Interesting game so far!
Absolutely love the update, I can’t wait for more.
The new update really adds more to the raw feeling of everything. I apparently did the same thing to my dad when I that age; I hid somewhere for a long time and jumped out and scared him.
(What?! Pf, no, what are talking about? I wasn’t feeling jealous when Ava showed up… cough)
gasps oh my God oh my God oh my God
THIS IS HAPPENING! I had been stalking this thread for a while and now I saw the link is back!
I really liked the update. It felt a lot more immersive now. I’m already jealous of the sister. I’m assuming the mother will treat her better??? MC can’t catch a break.
Why does the mother hate the MC?
I really don’t know. she is a bitch that married our dad for power and riches but end up with nothing and we are his son/daughter.
Typos and suggestions
“C’mon David, there’s some people you have to met,” he ushers, touching the top of your head gently for you to follow him.
“Family; I managed to convinced all of your aunts and uncles to come for Winter Solstice. I also invited my parents, your grandparents, but I didn’t get any answer from them.” There’s a stiffness to his walk that betrays how he truly feels about the issue.
Father gives you a look that it’s complicated at its bests.
He opens his mouth but no sound comes out, then shuts it, and repeats the same gesture two times beofre finally keeping ti close and shaking his head.
Blue and silver threads are wrapped around the furniture, and crystal decorations hang from the ceiling, shining and twinkling like stars; they have taken out all the vass in the manor and put them fresh flowers in full bloom, and you’re seeing some new lamps that are tinted gold.
The sentence is too confusing you can rephrase it according to you like :-
the vases in the Manor and replaced their flowers with fresh blooms
Father inmediate approaches a woman wearing a purple dress, who is evaluating the flower arrangements.
Father’s taut grin turn a bit sharper, thinner, sweet like honey, but you can tell it’s fake.
Technically, yeah, suhc displays of affections are one way to greet family, but such way is often reserved for children or women, while men tend to be more… distant. You wonder why.
At this Father’s lips twich in another strained smile, and his eyes dart to the man’s left hand, where he has a silver ring with an enormous black gemstone
You look around, and spot a couple several feet away observing you; you have already met your aunt Petunia, and there’s no more peple around, so they must be the people your uncle Adonis is talking about: Lawren and Clematis.
“Stephanos,” Petunia snaps, shoting him a warning look. He sighs and he gives in, shaking your fist with little to no enthusiasm.
Next to her is her His skin is pale and he has dark brown hair, and even darker — almost black — eyes, but they aren’t scary; they are warm like chocolate and light up when he smiles, their corners crinkling a bit.
Forgot a husband there
all the wonderful things she has heard about you and how much she wanted to met you.
“Hello, cousin,” she formally greets you, giving you a perfect curtsy, “Mother and Father have talked about you; they said I have to be nice ti you. I’m Baladre,” as this she extends both arms.
“I’m more than what’s under my clothes. Being a boy won’t make me kinder, nor a being a girl any smarter; whatever I achieve will be regardless of my gender.”
Might wanna take out that “bold” a
Even if Father, Nanny or Rue have never mentioned it, you know that it wasn’t out of meannes, but surely because they weren’t aware of it either; all of you can learn more.
Once inside, your eldest cousin makes a beeline toward Adonis, who is resting on a couch with his eyes closed, and Baladre walks to aunt Clematis and Lawren, since her parents are noehwere to be seen.
The double doors open, but you only see Rue entering; Father is nowhere to be seen. He’s probably still dealing with Mother, leaving the staff is taking care of the guests even though it’s his duty as a host to entertain them.
to take care of
The vagueness of his answerseems to encourage Father’s sister, as her dark eyes, purple in the candle light, gleam and she sits a bit straighter in her chair, as if reading herself for something big.
“Adonis doesn’t like talking about it,” whispers Sid next to you, sipping their cup. They shrink when their father throws them a stare, and focus on their plate.
He smiles, but the gesture is wasted as the guests look at Mother, who is angrily rubbing her tummy, as if in pain. She looks… bloated, but youthink it would be rude to point it out. Clematis’ mouth falls open but she quickly recomposes herself; Petunia’s incredulous look stays etched onto her features a while longer.
I really liked the way you addressed non binary option and all characters were written flawlessly
I really want to kill that bitch Aquilegia
If I’m correct, children are just like accessories in this world.
@Phoenix_Wolf I really wanted to add scenes that will make the player relate to their MC or remind them of when they were kids, so I’m happy to see that it’s working! Just wait and see what is like having a little sibling
@tooweiss don’t worry, Aquilegia won’t treat her any better; you only have to worry about her hoarding all of Datura’s attention, since she’s a toddler
@lokidemon007 I’m glad you like the demo! @Logan3000x is partly right, she married Datura because of his title and money, but things didn’t go her way when he handed it over to his sister (Petunia) because he wanted to marry Aquilegia for love (since his parents threatened to disown him if went through with it). Then @Phoenix_Wolf is correct, too; in this world a lot of people only have children out of duty (and see them as accessories, heirs or spares), rather than it being the result of desiring to have them; not many parents feel close or even love their kids (since after they are born, the servants pretty much raise them. A lot of children only know who are their biologicall parents because they are told, not because they are familiar with them). Here Datura is the odd man out, because he very much wants to all the parent-related stuff, but sadly for him he does not have the time.
@AmericanShakespeare aaaw you’re sweet And thank you so much for your help; I’ve already corrected everything I’m a messy writer, so more often than not I end up writing strange stuff that only makes sense to me I specially appreacite the grammar help, since I’m not a native English speaker, so I don’t realize what sentences are awkward or need rephrasing.
What did you guys think of the aunts and uncles? Did anyone stand out (or did you dislike anyone in particular?) What about the cousins? Would you like to know more about the staff (Rue, Labash, Vera, etc.) or anyone else?
First thing first: I really enjoyed playing this. I read the code as well and I’m super impressed you took the time to add in little variations. It really paid off because you do get the sense that you are actually creating a character.
What did you guys think of the aunts and uncles? Did anyone stand out (or did you dislike anyone in particular?)
I liked mostly the uncles, Adonis and Stephanos (on a side-note, I noticed that we get +5 for Stephanos if we smile at Petunia and hope she chokes…is it because Stephanos can tell our true intentions or because he appreciates politeness?). I disliked Petunia because she was super to rude to my dad
What about the cousins?
We didn’t spend much time with them but I v much appreciate Sid’s cheerfulness.
Would you like to know more about the staff (Rue, Labash, Vera, etc.) or anyone else?
Yeah, I think it’s important we do since we spend much of our time with them.
Just a couple of notes (I don’t know what the others have already pointed out so apologies if this has already been mentioned):
It’s clear that Sid is a… well, nevermind it.
No “it”, just nevermind is fine.
You wonder if you also had a siblings
Also: “if you also have siblings” or “if you also have a sibling” (depending if you want it to be plural or not)
Some lines also aren’t separate from each other…maybe there’s a paragraph formatting problem?
also if we say we have green eyes, Adonis points out we have our mother’s eyes. But our mother will later claim we are Datura’s “carbon copy”. That doesn’t make much sense if we have our mother’s eyes so I don’t know if you want to change something there.
I can’t play the game. When i try it, this pops up: “Error: prologue line 1: invalid character. (ChoiceScript text should be saved in the UTF-8 encoding.) ��”
Problem on Firefox, you could try Chrome, works there.
I’m making my character so sweet and pure… the real world is gonna break this child. Sorry, Datura. ^^;;
Um… is it meant to stop at:
He doesn’t wait for your answer before following Rue’s brisk steps, leaving you alone in a room full of strangers who share your blood or political ties.
You have left 7 guests left to talk to.
Because it comes up with an error that says:
Chapter_1 line 1699: Expected option starting with #
If this has already been addressed, I apologise. I only just played this. I’m already attached to the ‘charming’ child I was working on, and it breaks my heart in the best way that they’re going to end up unhappy for some time.
But the people that upset them will pay… oh, they will pay. Even if I have to have them unknowingly charm someone into getting rid of the displeasing factor for them. It’s all for Sweet Pea’s sake…
I’m so glad I discovered this WIP. It’s absolutely fantastic and I hope the game gets out
As of now I’m very worried for Datura. I don’t know how spiteful the family (especially his wife and other people) can be but I hope he still remains custody over MC and Ava
Like really worried (don’t hurt this family like P L E A S E)
@Lycoris I actually don’t know what’s it like to have a younger sibling. Between me and my sister I’m the youngest with 11 years apart in age. I guess I don’t really know what it’s like to have a sibling anyway…
From aunts I liked Clematis cause even though she’s not so good to Papa she still is polite enough to like the MC genuinely (I guess) and I believe she’s most “honest” of all the uncles and aunts…from uncles I didn’t really like or hate anyone but I particularly hated Petunia because of her “Oh so sweet baby” manner to Prince and she seems more bad then others because she rubbed it into the uncle by saying"so you won’t be the head ha-ha"(it at least that’s what I interpreted)
From cousins I liked the other one who’s not Sid (sorry I have a hard time to remember names even in real life) cause I don’t really like the more trusty teddy characters like Sid and Adonis…
And of course I would love to know more about the staff
Count yourself lucky Phoenix cause siblings, especially young ones, are annoyingly sweet that you’d hate them but still couldn’t be able to live without them
Spelling error found under the option: “Play along; you don’t like it, but it’s best when Father is in a good mood.”
The kiss is quick and painless, and over before you notice it.
The kiss is quick and painless, and over before you notice it.
The table setting is neat and arranged, yet you can’t help but notice that yours and your cousins’ is a tad simpler, with the cutlery organized in five pieces — two forks, a knife and two spons of different sizes
Under the option: "You aren’t sure, exactly; it’s not nice when Mother talks like that about you like that, yes, but there’s something more about her referring to you as “boy.”
It reminds you of Sid’s words, and ho they felt about not being being either a boy or a girl,
You know that when someone as expressive as him goes calm, you have to thread carefully.