On The Hunt | Short Demo

That was short (as you said), but very well done.

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Interesting start. My biggest issue was that I have no idea who Michael is and so this scene carries no weight to me. If Michael is a stranger to the PC then there could be apprehension about attending a funeral for information/clues or empathy for those mourning. A funeral is such an evocative setting and the torches are a cool world building touch. I just want it to have more emotional weight. Looking forward to more!

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Looking good so far!

Goodness you made that fast. Looking forward to seeing more in the future :slight_smile:

I’m curious though- will the game just be several different hunts and the character growing as they participate in them, or will there be an overarching plot connecting the hunts in the background? Just for clairty’s sake.

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In the poll, @DarthDovahkin mentioned there would be an overarching plot in addition to the episodic structure of the chapters. :slight_smile:

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I hope I’m not betraying @ParrotWatcher by posting here… :worried:

So do they go by nicknames, or middle names, or… how? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Guess what I’m really skilled at :innocent:

Another thing I notice…

“Sorry. I don’t always know my own strength.” Says your twin…

This should be punctuated this way:

“Sorry. I don’t always know my own strength,” says your twin…

Similarly:

“How do you do that?” You ask with a laugh.

“You” should be lowercase. This does not apply to the other options here (like “You chuckle,” which should stay capitalized), because those are separate action, but “you ask” is the way you say the dialogue, and therefore part of the same sentence.

Also, strictly speaking, “A group of twenty or so people stand around the construction,” should be “stands,” because “group” is the subject rather than “people” :thinking: though if you’re going for a more casual or colloquial or conversational style of writing, you might not want to fuss over that :stuck_out_tongue:

As far as the twin name thing, you might want to check it as *if ("$!!{name}" = "$!!{sib_name}) since the twin’s name is variable.

I’m also highly motivated to be on Tom’s good side :blush:

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Well, I wasn’t the one rallying people to the Beast Within cause… :sweat_smile:

That would be even better, yeah. :sweat_smile: (That way, a male MC with a female or non-binary twin can still be called Andrew.)

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One goes by Oscalito, because he’s Oscar Jr. (Which is a little hilarious, because he’s in his 40’s and like 300 pounds) The other goes by Tony because his middle name is Antonio. But that’s just at big family events. And me, because they laugh at my American accent when I say “Oscalito.” Outside of that they both just use Oscar.

Oh, great. Can’t wait.

Thanks, pal. Looks like I’m going to have a lot to fix when I finish cleaning.

Aaaah, thanks so much. I thought of that right before I fell asleep.

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This seems awsome and can we have monster as a allies and can we become a monster turn into one that’s would be cool

Is it possible to have a… monster RO? :smiley:

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Yes.

Yes.

Most likely not.

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[laughs in love of angsty complicated romances]

I look forward to feeling stabbed in the heart as MC has moral conflicts about loving a monster.

Please let it be so.

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Well, of course I’m interested in this. Quite excited to watch this develop over time.

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Can we just kill all monsters we cross paths with?

I can already feel the angst in this demo. :>

Well, most, at least. Sometimes monsters can be clever.

Atom sized update fixing the errors everyone pointed out. Grammar and the naming glitch.

Only problem not fixed is the one that @Logan3000x pointed out because I honestly have no idea why it would do that. For now, just refresh to replay.

I’m not putting the update in the title because there’s no new content to read.

Now to address a concern.

If you select Michael as a name, you’ll see that you’re actually named after him.

You’re not related, but he’s a long time friend of your dad, and became close friends with your pop when they got married. Michael started hunting, but like most hunters, he was eventually bested by a monster. You knew him, but not as well as your parents.

All of this will be established in game with dialogue, of course, but it isn’t there already because I wasn’t sure how to work it in.

I’m obviously a little out of practice when it comes to writing. I’ll warm up eventually.

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That’s good to know!

You could use the twin to show some of that. Right now they’re joke-y, which is a fun personality to bounce against, but it also makes them seem like they don’t really care Michael is dead. You could also have Pop giving the eulogy and maybe note some telltale sign of grief as he tosses his torch in. You could also have the lighter be from Michael.

And though it would take more writing and coding, it could also be cool to have a flashback folded in.

I’m obviously a little out of practice when it comes to writing. I’ll warm up eventually.

I just wanted to share my experience reading in case it helped as you continued or revised. If that’s not the kind of feedback you’re looking for right now, I’ll wait or focus on where you do currently want feedback.

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Skills: Breathing, eating, staying up late on the internet.

I’m proficient in all the aforementioned skills :grin:

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Hey @DarthDovahkin I was wondering about what kind of monsters you had planned for us to hunt and if you had plans for any region specific monsters. Since we’d be traveling the continental US (Ala supernatural sorry can’t resist) would we encounter any region specific monsters like the Jersey Devil or the Goat-man of Maryland or (hopefully) the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow. I was also wondering if you had any plans to included Canada, Mexico, or the Caribbean in this game or any future installments as these areas are filled with a rich collection of monster lore that could provide challenging and fun gameplay while exposing these myths to a larger audience outside their native countries. Keep up the good work and know that you have one guaranteed customer in yours truly