, and am too nice for my own good, which got me in the good graces of my teachers.

The guy was a bit of a troublemaker, and whenever the teachers reproached him, I came up as an example of a good student.

This must have caused some kind of a grudge, which caused name-calling and stuff to start.

Of course, this didn’t exactly get him any friends, and to add insult to injury, most of his friends ended up flocking to me. Oh boy, were those interesting times.

That’s enough about bullying, let’s start with the other subject of my post.

Regarding the “studying was never necessary for super-smart people”, I can attest to that.

I never studied in the previous years, never liked to either. I passed my exams on the fly, only studying 10-20 minutes during exams time. It developed into an habit.

Timeskip to 2nd Grade of highschool. Still going on the fly till the second semester, until I started missing 1-2 days of school due to tests/meeting at this new boarding school I’m entering.

Those days I missed, the math teacher explained some heavy subjects. The day when I got back, I asked the teacher to explain to me again. He told me to check the math book, there was an explanation of it.

I spent 3 hours reading the explanation over and over again. It didn’t work. Checking already finished exercises didn’t help either. I was unable to understand the subject. I was not pretty back then. Frustration started becoming a thing in my daily life, I was anxious in his classes, not cute. At all.

The way I finally understood the subject? One of my mother’s coworkers is a part time substitute teacher. He needed to sit down and fully explain the subject to me.


Anyhow, we are to talk about things that frustrate us.

My sisters frustrate me. Big time.


#11

This can be true but I’ve been a walking target for my whole life. Plenty of emotional/physical scars but getting through it has made me a bit fearless… or rather numb to the opinions of petty people. Though at large I don’t like most people but I’m still standing.

Ps: don’t let anyone tell you catholic school is safer than public school. Got outta there quick after a very public bullying incident.


#12

go. go now. save yourself. im not saying all catholic schools are bad, but u can’t take chances


#13

I find it good to project confidence. Bullies are insecure, except they’ve become -gasp- self aware!

They’re in packs now, and although I can’t take on a group of 4 or something (I think I secretly could, but from watching a fight (would’ve intervened but they both suck. Seriously.)) I swear I’ll be mature when I’m older.

But just don’t be intimidated (yep I know that sounds hella stupid) or at least act like you aren’t intimidated. If you know how to fight, follow my simple steps:
Tell a responsible/ friendly teacher. Tell them you feel intimidated, even if you reallly just want to beat them up or think telling someone will make it worse.

They (teachers) probabpy wont do anything, but if you get beat up or hopefully beat them up, they’ll get most of the blame.
Go for punches to the groin or somewhere not easily visible.
Go for pain holds but dont actually break the arm or whatever. Have a friend; if you win or lose you’ve got a witness, and if you’re unconsious they can put you in the recovery position.

If your in school avoid fights, seriously.


#14

What’s wrong with Catholic schools?


#15

Not all, but some tend to be oppressive and quite backwards in their thinking, and those that are tend to be brutal. They’re heavy, watchful, strict things. Especially if you’re LGBTQA+, watch out.


#16

From my friends’ experience, you’re right.

And apparently the teacher have a reputation for being very intrusive and close minded, although I doubt all of them are like that, I’d hazard a guess that the Catholic Schoolteachers wouldnt take kindly to a lot of stuff us kids talk about nowadays


#17

There are two Catholic schools in my area, one exclusively for boys, and the other one for girls. I was almost enroled in the all-girls school, until they found out my parents’ religion. Apparently the nuns there weren’t too keen about having a prospective student with a born-again Christian mother and a (non-practicing) Roman Catholic father. Plus, it was really expensive there. So my parents left and enroled me in a different school.

One of my former elementary classmates came from that school, and she was kicked out because they found out that she wasn’t Catholic.


#18

I go to a Catholic school and theirs nothing wrong with it even though i told my main teachers im atheist none care


#19

Getting bullied (in several schools, but especially when we’d just moved back to the US when I was 13) left a big mark on me, too.

A few years back, around the time I started writing XOR, my anxiety around work was getting bad enough that I often couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. I’d assumed it had to do with some dramatic experiences in Afghanistan, friends dying etc. But when I started counseling, I realized I’d already processed those things pretty well. When the counselor asked about the bullying, though… hoo boy.

Our conversations over the following months made me explicitly aware of my inner bully – the bit of my brain that had responded to the bullies by trying to anticipate whatever they were going to say about me and hit me with it before anyone else had a chance to. My mistakes and weaknesses, anything unattractive or inadequate… I was on it, over-analyzing and pre-criticizing. It boosted my anxiety and fed indirectly but powerfully into my workaholism.

In my case, it helped a lot to talk about it with a neutral, trained therapist. And overall, while I think there’s nothing I “learned” from bullying that I couldn’t have done with less trauma, I feel like I’ve finally dealt with the consequences of it pretty well. And it only took 25-30 years…


#20

That was ‘years’ ago and I was so obviously not normal that it got rough.
I learned to fight dirty to defend myself, but gots to be careful bullies may be assholes but you should hurt someone unless you have no choice.

If negotiations fail a good ear slap and a kick in the liver, then bail! Surprisingly effective.


#21

I guess my bullying experiences were different then others.

Mine always was a “popular” kid trying to assert their dominance over me, then when I stood up for myself, everything would be o.k. and all until I went to a new school and I would need to do it again.

For example, one school, the popular queen bee decided that she was going to make an example of me so she accused me of stealing her sewing kit - which i didn’t and everyone knew it but she insisted, so as soon as the class let out I knew she’d be there for a fight, and I let her do her thing, even hitting me but then I just shoved her down on the floor and told her that she wasn’t worth getting in a fight over and I walked away…

After that, while at that school I was left alone - strangely a lot of the kids came up to me after that and were happy I “kicked her butt” but all I did was shrug off her attacks then pushed her away and dismissed her…

Usually it was something like that… another time it was a girl swiping my fund-raising candy … idk. I just always stood up for myself.

Edit - I also wonder if bullying is different for girls then it is for boys. I honestly don’t remember any big “fight scenes” between boys like the movies or tv shows always show.