I really like this story can’t wait what happens next.
(In case of confusion: ROs are referred to with their male counterpart names!)
I enjoyed this! It’s intriguing! Although, and I saw a couple others mention this so I hope it isn’t a bother, I would’ve liked a little more build up? Such as when meeting Gable and the others, because it’s mentioned MC only just met them because of work, and I, personally, would like to see that. At least as a deleted scene sort of thing if it doesn’t work out in the project. To me, it would be like: “Aw man, what are they doing here? How do they know what’s going on?” Same applies to finding out supernaturals are a thing. I think it’d be cool (for lack of a better word) if MC had small run-ins with supernaturals before, and, for example, Trent ((lololol as if)) would step right in before things could happen (or anyone who is aware of them and knows how to deal with them). But that’s just me, and it didn’t stop me from reading ever onward. And it’s your story, at the end of the day! I understand how, well, scary it can be to show your writing to others.
I’m happy to have another supernatural WiP to read. I love the idea of supernaturals and humans co-existing, either knowingly or in secret; it’s kind of fun to see how everyone does this concept differently!
And dear author, lemme tell you, the very first time I posted, good lord, I was so anxious, my heart was beating out of my chest . So, hope I don’t come across as rude or anything, as I still enjoyed this and look forward to updates, of course, and appreciate the effort this took!
I found a few typos in my playthrough but nothing major-!
This is if I choose for MC to be in Moonvale because Dad passed away:
“Measure” not “messure”
Is a space supposed to be here, as in a line break?
Lowercase “i”- pretty sure, since it’s a continuation. I’m… I’m terrible at this.
Here too! Or: “Here,” he says. “Read.” works just as well!
I hadn’t encountered pronoun issues and my MC is female. Also, I noticed there are choices that don’t end in a period, and while not a major thing, it was something I kept noticing, so I thought I should mention it. I also want to bring up the character customization! If it’s possible, and something you want to do/feel is necessary to do at all, I think it could be implemented differently as it currently feels… just sort of there. Does that make sense? I suck at this, but, say the hair choices could come up while MC is cleaning the kitchen. Like: “You run your hand over…” and then the choices are “…your long/short/choppy/etc. hair”, and maybe add flavor text from there. MC has curly or kinky hair? Oh, MC makes mention that it can be annoying when tying their hair back because it refuses to submit to a hair tie, or something.
Edited in case of spoilers!
Don’t worry at all, you weren’t rude in the slightest. What you said is extremely helpful and you were even kind enough to help collect remaining typos! I definitely agree with the appearance building of the MC feeling thrown in. I admit I was feeling rather overwhelmed with everything happening in script, along with the process of trying to keep writing and hoping I hadn’t broken anything. I kinda said… just be done with this part already since I had already re-wrote the beginning several times!
I also happen to greatly like the idea of adding in the interview. As of right now, I’m still writing up chapter two. It’s something that may be added in once I’m done writing the second part. Thank you so so very much for everything you’ve said!
I understand completely! I’ll go back over a scene so many times to the point of obsessing over it that when I do go onto anything else, I just want to cry because I start to think of everything I still have to do . I’m glad I didn’t come off any sort of way though. I was worried I’d be condescending or seem like a know-it-all at worst.
I will be watching this thread-