Mind Blind (02/28 Demo Update. A Story Where You Are NOT The Chosen One!)

[wildelight]

Your interpretation of Nick completely summarized what I was going for! There will also be plenty of flashbacks (hopefully not too many) showing how MC dealt with bullying and their lack of privacy growing up.

@BoisterousBumblebee

Btw, it might be easier for you to use the quote function to reply to multiple users at once.

Me: I’m going to code this whole book!
Also me: struggles to figure out how an internet forum works.

I think I’ve finally got the hang of quoting, at least! Third time’s a charm.

@Aznable

I think a child like MC would unfortunately end up with strained relations rather than being dotted on.

People’s comments have been really helpful for me to take a second look at the scenes with Nick. I still want the relationship will start strong but have added in options to have it implode sooner rather than later, especially for an MC who feels resentful. The dynamic can be a lot more combative now, if you want, and I’ve already coded some new choices!

@No_This_Is_Patrick

Does it start of positively from his side while we hate him lol

Nick is always going to love you. Sorry, Button

@augustus27

What is the plot anyways?

I’ll definitely fix some of the issues with my summary–I just have to figure out how to do so without spoilers. Let’s just say that I’m a fan of unreliable narrators, and MC becomes more proactive after a few of their misconceptions are broken. (But not in a super saiyan sort of way. Their brain is basically the mental equivalent of bringing a knife to a gunfight, and not having a clue how to use knives.)

An MIV is (put simply) a remotely stationed strategist who helps a Ment agent while in field. People recruited for their management and planning skills, rather than the mental abilities. The next update will have a full in-game explanation.

[paragcner]

The premise of the story got me interested, but you got a faithful follower when you put “who’s on first?” - excellent choice. Looking forward for this game!

[No_This_Is_Patrick]

@wildelight

Nick is always going to love you.

I meant while he clearly loves us in the beginning, can our character dislike him from the beginning.

@wildelight

An MIV is (put simply) a remotely stationed strategist who helps a Ment agent while in field. People recruited for their management and planning skills, rather than the mental abilities.

Does that mean we’ll be stuck inside a command truck the while our partner goes out to fight? What if our MC isn’t good at management or planning?

[No_This_Is_Patrick]

Also how are the ROs gonna go with these people who can read your mind whenever they want and could even take advantage of or brainwash you? Pretty much just tell you what you want to hear to get whatever it is they want from you.

[M.Agil.R_HRP]

@Aznable

I quite like the setting of the story and how the protagonist initial place in it is being set up, though I can’t shake off the feeling that having positive relations with your family under these circumstances seems kind of… forced, for a lack of better word? In a family of essentially super telepaths I think a child like MC would unfortunately end up with strained relations rather than being dotted on.

I agree.
Even in real life there’s gotta be that one family member/relative that’s always judging how you live your life.
So I think having all family members doting on you is kind of forced.
But I still think it’s a nice concept.

[wildelight]

@M.Agil.R_HRP

So I think having all family members doting on you is kind of forced.

Maybe there’s a reason MC is no longer living with their parents

@No_This_Is_Patrick

What if our MC isn’t good at management or planning?

Then they’ll probably fail their assignments. (Which is not necessarily a bad thing, for MCs who want to get close to a certain instructor for extra tutoring . . .)

@No_This_Is_Patrick

can our character dislike Nick from the beginning.

I’ve made changes so MC can be more annoyed/aggressive towards Nick from the get-go. He’s gonna let you know if you hurt his feelings, though. MC is also living with him, and they probably wouldn’t move in with someone they completely despised.

@No_This_Is_Patrick

how are the ROs gonna go with these people who can read your mind whenever they want and could even take advantage of or brainwash you?

Not all the ROs are Ments! MC can be around normal people (under a 6 on Pollard’s) just fine. Society isn’t segregated though, and Ments make up a decent minority. I can try to make this more explicit in rewrites.

For the ROs that are Ments, well, a big question might be: how trustworthy is your lover, really? (And the answer might not be the one you hoped for . . .)

[Elsee]

Your writing is amazing. I literally never skipped a single word, that says a lot. RIP MC tho, having crushes is gonna be 100times harder than it already is. I’d probably avoid my crushes just so i dont broadcast it to their face. ughhhhh. just thinking about it makes me shrivel inside.

[M.Agil.R_HRP]

@wildelight

Maybe there’s a reason MC is no longer living with their parents

I see, so there’s a possibility that the relationship is a bit strained with the parents
I’m sorry I just assumed that the whole family dote on MC but that’s probably not the case.

[Moon-Bun]

@Elsee

I’d probably avoid my crushes just so i dont broadcast it to their face. ughhhhh. just thinking about it makes me shrivel inside.

oooooh! On the other hand, how about a PC being utterly shameless about it? Just, “Yeah I like you, what of it?” Balls in your court, bud!

Actually how about the PC being utterly shameless about everything and not caring anymore?? Can’t be embarrassed anymore if you don’t hide anything, good coping mechanism as any

[Elsee]

That would be amazing. This is sort of veering off topic but idk, in my country…or…probably for a lot of people as well, girls are expected to be dainty and the ones who should be chased not the chaser. It’s always been annoying for me but it’s also pretty much ingrained subconsciously.

[Shawnheatherly]

You had me at Inigo Montoya. I’m intrigued.

[wildelight]

@Moon-Bun

Actually how about the PC being utterly shameless about everything and not caring anymore??

Allow me to introduce you to an MC with a high Confidence Stat

[Moon-Bun]

@wildelight

Allow me to introduce you to an MC with a high Confidence Stat

YES. My MC will crave death and eternal darkness and every Ments gonna hear about it whether they like it or not! That’s their problem

@wildelight

{Nick’s] illogical guilt that he somehow “stole” their share of mental abilities.

@wildelight

RO is initially interested in someone else

@wildelight

Setting up your brother on a date

I just noticed the potential But can we turn it into an angsty love triangle tho? (But tbh I love Nick already and he’s the only one I plan to be nice to. Like he learnt how to bake for kiddie MC, that’s so cute he deserves happiness and good things and I’m protecting him forever)

[augustus27]

@wildelight

illogical guilt that he somehow “stole” their share of mental abilities.

I really hope there’s an option for the MC to think this way too. I think it would be a really interesting dynamic to see, with MC blaming Nick for their lack of powers, and Nick agreeing with that to an extent. I’d especially like it if there were different ways for MC to express this. For example, some MCs could openly resent Nick for it, while others could be really nice to him and love him as they otherwise would, but still feel that resentment deep down.

The second option, especially, seems like it could lead to some interesting moments. You’d have an MC who’s actions and feelings contradict each other to a certain extent, and since Nick can read MC’s mind whether they want him to or not, it’d be intriguing to see his reaction to this kind of MC.

[A-M-A]

@wildelight

(But not in a super saiyan sort of way. Their brain is basically the mental equivalent of bringing a knife to a gunfight, and not having a clue how to use knives.)

Can we throw the knife?

[wildelight]

@Moon-Bun

But can we turn it into an angsty love triangle tho?

I am not emotionally strong enough to write a traditional love triangle where 2 parties compete to win a 3rd. I get that a lot of people enjoy that dynamic, but I really, really don’t. There will still be angst, though, especially depending on how MC feels about their “rival.” (Yes, it’s Nick. I fail at being cryptic.)

@augustus27

I think it would be a really interesting dynamic to see, with MC blaming Nick for their lack of powers

Honestly, that never even occurred to me! I’ll think about it. MC can definitely be more resentful of Nick in my rewrite, but actually blaming him could lead to an intriguing dynamic.

@A-M-A

Can we throw the knife?

Better question: Can you aim it?
(Cue ominous music)

[No_This_Is_Patrick]

@wildelight

There will still be angst, though, especially depending on how MC feels about their “rival.” (Yes, it’s Nick. I fail at being cryptic.)

So who is the RO then. Honestly rather avoid it lol. Might just go with an easier one.

[Szaal]

Dear author. You thought having a mind big open like a wiki welcome page is a weakness, but little did you know that broadcasting hardcore porn via telepathy is one of the greatest power I can only dream.

[WeisseWoelfin]

I think that comparison is potentially even more fitting given that knife will almost always beat gun if you’re withing rushing distance regardless of skill, assuming I’m correct about the usefulness of forcing anything into others’ heads are correct.

[Blattella]

your writing is quality, and i love this premise; i always have a fondness for subverting the chosen one dynamic