Monsters(WIP)- updated 04/27/17 -Link is updated



Oh, oh, @Lithophene -Not to forget this. Yeah, I’m aware of that one. About not really getting into a fight with Jack still leading to that. At present yeah, it kinda needs to be for the opening introduction if that happens, but I do want to come up with a way to smooth that out if you’re getting along.


I really like April. She’s on path to being the best character that I have ever read; in my fifth playthrough, I continually catch myself looking forward to her sections. The fact that she isn’t a RO makes her just that much better. The playlist you made for her contains some of my new favorite music. The best song is Get Some Sleep (I say at 2 in the morning)

I don’t hate Sonya anymore. She’s one of my least favorites, but hopefully her characters grows enough to where she isn’t always so pitiful.

Speaking of least favorites, that would be McCreedy. He needs to die. So annoying.

I would like more gore description on my first kill. How exactly did it die? Was it painful? I would also like more ways to kill him. Choose my own weapon, pace, catchphrase. That sort of thing. I did like the congratulatory speach, though.

If my last grammar check helped, I can pick it back up where I left off.

Congrats on finishing chapter 2, by the way. Excellent writing.


[quote=“Shawn_Patrick_Reed, post:2304, topic:10492”]
@Lithophene Jack can be a romance option for a male character. Doing so is more difficult than for a female character, though, and if you miss it, you miss it. But possible, yes it will be.
[/quote]Right on! :grin: Here’s hoping I don’t miss it.


[quote=“Lithophene, post:2308, topic:10492, full:true”]

Somehow I knew Jack was going to be in the eye of one of your MC’s … my only question is: will you commission a piece of art showing Jack and your MC? Perhaps as they go inside the cabin at the lake that fateful night? :innocent: :princess:


@Eleckar The grammar check you’ve done really, sincerely does help. Though there are a couple of things I’m stuck staring at trying to decide if I should change them or not. Stubbornness, I suppose. But I am working my way through the list and at least some amount of changes are taking place. A continuation is up to you, but if I’m doing a massive editing wave for the first two chapters where I go through the whole script anyway, might as well take care of everything I can.

@Lithophene To help you out- You’ll absolutely want to bunk with Jack during the hotel stay in the next chapter, and you’ll need to have fought with him (ie, got punched out by him) at some point in the story. I don’t have all the details until I write them, but you’ll want to join in on working out with him, and accept on having him teach you some self-defense. Have a high relationship with him, then flirt and make the right choices in the conversation that follows. Do so, and you’re in on the Jack route for a male character. A female character is partly similar, but there’s no need to have fought with him, and working out with him is optional- just the flirt and make the right choices part. Though that conversation might actually be trickier to navigate- I’m not sure yet. Just stay persistent. - And lo, one of my rare generous fore-spoiler moods.


Fun idea, but… it’s very doubtful. :joy: It’s mostly for two reasons: one, all of Jack’s tattoos would definitely cost me extra and two, I don’t know how I feel about investing in art for a character that isn’t technically mine, y’know? :sweat_smile:I like Mike, but he ain’t mine.

Huh… Does going redneck on Jack as Mike count as an opportunity to set that flag? It sounds like not all the guys get the opportunity to fight back against him when out in the woods with him. While not an angry fight with him, that’d be a good point for Jack to see that Mike has some fighting spirit but could use some proper training. I’m just brainstorming at this point mostly trying to figure out if I’m really gonna have to antagonize Jack just to romance him. :joy: Thanks for confirming though. You’re the best. :hugging:


@Shawn_Patrick_Reed THAT spoiler is definitely bookmarked! :smile: Muchas gracias!

This is probably a stupidly obvious question, but just to confirm (so I don’t have to retcon as many writeups later)…

Does trying to punch Jack and ending up KOed by him when he tries to put the handcuffs on the MC also set the fighting with him flag?

Do all the character paths besides Gran’s start in Chapter 3 at the hotel, or just Jack’s?

And poor Ashley-how will she ever choose who to stay with at the hotel when she’s interested in, like, half the cult? :laughing:


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34 Tied with Sean again! Curse you Chasity!

"I fucked your girlfriend. Well, I suppose they’re more of an ex to you, now. And I have at least twice a week sinse that party


A question: Since you were kind enough to enlighten everyone as to the test score of our family, can you tell us how many April points they have about now?

Health: You are healthy.
Lust: 41% Chastity: 59%
Gluttony: 66% Temperance: 34%
Greed: 67% Charity: 33%
Sloth: 64% Diligence: 36%
Wrath: 50% Forgiveness: 50%
Envy: 77% Kindness: 23%
Pride: 78% Humility: 22%
April: 95%
April: This isn’t love. This is pure respect.
Gran: 52%
Gran: Well aren’t you a sweet young thing?
Jack: 40%
Jack: So have you noticed anything missing lately? Hopefully things you care about?
McCready: 48%
McCready: McCready is a strong and organized leader, and keeps an air of professionalism between you.
Sean: 73%
Sean: You are interesting. He would like to learn more about you. He is also willing to drop his facade around you. Occasionally you may be allowed to see his true self.
Sonya: 36%
Sonya: Fuck you. Not in the fun way.
Monster: 57%

I feel like everyone likes me slightly more than before… except for Sean who likes me slightly less.

Sonya seems slightly less of a worst enemy to me.


I finished re-doing and editing and updating Calliope’s (the unnamed artsy girl) writeup. There were some glaring (at least glaring to me-I’m not sure if anybody else noticed or not) inconsistencies there that I fixed, along with a bunch of other stuff I decided to re-write while I was at it. So I strongly suggest that you all re-read this one in its entirety. A lot was changed. :slight_smile: And now anyone on this forum who knows the first thing about Satanism can stop snickering at me from behind their hands! :grin:

And @Gregory_Pena …your enthusiasm is partly responsible for how quickly this writeup was completed. Thank you! :blush:




I had other things come up, but I finally finished reading your write-up, and it was incredibly good. You really have a gift for writing these. One question though: did Calliope change her orientation when she became older?


@Gregory_Pena Oh, thank you. :blush: You’re too nice.

As of the edited and changed writeup, Calliope has always been a lesbian. :smile: In what I wrote originally she was bisexual though…did you see any lingering references to that? If you did, can you please quote them so I can find and fix them? Thanks! :slight_smile:

Other things that I guess could’ve made her orientation a little ambiguous is that she was turned on by Sonya being into poly and saying that she “really, really liked” Jack.

Calliope wouldn’t seek out sex with men on her own, but she’s kind of a sexual rebel and if Sonya’s into poly with all genders like that, she’d be willing to accommodate her. She wasn’t really turned on by the thought of sex with David per se, and she’d greatly prefer poly with other women such as Sam J, but she’d be turned on enough by doing something that society considers “wrong” that she could do it if that’s what Sonya wanted.

Calliope does “really, really like” Jack, but only as a friend. From what I’ve read in the game, like him saying multiple times how flattering her dress is, Jack is almost certainly interested in her, but alas, as with Sonya, his romantic inclinations are unrequited. :cry:


I have played through the game a number of times before and really enjoyed it, so when I saw it was updated I was glad to have the chance to play through more of it. That said, I’m not sure if I’ve missed it before, but I came across something that seemed off to me. Given how intelligent April is supposed to come across as, the fact that she would say, “merely-could-care-less” during your introduction to her, instead of saying, “merely-could-not-care-less” seems at issue to me. Not sure why it was so jarring to throw me out of the reading this time if it’s been that way all the other times I have read it, but does not seem like a mistake she would make.

Going back to playing it now, just felt I had to point that out.


You get 1,000 April points for out-Apriling April. Congratulations.


Ahh, ahhh! pretending to freak out April’s dere is showing. throws a blanket over it XD I think, on that part, it’s supposed to be ‘could-merely’- but that was written so long ago I don’t know what was in my head at the time. Though if you replace the word ‘merely’ with only, which completely works for the same meaning, you get ‘I-only-could-care-less-if-you-were-to-keel-over-and-die-right-now.’ indicating she’s expressing she cares not at all, and the only thing that would make it less is for you to pass away for her to be done with you. … She’s so friendly, isn’t she? XD

Anywhoo, well, CScomp has started. And that will be taking up almost the -entirety- of my free-time regard this month.


Of course it probably would have been double that if you had managed to out-April April in the month of April. Bummer. What day is it again?


April’s sister May resents your attitude and will dock you 5,000 May points and give them to Eiwynn and then texts April tattling on you. (May just turned 6 today).


Please, May is 2063 years old having been born with the Julian Calendar. She’s too old to care about me.


I read it over and I didn’t notice any reference being made to her being bisexual, so the correction was made.

Also, I noticed that Calliope is “the unnamed artsy girl.” I have a guy equivalent of that which I play. He’s usually called either Ryan, Connor, or Dylan depending on what I feel.

You really are great at character write ups. I like to write too, but you are really good at it.


Woah, how did you get Sean to like you so much?