Ouroboros (WIP)

Hunter, O’ Hunter,
your undying body has experienced the seasons wither and flourish in endless perpetuity,
the forest scattering its corpses at your feet.
Rot to sapling to bloom to death.
Through heartbreak and loss, bloodied knives and slaughtered hope,
you have persevered.

TUMBLR (my personal one for now) || PLAY DEMO || PINTEREST (an old inspiration-board)

Oh, choicescript. We’re really in it now. This is my first attempt at writing a CYOA-story and writing the characters from a world I’ve tinkered with for years!
Ouroboros is an adult science-fantasy story that heavily focuses on romance and characters, set in world that brims with magic and mystery. The world might have ended this one time, but a prevailing sense of hope lingers in every corner of this solarpunk setting.

I want this to be a deep RP-experience, where you carve out your character from a multitude of choices, and have the option to go through different arcs. Your PC will be growing and changing along with the story and the world around them.

Content Warnings

(As of 2022/03/08)

  • Swearing
  • Depiction of alcohol use if the player chooses it
  • Depiction of a controlled panic attack if the player chooses it
  • Mentions of death
  • For folks with thalassophobia [fear of deep water], there is a main scene with depictions of drowning and a bottomless deep.

If you think anything is missing here, please let me know!

Synopsis

Some 200 years ago you were forced into retirement due to repeated, horrible events that made you unfit for duty. Released from your pledge to save your hometown from certain demise, you now live in your precious cabin in a safe part of the forest. Isolated. Lonely. And with a whole lot of trauma, either healing from it or still in it’s clutches.

One day a letter is delivered to you, one that summons you back to your hometown of Riven. Nothing is as it once was with this town; it is now brimming with techy gadgets and a robust community separated from the beasts that prowl the infinite forest. The defensive, organic wall that runs around Riven holds the last bastion of humanity alive, and you once helped build it.

You are asked to face your past and join the guard again, once again taking up the role of a hedgehunter to go on one more expedition, deep into the mythical forest that warps reality the further you go.

This journey will leave you learning about the people around you just as much as it will stump you with new revelations – Who will you trust and work with? How will Riven change as a growing city? How does your past affect your future? Where do you stand as the secrets of the wells water unravel?

I’m terrible at writing summaries but this is what I got for now. Eek!

Features
  • Regarding stats: I have decided against using stat checks for failure/success and rather use stats as an elaborate personality quiz-type beat that the world around you reacts to. This also means that as I write, I will probably add more choices and flavor text to earlier parts, and I would love input on what choices you would like to have!

(As of 2022/03/07. Playable wordcount 33k~ I decided to cut off the demo just before the RO one-on-ones so that I have time to breathe edit all of them.)

  • Play as male, female or non-binary.

  • Play as Gay, Straight or Bisexual and romance accordingly.

  • 1 Customizable (player-sexual) RO/friend(can still be romanced as friend), 4 player-sexual RO’s.

  • Extensive character creator; choose to be a rare human or between two fantasy-races, choose your origin and customize your body and looks.

  • Choose to fight for your retirement or go willingly

  • Choose how your past affects you: are you healing from trauma or still in it’s clutches?

RO's

IDREN // IDA (RO)
Your sworn enemy due to unfortunate events, but will they forever remain so?
[Art Coming]
ID’s a mysterious figure made of mist and mischief, their vague humanoid shape taking shelter in armor as black as night, a plain mask covering the void of their face. Rude, nonchalant and adamant on that you are rabid, this long lost friend of yours has left a thing or two unsaid between you.

The main tropes that can be explored with this route: Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers or Enemies to Even Worse Enemies And Not Lovers At All.

Auryn (RO)
This four-armed druna is a master of martial arts and a unapologetic flirt.
[Art Coming]
Brown hair, golden eyes.
Confident, muscular and kind, Auryn is a hedonist that works hard and plays even harder. Their sense of duty is an inspiration to all, and their rare parties last for days.

The main tropes that can be explored with this route: Friends to Lovers, Friends with benefits to Lovers.

Yor // Yana (RO)
The built-as-a-brick-house Commander of the hedge is a bear in human form.
[Art Coming]
Grey hair, green eyes.
A bit older and a bit jaded, this stoic tower of a person is probably so muscular since they lug a heart of gold around at all times. Sometimes they clam up emotionally, but nothing softens them up as much as honesty and genuine care; especially if you hold the same values regarding honor and duty.

The main tropes that can be explored with this route: Defrosting the Ice Queen, Fake Relationship/Arranged Marriage/Forced Proximity.

Sene // Selene (RO)
This frazzled and frankly mad scientist is passionate about the development of Riven and it’s many technological advances.
[Art Coming]
White hair, faintly lavender eyes.
With pearlescent skin and stone-colored horns that they themselves despise, S is the romantic that gracefully wanders the halls of the hedge in their frilly shirt, tinkering with the many technological upgrades they have helped implement.

The main tropes that can be explored with this route: They Loved You First, Master/Apprentice.

Leith // Customizable (RO)
Your long lost friend/lover. How was the relationship between you, once before?
[Art Coming]
Preset: white hair and amber eyes.

Redacted for spoilers.

Coming Soon

These are some things I’m excited about:

  • Bestiary and Lore Compendium for the statpage (N/A)

  • Timeline for your hunter with choices you make for the statpage (N/A)

  • Art and character portraits (N/A)

  • Both smutty and asexual routes that aren’t just the ‘friend-route’ / where sexuality is discussed (I’ve started, but the story hasn’t arrived here yet. I will give ample warning before it does, and I will need lots of help and input to get this right!)

  • RO one-on-ones (Next Update)

  • Weapon and armor kitting! Time to decide how you will fight. (Next Update)

  • First Major Branch/Moral Dilemma (Next Update)

I’m steadily making progress but I have to account for real life so I am not setting a deadline. However I am active on both the forum and on Tumblr so I will make sure to update anyone who is interested.

Everything in the story is plotted out but subject to change, and the process of writing it goes steadily forward.

I’m eager for concrit though I am screaming in terror, I am not used to sharing my writing. Please be kind! English is not my first language and the learning curve for choicescript still looks pretty steep to me. I look forward to hearing your opinions and improving the story as I go.

I apologize for any coding errors and weird-looking sentences, I would love if you could point them out to me so I can fix them! As well as continuity errors and if you feel like something is confusing or missing, that would be very helpful.

Finally, if you made it all the way down here, thank you so much for reading and I hope you try and like what I have so far! This story and these characters mean the world to me, so I’m hoping you’ll like them too. :>

Good health, hunter. See you in the woods.

425 Likes

!!! AH, oh my gosh, I absolutely adore this! I have so many things to say!

Firstly, I would have never guessed English wasn’t your first language as you just write beautifully. The prose itself but also the way it all comes together.

I think you did a wonderful job with setting the tone and building such an intriguing world. There’s enough to not feel lost but you leave enough room to want to know so much more about it. And I think the pace is in line with that too; a great starting point that’s already kind of a hook with a bit of background information that naturally unravels, all without feeling that you’re just thrown into it clueless as the reader. That’s quite difficult to do, especially with a unique setting full of its own lore. You’re very talented!

And the characters! I love the lost lover angst, so Leith has already got my heart, but all of the characters we’ve gotten to interact with so far are lovely, fully distinct, and feel like they’re fleshed out individuals. I look forward to knowing them more and seeing all the ways we can build relationships.

Really, really wonderful, thank you so much for sharing your work. :>

11 Likes

The story is really good!!! I love the bit when you try to run away from ID and then they just carry you around on their shoulder :joy:

Also seeing the troupe for all the ROs :eyes:. Hmm… which to choose first for my play through. cough arranged marriage cough

Looking forward to read more of this!!! :heart::heart::heart:

4 Likes

OH MY FUCKING GOD! YES! im so happy to finally see an official thread for your story. i absolutely love this and im sure ive said it last time but my good am i so enchanted by the world you built. im just reading the start but my god is it such a major improvement from your first demo. i love extra scene to solidify our relationship with (idk what to call them since like i sorta change their looks) them. really tugs my heart strings. i wasnt prepared for that :face_holding_back_tears:

im sorry, what now?

7 Likes

The premise is great and the story is really interesting. Especially what happened in the past with Idren/Ida and how the relationship develops from here. I adore solarpunk so that aspect is wonderful. It was fun playing with a broody stubborn MC because the exchange with Idren/Ida is really funny. However, it felt kind of weird how easily the MC later accepts everything. If you are paying with someone who doesn’t want to be there and they tell you this is where you will be living now I would be a bit angry haha. Like, you have a choice! But actually no. :sweat_smile: The MC just kind of goes with it with no complaints. A little too amicable if their main personality trait is stubbornness. It’s forced service I know. Still, it would be funny if they tried more escape attempts haha.
When it comes to that, when I was desperately trying to run away back home, my flexible trait shoots up instead of stubborn. I think it should be the other way around :smile:
Might I also add a suggestion for the body types? You can also add average body type there.
And here are just some errors I found with he, him and yor being used instead of she, her and Yana
I have to split this into two





5 Likes




2 Likes

Damn it… I’m hooked… I need more… like now! :scream:

5 Likes

@moo Aaa! Your words are like kisses to my brain! Thank you so much for your kind words :sob:

@NecroSun Thank you!! I love that bit too! HEHE >:3 Y’s tropes are some of my favs as well (well, they all are, they’re my fav tropes haha), the opportunity to pin a strong character against their emotions and the pining and the… just chef’s kiss
The opportunity comes later in the story and I am chompin at the bit to get to the deep romance tropes! It’s what keeps me writing on tough days.

(Also, mind, some tropes have been redacted for spoilers. evil laugh)

@yb_minhee Thank you! I’m so happy to see you here, you gem!! And that route fighting with Id was in large part thanks to your comment on the first thread. <3
HEHE. My plan is to play your heartstrings like a Santana-solo. :>
Also re: the custom RO, I think it will be easier on everyone if we just call them “L”, no?

@Frieza this is priceless feedback, thank you so much! I did feel a bit weird about that too (re:stubborn mc) but I had to let it go because I was staring at the scene, not knowing where to squeeze it in. I’m sure it will come to me and I will update as soon as I do! Another escape-attempt sounds fucking hilarious tbf :joy:
Thank you for pointing out the flexible thing. I totally missed to swap the +/- . Will fix!

@Emily_Jones MY PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION IS WORKING!!! (I’m so glad you like it, you have no idea :smiley: )

15 Likes

Yay! You post your WIP. Can’t wait to read it. Will be back with feedback soon :two_hearts:

3 Likes

im so happy you made us try escape the clutches of fog man (ID). i knew i would and i didnt even think twice on running away a second time. like leave me alone to wallow in my misery geez. i miss L :smiling_face_with_tear: you better make an option to run and jump into their arms when we finally get to meet them. im going to cry so hard if you make them forget us or something. like i would smother them with affection. my mc right now barely keeping together and only agreeing cause they might see L again and knowing L, they’d probably volunteer to help anyways while my mc begrudgingly follows them to the unknown. also that whole sentence the mc says to L? foul. damn foul. im going to cry if i see the sentence ever again in the future.

8 Likes

I like it so far, seems promising.

1 Like

Hi, long time lurker, first time poster here :slight_smile: I read your demo this morning and couldn’t put it down, despite being late for work.

I just wanted to say that I especially liked the way you handled backstory and worldbuilding. I never felt pulled out from the story or got bored by descriptions.

And all the little things, the buggy mail system :wink: or the “frog-like cat” (a quite disturbing picture but one that sticked)…

I am not a native speaker myself so if there was any weird phrasing I didn’t notice.

It was a great read and a much needed escape from the real world, thank you :smile:

3 Likes

Wow! So, I liked this a lot! I love that we can be sorta a has-been type of goober that doesnt want anything to do with this. Also love being a monstrous race that people are creeped out by, thats always fun. Its a little…Bloodborne-ey, and kinda on the nose with stuff like “Yharnam” and “Anor Londo” and whatnot. But thats not really a bad thing either. All in all I will be very much looking forward to more!

4 Likes

I absolutely loved the demo! I already love your characters, especially Sene :kissing_heart:

3 Likes

image

Enjoyed the demo :slight_smile: No need to worry about English being your second language, despite popular opinion that doesn’t have to mean its inferior.

Here’s a bug I found and also it seems like no response is rising Yor’s relationship stat.

2 Likes

@CC_Hill wahoo! I did :smiley: I hope you like it <3

@yb_minhee evil cackle Oh, the things I have planned :smiling_imp: Also! I’ve gotten some really good feedback over on tumblr, and I’m definitely adding more brooding options into the story for after/during the briefing. I think you’ll like that :stuck_out_tongue:

@Anaon Thank you so much! :>

@Rhedyn Woah! I’m so happy I could offer you relief from human toil when you needed it. Your post is so kind, I’m all gooey inside. I hope you have a great day <3 also, snorts, I love the frog-like cat. I have a visceral image of it in my head and yeah, it’s definitely disturbing :joy:

@Pigeon (Can I just say that I love your username? It’s great.) Wahoo! I’m thrilled that you enjoyed it! And I’m cackling madly about that you noticed the names, because my eyes have just gone blind to the list of them whenever I test; they are def just meant to be placeholders since I suuuuuck at coming up with ones. :joy: My heart belongs in the soulsborne series and the story is heavily inspired by that whole hopeful-grimdark vibe. And the elevators in the hedge are not described after how the new lifts look in Elden Ring, not at all :roll_eyes:

@redfield Meep! I’m so happy to hear that. S is just precious!

@Mango_Pirate Wow, that was a whole chunk I missed! Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention. I will fix it as soon as I’m able :slight_smile: You are a gem. I’m so happy that you enjoyed the demo, I hope to see you around :>

8 Likes

Ah, I really had fun playing the demo. Loved how you mentioned the trope with each ROs.
Really curious to see how the arranged marriage will happen for Y, and what’s the deal with Leith!

Typos/Thoughts
  • If you decided not to go back to the town so Id has to drag you, when you meet Y, despite saying that you didn’t want to come you still get all the choice options such as “I couldn’t resist”
    I felt like for a play through where Id is dragging the mc those choices don’t apply but they’re all good for when the mc doesn’t oppose going.

  • This is when you meet Auryn, should be “they are”

  • I really wish there was a way to choose each character’s gender if you choose to be bi instead of it being randomized.

But besides that this demo definitely got me interested. Really excited to see more from this (:

2 Likes

And how do you suppose I choose among these three?! :pensive:

7 Likes

LOVED the demo! I’m torn between Id and L. How does one choose? Anyway, I did find a bit of a code bug.

Code Issue

I thought I saw another, but maybe it was already fixed.

1 Like

This is veryyy niceeeee! I like the concept, it kinda reminds me of etrian odyssey whereas the Ygdrassil and the maze like dungeons crawling with monsters exept here u can romance someone haha