Nothing left (to burn) [WiP] — July 16 update!

I know what you mean! I’m aware that having story-set childhood/best friends can make people automatically dislike said character or make the players unsatisfied, so I tried my best to make Drew as appealing as possible.

I still have a lot of work regarding Drew (as it’s not the last time you’ll se them!) but I fear that if I give them too much personality they’ll lose likability. It’s not like a RO, that if you don’t like them you can forget about them and move on, but a really central character that ought to motivate players to avenge them. Another idea I had was to give the player the possibility to harbor a crush on Drew, but that would be too cruel, no? :wink:

Please don’t force yourself! I’m very happy to see you love it, but I understand that going through the prologue and chapter 1 over and over can get dull :slight_smile: After chapter 1 is finished, I’ll make the option to skip to Chapter 2 (with some choices to give context) and so on every few chapters.

Yeah, absolutely! I usually let the players pick a lot of things, like skin tone, hair length and color, eye color and clothing style. You’ll be able to pick an original last name and then another one, since for story reasons the MC changes their surname and take Eddie’s (you can choose both).


@Flinx I see what you mean :thinking: I f you don’t mind about a bit of spoilers, I’ll tell you and @Fay what I was thinking:

The MC can get into an argument with someone who opens Drew’s coffin to take a look at their corpse, because they wanted to know what they died of/the state they were in. Morbid interest at its worst.

More than a jab to Drew, it reveals the worst of people.

The scene is mean to show that Drew isn’t human anymore; they are just entertainment, something to talk about (rather than care/worry about), made to be consumed and thrown away when it (the novelty) gets cold. Not even relatives are exempt of that behaviour. I know that not all families are like that and they can care about distant relatives, but the story has a dark view about the world, painting a lot of things negatively, specially people (and mass media).

That’s was my idea, but I totally see your point. That’s why I’m having doubts about putting it or not, what do you think? :upside_down_face:

14 Likes

This is just my personal opinion, but I’m totally supporting this idea 100%! Oh please, let it be an option. I already had a headcanon about my MC liking Drew. I find it somewhat beautiful yet horrendously anguishing that you love someone but never get to confess your feelings to them before it’s too late. I love that trope, although some might disagree, it is in my top 5 favorite tropes in media and entertainment. And MC does seem to have an idealized view on Drew, putting him/her/them on a pedestal. I don’t think a crush would change much about the story, since it is clear that MC loves Drew (platonically of course) but a romantic option would add to the pain!

I’m not forcing myself at all! Sometimes I find these rare gems that have such an interesting story and great replaying value that I just have to do it. And maybe it’s just me, but it seems like I don’t have a save option. But the option to skip to chapter two sounds wonderful as well! :smile:

Wow, I adore games that let you do that. Thank you so much :two_hearts:

image

Oh… that is dark. You’re a great writer, and the ideas you present sound great. It seems excessive, personally I would want to add it in if you’re okay with it. Something about dehumanizing a human being is so morbid to me. If the theme you’re going for is shedding light on the dark, negative aspects of the world and media, then I say this would fit right in. I’d get it if the relative was very distant and maybe young, like a morbidly curious teenager or a kid since young people are often curious. If it was an adult however, wow, that’d be worse. In the end, this is your game, do you like the idea? If you’re still concerned about whether or not the people will like this, maybe host a poll? :0

Oh, that’s the tricky part. Sometimes a character will have a personality trait the reader doesn’t appreciate. And since the story relies on us liking Drew, it’d be a shame if they became less likeable. Maybe let the player vaguely imply what Drew’s personality is like in their perspective? So it’d fit what the player likes, but it isn’t so prominent that it drastically changes Drew’s character or the story.

Like for example:

“You’ve always thought Drew’s strongest side was his/her/their…”

Option 1. Funny sense of humor
Option 2. Stubborn determination
Option 3. Kind heart

etc etc

10 Likes

Sounds good! Tho I think an argument with them will be too much. Maybe you could just have MC watching them, really furious, but realizing getting into a fight with then it’s not what Drew would have wanted. And maybe after what happened with the news reporter you could write MC thinking (or telling to their aunt) what you just wrote here, you know: “It’s like Drew is not a human anymore, just entertainment for the masses”

I’m so excited for this demo! And Thank you so much for asking our feedback/opinions :heart:

2 Likes

@Lycoris Oooh, nice update! :grin::+1:

The funeral scene was interesting, and not something I generally see in fiction. In fiction, funerals tend to be somber, serious, mourning affairs without…well, without the lack of empathy of the future distant relative, without the nasty reporter, etc… THIS funeral was bringing back memories and felt much more…uh, real, or at least more relatable to my life than I would ever expect a funeral scene to be. :sweat_smile: So…good job portraying something not often portrayed.

And…some cliffhanger Lycoris! Look forward he next update! :grin:

Edit: And I think you should give the MC the option to have had a crush on Drew. Sure it’s sad, but that part won’t be mandatory, just an option for people who want to go that way. :slightly_smiling_face:

5 Likes

At first I thought it would be kinda cliché to give that option, but you know, there’s something fascinating about heartbreak and things that could have been but didn’t because of circumstances bigger than the people involved.

After seeing how well-received was Drew, I’m much more inclined to add it :smile:

I’ve consulted other users, and it seems that the Save System doesn’t work if you compile the game, so it’s not only you, don’t worry. For testing purposes, I’ll let players jump straight to chapter 2, and depending on how long the rest are, every 2-3.

I like them a lot too, I find that a bit of customization makes the MC easier to relate with (or create a whole different character for the story). But I’ll try to give the option to skip it altogether for those who aren’t interested in it.

I would like to include it, but I also want to make the story as organic as possible, without making some elements feel repetitive or overused. I think they are two different scenes that would go well together, but the elements they share in common would have to be handled with care :thinking:

And yes, it’s an adult who tries to do that. It’s a distant relative around the age of Imani, a bit older, and the gossiping kind. Like a very nosy neighbor that is always ready to judge you/tattle on you.

That’s a great idea, thank you! :smile:

@Flinx that scene isn’t automatically available for everyone: the player will only see it if they decide to check on Drew first (and not talk to Imani). I first thought about giving the player the option to argue with that woman or not (in order to avoid making ruckus). In case they did, the argument would rise the MC’s temper so much they could lash out at Ethan Davis when he appears, punching him. But bringing Eddie into it sounds good too :thinking:

I should be the one to thank you all for your dedicated and input! You’re helping me a great deal to polish the game and make it much better! :hug:

@buggygirl11 thank you for dropping by :slight_smile: what can I say, I like writing about dysfunctional families and/or uninvolved relatives, I find them closer to reality, or as you said, more relatable. Good parents are nice to write about, but they don’t give you the same game nor insight about how awful people can be (starting by your household itself). It sure does help set the mood, don’t you think? :wink:

I’ll try to push the next update before October ends, with a few more options (like being in love with Drew) and variations depending on stats/previous choices, and that scene.

I have a better idea of what to do, (the current idea is the MC overhearing one of Drew’s distant relatives gossiping about the state Drew’s remains are in, even willing to share the morbid details. As the MC is about to give her a good earful, Eddie intervenes, followed by the MC expressing how everyone seems to have forgotten that Drew was a person. And when Ethan Davis, if that scene has been seen, more extreme reactions will be available).

I think that it will work much better now, but as people say, you never know how it will turn out until it’s done :upside_down_face:

I hope you have a great day! :smile:

9 Likes

Hey, sometimes cliché can be good! Besides, it isn’t unrealistic either. The way MC seems to adore Drew, the way we see them as this perfect person who’s capable or going into Harvard, it might be cliché but honestly in such a situation it’d also be realistic and understandable.

also I agree with what you said about heartbreak. It’s already sad enough to think about what Drew could’ve done, become, and achieve if they were still alive…

The idea sounds great. If you’re worried about it being repetitive just change some aspects of the scene but keep the core elements. It seems that you’ve already done it with the current new idea you have for the scene, though.

Yay! I’m so excited to sob until I have no tears left to cry. And please don’t feel stressed, I’m so thankful I stumbled upon such an emotional and amazing story :cry:

5 Likes

Definitely, I also think this will do the job!

No problem! I really like to help, specially when it’s about writing character development or world building. Since this game is all about the first, I can’t be more excited about it!

So true. A cliché that’s well done is exquisite to read. It can be kind of tricky writing it tho!

2 Likes

@Lycoris Oh, and my answers to your polls…

As for bringing the RO into the vengeance plan…well, of course whether you SHOULD tell a particular RO depends. Some of those ROs look more likely to be understanding than others, just saying. :grin: But if the RO would understand and you think it’s more likely that they’d be helpful than turn you in…well, some people could prefer to carry out their vengeance with a partner rather than alone. The workload is split in half, you have someone to do the things you suck at ideally, you have someone to talk to about all the thoughts and ideas going through your mind about the vengeance rather than stew in them, you can vent your fear by screaming and cursing at them the night before (if you’re a bit of an asshole :rofl:), etc.

If you are able to trust them, they can watch your back. If you are unable to do that…well, then then THAT can be a rather huge issue of course. :sweat_smile: (It can make lots of drama for the story though.)

As for Ethan Davis, he made me think about how many real reporters are like that and what could bring them to that point. Just a global lack of empathy that existed long before they began their job? Completely numbed by seeing sooo much death and trauma and disaster on a daily basis to report on it? Desperation and immense pressure to get a good story or they won’t make a living? :thinking: Rhetorical questions, but it did make me think.

8 Likes

I don’t know if it’s me being too emotional as always and going to deep into.everything I read or if it’s that the story and the way it is written is exceptionally good, because I began crying when the main character discovered what happened to their friend. The worst is that close friends dying in such conditions actually happens, and it is sad that there is people losing their hope constantly. :see_no_evil:

6 Likes

That ending though…WHAT.

4 Likes

I know right… we’re just gonna have to wait for the update! :sweat: :anguished:

1 Like

@Fay, @Flinx I also had an initial idea of adding a sleepover option in the prologue, where the MC can get Drew to stay the night and end up confessing to them. It was going to be sweet and angsty and ultimately heart-breaking, but it didn’t make the cut because I thought it would be too much for the prologue. I might come back someday and implement it, or work around it :wink:

@buggygirl11 the game is very character-driven, so the RO’s are almost a necessity; while they aren’t directly tied to the plot the same way Drew is, they are a very useful for the MC’s plans. And well, there are ways to effectively shut people, right? :smiling_imp:

It won’t be the last time we see Davis, and he can get much worse or better, who knows. While I wouldn’t say he’s malicious per se, he’s one of the most unethical characters in the game, but even people like that can be helpful/useful. Maybe even depending on your choices he can change his perfidious ways.

@Azumi_Tanaka Aw, aren’t you nice, you’ll make me blush :hugs: I’m glad you like the game, thank you very much for playing! Indeed, it’s a sad things that such things happen, in part it was my intention for the game, whose tone is a biiit sad and bleak at the beginning.

@Baam you can’t trust anyone!


I don’t have a lot to share yet, but I’m quite happy with the progress done :smile: Once college starts picking up the pace I won’t have a lot of time, so I’ve to make the best of it while I can.

What’s new: one of the two scenes left to finish chapter 1 isn’t done yet, and I’ve already reached 10k words! With a bit of luck chapter 1 be 15.000 :star_struck: But it’s kinda messy, I hope that everything makes sense and all the labels are correct (so if you happen to find something VERY strange that isn’t related to your choices, it’s more than likely a wrong label command).

Have a good day! :upside_down_face:

15 Likes

Let me just say that it sounds like the best yet bittersweet prologue ever. Does Drew reject us?? Do they change the subject to avoid having the conversation?? Who knows, cause we’ll never know :cry: And it does sound kind of heavy as a prologue. Maybe implement the scene as a flashback if that’s possible in a future chapter? Like when MC reminisces about Drew there’ll be an option to choose if we liked them or not and if we confessed. If that doesn’t work could you upload the scene elsewhere cause I really wanna read it, pretty please? :sob:

Aw, good luck author! I hope college is going smoothly for you!

Yay!

image

9 Likes

Agreed. Maybe it could be a scene for waaay later in the game tho Too bad we can’t romance Drew xD cus, you know… they kinda dead… Unless??? I’m confused about that cliffhanger! Are they a ghost??? Ughh I really wanna know the intrigue is killing me!! :rofl:

And since we’re talking about crushes… What are you planning to do with the RO’S? I know it is a bit too early to ask this but I can’t help but feel curious about what are going to be the differences between the romance paths. I think one of the RO’S was a bully? I don’t remember that well but I’m specially curious about him lol.

And yay for you writing the next part! I’m so excited and can’t wait to read it! Now, if you excuse moi, I have French class tomorrow and I need to wake up at 7 am :sleeping: Bye bye!

3 Likes

You could romance drew in a series of dreams or flashbacks. Although it seems like the game is one giant flashback, so having flashbacks in the flashbacks might seem a bit much.

I’m assuming the cliff hanger is a dream or you are becoming a whack-a-doodle. Because really if it is anything else the game loses a whole bunch. A game about revenge where the person we are getting revenge for is alright?

Maybe Drew has a secret identical twin that wants revenge too! :stuck_out_tongue:

4 Likes
Cliffhanger talk

I’m going for ghost!Drew who cannot pass on until their or mc’s ‘wish’ is granted. I’m guessing it could serve as more motivation for mc to go through with it.

That, or mc is so broken with grief that they are envisioning Drew and that the vision will only fade if mc succeeds in getting revenge or whatever else… that would be a good heartbreaker too.

Speaking of heartbreakers, I already headcannon my dude as having an unspoken crush on Drew so having that option would be awesome. Well, not for mc but for me…

Angst and sadness fuel me.

Though, I wouldn’t object to a ‘happy end’ or something like that :wink:

6 Likes

About cliffhanger. Heh, i think that Drew is a vision, a product of MCs psychological trauma is nice version too. Would be nice to discuss a plan of revenge with them, probably they will try to persuade of to stop and move on. Like this trope(hope used right word).

7 Likes

Reminds me so much of Anohana, though!

Same! Team “I had a crush on Drew but they’re dead so now I’m crying” rise up!

Oh, this, I relate to this. It’s like spicy food. Hurts so bad but you can’t stop consuming it…

2 Likes

I like the idea that cliffhanger is a projection of MC’s mind but it’s also a little bit weird? What I’m trying to say is, I’m going to put myself as an example, my beloved pet died almost recently but I don’t see her as a “ghost” around the house lol. Maybe other people would have?
So, I don’t know if this story it’s going to take the supernatural path but if Drew is indeed a ghost, that could help for MC’S character development. She could be in denial about his death and out of nowhere, boom! What? Ghost Drew??? That would drive MC crazy. We’re being so mean to MC for suggesting this xD but as many had said here, the sadder the story, the better.
I think Drew is the type of character that pushes the protagonist to have a character development. I’m not saying this is bad, because it’s not (a lot of storys have characters like this, for example, Ortega from fallen hero. And you see people hating their existence? Nuh uh) but sometimes authors forget to give this characters a development for themselves. It’s impossible for them to have a very complicated evolution (they’re not the protagonist, after all) but I would like to feel that at the end of the story, I’ve got to know Drew not only to feel pity for him but as a complete person.

Also, the question about the other RO’s still there hahaha, tho I’ll understand if @Lycoris doesn’t have an answer yet.

2 Likes

Worse, Drew likes you back. Then the rest of the game happens :confused:

I think it’s a good scene, I might implement it in the prologue but leave it a bit vague, and then in another flashback (like @Vyndral mentions) show a more detailed scene. Or I might write it as a short story someday.

I plan awful stuff, of course :smile:

The ROs have different roles in the story and can help the MC with their plans (unknowingly or not, who knows), plus all the inter-personal bonding. There are some tasks that only certain RO can do, but it isn’t 100% necessary to romance them to get them to help you: friendship is important too! (It’s what starts the game, right? :laughing:)

You’re talking about Rami, right? He isn’t a bully, never was (the incident where he beat up two other students is kept tightly under wraps). In fact, he used to be a very good student, but… Things happened, and he got almost expelled for it (yet managed to get only held back a year).

What a great plot-twist, don’t you think so? :wink: The ultimate evil character would be Drew!

I like the talk you all are having about the cliffhanger, if brings some interesting theories as for why Drew appears. Does it have a psychological explanation like @Vyndral and @Langre, or it goes more towards the supernatural @Ninja1 suspects?

You’re absolutely right :smile: The very first idea I had for them was that they were what made the player take action, an enabler. And as such, not only they kick-start the whole plot, but are what force the MC’s development.

The only issue with these types of characters, these enablers, is that they tend to be “flat” (they don’t change, they don’t go from good to worse not from bad to better), they are good enough the way they are (so they don’t need many changes). Indeed, it’s a bit difficult to show character development without losing the essence that makes them the enablers, but I totally get what you mean! I hope I can meet your expectations :smile:

14 Likes