Nothing left (to burn) [WiP] — July 16 update!

Played through it again, I fricking love it! It’s been said a lot of times but you’re really good at writing, at capturing emotions and making the story flow together.

Thingies


Shouldn’t it be ‘something’?

MC with Periwinkle

20200801_093428

Edit) Has it been mentioned what colour eyes Bethany has? Also, are Drew’s curls tight or of the wavy sort?

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Alright guys, time to diagnose the MC!

1.) Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) - Classic BPD

The MC actually was showing signs of this long before Drew’s death. Idealizing Drew to the extent where they seem to literally think he’s flawless, a strong tendency to think that people they dislike are pure scum with zero redeeming qualities, cutting themselves, a suicide attempt, bouts of extreme anxiety, lots and lots of ORIGINALLY buried anger at those at St. Mary’s. There are signs, between the self harm and blaming themselves for not going to Drew’s rescue when they were having a paralyzing anxiety attack, that the MC has very low self esteem.

AFTER Drew’s death, all of this gets exasterbated. Some MCs are dissociating from their emotions, others are showing exasterbated rapid mood swings - both of which are traits of BPD. Trying to illegally avenge Drew’s death either all on their own or with the help of an equally inexperienced teenage accomplice is impulsive risk-taking behavior to the extreme - they are a teenager with no real knowledge about HOW TO GET AWAY WITH THIS, just pure passionate emotional desire for vengeance.

BPD Traits:
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) or the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour coverered in Criterion 5)
[going on a revenge quest once Drew is gone from their lives, possibly saying they’d commit suicide if Drew left them at the beginning]
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
[Drew is highly idealized to an unrealistic extent, the bullies & the reporter are devalued and thought of as absolute vile scum, & the relationship with Drew is…a tad intense given the MC is willing to risk prison to avenge them]

  1. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
    [a bit unclear, but the MC does seem to have very low self esteem]
    4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour coverered in Criterion 5)
    [breaking and entering, punching reporters in public, making plans to injure bullies, possible future arson, possible future homicide]
    5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour
    [cutting, previous suicide attempt, possibly saying they’d commit suicide if Drew left them at the beginning]
    6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

[the MC goes through intense periods of depression, anxiety, rage, intense love, burning hatred, despair, self-blame, etc.]

  1. Chronic feelings of emptiness
    8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g. frequent displays of temper,constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
    [uhh…this entire story is kicked off by the MC’s intense rage and inability to control it]

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
[refusing to believe Drew’s death is a suicide & insisting he must have been murdered + some MCs dissociate and become disconnected from their emotions temporarily after Drew’s death]

7/9 Traits, The Other 2 Possibly Also True

Type: Classic BPD

BPD involves rage, and a lot of it. Classic BPD is the type of BPD that involves EXTERNALIZING this rage and lashing out at others. (Whereas those with Quiet BPD usually INTERNALIZE their rage and bury it inside.) Given our MC is off on a vindictive spree, I think we can safely say they are externalizing their rage! :laughing:

https://bpdfoundation.org.au/diagnostic-criteria.php

2.) Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) - Psychotic Depression

After Drew’s death, the MC becomes severely depressed & hopeless. That much is abundantly clear. They are basically crushed and feel like they have, well, “nothing left.” This is more than just normal grief, given the lengths the MC is willing to go to due to feeling they have nothing left to live for.

Seeing Drew’s ghost might be actually a real phenommenon that isn’t explainable by science. Buuuut since the neurotypical (NT) population can’t see ghosts, and it’s been mentioned that the ghost may torment the MC…it would be classified as Psychotic Depression if the MC described it in a therapist’s office - mood congruent psychosis that reinforces depression, began ONLY when the person became clinically depressed, and happens ONLY when they are in a severely depressed state.

3.) Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - PTSD NOS

Criterion A: stressor (one required)

The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s):

1.) Direct exposure
2.) Witnessing the trauma
3.) Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma [Drew’s Murder/Suicide]
4.) Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics)

Criterion B: intrusion symptoms (one required)

The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s):

1.) Unwanted upsetting memories
2.) Nightmares
3.) Flashbacks
4.) Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders [the bullies]
5.) Physical reactivity after exposure to traumatic reminders [panic attack on sight of the bullies]

Criterion C: avoidance (one required)

Avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):

1.) Trauma-related thoughts or feelings [seeking revenge instead of trying to process their feelings in a “healthy” way]
2.) Trauma-related external reminders

Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood (two required)

Negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

1.) Inability to recall key features of the trauma
2.) Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world
3.) Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma
4.) Negative affect
5.) Decreased interest in activities [MC’s focus is becoming slowly consumed by a singular pursuit of revenge - their interest in other activities diminishing]
6.) Feeling isolated
7.) Difficulty experiencing positive affect

Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity

Trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

1.) Irritability or aggression
2.) Risky or destructive behavior
3.) Hypervigilance
4.) Heightened startle reaction
5.) Difficulty concentrating
6.) Difficulty sleeping

DSM-5 Criteria for PTSD | BrainLine

Type: PTSD Not Otherwise Specified

Some traumatic events come with ripples that can touch people hours or days after the issue has been resolved. These people might clean up after tornadoes, collect bodies from crime scenes, comfort rape victims, or listen to their loved ones discuss a traumatic event. These people were not direct witnesses, but they can be profoundly touched by the things they experience in the aftermath of the event.

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Im loving the update. You are so talented and i never thought id wanna kill some teenagers , being i have one, but yet here we are. Die teenage scum lol… you have yet again broke my heart , good job. I wanted my mc with anger issues :smiling_imp::smiling_imp:

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The main critique point I have is in one section Where you witness Drew getting bullied, getting a headwound and your character getting their name; faces you with an false choice. You can either go and help, try to call the police or not do anything because your legs have frozen up. I clicked on on the first option but the text I got made my investment in this section irrelevant because what ever I would choose my character would always stand there frozen up not doing anything and just listening to this entire scene where the gang is bullying Drew. It’s heavyhanded drawn out and pushed me atleast, out of the experience because the first two choices are false choices as the character is alawys going to act one way and not have our options have an meaningful impact in this section any way shape or form. Why was there even a choice when we the choice we made didn’t really matter anyway? I get the purpose of the scene, but because of the illusion of choice I was knocked right out of it causing the scene too lose it’s intended impact and be recieved by me as overly long and hamfisted.

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One Thousand Blooms was incredible! Actually your writing is so amazing that I’m now hooked up not not only on Nothing Left to Burn, but also this new game :heart: Good luck with all your work! :blush:

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Concept is mind blowing buddy love the message ur providing through this game. Waiting for future updates.

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Thank you for playing and reporting the typos and mistakes! Also, I remember you did a drawing of Drew, but I’m not sure if I got permission to put it in the main post. Would you like to, or would rather I don? :thinking: You can refuse, don’t worry!

Really fascinating, thank you for the post! What do you guys think, does it fit the MC or not? :upside_down_face:

Haha, thank you for the praise! Don’t worry, you’ll be able to make your MC like that :wink:

I see your point. I’m not very fond of fake choices in general, but they have their uses. In this particular case, it’s more like all choices lead to a fail scene (dropping your phone, courage failing, unable to move from the start), but I want to think they don’t do exactly the same yet lead to the same outcome. Although… yeah, if we sum it up, that’s kind of a fake choice, isn’t it?

Even so, I made it that way because I believe it’s necessary, both narrative wise and game wise. On the one hand, even if the action is null, it’s important for character development, I let the players either at least try to help or totally freeze; on the other hand, it’s important for the story that the MC is unable to do anything. They think they’ve progressed a lot since their time at St. Mary’s, that they are halfway done healing and forgetting, but the truth is a lot uglier. They progressed, yeah, but the path is a loooot longer than they expected, and that scene makes them realize that they are nowhere the middle point, they still fear and freeze and panic when the bullies appear. The illusion of choice is there because it exists in-game, the MC is the first one to fall into that trap.

Except this one issue, what do you recommend to make it less hamfisted and less heavy-handed :thinking:

You’ll make me blush :hugs: Thank you for cheering me on, you’re adorable!

Thank you! I’ll keep working to make it worth your time :grin:

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You’re welcome!

Preferably not. Looking back made me realise how bad it looks ^_^’

I’m currently drawing Drew with long hair, it’s not finished yet but it already looks a bit better than my previous attempt.

Drew with long hair

Such a shame she had to cut it.

Question for science: what colour are Bethany’s eyes?

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If I may add my opinion on the matter, I thought this specific fake choice was very impactful. So I agree with you, it IS important for the MC’s developement.
It was heartbreaking not to be able to do anything, but while the end result is the same anyway, the process of getting there makes a capital change.
I would suggest against changing it, but if people have good ideas you’d like to consider, of course that’s good too!

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Hello! Just created an account here to tell you the author that I absolutely loved your story! Hit all the right places and really made me tear up for the first time in a while while reading! I really look forward to reading this whole story in its entirety haha ^^

Just wanted to ask though, I’ve spotted a couple of grammatical errors/typos as well as a couple of instances where the expressions used were kind of awkward. I know how much effort you have to put in to bring us this story so I just wanted to ask if there is any way I can help especially with small mistakes like these! Is it possible to create a Google Docs for a small group of people with the various scenes so that we have a platform to suggest changes to fix typos etc? If not that’s okay as well!

P.S your story really reminded me of the song “One Headlight” by the Wallflowers
https://youtu.be/Zzyfcys1aLM

My poor heart breaks for the MC and Drew :frowning: Not sure I can even bring myself to pursue any other ROs, will it be an option to not pursue anyone?

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I think changing the way the choices are presented is the better way, rather than leaving it as a fake-choice that might end up breaking immersion.

In this case, the point I feel you are trying to drive home is that the character we are playing has significant trauma that they aren’t yet able to overcome. So I think removing the illusion of choice and actually providing context with only one choice available might be better. I mean I guess you can write three choices that basically end the same, but the result should always be on the table. Example:

A: I want to move but my legs don’t listen to me.
B: I want to call the police but my hands are locked/balled into fists/on my mouth so that I don’t puke…
C: … etc.

This does give the player the range of reactions their character is feeling inside their mind, but also makes it clear to them that their character is unable to realise that choice due to trauma. In this case, instead of a false choice, you have an actual choice where you decide “what your character thinks about the situation and wants to do about it but isn’t able to” rather than seemingly deciding “what your character is going to do” and then making them unable to do it. It’s a simple matter of giving players agency whenever you can, however you can.

By doing it this way, I believe you can both drive the point home but also give players the agency they need in order to immerse themselves in the world and in the character. While this is talking about a specific choice in a specific situation, I believe that making choices like this can help in every situation as what makes CYOAs and other RPGs so popular and unique is that unlike other game types, they give the player agency.

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That’s an interesting approach on that! Though I think I’d prefer if the choice didn’t change?
I feel like that feeling of helplessness is way stronger when you don’t know beforehand the action will fail - that’s one of the reasons that part left such a strong impression on me.
I wouldn’t hate it if it was changed to something like what you’re suggesting, but I would certainly like it less.
I don’t remember the exact phrasing of the choices, but if it was to be changed, and if it isn’t what’s already in place, then maybe have a prompr saying something like “I/you have to do something!”, and the actual choices being “I/you’ll try to (…)”.
Trying instead of actually doing implies failure is a thing that may happen.

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I would like the option to fight even if i get beat even if i fail i would make sure i give them a wound any wound at all just so that they will always remember i did that to them. Cause i have never backed down from a fight ever in my life even if i was beaten i always give them a wound.

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I want to fight them too but I think for the sake of story it is better not to be on their radar to soon.

Mary-Ann taunted Drew about the MC not being by their side, so they didn’t see them together in the store, which is a good thing. They also didn’t see MC near the hallway. The group knows they are friends but not how close and how often MC and Drew see eachother. This all can allow MC to strike from the shadows, without being on their radar. If they knew MC is protective of Drew they would certainly figure out their revenge plan early on and/or be more on guard.

I’d love to go down fighting, but striking from the shadows without them realising what has happened until it’s too late seems like one of the best options. It’s all or nothing.

(Yes, I am taking this very seriously ^_^’)

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I am taking this very seriously as well they messed with my Drew and i will make them burn all of them.

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!! It’s a wonderful drawing, she looks adorable :heavy_heart_exclamation: :heart_eyes: :heart:

Right now I’m not sure if I mentioned it or not, but Bethany’s eyes are hazel.

Thank you for sharing your opinion! As for now, I don’t want to change the choices because I like them as they are, but I’m open to suggestions to make the scene less ham-fisted or improve it overall :smile:

Hello, and welcome to the forums! Hope you’re having a good time, and thank you for your kind words, you’re too sweet :blush: The song is amazing, thank you for sharing! It fits the story a lot!

I’m not a Native speaker and it shows, so any help is appreciated! Maybe I could make a private group for people interested, because I know that’s a lot of work. Now I have to learn how to share a Doc, but I’m awful with technology :laughing:

Yeah, it’s possible to choose to not romance anyone at all, don’t worry!

@Angelicon Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’ll keep them in mind! @Konoi wrote what I exactly wanted to transmit to the player, so in this case I won’t alter the choices, but I’ll remember what you said for other options! Any suggestion as for how to make that scene less heavy-handed or smoother without changingthe options? :thinking:

It would be cool to implement that option, but as @Ninja1 pointed out, I can’t let the MC fight back. Not yet. Kudos to you @Ninja1, you figured out why I wanted to hide the MC from the bullies! :wink: You will be able to make them pay later, don’t worry!!


Sorry for now being very active here, not only I’ve been spending more time on Tumblr as of late, but I went on a vacation for 10 days and didn’t have a lot of signal.

I’ve polished a bit the fortune teller scene and I’m making some progress, but there’s still a lot to do until I finish it. It’s still early to tell, but my first guess if that Chapter 3 will be around 25k words too, maybe 35k, because the branching alone is taking up to 15k-20k words.

I also want to run some polls :smile:

Who do you usually pick as your Drew?

  • Audrey
  • Andrew
  • Andrea
0 voters

Which RO piques your interest the most? You can pick two. Drew isn’t included for obvious reasons :wink:

  • Livvy
  • Kiyo
  • Tate
  • Rami
  • Alexis
  • ???
0 voters

Have a good day and stay safe!

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Hooooly crap! I just read through again after a long time (I’d forgotten most of the things that happened in the story) and the dream scene actually made me believe what had happened was a lie and Drew was actually alive :sob:

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The current demo has a lot of new and shiny content! And yep, I got you good at the dream sequence, didn’t I? :wink:


Thank you for participating in the polls! Audrey and Andrew are really close, with Audrey winning by a small margin, which surprised me a bit. Guess that Andrew’s fans are just more vocal both in the game’s thread and Tumblr! Glad to see that Audrey is getting lots of love too! :heart:

As for the other ROs, I’m surprised to see that ??? got almost 50% of the votes. Wonder why… it’s the mystery? It’s not knowing what they are named what makes them so appealing? What if I told you guys that the secret RO is Mary-Ann’s (even more) evil twin!? :rofl:

Hehe, have a nice day!

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Ok am I crazy or did anyone else not understand who the RO’s were? I got with Drew but I don’t remember any RO’s.

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I believe the ROs come a little later in the story

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