Monsters(WIP)- updated 04/27/17 -Link is updated

adult-fiction
gender-choice

#2324

I read it over and I didn’t notice any reference being made to her being bisexual, so the correction was made.

Also, I noticed that Calliope is “the unnamed artsy girl.” I have a guy equivalent of that which I play. He’s usually called either Ryan, Connor, or Dylan depending on what I feel.

You really are great at character write ups. I like to write too, but you are really good at it.


#2325

Woah, how did you get Sean to like you so much?


#2326

Sean is a psychopath. Pick being a bully and don’t conect with people.


#2327

Try to get envy and temperance high. That should be easier with Chelsea.That will give you a certain head start, after that it depends if your answers fit his preferences (I once got the relationship with him to 83, but that was before the update, so I don’t know what’s possible by now).


#2328

That’s not a lot. But yeah what @Sammysam said. Everything depends on your stats, even if it seems like a choice that’d make them hate you if it increases a stat that they’re associated with pick it. There are few exceptions where a choice that increases the stat causes them to dislike you, and they still make them like you more from the stat anyway.

It’s why April is so high since I have Chasity and pride. Sean likes envy and temperance.


#2329

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed If an MC faints during Sean’s answer to the question “What the heck’s a pilgrimage?” is that supposed to end the chapter right then and there, or is that an error?


#2330

@buggygirl11 You’re welcome.

The question you ask about getting submission KO’d in the bathroom- I’m genuinely not sure yet. I won’t know until I get to that point, my apologies. And as to the character romance routes - Sonya is a notable exception there- her route begins either before… in chapter 1… or at some point after. And I’m scratching my head on April… and Gran… 'cause those aren’t exactly the same kind of romances. And then there’s one other that comes in late… so… hmm, thinking about it, though, it seems like with the right pathing, all the guys in the story can be seduced in the next chapter.

@Dark_Stalker Weird counter-question… are you utilizing the save feature that lets you reload when you die? There may be bugs with that, as I’m now using the *sm_init saving and probably haven’t updated all of the resets required for the other. I mean to say, are you on a second playthrough after dying without restarting when that bug happens?

Sinse and since, one of my nemesis words. Even knowing that I tend to get it wrong, I still get it wrong because the right and wrong flip-flop in my mind. Anyway, thanks.

And @buggygirl11 again… I’m going to need to look at that part. Can you give me some more details about where it’s at? I believe it’s likely an error.


#2331

Oh, a small thing- but considering I’m listening to it right now it reminded me. There’s another song added to the April playlist.


#2332

I was using the safe feature but didn’t die. I wasn’t sure if it affected anything not coding choicescript myself so I pointed it out just in case.

I can see you use sinse a lot by typing it in the search :stuck_out_tongue:


#2333

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Here’s the screenshot of the part I’m talking about. After clicking the “Next Chapter” button, the game says the chapter’s over and the story ends.

And woah, the new song on April’s playlist… it definitely makes more sense when added at this point in the story, now that we’ve seen how April talks about the Family’s rules like she’s quoting lines ad verbatim from a book she hates, but is genuinely pissed when the MC says they don’t care if the world ends. And now I’ll be wondering what exactly that greater good is. Is it saving the world? Is it Sonya’s happiness? Is it killing those people that April believes deserve to die? Or is it something else I haven’t yet conceived of? (I know you can’t answer, I’m just musing. :wink:)


#2334

Okay, goodness, I’m not sure exactly what’s wrong there yet, but that should not finish there. I’ll investigate.

:slight_smile: Glad you like it. I’ve been flying through work-work listening to April songs and being motivated by CScomp.


#2335

How old is April again? Also, you called Gary’s car a “cedan” but I believe it’s spelled “sedan”.


#2336

I think @Shawn_Patrick_Reed answered me, she was 12 I’m pretty sure.


#2337

Ah. Well I found a strange bug, don’t remember who it’s supposed to be though.


#2338

This is not my usual genre, but I went into it with no expectations good or bad (though perhaps a bit of apprehension, since I can be squeamish about really graphic stuff). I was completely blown away. I just got completely absorbed into the experience. I’ve replayed like a dozen times by now, and there’s still so much dialogue I’ve yet to see. The completionist in me wants to see it all but I know that the way every little choice is tracked, that’s impossible. I’ll gladly settle for the alternative, which is having a delightfully different experience every time, which is such a joy. I love when conversations extend or take another turn from past playthroughs.

The incorporation of the 7 deadly sins is so so well done, I’m in love. I actually have been desperately craving yet another rewatch of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, but holding off. And while your game structures the family very differently, there are enough parallels that it did the trick in satisfying that craving and more. It was amazing timing for me, really. Now I have a second thought-provoking/comedic/horror-filled work to get obsessed with <3

Another thing I adore is the set character choices! So many options, and new flavor text at various points for each, makes it so exciting to see things from a new perspective! I’ll admit that I’m biased to self-inserting, so I do focus on one particular character (June for me, though oddly enough, for every reason except her highest stats. I ignore her diligence and play as Sloth anyway :stuck_out_tongue:). I’m detail-oriented, so I’m surely going to develop personalities for/roleplay as all 10 eventually.

I have a lot more thoughts, but for now I’ll try to just do the questions from the end!

Continuity problems?: I’ve been messing around with options, and so far, found only a few.
-One’s early, and it’s pretty minor. If a woman chooses Sonya as her bunkmate, then the not-a-lesbian option (along with being ace/high chastity, I think?), she gets really upset with Jack’s offer and calls him a pig. However, if you select him as the replacement bunkmate anyway, she immediately acts all friendly, as if they hadn’t just spoke.

-The other one’s later, when you choose “Satanist” in front of everyone. Jack accepts you as family, but if you get him to let you ask a question, you go back to being clueless about it. Also, when McCready wants you dead and Sean visits , the text still says that the former is the one who leaves.

Which character are you most afraid of? Why?: Is it cheating to say Gran? :stuck_out_tongue: I only just got her to like me in one playthrough. All of my normal responses seem to push her to hate me more and more, so if I end up dead, it’ll be by her hand. Plus, fear of the unknown and all.

But out of the known characters… Sean. His intelligence scares me even more than April’s, because it’s paired with the twisted sense of morality that he’s developed. I know that in real life, I’d never stand a chance of even keeping up in a conversation with him, much less actually reasoning with him. He really knows how to make a case. (You’re not even safe when it’s in your favor. While I’d been expecting something like it, the line of him whispering “You owe me” was chilling)

Which do you like the most? Why?: Jack, without a doubt. Kindness is a necessary trait for me to really love a character (as a person at least, not love-to-hate). So he has that going for him, and it really caught me off guard when he first displayed it. After being brushed off by his middle finger, I kept quiet, because I thought he was going to be the anti-social type that I shouldn’t anger. Little did I know he’d later be so sweet, open, and willing to emotionally connect. I don’t easily sympathize with murderers, but I really feel for him and his desire for a close family. We have a lot of differences, and dating him would probably never work out in real life (a pacifist ace Christian who avoids alcohol, going steady with a party-loving Satanist who revels in violence? Ha. A match made in neither heaven nor hell :stuck_out_tongue: ) but I’m definitely going for his romance route regardless.

Speaking of, I apologize if this has been asked, but can you continue pursuing him as a RO even after you’re out as ace? I know for some people irl it’s a dealbreaker, so…

Ooh, also, shoutout to April as a close second. She intrigued me from the beginning, but after I shared about being ace and she let herself be vulnerable, I was won over instantly. This snarky know-it-all is now my daughter. I’m adopting her and taking her away from this awful lifestyle. (hahaha who am I kidding, my insert character is so dead)

What is your favorite part of the story so far? And least favorite part?: The basement scenes with Jack, hands-down. As dark and fascinating as the overall plot is, I’m a sucker for individual character-building and relationships. For least favorite…It’s not surprising that McCready is absolute garbage to me, but I especially hate his religious spiels. As a Christian myself, I can’t stand when hypocrites like him invoke my faith, which is actually filled with messages of love, in a way that distorts it into spreading hate and condemnation. Ugh…But to be clear, this is just least favorite to experience. The writing is still excellent, and quite refreshing as it directly acknowledges that he’s not representative of all Christians.

Favorite joke or bit of humor?: April. I thought her speech style might get annoying at first, but it turned into my favorite thing ever. In general, the way she plays off your character is golden. “Hard-mode, mortal! Hard. Mode!”

Which part(s) help you feel most immersed in the story? Which do you struggle through the most?: I think the character system allowed for incredible immersion. They’re enough of a blank slate that you can react naturally to the plot as it occurs, but like in real life, some details you can’t control. Yet perhaps even more so than that, I felt immersed due to the natural fluidity of the relationship system. Each and every choice really did matter in terms of developing/influencing character interactions, and I loved how these changing relationships were acknowledged frequently. As for struggling to immerse…mainly whenever I picked an option not because of roleplaying my character, but because I thought it’s needed to stay alive :stuck_out_tongue: But now I know there’s so much flexibility for that, so I’d say I’m good.

Also, since this review has been overwhelmingly positive so far, I’ll include one nitpick in a spoiler if you don’t mind…I debated mentioning it, but I’ll go ahead. While I respect that each hair/eye color are represented for each gender, it unfortunately means that Sam, Josh, and Mike are the only of the 10 who might be something other than white or white-passing. I know hair dye/contacts exist, but most will assume these are the natural colors. On top of that, having two sets of blondes, despite dark hair being more common, just seems…unnecessarily white. Sorry if this opinion is unwelcome, but it stood out to me. If you don’t mind a (late, I know) suggestion, hazel eyes are actually not uncommon for people of color, so you might want to consider replacing the default hair of the nameless characters. That way, at least two more could look less white and more ambiguous.

P.S. To end on a high note, I know this is already long enough (my humble thanks to anyone who read through), but I have a song rec for Jack. Fall Out Boy’s “Just One Yesterday”. It’s pure violent thoughts against traditional religious notions/angels/etc, and there’s even a gem like this, perfect to direct at McCready: “Find yourself a new gig / This town ain’t big enough for two of us”. And the lines right after highlight his virtue: “I don’t have the right name o-o-or the right looks / But I have twice the heart” <3 Hope someone else enjoys this song for him too.


#2339

Welcome to Team Jack, baby. And you know, the abundance of white people was interesting for me too. Maybe something small can be done to help things a little bit there. What about making four or five of them brown eyed? Let’s say, Chelsea for example. The text says she dyes her hair blonde so now, being brown-eyed, she could be any ethnicity.

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed I know you’re a little busy lately, sorry :slight_frown: but I think I found a continuity error. So when you’re in the basement and Jack is telling you about his story, he says he kills Switch, Sonya tells him he did good and then shoves formaldehyde on his face. He says April gave her that, but 1. April wasn’t part of the family yet, and 2. that happened four years ago, so April was 8 at the time. Then again, maybe she wasn’t in the family, yet helped her sister out without asking too many questions… I just wanted to point that out.


#2340

@pimenita That continuity error isn’t a continuity error. April has been part of the family longer than Jack. The year that Jack joined, April and Sonya had split up for a while, and though the story doesn’t reference it directly, Jack only got introduced to April after the event with Switch happened. And April was tagging along with Sonya even before officially joining. Dig around some in future content and you may come up with some of this, but as I can see how it might be confusing right now, I’m letting it be known. April as a young child? Even creepier.

And ethnicity … oh ethnicity… it keeps rolling around to a sensitive point of contention: McCready. In the future custom character creation, I plan to allow ethnic variety… the problem is that I’ll need to put a choice at that point whether a player wants to subject their character to racial discrimination within the story or to opt out of that. It’s one of the reasons why I’m saving character creation until a later point in time- I’d need to weave in additional content.


#2341

@VagabondAce Oh my wow. You have stunned me with your in-depth comments! I will, when I have somewhat longer to spare, reply to you in full depth. For now, please let me simply say, thank you so, so much!


#2342

@VagabondAce I loved reading that! :grinning:

It’s based on something? Hmmm…I did NOT know that. I suppose that after I finish with finals I’ll have to binge-watch that series immediately. :smile:

Me too! She hates me! She wants to EAT me! :scream: (Well, me as myself.) Her sin and virtue are Gluttony and Diligence, so if you want her to like you, you have to raise those.

I KNOW I should probably be more wary of Sean than my self-insert actually is, but he’s just so interesting to talk to! :sweat_smile: Like you said, WOW can he make an argument. Did you get the dialogue where he makes Gary not wanting to kill people anymore sound like a terrible thing? And when he asks how many people you would kill to save the world? Try saying none-see what he says THEN. And prepare for your poor/incredibly selfish and hypocritical (depending on your POV) MC to be given a verbal beatdown. And he seems so calm and reasonable…it’s easy to forget how much danger you might actually be in. (Unlike, say, talking to McCready. :unamused:)

And yeah, April is awesome and hilarious.

I don’t think that’s been asked yet. And I second the question, @Shawn_Patrick_Reed.

Actually, I think my self-insert, as long as she survives Gran (and that’s a big as long as), MIIIGHT survive until the end. The real danger is her being slowly dragged to the dark side as she tries to change the Family from the inside (if that happens, don’t judge. I was in a very dark place in my life at 18).

Do it! Do it! Do it! :grinning: Then post about them like I do! I’d love to read someone ELSE’S fanfiction/writeups! And I’d also love to see how other people interpret the characters differently than I do. tingling with excitement

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed [spoiler] Also…I’ve been noticing something about Sean. He’s nearly unflappably calm…except when a character (either the MC in certain paths, or Gary) suggests that laws are actually created by consent or that there is any choice in joining the Family. Like, it’s the closest I’ve seen him get, outside of a certain special scene, to losing control and getting genuinely pissed off. It’s still barely noticeable, but you can see it if you’re paying attention. Conversely Jack seems to get upset if the MC suggests that there is no choice in the matter of joining (you always have a choice-while you’re tied to a chair unable to move :laughing:). Two very different worldviews there.

I think the reason why Jack gets upset is that kind of an anarchist who’s all about personal freedom…11 months out of the year (minus the one where he participates in kidnapping people against their will), and nobody likes having their hypocrisies waved in their face.

I wonder where Sean picked up the attitude about there being no choice at all though. I wonder if it has to do with the stigma of being a psychopath-the whole “you’re a psychopath, you MUST be EEVIL” thing. It’s starting to get to June after only 3 days of people constantly telling her she’s going to turn into a monster and there’s nothing she can do about it. I can’t imagine what a lifetime of that would do to somebody. :confounded:

Or maybe I’m totally off. I guess I’ll find out eventually. :smile:

[/spoiler]


#2343

She is just worried about your health friend, she wants you to have a healthy diet and exercise.