Monsters(WIP)- updated 04/27/17 -Link is updated



@ pimenita Haha, thank you for the welcome, glad to be on board. :smiley: Oh, I didn’t think about that with Chelsea, that’d be neat too!

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Aww, thanks, I’m really happy to hear my comments meant that much to you! To be honest, I was worried I had gone overboard, so it’s a relief to be so well-received. :slight_smile: When I find things that I love, I love them intensely, so I just can’t help but share about it~ Oh yeah, no worries, take your time! I’ll be happy to receive your full reply whenever, and in the meantime, I can have fun interacting with the awesome community around here! Not to mention the thousands of past posts that I can entertain myself with. Good luck with your work, on CScomp and otherwise!

And, RE: ethnicity, I actually didn’t think of McCready being racist, but he’s already homophobic/etc. so it’s not a surprise. It could be interesting to see an exploration of racial discrimination in this kind of plot. Unfortunately, though, it would essentially confirm that every other character in the story is white. I personally think it might be better to leave the characters open to interpretation so that people who want to imagine a more inclusive narrative could have it, but obviously I respect your storytelling, and I’ll understand if you disagree!

@buggygirl11 Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed! :smiley:

Yes, if you get a chance, you should definitely go for it! I recommend FMAB to everybody, because it’s incredibly well-written and its execution is top-notch, but I think its themes in particular would especially be of interest to everyone on this forum. (It does take more than one episode to get to the really dark/interesting stuff, but after that it’s nonstop amazing)

Haha, glad I’m not the only one in danger of her. And it must be diligence that’s the problem, since I’m such a sloth. :stuck_out_tongue: I’ll have to see if I can toe the line of being in-character, but keeping her from eating me…

Yep, Sean’s very fascinating as a character, I’ll give him that. Part of me wants to get to know him better, but of course the other part wants him 50 feet away at all times, haha. And I haven’t gotten that dialogue yet, but now it’s on my list of goals for this game!

Good to hear you have higher hopes of survival! We’ll see with me, but I’m on thin ice with quite a few characters. In all my insert playthroughs, only April and Jack consistently like me. Who would’ve guessed. :stuck_out_tongue: Although I get along better with the others if I skip the quiz. Don’t know what that says about me as a person, haha.

And don’t worry, I definitely plan on tackling the others soon! I’ll probably wait until I get a better sense of which options my insert won’t pick first, since I love to have variety and spread out the options. But I’ll happily post about them once I do, since you’re interested. :smiley: And of course, I look forward to your write-ups as well! I’m combing through the old posts, so hopefully I’ll get to them soon.


It’s clearly based off the statistic of most serial killers being white people :blush:



You need to say “I can’t” kill Gary then choose “You said he failed to come on some ‘pilgrimage’? What the heck is a pilgrimage?” and have Sloth <51. Then Sean will explain a little more explicitly the beliefs of the cult and will ask how many people you’d kill to save the world.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll die. (Ashley for instance has survived so far with both Sean and April hating her guts.) You just have to be very careful. :wink:

You don’t have to look through the forum. Here are the links for the updated ones that are currently on DeviantArt. (The rest are coming.)





Really? He changed that much? I actually havent played this game for a very long time, and i’m thinking of maybe giving it a chance. It really isnt my kind of story. When first time starting it i thought its a horror game about supernatural monsters or sth like that; not about a group of psychopatic murderers with delusions of having superpowers. But still after one playthrough i am curious how it all will end ( or rather i need to have a clousure how they all will get punished :stuck_out_tongue: )

But anyway, as i remember Sean wasnt very intersting to talk to in the old version of the game i played. I had a conversation with him where he tried to reason his murders by talking about society imposed rules, and i felt like i was talking with a 5 year old. It was rather annoying that my character havent got the option to call him out on his ridiculousnes back then. Overall it didnt led to much of an impression about him being supposedly smart. Other than him thinking he is smart.


@Ponku that’s a matter of taste. If you didn’t like Sean then, you’re not going to like him now. Some characters have that love them/hate them thing about them. I remember falling in love with Devlin from ZE. I thought he was awesome (I’m still totally in love with him), but a lot of players plain out hated him and wanted to shoot him as soon as possible.


Well, dont think you can actually “like” any of them in terms of liking them as a person, afterall they are all psychopatic murderers :slight_smile: (Devlin werent a murderer afterall) So in terms of liking them as how well writen are they is the only option. And back then i didnt like Sean because of that either (although i know that was just some early version). I know it is hard to write a character that is doing evil/stupid things and them still being supposedly smart and have sound teasoning hehind it. Often the wriring becomes more annoying by that, sadly. Like he is trying ti be smart, and my character needs to be dumbed down to not just respond with a reasoning that will counter his arguments. Its a bit character breaking then.


I think Sean, like wine, ages as he advances in the story - in the van, he seems a cardboard cut-out of a TA - in the basement, he seems more an individual, outside any simple analogy.

My suggestion is to give it a try again, if not now, perhaps after the next update which is more of a content update rather then an editorial update as this last update was.


Well said, Eiwynn. I certainly agree with this- the characters develop as the story develops; Sean is certainly a slow-roller- but I’m sure not everyone will like every character. It’s my hope that, like them or not, the story provides one heck of a ride for my wonderful readers.


Also, as a matter of interest to those here-

This month, I’m entirely devoted to CScomp. Obsessively devoted, one could say. Next month, during which judging will take place, I’ll be spending the time working on editing Monsters further. It’s going to go through a large editing, and I don’t know how long that will take. Once the editing is done, I’ll update again- though the update will have no new content, the first two chapters will be spruced up a bit. Once that update goes live- I’ll again start working on more content, starting in on chapter 3.


We… can’t? :wink: I feel like Sonya, April, and Jack are somehow redeemable… Sean and Creed are another branch of crazy, but that’s just what my gut tells me.


@Ponku As for liking Sean…what everyone else said. It’s a matter of taste, and perspectives differ.

Though in the new content there is a part where, if you have Sloth <51 and make the right choices, the MC CAN call Sean out on his BS.

        "No. [i]No[/i]!" you step forward, pointing angrily. "Your actions 

are not preordained by his choices! Free fucking will! Correlation does
not imply causality! You even taught us that in class, Sean! You’re full of
Sean doesn’t miss a beat. “Of course I’m not implying causality. Though I am making the correlation undeniable. If Gary had remained with us, and continued to come upon our yearly pilgrimage, you would not be here. !{other2} and !{other1} would not have died in the manner they have. These statements are causal facts, separate from self governance. None of you would have come here with us, therefore none of us would have been placed in a position to kill any of you.”

"One-thousand points to Sean." April drolls.
"I don’t care about the tragedy of us being here. I care about the-
the… the fucking evil of you consciously deciding murder is the only
thing that makes sense because of it!" you blurt, half yelling.

Though immediately after that…depending on what they say, Sean might actually call the MC out on THEIR hypocrisy.

        "How many people would you be willing to sacrifice to save the 

world?" Sean asks, unflustered by your tirade.
You furrow your brows, wondering where in the world a question like
that came from.
*set Pride %+6
*set April %+6
*set Sonya %-6
"I see." Sean replies. “So, you would choose death for every
person to maintain a clean conscience. Your conscience must be incredibly
important to you to be worth more than so many lives.”
Even though they’re just words, and you suspect they’re just
meant to provoke you, that still feels like a slap in the face. “Just because I
choose not to do something like that to save the world doesn’t mean I’m
responsible as part of its destruction.” you retort, lower lip stuck out
slightly, tone defensive.
"Ah." Sean replies, and breaks out into a warm smile. “So not a
choice of flippant mirth, merely cowardice. We, on the other hand, see something
that we can do, a small evil thing, to prevent a much greater evil thing. And we
do not turn from it.”


I got to play as one of the 7 deadly sins! Loved that game! I really enjoy the concept of the game, can’t wait to see what’s next for this Sloth! :+1:


Well, as i said, my knowledge of them is based on the old version of the game. It ended after a couple of talks while MC being tied in the basement. I think maybe the talk with Sean where he babbled about how society imposed rules prevent others from murder was the last…

So based on that impression he really werent anything special, just trying to sound smart, but as his actions would be really hard (or impossible) to justify, then he didnt came out as anyone really intelligent.

@pimenita “Redeemable” as in spending long time in prison, instead of life in prison or dying in the final confrontation or sth similar :slight_smile: Afterall they all willingly participated in murdering innocent people, instead of trying to stop others in any way (to my knowledge). Sean and MCRedy are psychopaths without a doubt. But Jack did actively participated in murders, instead of even if not stopping others, then running away (i get the vibe that he is an anarchist/wanderer, so going out of the radar of others shouldnt be aproblem for him? ) Sonya - its hard to say from my limited knowledge why she is doing anything or what she is actually doing, apart from her motivation maybe wanting to fit somewhere and protecting her sister, but she could have achieved that in other ways than paticipating in murderous cult. And April, she is an indoctrinated child, so i guess she is the one that is most reedemable of them, but still, she threatened the life of my brother with not a childlish threat, so in my book thats an unreedemable offense for me :stuck_out_tongue:

@buggygirl11 It’s hard to say whats going on in that conversation without broader context ( a lot of Sean’s statements here does look very illogical/stupid, and April supposedly agree with the sense of his statements?)

As for “How many people would you be willing to sacrifice to save the world”, isn’t the correct answer “and how many does your cult have?” :slight_smile: As i can see that the game may go that way that in order to stop them you would be required to actually kill them.
And even with MC saying “none”, i dont see how Sean’s answer calls out any hipocrysy actually that i (MC) would feel like slapepd in the face. Hell, even first random coming to mind about it would be answer that, a world that require murdering innocents for it to be saved, doesnt deserve to be saving (along those lines).
As not knowing the context (are there actually some supernatural things happening that they are making human sacrifices or sth to prevent world getting destroyed???) It’s hard to say if i would think that Sean is smart, or he just tries to be smart and the game is limiting our responses to not call him out on it too much.

But, as i said, my knowledge of any of it is based on old shorter version of the game (that i red a long time ago, so my memory may also be not the best), so i’m writing this rather as a curiosity for others that know more about how the game developed, how a person who red only the short old version percieved the characters in game :slight_smile:

PS I also dont want to sound like i’m disagreeing with anyone and i know better. I wholeheartedly admit you know more about the game and its characters than i do (for now :smiling_imp: )


Sean…is a type of redeemable…Depending on the way you play your story. I dunno about April and Sonya…They seem pretty lost to me.


@Ponku Given all that you said about there being no redemption for people who kill innocent people…when you get to the new content, PLEASE tell me what you would do about the whole Gary debacle. The more you write the more curious I get. :grin:

(There are no wrong answers here and I don’t judge. I just really want to know. :smile:)

@everyone Oh, and I updated June’s writeup. As always, I reiterate that I was kind of a screwed-up person at 18, and I don’t advise the kiddies to try any of this at home.


Image (Based on June’s In-Game Description, NOT ME):


@DJ_Harshman spoilery reply is spoilery.

[spoiler]Sean doesn’t have any empathy whatsoever. He doesn’t know how someone should feel when their friends have been murdered; everytime you pick a choice that shows humanity your relationship with him goes down like crazy (heh). Even when you’re in good numbers with him, the best you can hope is for him to “act like he loves you”. He says he goes along with whatever the family says because they’re a mean to an end. All of those are the traits of a psychopath. So big red flag there.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Sean. I’m guilty of having a soft spot for problematic characters --Freddy Kruegger, Rowena from SPN, Sabretooth, Pennywise from It, to name a few–, but I’m just saying, if you know someone who doesn’t empathize with people, outright tells you that they are manipulative, and seem to be always wearing a mask… well, run, run as fast as you can because-- oh shit they are behind you!

Sonya, I think she has issues, but then again she’s a nympho, the part in her brain that tells her not to screw everyone is dormant. And she’s been part of the family for 8 years? Just how old was she when they turned her into lust?? That makes my skin crawl. And April, she’s a little kid. I don’t care if she thinks she’s Kronos, Destroyer of Worlds, she’s still a little kid.[/spoiler]


@pimenita Sonya was recruited at 12. Yeah, it makes me sick too.


@pimenita “problematic characters” … Freddy Krueger…

Well, that’s an… interesting way to call him :slight_smile:

Still dont know if i will play the game. Would require for me to be in certain mood for that :worried:I mean, the game is a rather disturbing piece. A death cult, murdering innocents, having delusions of superpowers and thinking thats their excuse, and apparently kidnapping a child and forcing her to have sex with people so she will be nymphomaniac…
I think we get it, you want us to want to kill them. Ok. Can we get to that part already?? :grin:


On the other hand, aren’t we all just a bit of a monster at the end of the day?

No one is perfect, and these people aren’t afraid to admit it.


@Eleckar That’s a bit of understatement :slight_smile: There is quite a difference between “not being perfect” and “murdering innocents and kidnapping children and forcing them to become nymphomaniacs and murderers”.