Just read this for the first time and I’m really digging the creepy vibe. Keep it up!
I think we’re still dead…
Hm… an interesting theory for sure. But why is the town killing people? Or… did MC only see the town because they were dead already? 
Some people just want to see the world burn…or in this case, some towns just want to kill unsuspecting PCs.
As for why, maybe something occult-related? The town is probably hosting a spirit which requires life energy to survive?
Hello, I just wanted to clear up some confusion!
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The town curse pretty much takes unsuspecting people and traps them there. And if they die they simply come back to life after a certain amount of time. More details about this will be explored in future updates
! -
The short (and non-spoilery) answer I can give as to why the town is like that is along the lines ‘supernatural mysticism’…but there may or may not be more to that. And that’s for the MC to find out.
I hope that explains a few things but if you have any other questions, feel free to reach out through PM or any other of the social media sites I have linked! Thank you so much for your replies and I wish you a good day 
!
11 Likes
First time reading the demo, and like others have said, love the tension build up and the environment! The GPS malfunctioning and the sign discovery is just wonderfully creepy 
Couple small writing/grammar things in the scene where M is looking back at the library:
Micah stopped in his tracks once he felt a sudden wave of heat wash over him. The stench of what he knew were burning embers assaulted his nose, causing the man to cover his face with the hand that’s currently not holding onto his cane.
Completely just a suggestion, but I think you can shorten the end of the last sentence to help the flow. You can probably just write “causing the {gender} to cover {her/his} face with {her/his} free hand”. Or else if you wanted to reiterate the presence of their cane, maybe “with the hand not holding {her/his} cane” ? But again, definitely just an opinion!
He knew what direction it was coming from. And to think that he was sitting so close to library just a few moments prior.
I think this might be missing a “the” before library? As in “And to think that he was sitting so close to the library just a few moments prior.”
He did regret not staying longer to try and get to know her more, but His instincts were screaming at him to leave.
Stray pronoun capitalization?
His only consolation was knowing that she were going to come back regardless of how she died. He can’t possibly imagine how she would be react when realizing what just happened to her. What fate she’s now saddle with.
This might be a pronoun thing too, since “were” in this case would work for they/them pronouns, but not grammatically with she and he (in that case, it should be “knowing that she/he was going to come back”. If you don’t want to mess with creating a way for the “were” to become “was” in that case, you can probably rewrite it as “His only consolation was knowing that {she/he/they} would come back regardless of how {she/he/they} died.” But I don’t want to overwrite how you wanted that to come across if the “would” doesn’t work!
And there’s an extra “be” there at the end that you don’t need. It’s fine with just “how {she/he/they} would react” 
I hope that helps/is hopefully not overstepping! I’m so excited to see where this story goes!!
2 Likes
Don’t worry about it! I really do appreciate you taking your time to point out these mistakes for me. Like I mentioned before, English isn’t my first language so sometimes things would make more sense in my brain than it does in my writing.
Yes you’re correct. I’ll fix that!
As for the other suggestions, I’ll see what I can do to make the sentences flow more smoothly. Thank you so much again for the comment and for checking my WIP out! I wish you a great day !
Thank you! A lot of people seem to like those parts a lot so I’m glad I am writing the atmosphere correctly haha.
7 Likes
A very, very minor update today. Nothing really worth replaying again (Not unless you want to anyway haha)
- Bug fixes
- General grammar and spelling changes throughout.
- Changed the library scene to remove the unfinished choice. I simply couldn’t write anything for that right now. It might come back someday, it might not.
- Added 2 achievements to test out that system. For now, there is one visible achievement and one hidden achievement.
Also, in order to celebrate a follower milestone on my Tumblr, I held a poll to decide which RO did people wanted to see a special childhood snippet based on. Sterling had won, so this was the result! Hope you enjoy! (The other ROs will have their own eventually)
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i admit that the library seen made me feel goosebumps like wow, that’s a pretty scary way to go.
As mundane as it is, i’m kinda glad that the MC/PC (which one do you prefer?) packed some clothes on their way to their parents’ place. i dont know why they have the means to change clothing is a relief to me.
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I’m currently loving the demo so far 
. The prologue already pulled me in just with the first few lines, the ominous scenes and athmosphere are perfectly crafted and you already feel strongly about characters you hardly met. I can’t wait to see where this goes!
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I don’t think I have ever commented on here, which is a sin, to say the least, because this is a damn great wip so far.
I love the characters already; I love the atmosphere in the city and of the prologue. I was especially fond of the broken navi and the glitching text to go with. I’m looking forward to what you will do with this, and what will happen next!
Keep up the good work! 
6 Likes
I LOVE this story and am eagerly looking forward to more. I’m super stoked to have met the RO’s and Sterling has been my fave so far. The parent scene… wow my heart hurts. The teenagers are cool too and I can’t wait to meet more citizens! The ending of the update is intense, I can’t wait to see what comes next.
4 Likes
I love this WIP, love the concept and what i’ve seen of the characters! and so far I’m really enjoying the MC options, often that can be the weakest link in cs games but I feel like the MC options are solid! can’t wait to read more, really looking forward to finding out what’s going on 
3 Likes
I love this story so much. I just replayed to check the other meeting scenes and even though M is probably still my favorite I really like P now. That interlude is still heartbreaking 
.
Can’t wait to see what’s next for my MC!
10 Likes
I did some more bug and typo fixes because there were apparently more than I was expecting.
The biggest change I did was that I included the option where you now can input your own pronouns! I admit that I’m still learning how to do this properly so if anyone had any suggestions/advice on how to improve on it then I would greatly appreciate it!
In addition, I had added a proper chapter header (For CH1 only so far), made by yours truly. I hope you guys like it!
I also had commissioned the ‘official’ artist to draw out those three new people you meet during the latest update! I put it under the dropdown because of potential spoilers.
One last thing (Latest update spoilers)…I suggest checking your stats screen from time to time if you haven’t already. You might find something…interesting.
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Ow… ; - ;
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Ooooh yes I love the stats update. I seriously love this story thank you for making this.
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very fun game! the part where the MC’s GPS glitched and it said : we’re waiting for you sorta creeped me out 
11 Likes
This definitely hit the creepy vibes and dying by burning? Yikes! Not the best way to go but then again, we’re probably gonna experience a lot of deaths here and don’t think I forgot one of the kids… uhh Oliver or Noel?? (I forgot already) Almost said that while they’re in the playground that he snapped his neck.
I love this already and I’m thirsting for more!
4 Likes
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