Mommy, We Created a Plot Hole! [Rewrite in Progress]

nonbinary-inclusive
all-ages-fiction
cross-genre
gender-choice

#202

The first HG game that has tagalog words, and i already like it.

I hope you finish the game rather than abandoning it.

Good luck!!!


#203

@Natman1025 That’s one way to hit two birds with one stone! :stuck_out_tongue:

And I’m glad you think Lily comes off that way! Hehe.

@Abe That’s a nice and thoughtful wish. I won’t spoil much but I’ll say that the genie is at least not a literal or jackass genie. Probably. :wink:

@Isabella_Taylor Yup! Good thinking. That’s definitely better than a one off wish, and people can’t say that you’re being greedy either!

Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to improve that scene? Like, was there something you wanted to say or ask but couldn’t?

And thanks! Which among the story worlds (in the first post) are you most excited about if you don’t mind me asking?

@BABYCRY Well, it’s not an HG yet, but thank you! I’ll try my best to finish it.


So apparently half of the people aren’t really sure who they’ll pick as the bestfriend yet. That’s fair, but I’d really appreciate it if people would give me some ideas on how I can improve that part.

Anyway, some behind the scenes update:

I just overhauled the relationships system so that it’s much simpler for me to keep track of. But you probably don’t care about it anyway if you haven’t seen the code. :stuck_out_tongue:

  • Crushes will just be either true or false, instead of having a “crush meter” for everyone.
    • The “Crushes” section in the diary is now removed, but there’s still no limit to how many you can have, and you can decide anytime that you don’t like them anymore. :wink:
    • There’ll be a new “Romantic” Trait. :heart:
  • Relationships is now a single separate stat instead of the average of two variables.
    • The Emotional stat no longer grants relationship bonuses based on its value, which was very inconsistent.
      • Instead, the Emotional Trait now also increases Relationship Gains by 15% and Losses by 30% while the Reserved Trait now also reduces Relationship Gains by 15% and Losses by 30%. (Numbers may be adjusted for balancing later.)
      • A new locket has been added: Pearls grant a +20% Emotional Bonus.
    • The Rose Quartz locket relationship bonus has been increased from 10% to 15%, and now increases your relationship with your parents by 2.
      • Speaking of gems, Aquamarine and Malachite are now renamed to Sapphire and Peridot, respectively. Bonus points if you can figure out why I did that :wink:
  • There’ll be a new stat called “approval points” that determine how much you like a character. This won’t be shown anywhere, but it wouldn’t have any major effect on how others would react toward you, only how your character views them.

Anddd unfortunately that’s all the time I have for this weekend. I’ll give updates again soon!


#204

I think the main issues with that scene is the page breaks. It comes off as a bit clunky and would be better if there weren’t so many. It’s been a while since I played through but I remember thinking how odd it was that there were so many. Maybe just eliminate the page breaks and put all the “texts” on one page, unless we are commenting on something.


#205

The screen reader settings actually change how the text is displayed (I added it in an update), but I have taken notice of this and I’ll move the settings there before the scene so it’s much clearer. :slightly_smiling_face: Thanks for the feedback!


#206

Hi again! Here’s a sneak peek of the new chat scene.

Summary

Wayne: Guys? What’s up?
Michael don’t tell me it’s the ceiling again.
Or the sky.
Roselyna: hiii wayne!
Wayne: Oh hey, what’re you eating?
Roselyna: how did u know im eating
Wayne: Uhh, it’s meryenda time? (snack time)
I mean, you’re always hungry. :stuck_out_tongue:
Roselyna: :rage: i hate u
do u want some cookies? :cookie:
Wayne: Syempre! (Of course)
But I also want to be with you
Because you’re like a magnet
Stuck to you like I’m covered in glue
Roselyna: ang corny mo talaga (you’re so corny)
tapos ka na ba sa assignment? (Are you done with the assignment?)
Wayne: Yeah, that’s my problem.
I’m still not sure what to put in my career day assignment.
I talked to Daddy but I still can’t decide between the 12 jobs I want.
Roselyna: wow 12?!
maybe u should be a poet
heehee :smile:
Wayne: That’s not a real job!
I think?
There are lots of exciting jobs I want to try.
Eh, ikaw? (How about you?)
Ballerina? Princess? Baker? Hehe. XD
Roselyna: gusto ko maging teacher (I wanna be a teacher)
Lily: lol
Roselyna: but i also wanna be a dancer or a baker
oh hi
Lily: Syempre, ikaw pa. Haha. (Of course, it’s you)
Wayne: Oh, cool! But I thought you’d like being a doctor like @JM.
You can be a dancing piglet that teaches people how to bake!
Lily: Doctor? lol. She’d just be icked out by gross things.
Wayne: @ Lily Hey, you don’t greet Roselyna by teasing. :angry:
Lily: Says the one who called her a piglet.
Wayne: Well, a cute piglet. Hehe. :stuck_out_tongue:
Michael: WHO DARES SUMMON ME?
Oh, it’s just the leapling.
I thought someone was going to brag about how she got a higher score in our quiz againnn.
@ Wayne Duuuude, don’t be like my parents.
Go ask them if you still can’t decide what job you want. Maybe they’ll help you decide something for you that you don’t actually want.
Roselyna: @JM you dont wanna be a doctor and help people?
Michael: I can help people in other ways. No way I’d want to spend my whole life around sick people.
Wayne: I doubt your parents would like me anyway.
Michael: Ohhh I can imagine.
“Wayne is such a bad influence, JM!”
“He’s not even at the Top 5! How can you be friends with him?” :stuck_out_tongue:
Wayne: Not in front of @Roselyna!
You’re making me look bad.
She already thinks all boys that aren’t you are stupid.
I’m silly and weird, not a bad influence. I think.
Roselyna: its ok wayne, JM can be stupid too sometimes heehee
just not as much as you :heart:
Michael: Not sure if I should be proud of that.
Lily: @Roselyna Finally something we can agree on XD
Michael: For the nth time Lily!
You’re not really going to let me forget this. are you?
Lily: I’m not bragging. I’m the secretary. it’s my job to keep tally.
Michael: Keep tally of everyone’s activities, more like.
Lily: Shh delete that!
Your parents knows your password, right?
*know
Michael: Oh yeahhh, gotta keep the detective’s work secret :wink:
Lily: seriously :expressionless:
Michael: Fine, just stop rubbing it in my face.
Lily: That I got 5 more points than our class president?
Who’s also the Top 1 in our class?
Michael: Sige langgg (Sure, keep doing that)
Underdogs always win anyway.
Lily: You’re the underdog now?
Wayne: Uy, hey @Thing_One/Two!


Any feedback is appreciated!

Is the flow much better now? I tried introducing W&R first, then Lily, then Michael, instead of all of them talking at the start.

As for the choices, there will be a choice focusing on you talking to each one of them, so hopefully their personalities will be much clearer.

That’s all for now!


#207

I feel like Lily was a bit overshadowed in that but it’s much better in my opinion =)


#208

Yup, I thought so too, although she’ll be more active in the following conversation.

Thanks for the feedback! I had fun writing it. :slightly_smiling_face:


#209

Hiiii! The story is no longer in hiatus. :tada:

I’m still busy for the next week or so, but the worst of it is finally over. I just hope I did well enough. :crossed_fingers:


Anyway, I’m starting to write again, but I think I’m going to change how I do the notification messages.

I don’t really know if it’s worth the effort of writing additional lines each time a stat changes, so now I’m leaning towards using more generic descriptions for the notifications instead, since it’s sooo hard to think of them. Plus it’s less vague and I can automate it to some extent using *gosub.

By “generic notifications”, I mean stuff like “I feel sillier” or “I feel a little closer with my twin”, rather than context-specific messages. And I think it feels more fitting anyway since the locket makes you feel them. You’re not actively thinking about it most of the time.

I’ll still have to write lines when a choice changes more than two stats or relationships at a time though, or whenever I think of something appropriate, so it’ll be a nice middle ground.

Also, I’m still figuring out what counts as “important” notification, or whether I should place a notification at all whenever something in the narrative has changed as a result of stats/certain traits. I should probably include stat increases as important though, even if they’re a minor +1 increase.


#210

Welcome back!


Your changes will be fine I am sure of it, best of luck and that I am looking forward to see more of it


#211

Popping in to give you thumbs up for the story :slight_smile: I like how you captured the childlike thinking combined spiced with gentle humour. The first few screens (is that what they are called) are a nice touch and definitely felt like I was experiencing them along with the MC. I’ll have to take a peak at your code, to see how you managed that.

A few suggestions/questions

When writing about Auto-boys, is the

They can’t even transform.

intentional?

Gained SIlver Spoon Trait

*Silver

And then there this part

I grew up in my aunt and uncle’s mansion, and as a result I find being independent a little hard. Not that I mind. It means I get to study in a private school and have lots of allowance. Being rich also makes me more charming, I guess.

written in italics and it confused me for a moment, since you used italics before for when MC was writing a story. Would it possible to change this somehow?

I’ll be back with more :slight_smile:


#212

Thanks! :blush: I’m glad you liked the writing very much. I’m really busy right now, but I thought I’d drop here really quick.

Oh, and what part of the beginning did you want to know? I’ll be happy to explain.

Comments

I honestly don’t even remember what my thought process was there. :sweat_smile: I think I’ll leave that for now since I’m planning on rewriting the prologue anyway.

Hmm, maybe I should enclose this with parentheses? It’s part of the notifications. All stat notifications are displayed in italics, but I enclosed them in parentheses in the writing part to avoid confusion with the narrative.


And by the way, thanks to @kirakana I have now decided to rename the story into…

:milky_way: Mommy, We Created a Plot Hole!

I still like The Inter-Literary Adventurers, so it will still be included in the story as a possible group name. (I know, I’m terribly indecisive.)

There’ll be no polls this time, but I thought I’d mention it first before I update the thread title. So do tell me if you have any comments, opinions, or violent reactions :stuck_out_tongue:


#213

What a wonderful title you got there :rainbow:

Found this:
slika

On rewriting the prologue - is there any specific feedback that could help you with the revision?

The answer, which is off topic

Mostly, I want to know how to change the screen to black & how to insert the symbols you used in the Stats tab. I’m sure I could probably find tutorials on this somewhere on the forum, but I find it easier to learn, while sifting through someone else’s work. I did notice you asked people not to look at your code due to spoilers and I respect that, so no code digging for me :slight_smile:

In-short: I just hope to learn more about how to add visual and text effects (text styling).


#214

Oh, I’m already aware of that, but thanks for reporting! It’s actually empty, so you’re not really missing out on anything.

Mostly just general feedback and any suggestions for choices that you felt like you wanted to do. I’m happy enough to get any kind of feedback. :blush:


This is the code for changing the background color:

*script changeBackgroundColor("sepia")
*script changeBackgroundColor("black")

I don’t think *script is officially supported by CoG, but I just thought it would look cool. Oh, and I just copy pasted those symbols. Nothing fancy. It was just a lot of testing if the symbols looked nice.

That said, no one’s really going to stop you if you want to peek at the code, it’s just really messy right now :sweat_smile: I’d be happy to take a look at your WIP too, but I’m still busy right now.


#215

I just started on this, but I must say that this is quite good!


#216

That’s an amazing title. :blush:


#217

Yay! I’m free! :tada: Time to sleep for the whole day I can finally continue writing for about a month or so before I get busy again.

And to anyone who missed it: Yup! I just changed the title. Again. Sorry for any confusion. :blush:


I’ve made a tiny update on the demo to change the title. I might have caused a plot hole in the process because I copied my files from another computer, but I think I fixed most of it. :sweat_smile:

I also changed some achievement information since I wanted to ask while you guys wait for the update: Which of the achievements are you most interested in? Do you have any questions about the quests and achievements? :thinking:

I’m going to plot the rest of the story once I’m done with the update, so until then, the list isn’t final. I’ll certainly add some more achievements for completing sidequests and maybe consolidate some of them since there’ll probably be too many.


@alphasquid Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it. :blush:


#218

i’m mostly interested on the parent’s subplot so i’m curious on what really happened to them.

i don’t know why but i find the “There’s a “Forever””'s title to be hilarious; probably because of that saying we have.


#219

Man if there is something I never would’ve thought of seeing in this forums it is a game that takes place in the Philippines! Kamusta aking kababayan? :smiley:

So yeah, feeling giddy due to seeing a fellow Filipino aside, this is honestly by far probably going to be my most fave game here at least gameplay based. It is so ambitious how much you made this feel so much like an RPG while simultaneously making it make sense in the context of the story! I guess my only criticism in the way it was coded was just that the stat menu sometimes lags a lot whenever I open it though maybe its just my device? I dunno.

The story has tons of potential! I love how costumizable it is and it does make me feel like these choices are my own and the way I am plying this now is very possibly different from the way others are playing it! Once again though it wasn’t without flaws and my only gripe honestly is that some of the dialogue ends up feeling cheesy for me but thats just my subjective taste talking. Other than that, I would love to see you possibly expand on the other genres your MC is writing since I ended up enjoying the Fantasy story more because of how costumizable it is, maybe do something like in the Sci Fi settings where you open up with more lore about say your fave robot or something? Because I felt like the Sci Fi and Mystery kinda suffered the most out of this to be honest. I guess I was just looking for more out of those Stories but if that was all you were planning anyways then it is fine.

Its cool to see a felllow countryman trying to make something out of Choice Script. I was honestly surprised when Tagalog was mentioned and I nearly flipped. Man Filipinos are everywhere in the internet, I’m not even surprised anymore haha.


#220

Heehee. :blush: It’s also nice to see other Filipinos around here.

Heh, it’s probably your connection. That also happens to me a lot. Does it load faster the next time you open it?

Ooh, what parts exactly, if you don’t mind? :sweat_smile: I’m doing an editing pass of what I’ve written right now, so that would be helpful!

Yup, I’m aware that the stories aren’t written equally (including the stats). I plan to address this in a further update but this is going to take a lot of planning so I’m holding off on doing it for now.

Thanks for the feedback! I’m glad you liked it. :smiley: Who’s your favorite character so far?


@Abe Hehe. Do you have any wild guesses about what happened to them? I’m going to be littering the story with clues so keep an eye out for them! It’s probably easy to guess now that I changed the title, but… :smirk:


#221

thats really good and so much Awwwwwww

Take mah money! and give me MOAR! ;0)