An interesting read to it’s point at the moment. Although a bit confusing here and there.
I look forward to following this story 
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Hi @Feather. Thank you 
- if you tell me which bits were most confusing I’ll have another look at them. I’m very guilty of writing rubbish which only becomes readable through many revisions.
(thanks for having a save button btw 
)
I’ll do a read through again when I have the time, I didn’t note down the exact bits but I’ll be sure to tell you when I do 
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I appreciate it! I think people put up with a lot without saying anything, so that would be very helpful for my general improvement.
Where is today question? I wanna questions! 
I don’t save really I love playing all again to immersed myself into story.
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The Question of the Day will be:
"Cover art. Is it best to self-create it, or use a professional designer?. . . who’s done it well? And what images standout in Aegis so far which could work as attention grabbing cover art? " - 14/04/16
The question is have you money? A professional means paying for. I don’t really care about covers or art in this, It could be pretty, but I play this for the story and have many images is not my cup of tea , I personally prefer imaging all myself. And pictures are a distraction . However, for many people a good cover is a selling point. Looking good in app market could make casuals give a shot to your game.
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Luckily I am working, plus my birthday is coming up this month
It depends how much these things can cost. I just sent an email to http://clintcearley.com/ enquiring about a picture of his.
He does Magic the Gathering artwork - so his pricing is probably way out of my league, even if the picture I like is actually available to licence the copyright for. . .
This reminds me of a scene in Stonecross in Chapter 8.
I like it because I wanted ‘The Aegis Saga - Blood’ to draw from both traditional fantasy and from Japanese slice of life animation.
I think we are exposed to a lot of extremes in what we read and view, (it catches and keeps our interest). However, the everyday can also be beautiful - a warm day, a friendship, a goal. . .
I wanted the Saga to have moments of excitement, but not to jump from cliff-hanger to cliff-hanger. So I intended to create something that felt like a life which could be lived by a ‘real’ person who finds interest in the everyday too.
I don’t want it to be an unreachable place I escape to, but must come back from.
I want to read fantasy and be in it!
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It is a cool scene I could imagine Mara watching the scene Image who could be easy to manipulate or drowning.
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Oh their are a few people on her that do art and stuff I’ll look for the threads they have made.
Edit :the most recent ones I found are @defenestratin and @Feather
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If I’m not too late to the party, I’d also like to beta test. I always enjoy helping out other writers (like yourself) and help them make their stories good to the best of my ability. Like @trinnie, I also adore Greco-Roman myths. 
I’ll go and read the story now.
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I agree with @poison_mara. Pictures may draw casuals or those who have never played COG games before into buying your game, so you may wish to consider this. Also, the better the cover art, the higher the chances it will be viewed.
However, it is a gamble. Not enough people may actually buy the game for you to break even on your costs, so this is something you have to think about. On the other hand, if someone you know, or a kind artist out there can give you low rates, then, all the better!
Remember though. COG games are bought for their story. Not their pretty artwork. haha.
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Some nitpicks and suggestions…
Prelude:
- I don’t see the point of adding a choice (i.e your eyes are hazel) if there’s only ONE option. It is also quite customary for CoG games to put in other eye colors like blue or green, but you may stick with hazel if you wish.
- I also suggest italicizing the entire letter.
- The ending of the letter is a little confusing. It says ‘your husband.’ next page. ‘you’ ‘birth’ ← I don’t understand. Is this an ‘enter your name’ kind of option?
- Adding two parts that are both named ‘prelude’ is odd. Esp. since the other prelude is a prelude of the prelude? I suggest writing something like ‘you remember when blah blah blah.’
- The prelude to the prelude also isn’t quite clear. Is this intentional? Like
She is particularly worried by their nearness to her, and particularly aware of the greasy wood-oil that spots her clothes.
Who is ‘their’? Also, is this choice how we interpret Ria?
Sorry if I seem too harsh or anything. Just wanted to give my two cents. They might help. 
Other than this though, I really like the way you write.
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@Personaddict07, this is brilliant!
1/ AHH!!
My poor editing! - there are several options, but I guess no one can spot the coding error. . .
*choice
#Your eyes are hazel.
*set eyecolour “hazel”
*set eyecolourno 1
*goto meetingfather
*choice
#Your eyes are russet.
*set eyecolour “russet”
*set eyecolourno 2
*goto meetingfather
2/ The letter is now italicised.
3/ Clarified the transition between the letter and the tower scene
4/ removed the ‘second’ prelude
5/ That tower sentence now reads: She is worried by the way the white muslin clings near her, particularly as she is aware of the greasy wood-oil that spots her clothes.
Thank you so much!
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Happy to help. Shall I read on later and post anything I find odd?
@Personaddict07
That would be wonderful.
However, I’ve just realised that my most recent uploaded chapters were sitting in dropbox under the wrong names. As you’ve been so kind as to give me such amazing feedback I feel rather guilty to say that you may need to click the demo link again if you don’t wish to waste your time giving detailed feedback on other issues that might since have been corrected.
(happily everything you raised previously existed in both the older and the newer files and as I said above did lead to very useful changes)
And regarding beta-testing, I’d be honoured given your contributions so far and fine eye!
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Is this the newest link?
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/47183494/'The%20Aegis%20Saga%20-%20Blood'%20Demo%20v2/web/mygame/index.html
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Thy art such a flatterer. I has’t not done much. I shall readeth and post shortly.
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You did , was a good feedback. Good catch about the eyes . Now I would play demo again, Feedback time with Mara!!
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