Monsters(WIP)- updated 04/27/17 -Link is updated



Hmmmm… how to address this matter?

Children’s books aren’t written for fifty year olds to enjoy… even if some do think they’re entering their second childhood. Or basically, some people gravitate more towards certain types of stories. I’ll take it as a compliment, though, that someone frustrated with the story is enjoying something about it enough to seek a version more in line with their ideal.

The story being far from finished, though, the pacing for failure is something I’ll want to gain feedback on closer to when the story is finished, and how content or frustrated people are in making their way through the story with game-saving at a finalized stage. Presently, regardless of one’s personal feelings about it, a significant portion of ‘bad endings’ are avoidable through saving often and reloading to make a different choice. There are plenty of distinguishably wrong choices, yes, but there are far more than one way through. The one ‘good’ ending so far- aye, it’s hard to get. It ends the game still in chapter 1. Worth aiming for if you want all the achievements, I suppose… but that misses most of the story.

I guess people could be rather polarized on the matter. Those that are frustrated and those that enjoy the challenge. The story will be what it will be, and any way it goes, no matter how, someone won’t like something. Still- eventually, gathering some bulk opinions on the state of certain things, like apparent difficulty, will help me make sure I’ve maintained a happy fan-base. : )


That’s a relief. I’d hate to think I’ve overstayed my forum welcome or am getting the cold shoulder or something. Or worse…that my writing is experiencing a quality decline! :scream: (Occasionally the overanalyzing is less beneficial in RL than it is in COG. :blush:)

Okay, sure. I’m probably most adept at characterization too…I mean, every writeup is me writing a character’s inner monologue. :smile: A very much mentally atypical character, as I’m sure you have noticed. I don’t think I would be nearly as good at writing normal people’s inner monologues…I never know what they’re thinking. Shallow drivel about the latest trends and derisive remarks about those who don’t fit their narrow vision of what people should be like, I suspect. :roll_eyes:

Mmm…if you didn’t already know all about creative writing methodology, I guess I can assume that you don’t have a formal college background in it either? :thinking: I took ONE creative writing class as an elective…my professor hated me because he thought I shared an attitude that a character whose POV I was writing from had. The professor just didn’t understand that even when I’m writing a view I personally don’t believe in, if the character DOES believe it-they have their reasons, and it would be bad writing if those reasons were straw caricatures. Sigh. So after that experience I decided that if I already knew that and the professor didn’t, maybe I was better off being self-taught and learning from trial and error.

Do you ever have conversations with your characters in your head? I do a lot with mine-it’s how I get their inner voice down. Which can be…an interesting exercise if it turns out the character dislikes me or has an abrasive attitude. :sweat_smile: (I’m kind of arguing with Chelsea on and off. She wants to do my posts where I analyze the characters herself! She’s a piece of work, you know? She’s also the MC I would most likely be friends with…but she’s a piece of work.)


I really enjoyed the game mainly from the troubled relationship of MC with Sonya.

I just hope that when MC gets a relationship with Sonya she will be faithful to MC. . . What I find difficult

PS: Sorry my bad english I’m Brazilian


Hmm. Seems to me that if fifty year olds are still reading children’s books, then they certainly still have gusto, even without needing a second childhood.
In saying this, and after quite a long time, I have made a very strong and accurate markdown of this WIP.

I went through the story again dozens of times. Taking up a few hours a day, I decided I would write down all the points where you die in the story.

Since this was all done on paper, all death areas were highlighted red, areas leading to potential death were highlighted in yellow, and sorry to say, there was so little green I hardly bothered with it.

In saying that, these aren’t my personal feelings. I spoke with several authors whom I know, and they had near close opinions to the same sentiment of too much death on one story, saying that equality must be in the story regardless of what the writer wants, as in the end, yes, some may think it is about the writer, but it is the audience that truly matters.

As of now I have over eight pages of double sided commentary of when and where in the story all the death points are.
I will probably continue to look for more (if there is any) and have a write up once I finish my overall analysis.


Ooooh someone’s in trouble (you), I think:/


Alright, Jack’s up next for me to speculate on what’s going on with him psychologically.

(1) Haltlose Personality Disorder

Haltlose personality disorder is an ICD-10 personality disorder in which affected individuals are selfish, irresponsible and hedonistic. “Haltlos” is a German word that in this context refers to a drifting, floundering, aimless, irresponsible lifestyle.

Common Symptoms:

  • drifting, aimless and irresponsible lifestyle

  • lives in the present only. His or her immediate affects, moods and interests rule completely; he or she has no interest in the future, and no hold in the past.

  • no long-term goals

  • charming with an apparent emotional warmth

  • overoptimistic and pleasant to be with

  • easily persuaded, and is often led astray by the surrounding persons, sometimes criminals

  • difficulty learning from failure

  • chronic alcohol dependency

(2) Intermittent Explosive Disorder

Criterion A: The occurrence of discrete episodes of failure to resist aggressive impulses that result in serious violent acts or destruction of property.

Criterion B: The degree of aggressiveness expressed during an episode is grossly out of proportion to any provocation or precipitating psychosocial stressor.

(3) Alcoholic

I think we all know what this one is. Jack seems to drink socially, to celebrate, AND to drown his sorrows. That equals a LOT of alcohol.

Much as he’d like to think there’s nothing at all psychologically off about him…it’s denial. Lots and lots of denial, maintained through his belief that EVERYONE does, or would do, what he does. Like, it’s not that he’s an alcoholic…in his mind, everyone over a certain age drinks like a fish from the moment they wake. And it’s not that he’s particularly selfish or a bad person…in his mind, anyone would choose their own life over someone else’s. That’s why his reactions to an MC who doesn’t drink and an MC who says they’d sacrifice themselves for their friends is the same…refusal to even believe it. (That belief is also probably why he didn’t even consider the possibility the MC would fail their initiation long enough to bring a weapon…in his mind, once the MC realized their life was on the line, them passing was a given. The only thing he believed was TBD was if the MC is a good person who would feel remorse or a Sean and April style stone cold killer.)


State of the story, 1/29…

Progressing, albeit slowly. My energy levels and focus has been all over the place this month, so at times I’ve gotten more done and at others I’ve been sidetracked. It’s been challenging for me to get back to a steady writing routine, and I’m working on that with some measure of success, though not complete success. I could (maybe should) be writing more/faster, but… I am writing.

@buggygirl11 Thank you for your continued support and appreciation. I hope the long wait for an update will at the least give a normal-sized update long enough to not be disappointing for the time spent.

@Ghost_Train664 That’s a lot of devotion for a point. Oh aye, I suppose I can admit I was a wee bit bothered in the way you came across the first time 'round. Regardless as to the positives and negatives of death and failure in gaming and whose opinion is what, it was personal drive that caused you to delve more deeply into the story for death endings. Something which I can consider respectable. How many points have you come up with? It truly does seem you’re having a large number of unfortunate run-ins. The transition into chapter 2 is a bit railroaded- perhaps that’s what you’re referring to as one route through?

I expect to have fans, I expect to have critics. You’re not wrong. Neither are the people who do like my story, though, how it is. I can be fast to get prickly (when I shouldn’t)… but Train-san, a cautionary word- do not be swift to cast doubt upon the audience I have (even after my horrible long time not having updated), or they may decide to defend their perspective. That said… can you focus your concerns for me? Which areas of story have given you the most trouble in particular? Howso/why, and what ideas would you suggest for improvement?

@Eithuyu - Nah. Although next time someone is careless enough to seem to want to stir up trouble, I’ll set y’all loose on 'em. Fair deal? I’d be at fault for antagonizing someone if they were trying to help.

So- some portion of chapter 3 is going to be present before an update gets posted. Yay? More delays for you guys, but I suppose more content is a good thing. Me- I’m just glad I’m writing again. I really had been bottlenecked for a good while.


Very well. I will admit the truth about your WIP, ignoring the majority of my previous commentary.

It has a great storyline and is very well written. The introduction, the plot, the endings, are no doubt there for their own purposes which have helped build the story to what it is.

The audience really is, well, potentially whomever the audience wishes to be and certainly people will read this story.

Admittedly, I’m impressed overall. But if I may, from someone who went from being great to not so great, just a small word of advice.

I myself, though young and full of my own ideas, managed to write and complete a novel that unfortunately, never stayed on shelves for long at all.
It was a teen book, non choice based of course, and the one thing I included was a vast majority of characters being murdered or slaughtered in different ways.

Of course, many thought that the story was related to the horror genre, and the store I asked to sell my book in was more than willing to, until of course, the customers who bought the books brought them back because there teens and and children found the story too tiresome.
“Too much blood and gore” I was given as a short review by one mother.

Least to say after only two months of gathering dust on the shelves, my books were taken and sent back to me.

What I’m trying to say is, as someone who has failed once before, I would hate to see your story end up like mine.
True that the readers of this forum and your WIP don’t need their mother’s opinions on the story itself, but I wouldn’t want to see a story like Monsters that has so much potential end up on the sidelines.

I will also apologise for my rude forwardness with my very first comment. I came on a bit too strong and should have considered more of the options available to your WIP.

But yes, as I, a young failed author, I believe that hopefully by telling you this, it may provide a better insight to perhaps maintaining balance within the story. If not, then that is of course your decision that, as a writer myself, I will respect.


In this story if get a chance l am gonna kill the character named Sonya for breaking hearts of people. And I can’t believe it she seduced my girl friend… (I want appreciate the author that Sonya confession scene was super twist in the story). man I want to kill her…


Funny, I see the girlfriend as the villain of that story. she breaks up with you, over text, for a drunken hook up.

The serial killer who had never met you before should not be the one more concerned over your feelings in that story.d

And the really twisted thing, the MC must have known that their girlfriend didn’t care one iota for them.


April is the true villain.

Think about it. :thinking:



That’s definitely how plenty of MCs see it. But maybe it’s because I play all of the cheating exes (Mike/Josh and Ashley/June) as protagonists in their own stories, or maybe it’s my life experience…but circumstances and people are rarely that simple. In my version of things at least, they all have their own motivations…none of which are as cut and dry as them just being cackling villains.

Mike: Let’s get the obvious stuff out of the way. Mike has a drinking problem…and an impulse control problem (I’m still trying to decide if it’s JUST anger issues or if he should be an exotic and rarely portrayed case of a man with Borderline Personality Disorder. It mostly depends if I think I can pull the inner monologue of someone with BPD off). Beyond that, his motivations vary depending on which MC he was dating.

David/Liam: Mike grew up with a conservative military father who does NOT approve of same-sex relationships. Mike never mentioned it because he likes to be a tough guy and because he didn’t want David or Liam to feel guilty, but after his father figured out he was dating a guy he started beating him LITERALLY every day (as opposed to every week). So even though he cared about them and didn’t want to be out of the relationship per se…Mike didn’t want to be attracted to men, and he didn’t want to deal with the crap his father gave him for it anymore. When Sonya prepositioned him, Mike saw it as the perfect opportunity to get out of that situation; he’d just tell his father (who’d be stupid enough to believe it) that supermodel Sonya “turned him straight.” (Yeah yeah, Mike was always bisexual and actually much more often attracted to women in the first place…but most homophobes are not astute or informed enough to suspect something like THAT.) Mike broke up via text because he didn’t want to face his boyfriend and admit that (by his standards-YMMV) he was too much of a coward to grow a pair and take the daily beating to stay with the guy he loved.

Ashley: In Ashley’s story, these two…were not good for each other to say the least. It was an abusive relationship. Mike did feel really awful about the way he treated Ashley, and that led him to drink even more. Sleeping with Sonya was an impulsive decision, but breaking up with Ashley for good (rather than just for one day like he originally planned) was something Mike felt was best for him and Ashley both. If he faced her, Mike was afraid it would turn into another violent fight…so he just never saw her again.

Chelsea: Well, Chelsea…being, you know, herself, wasn’t entirely blameless in this situation. Chelsea was rather domineering and controlling, and has a habit of verbally attacking people’s deepest insecurities whenever she’s displeased with them. Being in a relationship with an overtly narcissistic psychopath (not that he had the faintest inkling of this) wasn’t easy for Mike. Sleeping with Sonya was an impulsive decision, and he MEANT to just continue his relationship with Chelsea…but after a week with Sonya complimenting him and just being (surface-level) sweet, Mike decided he never wanted to go back to Chelsea.

June: Ah, how can anyone but a Complete Monster cheat on my self-insert? Well sadly, Mike tells me he had his reasons. Firstly, June lying about being asexual and at least grey-aromantic for 2 years and stringing him along because she didn’t want him to break up with her let to some…pent-up frustration on Mike’s part. Secondly, June laughing uncontrollably at his romantic gestures and declarations of love and asking what movie he stole them from…did NOT make Mike feel super duper loved. He slept with Sonya because he wanted to feel loved and wanted by someone. Mike also tells me that he didn’t think June would care all that much because he doubted she gave a shit about him at all.

Josh: Okay, okay…with Josh it’s close to being as simple as he didn’t care about his ex at all. As Sonya so astutely pointed out, he cheated on his ex plenty of times before, and his breakup dialogue reads “'Eh. I broke up with ${him}. I’d rather choose you.” Of course, the fact that Josh didn’t love his ex wasn’t exactly a decision on his part, since Josh is a psychopath and aromantic to boot. So it’s probably not completely fair to say he’s a horrible person because he didn’t do something that, due to his mental wiring, is extremely difficult if not impossible for him to do.

Ashley: Ashley…well, Ashley also has some issues with drinking and impulsiveness. Besides, Ashley has Histrionic Personality Disorder, which causes her to have a ridiculously high libido and a ridiculously strong need for attention. Her boyfriend/girlfriend showing up late to the party and making her be there alone would be more than enough to make her feel ignored…and besides, she needed to have sex now now now, even moreso than before because it would numb the pain of her feeling rejected. Now, the ex could have been late for the party for any number of good reasons that probably had nothing to do with ignoring Ashley…but Ashley wouldn’t interpret it that way.

June: Now why would my self-insert cheat? Well, for June, it had nothing to do with her actually DESIRING Sonya at all; June doesn’t sexually desire anyone. Actually, the act itself was pretty painful for her. It wasn’t about giving into temptation…in her mind, June was doing the right thing and making a huge sacrifice for Ashley. How does that work? Well, June was convinced that Ashley needed to have sex or she’d leave her (which, knowing Ashley…might not have been wrong), but June hadn’t a freaking clue what she was doing in that department, and figured being a sexual failure after making Ashley wait for 2 years would be the last nail in the relationship’s coffin. In her mind, in order to save the relationship, she HAD to cheat. Those thoughts combined with drinking for literally the first time in her life and being rather easily manipulated (Sonya did some convincing) caused her to do what she did. But what kind of person thinks that way, you ask? The kind that has decided that the right thing to do is to stay with the cult and learn about her power while she tries to reform it internally. June doesn’t think or reason the same way as most people. :slight_smile:

They could be thought of as just awful people…but it’s just more fun for me and my psychological studies and complexity addiction to imagine them as much more complicated than that. Plus, that seems like one of the themes of the game itself…people, even people that society would condemn as pure evil, not fitting into black and white boxes. :slightly_smiling_face:


Ehhhhh, Monsters is listed as psychological horror and contains a prominent adult content warning for a reason. What we’ve read so far wouldn’t be out of place in any run-of-the-mill slasher movie & most of it actually takes place “off-screen”, so to speak. It’s @Shawn_Patrick_Reed’s unique spin that makes this WIP stand out.

I first clicked on Monsters expecting something survival-horror, Chthulu-mythos, maybe a slasher style game as I mentioned previously. We got something much more than that, with a surprising amount of depth given the constraints of CoG. I was as opposite of disappointed as it is possible to be after my first run-through…maybe it’s because my MC lived & I had to go looking for ways to die? Which was super fun for my completionist self, mind you - Hunting down all the bad ends? Sign me up, please!

I showed the game to several of my friends at the time & was quite surprised to see them dying (a lot) before making it to the next chapter. Even so, they were all as intrigued by the premise as I was. I still have a couple of them (not forum members, obviously) who will ask about the game from time to time. (Looking forward to being able to tell them about Chapter 3, Shawn, by the way :wink:)

Bottom line is, I don’t think you have to worry about this game finding its audience. We are here & we will spread the message to the faithful, lol.


Firstly, to everyone-

In the course of my writing on chapter 3, I’m somewhat surprised to find the order in which I had planned for a few things in the story have slid around on me. In short, what I had planned as being the beginning of chapter 4 is going to instead become the end of chapter 3, and everything to do with Gran will become chapter 4. I’m working on, at present, the first third of chapter 3. The second third is still going to be splitting off into sharing a motel room with one of the others , which will take approximately forever to write. And when the time comes I might hold some votes for which routes y’all most want to see me write first.

I basically dragged my feet most of the winter (or fall/winter). A few wee little sputters now and then, but it’s looking like I might actually be getting back to it at a ‘reasonable’ pace. I still hate editing. And I still have the last bits of editing to do. To preserve my subconscious sanity, I’ll try to save it until I’ve got this first third of chapter 3 written, which I’m now planning as my next update point. The second portion of the chapter will be divided up and so it’ll be a lot longer to write everything even if lengthwise it isn’t really longer (but heck, best laid plans…) -I am excited that I’ll be able to spring what I’d planned for chapter 4 on y’all in chapter 3. Gran’s is going to take a long time, and it seems somehow appropriate to have a full chapter devoted to it.

Something I want to make a point of for a while, though, is not subconsciously freak myself out with where I should be or want to be, and rather, instead, acknowledge what I’ve already done. As long as I’m writing and making progress, I’ll get where I want to be when I do; and then I’ll be able to say ‘Hey, I am here.’

@Ghost_Train664 … That sucks. : ( There have been a few young adult authors who have had success in the genre. I remember reading R.L.Stine ‘Fear Street’ novels when I was in highschool, which more or less always had a mortality rate. And Goosebumps, although not necessarily blood and gore. It’s been a long time sinse I’ve read any of these books, and I’m nowhere near studied enough to know why they were as popular as they were back at that time. But if you’re interested maybe you could still find some and do a compare/contrast with your own writing for ideas. Monsters, here, is an unknown factor- there’s no way I can truly predict its eventual reception. But I’m aware of this successful book series (or loosely tied collection, such as it is) for an example of success. Might be a product of the time it was written or some other factor. George R.R. Martin is an example of a writer (not a children’s writer, obviously) who also pulls off death in a way that is largely popular, even though a significant portion of readers/viewers are frustrated at some point about who is living and who is dying. And, likewise, there are some people who will avoid the books and show expressely because of that.

One of the sources that inspired me on Monsters is a visual novel called ‘Kara no Shoujo’. It has a lot of bad ending routes. A genuine frustrating amount. Saving after triggering a red flag and not realizing it, is a real thing there. It takes a certain type of person to rather massochistically make progress through methodical failing. I don’t think Monsters is even that punishing, but Kara no Shoujo is a wonderfully done VN for its genre.

I get where you’re coming from. One thing that’s a bit nice about writing a CS story, is the ability to add to it without simply ‘fluffing up’ the story. Another path in a certain place, if it would benefit the story- generally can be fenagled in. Changing the whole structure though is… well, actually probably harder than on a normal story, because of the interconnection in routing. Putting this another way- it would be easier to add more ways in which to avoid death than to remove deaths. Or at least, that’s the case for me personally and my experience in writing with CS. It’s easier to add than to remove.

Hey, just because you had a setback with your writing regarding a target audience, hopefully that hasn’t put you too far off, and that you’re still writing. With what you’ve said it’s not easy to tell if it would be easier for you to adjust the writing itself to match the audience you were going for, or target a different audience. I think teen fiction tends to either go big or go home, as far as sales- at least compared to some other genres. Sci-fi/fantasy, for example, not such a wide audience, but as far as I know can be a bit more optimistic of a first novel by a writer. Depending on quality, of course. But Patrick Rothfuss is a great example there- major success off his first novel, which is fantastic. When you do find your fanbase- the people that like your writing how it is, you’ll also develop a loyalty base for future stories. Having people interested … well, I have to thank the wonderful people here on my thread. I may not have been able to keep up the energy to keep going with Monsters if not for all the commentary I’ve recieved. Even the editing bits, which I hate doing, are really important helping me get my story sorted for future enjoyment. As an idea, you could try gathering yourself a focus group to read what you’ve got and offer more detailed opinions before another attempt at submitting your writing to stores. Maybe you had? Friends and family probably aren’t so good at this as individuals from within your target audience, and I’m not sure I could really offer much advice about finding such. My experience is somewhat unique to CS because there’s already this wonderful central hub for writing using the engine.

Okay, so you failed with one story or set of stories. Are you no longer going to be a successful author because of that? A hard fail can be … harder to get up from. But it can also make for more resolve once someone does. Failing is what it is- it shouldn’t be something likeable, it’s a painful undertaking. Failure can have two results. The first is that it creates a desire to succeed. The second is that it creates a desire to quit. Both are beneficial, as both pull someone towards success from different directions. The first through an increase of effort, and the second through acknowledgement that effort would be better spent elsewhere. Failing forward is a bit of a misnomer. To do so, a person must take a full failure, and use it as something to move forward from. Keep writing! : )

@Vishnu_Aju and @stsword and @Eiwynn Who’s the villain? Maybe MC is the villain? But then that would make the player the villain! But then surely the player is just choosing under duress- ah, I, the author, must be the true villain! XD ~ ~ It’s all good, everyone has some of both good and evil in them. Something I find tends to be true for everyone in real life, albeit, in different quantities and personal assessments. I don’t actually mind if you really despise a certain character for a certain reason; you’ve got every right to.

@buggygirl11 You… delve a bit more deeply into your playthroughs than I think most people are liable to. Far from a bad thing, you create a rich intertwining for the characters whose shoes you jump into, and you make them your own in your writeups. That’s fantastic. But I’m still enough a CS writer to consider it fine for someone to put their own personality into the MC they play, as much as the story allows. Or just take things from their own perspective. I mean to say… even if I actually write there being complicated reasons into the ex’s and the breakup, it’s A-okay for a reader to only think ‘what a fucking ass/dick/bitch/cunt’ regarding the ex. XS Or you know, any character for that matter. :stuck_out_tongue:

@gamerphan : ) Aww, you’re making this author feel warm and fuzzy inside. Do I need to add another bad ending as compensation? XD I tease, I tease. That you’d share it with your friends, though, I would hug you if I could, for. I appreciate that very much. And I’ll try not to let them down, considering how long its been sinse there’s been visible progress. You can tell them I apologize for keeping them waiting. And I’ll add a bad ending in this part, just for them, and you, to find. :wink:



Haha, I know. :grin:

(actually visibly twitches a little at that) Umm…my first through 99th responses to that idea are a mental derisive scoff at such people and a “When you try to enlighten the masses and they just refuse to learn…sigh.” But since I’m unfortunately aware of how narcissistic that looks/sounds…fiiine.

(Side note: BTW, if it was my forum and someone used that last expletive, I’d tell them to get some class or get out. It kind of bothers me. But of course it’s not and people may say what they want.)

@everyone Play however makes you happy. Watch what you enjoy. And I’m sorry if I sound like a pretentious elitist not letting anyone enjoy their escapism. I wasn’t trying to annoy anyone, really. :sweat_smile:


I mean, they do say the villain makes the story.


Snow day! :grin: Which means I had time to do this!

Now for the character who seems hell-bent on proving me wrong about how nobody is just evil…McCready. (shakes head) What is wrong with him? So, SO much.

(1) Sadistic Personality Disorder
The sadist derives pleasure from harming or humiliating others. Abusiveness and violence are common in the sadist’s social relationships. There are similarities between SPD and psychopathy and sociopathy, however, psychopaths and sociopaths do not generally hurt others just for pleasure.

Interesting Side Note: Sadists are not NECESSARILY incapable of empathy and/or compassion. If one is incapable, it means they have another disorder in addition to sadism. Hence, McCready can genuinely empathize with and show compassion for an MC who just killed Gary, and still enjoy beating the crap out of the MC whenever whenever they give him half an excuse (and sometimes when they don’t even give him that).

Common Symptoms (5+=Diagnosis):

McCready=7/8 Symptoms=Very, Very Diagnosed

  • has used physical cruelty or violence for the purpose of establishing dominance in a relationship (not merely to achieve some noninterpersonal goal, such as striking someone in order to rob him or her)

-every time he beats Jack

-beating the MC with a Bible during his interview…and giving a worse beating if they dare to question him

  • humiliates or demeans people in the presence of others

  • has treated or disciplined someone under his or her control unusually harshly, e.g., a child, student, prisoner, or patient

-beating his prisoner with a Bible for no reason but fun

  • amused by, or takes pleasure in, the psychological or physical suffering of others

-the sadistic way he kills the MC only if Jack likes them (physically torturing the MC and psychologically torturing Jack all in one go)

-outright admits he’ll enjoy hurting the MC if they talk back during his interview

  • has lied for the purpose of harming or inflicting pain on others (not merely to achieve some other goal)

-every lie he’s ever told to keep his serial killing a secret

-his part in organizing the “vacation”

  • gets other people to do what her or she wants by frightening them (through intimidation or even terror)

-scaring the crap out of the MC if one he dislikes expresses interest in Sonya

-beating the MC with that Bible

-nearly every interaction he has with Jack

  • restricts the autonomy of people with whom he or she has a close relationship

-restricts Sonya’s dating life

-the self professed leader and “father” of the cult (…at least in his own mind.)

-thinks its his responsibility to discipline & keep everyone in the Family in line

  • fascinated by violence, weapons, martial arts, injury, or torture

I can’t be 100% sure if he’s actually fascinated by these things yet…but I suspect.

(2) Delusional Disorder (Persecutory & Jealous Type)
Delusional disorder is characterized by the presence of either bizarre or non-bizarre delusions which have persisted for at least one month. Non-bizarre delusions typically are beliefs of something occurring in a person’s life which is not out of the realm of possibility (ex: All women are whores who’d cheat on you as soon as look at you). Delusions are deemed bizarre if they are clearly implausible (ex: The devil makes me kill all those people in the most horrible ways I…ahem, HE, can think of).

McCready’s Subtypes (for there are many in this disorder):

Persecutory Type: delusions that the individual (or someone to whom the person is close) is being malevolently treated in some way.

-The devil makes me kill all those people in the most horrible ways I…ahem, HE, can think of.

Jealous Type: delusions that the individual’s sexual partner is unfaithful.

-All women are whores who’d cheat on you as soon as look at you.

(3) Intermittent Explosive Disorder

Criterion A: The occurrence of discrete episodes of failure to resist aggressive impulses that result in serious violent acts or destruction of property.

Criterion B: The degree of aggressiveness expressed during an episode is grossly out of proportion to any provocation or precipitating psychosocial stressor.

The individual may describe the aggressive episodes as “spells” or “attacks” in which the explosive behavior is preceded by a sense of tension or arousal and is followed immediately by a sense of relief. Later the individual may feel upset, remorseful, regretful, or embarrassed about the aggressive behavior.

Basically, this disorder is severe anger issues. McCready, Jack, the MC’s Father, Adam, and Mike all have it. You’ve probably known at least 1 person who has it in your RL-it’s pretty common, like how you’ve probably known someone with ADHD.

(4) Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is serious mental illness characterized by symptoms of avoidance and nervous system arousal after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. While often experienced by people who serve in combat military operations, PTSD is also regularly seen in other types of trauma too, ranging from automobile accidents and injuries, to rape and abuse.

Common Symptoms:
Intrusive thoughts or memories
Nightmares related to the traumatic event
Flashbacks, feeling like the event is happening again
Psychological and physical reactivity to reminders of the traumatic event, such as an anniversary
Avoiding thoughts or feelings connected to the traumatic event
Avoiding people or situations connected to the traumatic event
Memory problems that are exclusive to the event
Negative thoughts or beliefs about one’s self or the world
Distorted sense of blame for one’s self or others, related to the event
Being stuck in severe emotions related to the trauma (e.g. horror, shame, sadness)
Severely reduced interest in pre-trauma activities
Feeling detached, isolated or disconnected from other people
Difficulty concentrating
Irritability, increased temper or anger
Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Being easily startled

It’s too soon for me to say exactly what symptoms McCready has. (Well okay, I can say for certain that he has “increased temper or anger.” :rofl: McCready said himself that the military made his already-existing anger issues even worse.) But in some branches of his interview conversation, he seems to be having a flashback mid-interview of his wartime trauma, and the way he talks about it makes it really clear that he was seriously messed up by whatever he saw and/or did.


Literally everything is closed when your college has a snow day (including the library and gym), so…

Oh noez! I went straight from April to Jack and forgot to do my psychoanalysis of Gary! Sure, we only knew him for a few minutes and a mention in Jack’s backstory, but…those brief moments were very revealing.

(1) Persistent Depressive Disorder
The essential feature of persistent depressive disorder is a depressed mood that occurs for most of the day, for more days than not, for at least 2 years. Because these symptoms have become a part of the individual’s day-to-day experience, particularly in the case of early onset (e.g., “I’ve always been this way”), they may not be reported unless the individual is directly prompted.

Conventional depression occurs in “episodes” and is NOT constant throughout a person’s life like Persistent Disorder is-that’s why people who are depressed either already know or can usually be relatively easily convinced that their depression is not part of their personality and is an illness that can be cured with professional help. Persistent Depressive Disorder, once it sets in…usually does not go away, ever.

Common Symptoms-Continuously for 2+ Years (4+ Symptoms=Diagnosis):

  • Poor appetite or overeating

  • Insomnia or hypersomnia

  • Low energy or fatigue

  • Low self-esteem

  • Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions

  • Feelings of hopelessness

Gary had…at LEAST 5/6, and as Sloth, it’s a safe bet that he had hypersomnia (slept too much) too. Overeating is obvious by looking at him, and everything he says and does reeks of hopelessness and low self-esteem. Most people, out of pure survival instinct, would have at least made a futile attempt to fight back when they know they’re being dragged to their death. Gary didn’t even bother; he’d already given up. There was no need to tie him up like they had to with Jack; they knew he’d just sit there and let himself be killed. And before that, he had 2 entire years to come up with a plan to avoid what he knew was coming for him (dragged back to the cult and killed) and didn’t come up with ANY plan…even a bad plan. That indicates a severe difficulty making decisions and concentrating even to literally save his life, not to mention hopelessness and a lack of belief in himself and his ability to do anything at all to save himself.

And this behavior clearly wasn’t a recent development-none of the cult members had seen him in 2 years (he ditched the pilgrimage last year, and he didn’t seem close enough with anyone to hang out with them off-season), and all seemed completely aware he was like this. To the point where April, as paranoid as she is, just let him roam the world free for a year after knowing he had left the cult without completely freaking out about the possibility of him going to the police/coming back to kill them himself/doing something else to harm the Family. Gary was probably like this entire life (though his guilt from the murders certainly made it worse), and almost definitely was by the time he was recruited as Sloth-because someone with this disorder would make a PERFECT Sloth.

And because everyone is chosen for a reason, and he didn’t seem to have any OTHER noticeable abnormalities in empathy, emotion, impulsiveness, or perception/reasoning that would make him a viable candidate for recruitment.

Side note: It kind of seems that the way Gary’s PDD manifested meant he valued others’ lives as little as he valued his own. Why do I say that? Well…

(1) Even after leaving the cult, he didn’t make half an attempt to stop the cult from killing others.
(2) Even though he knew darn well he was going to die even if the MC refused to kill him, he still encouraged them not to do it-effectively trying to doom them both.
(3) Depending on whether it’s true that the cult needs to kill people to save the world or not, Gary may or may not have been okay with dooming the world because he no longer wanted to do his part to save it.

And none of this is done with any “f you/everyone” malice either…just with pure apathy. Fitting for his sin.


Q. I was often in trouble at school.
*if Wrath > 59
*set Wrath %+6
*set McCready %+6
*set Monster %-6
Well, there was that one time you beat up that kid in pre-school for making you drop your lunch. And now that you think about it, there was that other time you asked a neighbor kid you didn’t like to stop following you and they wouldn’t, so you hit them. But it when you were all lined up for something. Uh… yeah. You’re kinda emberassed remembering that one. Your cheeks burn as you mark ‘True’.
*set ppt +1


*if April > 49
*if name = "Same"
*if name != “Sam”
Johnson. Really. Who-skips-the-first-quiz-in-a-class?"


I just killed a lot of people. With the help of Sean this one time. His story is kinda sad,
but I find it funny how even though I thought I was the master survivor he was playing the long game all along, just waiting for an opening. I know the game isn’t finished, but damn I’d buy this a hundred times over.

EDIT AGAIN: Error + Bigly error –
"YOU AS-" Jack roars, letting go of you and taking a step towards Sean, bad leg and all, before another arrow sinks into his jugular and cuts his roar off into a “Hhhh!” Even so, he staggers a few more steps, clutching at his throat, before stumbling as his leg with the arrow in it gives out and falling to the ground. Sean watches impassively the whole time, following Jack’s fall more with his eyes than tilting his head to any degree.
*set mccreadydead 1