@AbbyMCGonagall Well thatās an ego booster. Thank you, I really appreciate it.
@FutbolDude21586 Hopefully youāll be able to give me your thoughts soon, iām trying to push through the first chapter a fast as possible to get to the good stuff.
@Megus Thatās a good idea. Iāll do a bit of rewriting to make this make more sense. To answer that for now though, yes, itās a medieval era, but its a mix between eras. The world itself is a bit crazy and not everything makes sense, such as Isabelās cigarettes and Clive being a robot. Iāve taken ideas from different eras and used magic and the intelligence of different races to explain the reasoningās, but for the most part, you could probably still call bull on a lot of things you might encounter.
@Scarytaco35 Psst. You can summon ppl with their username.
Just like Discord, wthout the user-number thingy.
hmmm hrrrmm uhh Iām gonna need you to explain what that means. This is the first time iāve ever used a forum like this, or even talk on the internet in general.
Itās interesting I wish we could choose race
Great! @Scarytaco35 I would recommend doing the discobot tutorial to learn more forum tricks, also to go back and @ everyone you were replying to in your old posts so that they can see you answered them 
Iām pretty sure youāre going to have to be really careful on how far you push your characters with their horribleness since if itās too bad then itāll be a no no. Iām fairly certain sexual abuse wonāt be accepted
Small update, just fixed a few things mentioned and added couple extra pages. Donāt worry, Youāll all get a proper demo soonish.
One way to escape from the wall of text would be introducing us to the world when we are a child in the story.
Interesting characters! I honestly thought Clive was also a human being, but I guess not.
@Umbreonpanda Awesome, now thatās what Iām f***ing talking about! Catch all of my spelling errors! Yes! And yea, theyāre the guards. Might add a bit more to them. Kinda forgot about them myself to be honest. They become more prominent as the chapter goes on though. Clive being a robot isnāt important yet and the prologue is intentionally vague. He gets explained a lot better as the story goes on. Heās a major character after all.
@Nomad33810 You know I really like that idea. The problem with it is that I would have to completely rewrite what I already have. But if people canāt seem to grasp the larger picture thatās going on, I might do that to help ease people into the setting.
@Vic Ah this is an inevitable issue. Now before anyone gets mad at me, sexual abuse wonāt appear right in front of your character as of now, however itās part of three of the main characters backstories, and I donāt wanna shy away from exploring the topic because it is a major reasoning behind the mentality of the characters. If anyone has questions about any triggering content, I would be more than happy to explain what I have planned for those topics to an extent. Donāt wanna give away too much.
I like the story monster hunt it has good feel in to it
Jarring scene transitions, weird dialog, multiple grammer mistakes, and tone all over the place. Everything feels rushed and unplanned, do we know the main characterās thoughts, for the most part it seems we are watching him, not controlling him?
And no proper exposition regarding the state of affairs and the rules of this universe, state of magic, life, races, afterlife/religion.
I canāt grasp the setting, seems fantasy, but the dialog seems apocalyptic, like how captain goes on his semi-religius speech with all the -eths, but in the next scene heās cursing like a sailer.
Very interesting premise! If I may offer my humble opinion, I believe that the overall writing of this piece would be greatly improved by some descriptive narrative. Chiefly, during the first interaction. Descriptions of the surroundings, the people, and expansion on the sensory experience, would serve you well. This would alleviate the disjointed feel of the story, and give the reader a better idea of what is happening. A good example of this, is when you first introduced the investigator. The description made the character seem tangible. Perhaps you could employ similar technique to the introductory scene, the forest, the robot, the castle description, etc. I would also suggest finding a way to give the reader a better sense of ātime and placeā, which would help settle us into the role of the MC. I understand the imperative to ājump right into the actionā, but as @Theguyfive_Jbra has stated, a bit of exposition seems necessary. As it stands, it is very difficult to determine the nature of the world you created, though I realize that this may be intentional. I must say, that the dialogue is very entertaining, and I know that if you continue in this vein, the story will be highly enjoyable! Good luck!
You might want to shy away from dnd terms, since outside of dnd players those wonāt mean anything to anyone.
Like replace tiefling with cambion, genasi is a tough one though.
@stsword I get what you saying, but Iām going to go through and describe each race as you come across them. It shouldnāt end up being to big of a deal, although if it does, I certainly will figure something out.
@Blmc000 Hey Blmc! Nice of you to stop by. Hope your book is going well. Your right about it being intentional to keep things vague at the start, but after rereading the story, I agree with you. Things do need to be described better, and Iāll start working on that after I finish the chapter. Almost done with it and wanna finish it before going back.
@Theguyfive_Jbra Iām gonna go ahead and address your points from easiest to talk about to hardest. For the grammar mistakes, yes Iām aware and Iām fixing them as I find them or theyāre pointed out to me. The character you play as is intentionally meant to be a bit fixed in the start, just to get things going. You fully fill in the shoes in the next chapter. For the state of affairs, thats intentional as well, I want to feed that to you as you go. Iām not sure what you mean by rules of the universe, the planet still orbits the sun and all that. Can you explain that one to me? As for being rushed, to be honest, it is a little bit. Iām looking forward to the next few chapters and really want to write those soon, I guess it shows a bit, but I will fix that problem. Iām also not sure what you mean by weird dialog. From what you highlighted, it seems like your talking about the way I structured it. If thatās the problem I can easily fix that, but if your saying the way the characters talk is odd, Iām not sure what to tell you, or how to fix that without rewriting the characters. Each character talks in a particular way to seem unique. Victor for instance snaps, yells, and cusses a lot, while the Captain for instance is more reserved. Jarring scene transitions perplexes me as well. Thereās only two real scene transitions, one being from the prologue to the first chapter, and of course thatās gonna be a harder cut. Your going from Victor to your character in two different places and times, although admittedly the time part isnāt explained. The second is intentional as I wanted a jump cut from a crowd in uproar to a quiet interrogation. The tone is different depending on who your interacting with, and thatās not something I can fix easily. The tone does settle in as you go on in the story, but if you could maybe give an example of what exactly your talking about, I can try to address it.
What got you to make monster hunter
@Takashi_Shin Ooooh aināt that a question right there. Well first off I didnāt make Monster Hunter, though I am looking forward to playing that soon on PC. However what got me working on Monster Hunt was a mix between my dnd sessions, my love for the characters, my slightly above average English grades, and the other cog books and hosted books like Mecha Ace, which was my first, Samurai of Hyuga, Choice of the Deathless, and most recently Wayhaven, just to name a few of my personal favorites. Theres probably a bit more I could talk about, like how this story came to be, but I donāt want this post to go on forever.
Psst, got another update. Still small, but thatās because Iāve decided that the story would flow better if I turned the first chapter into two separate chapters. So for now hereās the rest of Chapter 1, along with a few tweaks. I think I figured out what I was doing wrong earlier. I was pushing to much to fast to get to the parts I really want to write, so Iāve slowed down my process. Hopefully it shows with the rest of the chapter, and with the rest of the story once I get there.