One In A Millennium (WIP) 12/02/19

nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#1

Hello all you fantastic people!

So it has been about a month since I asked about how would you all think about a project I am working on. And it got some really good feedback and my motivation got a real good boost from that.

Anyways, let’s get to the good parts, shall we.

Plot

You are a god.
While one day you are just going about, minding your own business, you and your housemates get a letter from someone really important, stating that there is trouble going down on Earth.
The higher-ups want you and your housemates to look into it and put a stop to all those gruesome murders. But things tend to take a drastic turn that no one is ready for.

Help the humans, solve the mysterious crimes happening just like you were told to.
And while you’re at it, why not romance someone who you’ve had an eye on for some time or someone who you’ve just met!

ROs

Ps. Your character’s gender does not affect on who you can romance. They don’t care either way what sexuality you are.

Silviana/Semmy Female/Male
Your best friend. Also the Prankster. Likes to play pranks and tell jokes. Can be kind and will always stick to you when things go south. Has a secret that only few know about.
Lionel Male
The god of Life and a kind soul. Can be quite teasing and mischievous. Cares about his brother and everyone else who lives in the House. The total ‘Grandpa’.
Devos Male
Lionel’s older brother. He is the God of Death and like the name suggests, is as cold as the Arctic. Has some wolfish features but he takes pride in them. Punch him, I dare ya.
Wiryn Female
The loving soul of a woman as smooth as the flowing water. She’s the Goddess of Water and twin and older sister of Fosryn. She is like a mother to all and leaves no one behind.
Fosryn Female
The goddess of Fire. Younger twin and sister to Wiryn. Unlike her sister, Fosryn is a hothead and stops at nothing. Likes to rival with her sister when bored.
[Will be added later]
These guys and gals are still a Work In Progress.

Features
  • Play as male or female or even non-binary
  • choose between 7 different deity-classes
  • Choose and name your small Familiar
  • Pick a Weapon for yourself
  • Customise your MC with various different features
  • Solve some murders while you go along

Currently the story is about ~22 000 words long (including code).

Feel free to leave your thoughts here.
Because I’m a hobby writer, I’m quite unsure on my own style and writing.
Criticism is welcome because I’m too hyped to feel bad about anything at the moment but any kind of feedback is welcome.

DEMO: https://dashingdon.com/play/decrypteddev/one-in-a-million/mygame/

UPDATES
  • 11/02/19
    Published what I have so far.
    Word count ~12 000 words (code included).
  • 12/02/19
    The part where you meet your best friend has been changed a bit.
    Added in the character customisation.
    Word count ~22 000 words (code included).

#2

I remember reading your idea in the interest check thread and getting really excited. And! I still am! I think the premise is really cool and I genuinely can’t wait to meet the other gods.

I liked your writing and found it to flow pretty well. The only mistakes I found were

here


Tbh english isn’t my first language so I might be wrong but I think it’s “curvaceous”?


A small pronoun mistake; her instead of him.


#3

Thank you for those!
English isn’t my first language either so mistakes are easy to come and nice catches on the pronoun thing. I’ll fix those once my head clears and I have more time.


#4

And I will check it out right now because I trust Caleb! :smiley:


#5

Hope you’ll enjoy!


#6

It seems pretty interesting so far but for this choice, there’s not really a response that isn’t “condecending” to some degree.

The first response is ready answered by Semmy. The second is too agro. The third is a bit guilt-trip-ish. And the fourth one is pretty vain. Now don’t get me wrong, the more choices the better. It’s just that there’s no nice answer/sarcastic answer. It’s just strange there’s no answer of that variety.

Otherwise, it’s a pretty good demo!

(And actually to correct @Caleb, it’s “his” not “her” or “him” as you don’t say “changed him wardrobe”)


#7

I get what you are saying. And now that I look at it, it does kind of seem that way. I shall think more over those later but I appreciate that being pointed out.


#8

You say that Semmy gets “nerved” if you hoose the stay quiet option. I think you mean “unnerved”


#9

Nice catch!


#10

I’m going to be completely honest here. I think it’s too short to really say much, but I was kind of put-off by the fact that my so-called friend sucker punched me first thing in the morning.

I understand that he’s the Prankster but punching someone isn’t a prank. Pranks are supposed to make people laugh, not physically injure them.

I’m normally a sucker for the “best friend” character and romance types, but physical abuse isn’t exactly romantic, funny, or positive in any form. The responses seem fairly appropriate to being punched, I will say.

Now, if he literally did just accidentally hit us after we opened the door while he was going to knock then it would be pretty funny, since it was a genuine mistake. But judging by the fact that they know full well what they’ve done, they’re laughing about it, and the fact that it’s been done in the past means it’s just straight up physical abuse.

Just saying, I would never be friends with someone who was amused by hurting other people, much less me.


I’m not saying this is horrible or it’s a horrible idea. The overall story is intriguing, but there’s just not enough to go on.


#11

I absolutely understand that. And while yes I see why you would be put-off by the punch thing, it actually wasn’t my intention for people to start hating Silviana/Semmy for it. I’m too tired to think straight at the moment and will surely look all of it over in the morning.


#12

For what is written it seems like a very interesting story, hope it goes well


#13

Okay actually I gotta say I agree with @MissBilbay on the whole punching thing. I brushed it aside and I apologize because it’s really important.

I do still think the idea is great and has potential though but it’s important to fix that.

Other than that regarding the dialogue choices maybe creating them around the traits you’ve chosen for the stats screen would help.

(thanks for correcting me @Delphi!)


#14

I fill definitely do all of that. Because it still isn’t a solid ‘demo-demo’ then it’s quite easy to do.


#15

So I’m assuming we’re going to earth and having an active part in solving the murders (I may be wrong about that though) so I am surprised that there are no human RO’s after all it is one the the few stories where it could be written in now I’m not saying you should write it in, you should write it how you feel is best, it’s just odd to me that there’s no human/god relationship route

Also hope this doesn’t come off as me passive aggressively saying “you should do this” I really mean it when I say write it how you feel is best


#16

Not the full list.


#17

freaking divine assholes! 5’2’’ isn’t midgets.,…lets NUKE THEM!


#18

It’s really good but I think you should of uploaded the demo when it had more to it


#19

@Jared_Frias spoilers or no spoilers but there are human ROs (just haven’t added them in yet) :blush:
@Harley_Robin_Evans maybe you’re right but I just got so excited to do something for once and so that got the best of me.


#20

Hello! The demo is a bit short, but it looks really interesting so far!