Monsters(WIP)- updated 04/27/17 -Link is updated



@buggygirl11 I play Josh and I chose [spoiler] to kill Gary because I was sure they were going to kill the MC if I didn’t; but when he tried he couldn’t do it --which I’m glad–. I’m currently riding with the cool guys: Sonya and Jack. So yay for Josh n_n

I would’ve done the same, if my life’s in danger I would probably think Better you than me, but I don’t think I have the guts to off someone, so yeah, pretty much what happened. [/spoiler]

@Gregory_Pena the same happens everytime I play Josh. He’s always commando.


@buggygirl11 firstly, I’d like to say that I love reading your writeups, if you make that Tumblr please let me know. Secondly in that situation I’d be “it’s me or you buddy” but like @pimenita I have doubts if I’d be able to do it in the end. And I’ve done way too many playthroughs to remember what each character did. But most of them were able to off Gary without too much of a problem and are riding with Sonya and Jack.


@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Oh yes, I noticed the change in the stats screen. :innocent: to :imp:

Of course I’ll post the links here. :smile: I only want to put them on Tumblr so people here can read them in their entirety without me having to use 3 posts to avoid the character limit.

And it makes me so happy to hear you enjoy my writeups so much. :blush:

More comments:

Sonya and Jack are your tour bus partners even if both totally hate you…so I wonder if they were chosen because they’re the ones who would be best at emotionally supporting MCs after the morning’s events. They definitely seem to be trying to lighten the mood and cheer things up. Though personally…June’s really not in the mood to pretend to be happy right now. Her thoughts are going a mile a minute and she’s trying to make some major life decisions here, so Jack and Sonya can either answer her (MANY) serious questions or leave her alone to think. :smile:

Jack’s silence throughout the entire Gary debacle was deafening. Seriously, I don’t think he said ONE. WORD. from the time Gary came in until after he was dead. Having behaved like this myself many a time, I’m guessing he was feeling pretty guilty, but not willing to risk the consequences of speaking up about his misgivings?

@pimenita @Ylva Thanks for answering! :smiley: As for what I’d do…well, June’s writeup is coming soon enough, and though, her being me from 3 years ago, not all of her decisions are EXACTLY the same as what I’d do now…this pretty much is the same then and now.

And OF COURSE I’m posting links to the Tumblr when I make it, and then whenever a character writeup is updated. I only write these things for you guys on the forum-who would read them otherwise? :smile: I’m only doing it at all because the writeups are exceeding the forum’s character limit, and it’s only the end of Chapter 2. And I’m not sure how to link to the Word document I’ve stored them all on currently.

@Ylva @Shawn_Patrick_Reed hasn’t sent me the game’s script…YET (hint hint nudge nudge), but I’m pretty sure everyone is riding with Sonya and Jack, even if they completely hate the MC.


How dose the mc kill Gary


Spoiler!!! It’s near the end of chapter 2. If you do you pass the test, if you don’t you’re gonna be traveling in the trunk.


@Ylva Oh right…the trunk! I have actually gotten that scene, but it slipped my mind for a second. :sweat_smile: What I meant to say was, if you’re riding in the car, I’m pretty sure you’re riding with Jack and Sonya.

I’m not sure what it takes to get the trunk scene though. I don’t think it’s just failing your test. Mike passed, and he got tossed in the trunk regardless. Calliope and June failed, but they got to ride in the car.


Hmm :thinking: … Well, I guess now I know how I’ll be spending my evening.
Darn you author! Why must your game be so good!?


@Dark_Stalker Could you please give me a bit more context whereabouts in the story you found that miscode? It’s been a long time sinse I last worked on some parts of it, and I need to find it to edit it. :\

@Gregory_Pena XD chuckles Yes, the different MCs have different underwear selections (or lack thereof).

Which way chapter 2 closes out is dependant upon a hidden stat. Doing the thing in ‘that choice’ makes it hard to fail (but possible)- not doing the thing makes it hard to succeed (but not impossible).

Hey, does anyone remember the posts about things I needed to edit after the Sonya section update? There were like four things I still need to do- I guess I’m going to need to go hunt down those old posts. Those edits are still at large.

@buggygirl11 Yeah, I know- I had a good nap today. I’ll see what I can do now, and if you see any bugs or things out of place, let me know.



Are you interested in grammatical revisions?


Possibly. I am certainly interested in grammar being pointed out, whether I think to leave it or change it. Thinking about it, there were a few things I was going to change on that front with the last update that I never got around to, so yes, please.


I found it on one of the responses to April in the car, I think it may have “I know that doesn’t prove anything”


Thank you. Found it, corrected it- but the correction won’t show up until I update again.


I’m currently fixing some inconsistencies about whether or not Gary has a burlap sack over his head during and after the fact- making sure that’s consistent. And making it ever so slightly easier for you to do the thing if he does have the sack. I’ll also be correcting some small inconsistencies in some pathings on April’s 2TaaL section. I know that’s not it, so anything pointed out is appreciated, and apologies if I have anyone point out anything that already has been. I should have fixed it the first time but there are things I never got around to.


There was a bug during Sean’s monologue with April just after the other people left the basement. Sean was droning on when what he says if you have a good relationship with him appeared and in the paragraph right below it was what he says if you have a bad relationship with him.


@Ylva If you have the ability to, could you please PM me a screenshot of that? Thank you, if you’re able.



Capitalize “Beast.” (Propper noun)
Comma instead of period.

Awkward phrasing, consider rewording

Comma instead of period

Commas to seperate adjectives

Consider using an adjective other than “really” three times in a row.

Comma instead of period

There are several more instances where you use commas instead of periods in dialogue.

Consider revising to: “But, you know second hand stores – can’t always get what you want. Occasionally good things come through, though.”

Insert “that” before “you’re”

Awkward. Consider rephrasing.

Comma inside quotations.

Would be better if quote was in a new paragraph.

Semicolon instead of comma. (after listening)

“he” before "almost always. . . "

Consider breaking into two paragraphs. One has the topic of where the reader knows him from, the other describing his attributes.

Surround interjections with commas.

Consider breaking into two paragraphs.

Consider rewording. Elipses should only be used when ommitting.

This should be one sentence.

coding error Space before start of quotation

coding error Excessive spacing

coding error Excessive spacing

There are several typos in Sean’s cabin scene (about religion)

Not a complete sentence.

Died because I chose to name myself Sean. That’s unfortunate. Till next time, then.
I do like April’s rant about not wanting to have two rivals. [/spoiler]


Is there a reason why you put Adam as not wearing underwear? Usually, when I think of a jock, I would think of him as wearing a jockstrap. At least, that’s what I’d think as an American, so him not having that on was a bit surprising.


Thank you. This much is going to take me a while to go through, and I have another edit lined up before I can get to this. I’ll let you know when I start in on it- I’m thinking it likely I won’t have time tonight, and I’ll be gone tomorrow. I’ll address each matter brought up individually when I begin in on them.


This is quite honestly the most well written (albeit incomplete) game I have played in choicescript. You have done a fantastic job thus far!
The only thing that made me lose immersion was the lack of character creation. I would like to see when that is added. Also, I would like to see more religious options for the player (don’t know if they exist for characters other than Mike). It seems I was only able to specifiy my religion if I roomed with Sean. It would be great to see the option to thelogically debate with McCready (or maybe even Sean), specifically over “the choice” (thout shalt not murdur, forgive thy enemies, etc.) The goal that comes to mind for me is to attempt to convince McCready of the error of his ways through debating theology and such with him. I feel as though this would be an interesting approach to allow.


Further talk on beliefs and religion will feature further in the story, never fear. Either near the end of chapter 3, or middle of chapter 4 (at this point, I’m not sure which).