Over the Great River (WIP) (Updated 06/12/2019)

So as some of you know, I started this WIP this summer and it was supposed to be a low fantasy, beginning of the middle ages kind of deal
I unfortunately lost interest in the story, and felt that my overall idea for it wasn’t that great, and frequent bugs in coding left me fed up with the whole thing, and eventually I kinda ditched it,
But I geuss I’m back now that I have an idea that genuinely interests me and that I have a concept that I actually want to flesh out so let me introduce you to the changes

Summary

The story is set in the 18th century or around that time, you’re an army officer for the Kingdom of Ljahia, however like many others you had grown disenfranchised with the way the current King ruled the country leading to you joining a long illegal, revolutionary and a pro-republic party Garda. The growing popularity of the party amongst military personnel and people in general can be atributed to the seemingly irrational policy of seizure of land owned by the peasants the Royal government had implemented along with the attempts to cut down the power and size of the army, an institution many considered a very important part of the Ljahi society. To add insult to injury after centuries of bitter fighting against the Vizantine Empire that lays South,the government had decided to sign a “friendship treaty” which would allow Vizantine soldiers to march freely trough the territory of the Ljahi Kingdom along with the premission to set up their own fortifications there, on top of all of that the Vizantine Emperor would get a yearly payment from the Kingdom’s treasury. Many have called this out as betrayal of the people by the government and vasalisation of the country, naturally Garda immediately started planning a coup d’état. The night before the start of the operation, you, already a member of Garda, kill 3 Vizantine soldiers, an offence that would lead to death according to the treaty, firmly linking your fate to that of the revolution

ROs

There will likely be 4 romancable by any gender, I won’t give any information out for now lol

Content Warning

There will be violence and other stuff some may find disturbing, so if you don’t wanna see that just skip this one: I’ve warned you

Progress

02/11/2019- Roughly 3k words, no stats for now
29/11/2019- Stat screen added, minor rewrites, some background as well; Roughly 6k words
06/12/2019- Minor update, some things should make more sense more, fixed a few style errors, added another short conversation

https://dashingdon.com/go/4870

58 Likes

demo? :thinking:

ok, so the demo is working . But seriously, that first page ? you need to put SPACE between the paragraphe . It’s unreadable when it’s all squiched together in a wall of text.

and yeah, same error as below .

4 Likes

This error comes when you choose the route against the brother

as @E_RedMark said, the first page desperately needs the text to be spaced out into paragraphs. Not only does this make it… well, readable, having it be one big wall of next, especially with it being the first page, makes the whole thing come across as a bit unattractive.

2 Likes

Its a nice demo and I see it has great potential

At the end, you can’t pick the option to charge first

“We’re scouting party”
Should be We’re a scouting party
Great demo

Summary




Should be a period

Should be bringing

Add a period

Space between “.” and “the”

Try breaking up this sentence it’s too long…

1 Like

Sounds interesting but summary dosent say much


Maybe u wanted to say HOW DO U KNOW WHO I AM

For those of us who deal in Fahrenheit (and don’t know the conversion [1.8C+32])… 40C = 102F.

1 Like

Nice start.

I kinda forgot that, yes, I took my pc with me when I moved out. So that leaves me with no computer to continue working on code with

I’ll however think of something instead of catching sleep, already got an idea

Will try to update tomorrow (Well later today actually)

Comrade Vasil

Update 30/08/2019

Finished the conquering of Cainleig sequence, what I’ll do next is write a part to just spend times with the characters, along with MC’s father coming into the fort the next day, interactions with the Vizantine diplomats and the introduction of another people, also explaining the lack of soldiers in the fort. Uhh I’ll try to finish at leas one of those things by Friday, can’t promise anything though as I’m borrowing a laptot

2 Likes

Bug

More bug

Yeah I kinda decided that I legit cannot keep going with the original story and am rewriting like 90% of it
Actually having to be somewhat responsible is killing me on the inside so Idk when I’ll have time to code

2 Likes

Sorry to hear that, but… I know the feeling.

I guess, I’m doing this again, this time I’ll see it trough

1 Like