Sounds really good can’t wait for more
Quite good, can’t wait for the rest.
i agree with @idonotlikeusernames point.
btw, @shilo_pace there is some typo i found :
-
your heat beats so loud and fast its almost madding. (i believe you mean heartbeat)
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Rule are simple both teams will enter the arena once their gates open and ether using their bare hands or objects thrown in (i advice you to add “,” so it will be “Rule are simple, both teams will enter the arena” and then i believe you mean either not ether)
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Well Scrap gathers things the pale pair rushes at you.
and
- Well he takes care of that you focus on your not down opponent.
and then
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before telling the audience where the bathrooms are well they wait for the next match to start.
(if you change well to while , it will make sense) -
Scrap runs up to join you his prize griped tightly in his claws. (i believe it should be : Scrap runs up to join you with his prize griped tightly in his claws)
-
“You try’s to hard, Scraps dirty tactics always win’s the fight. Now what shall’s we do till din din?” (it should be too hard i guess, oh and it’s not You try’s but You were trying and i want to know what is din din mean XD)
-
He unwraps the bundle a bit revealing a egg. (it should be an egg i believe)
and then i’ve noticed that you often write with out, her self, relation ship with space in between two word when as long as i know it should be without space, so it will be without, herself, relationship
well, that’s it… please someone correct me if i’m wrong coz english isn’t really my native languange. and Good Luck for you @shilo_pace !! i love the idea of the story, it’ll be a great story after you polished it more 
i’ll stick around.
After stepping on the guard’s hand and running away,
the first choice should be Escape through to door straight ahead. other than that I really enjoyed the game.
I can’t play, everytime this error “Our apologies; there was a 404 error while loading game data. Please refresh your browser now; if that doesn’t work, please email support-external@choiceofgames.com with details” randomly appears and my progress is lost. But i really liked the game 
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I’ll have those fixed by the next update. The exception is the way scrap talks. Scrap is supposed to speak kind of wrong and din din means dinner.
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Update posted let me know if there are problems.
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uhm… 
somehow i always get this error :
Our apologies; there was a 404 error while loading game data. Please
refresh your browser now; if that doesn’t work, please email
support-external@choiceofgames.com with details.
eventhough my inet still connected. and this happened after a dream scene, where we get to meet the gods. and i notice there is still much word “well” that didn’t get fix to “while”, should i mark all of it for you ?
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Yes marking my well’s would be helpful.
as for your error i looked into it, that error occurs when you reach the end of the demo at least for the ending you got in the intro. as of right now the only way to keep playing is to get the arena slave ending as thats the only route i have finished. though even that will give the same error once you get to the end of chapter 1.
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“Our apologies; there was a 404 error while loading game data. Please refresh your browser now; if that doesn’t work, please email support-external@choiceofgames.com with details” appears after choosing the light mother - sorry was not paying attention to post
this is it for now, i’ll report more typo i found later 
:
He raises his brows doubting that you can do it. “I’ll let you try but if you try anything funny with my phone I’ll break your hands.” He grumbles well handing you his phone (while)
“Hey not bad kid, your smarter then you look.” He says going back to playing. (you’re)
Your housed in your cage a few days well the slavers find some on to buy you. (You’re and while)
You reach the door pulling hard on the handle. The door opens revealing a short hallway. There’s doors on ether side but straight ahead is a door labelled exit. (did you mean There’s no doors ?)
The man introduces him self as Frank Sheets the owner of the towns blood sport arena. (himself)
“It’s not so bad kid, why if you win enough matches I’ll give your freedom back.” (i guess there is no need for “why” word to be there)
Your taken to the arena to live in the slave quarters below. (you’re)
By the time your seventeen (you’re)
“Working togeither we have come to you in order to change the future.” (together)
He hands you the ball in it you see a man with a scar across his face wearing the kings crown. The green cloud pushes Doctus out of the way. (its better if you add comma in between, like this : the ball, in it you)
“Walter can not remain king (you should add comma here) he will lead Eriedge to ruin and war.”
If your going to be on the throne then you can’t be some arena slave. (you’re)
well… that’s it, and it will be great if someone else can point out any mistake i made, coz im not really sure with past/present tenses (english isn’t my native languange) so i just point out typo that i know. sorry for not be able to help much more than it 
EDIT : next report here~
“I must save my energy to help you in the blood tournament, I’m sorry but I will calm her in passing.” Sospes’s voice leaves you. (Him)
James doges most questions like he dodges punches. (dodges)
You shrug asking what some one into men is supposed to look like. (someone)
Just as your about to respond he changes the subject (you are or you’re)
“Welcome to tonight’s blood tournament, a special treat is prepared. it’s a freedom match against a drake!” You here the announcers say through the door. (hear or heard /sorry not really sure about the tenses)
He goes to drag his dagger across it’s throat but when he stabs the dagger in(comma here) he realizes he is to weak to drag it across.
Your not sure what to do with your self as you stand outside the arena. You take a deep breath and lay down on some grass. Sending you into the void of your dreams. (yourself)
and here is the part i really like 
As you start moving to the gate James grabs your hand. His face is turned away from you. “Unknown, if we don’t make it I think you should know that I lo-like you.” Before you can respond he’s let go of you and ran to the gate.
so, why did my MC name became unknown ? and after we are no longer slave, is there a chance to meet James again ? or is he just a side character and not a main character for RO ? sorry for asking too much 
It’s cold.
You shiver, your hands running [should be run] up and down your arms for warmth.
Glancing around reveals empty an endless void. It’s so silent you can hear the beat of your heart. You open your mouth to cry out but you can’t seem to get the sounds out. Panic quickly sets in, your heartbeat is so loud and fast it’s almost madding. Your mind plays with the idea that you might be dying. Your life flashes in front of your eyes, though there isn’t much to see.
You glance around to see an endless void (void already means empty). The silence is maddening. Your heart beats. You open your mouth to yell but no sounds come out. Your heart beats faster, and your mind plays with the idea that you might be dying. Your life flashes in front of your eyes…
Though there isn’t much to see.
^ My suggestion.
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Thanks so much for your help every one on this website is so nice. As for James yes he is a RO but it’s possible for him to die as for that naming error I have no clue I’ll check that out.
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Good start - the blessing scene was interesting but too brief in describing the gift each being offers you. Going into more details there would be a great addition.
I’ll see what i can do to describe the blessings better. thanks for the feedback.
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I do find it curious how the abominable practice of slavery has not only survived openly in this world but, if anything, seems to be on the rise.
Which makes me wonder how it has gotten as modern as it is with open, chattel slavery still being a thing as historically the institution of slavery has been a barrier, not a driver of social and technological progress. Case in point being that the Ancient Greeks had working knowledge of steam engines and possibly electricity and the atom too, but slavery rendered acting on this knowledge decidedly unprofitable.
I don’t know if I wouldn’t call them “blessings” exactly, as again, if they are so virtuous and if they did consider our slavering bastard of a father and our equally bad brother good enough rulership material, but not our uncle. Who really cannot be any worse than our father and brother from where my mc is currently standing, being a slave and all. In fact his first reaction would probably to cheer on his “uncle”.
I must also question that even if our father’s writing is apparently on the wall why these gods do not lend their powers (and extract their price) from our “brother” instead, after all he’s the valiant “true” prince, whereas we are just an insignificant nobody.
The mc is not trained or educated to anywhere near the standards of a modern “Emperor”, more importantly with this world having cell phones and something akin to the internet censorship is practically impossible, so that every indignity we suffer while a slave is likely recorded somewhere and will be played back endlessly should we succeed in becoming “Emperor”, meaning we can forget about ever building any respect or credibility.
My only conclusion then is that these “Gods” want an easily pliable and widely disrespected nobody at the head of the state for their own nefarious purposes that I doubt in any way include abolishing slavery. Maybe we are to usher in some form of repressive theocracy akin to modern Iran, in which case they chose the wrong person with my mc being gay and not very “moral”.
The introduction into this world is still incomplete at this point.
“Blessing” is what it is called by the gods themselves and at this point, again too little is known to make much more of them.
As to, how did they advance - I’m not sure but there are magical and interventions from the gods to consider … the gods are weak and require cooperation to accomplish miracle blessings at this point in time but in earlier times, who is to say that advances were not gifts from the gods? Just as ancient Greek advances were attributed to the pantheon of gods; who is to say the cell-phone was not a gift from this world’s equivalent Mercury?
@shilo_pace is creating a mixed world and I’m willing to go with it for the most part as written - the blessings are the first choice of consequence though and that is why I want more there. My MC would know all the nuances of each of the three gods just as an anceint Greek would know all of Apollo’s aspects and his usual behavior … so if Apollo offers to give an anceint Greek the gift of music, healing and such, she’d also know about his jealousy and irrational rage at times…
in this story, the MC should know more what the dragon-war-god gifts or the earth-mother-healer… I hope I’m clearer here?
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True, i was just wondering is all.
Yes, I think this “magic” will come at a cost to our mc though, magic almost always does and it will be very much the question if my putative mc here will consider the “reward” worth the price that magic demands, particularly because, unlike in XoR, I do not view this mc as someone with a wider goal and broader ideology beyond "abolish slavery yesterday!"
Particularly if paparazzi and the internet equivalent make it either impossible for us to ever gain any respect or if we are just meant to be a mere figurehead for the slavocrats. In any case so long as they agree to abolish slavery I think this mc would be content, even determined, just to dump all the problems of actually running what is likely to be a war torn and greatly weakened “Empire” by then on the petite-bourgeoisie and let them sort out the mess, so long as they let him have his freedom and leave him out of it.
True, or perhaps we were not really educated on the old gods, society seems to have gotten much less religious after all and our mc being a servant and then a slave probably hasn’t had much of an education at all, which again makes our mc governing anything effectively by himself, particularly in the complex, modern times without such over-reliance on their “advisers” so as to, for all practical purposes, turn them into a mere figurehead practically impossible. Which is again why I think those gods may prefer us to our “brother” as we would be in way over our heads, should we succeed.
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A lot of good points, and it is true that magic has a price as do the gods. I will be expanding on their introduction but not to much as they have things they don’t want you to know. though the MC has the possibility of never being a slave as they could have escaped at the start or if a girl been taken back by your father.
as for your brother the “true” prince, he was born when you were ten making him eight years old by the time your uncle takes over hardly king age and i doubt the new king is going to keep a possible usurper around.
Last note from me is that slavery is stil around as a way of keeping the poor and undesirables down by the upperclass. in kingdoms other then this one are places without slavery and they trade with this kingdom so technology reaches there just fine.
And then daddy sells me off to some…man 
Thankfully he doesn’t want to marry me either, too bad he doesn’t have a nice sister for me to marry instead 