Merlock Owls and Dr. Plotson (chapter 5 updated on June 27)

Chapter 4 is taking more time to write than usual, but I hope it will be ready by the end of the mounth.

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Quite understandable, perfection takes time! That’s not terribly far away and I look forward to reading it immensely!:female_detective:

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Got sick this week. The chapter will be next week.

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Take care! Don’t push yourself too much to get that update out; health comes first :hugs:

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“It’s a plant. With leaves.”
“What an astute observation Dr Plotson.
Don’t u dare sass me swimmer boi

No but really, I really liked this xD It’s pretty cool to be able to be a detective but not in the constant-serious tone. I like your characters and how you write the scenes. You managed to make me suspect of the cat. And that red herring. You literally put a red herring like, I loved it. But yeah, the breaks on paragraphs would be a nice touch, if they’re not it doesn’t look as clean. This may just be me (I can’t English) but at first I thought that ‘understanding nature’ meant human nature and perceptiveness meant something like emotional intelligence? I settled down for being able to talk out of anything, tho. Ms Owls sounds like a good character too.

Some ortographical things here. Sorry for ranting

Summary

When asking the butler if someone would want to hurt her.
“I didn’t (think) anyone could…”

“Right, Mr Carrymore?” You say and turn to the (butler).

I know it’s not much, I hope it helps some

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Thank you a lot!

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Chapter 4 added!
Fixed paragraph breaks and typos in previous chapters.
Enjoy:

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The interaction with Marion was great – having the options disappear as Plotson tries to distract her really gave the feeling of pressure as the list of topics begin to run out. Once again the choice for showing off our hiding skills was funny, and the topics that could be brought up were great. I’ll admit that while the goal was to distract Marion, I was the one who became distracted once she brought up the fairies! :laughing:

Typos

This is a page about suspects and witnesses.f/i]
Occurs when viewing the list of suspects and witnesses on the stats page.

Some gratitude for air]producing trees?
Change the bracket into a hyphen.

My name is doctor Joan Plotson.
“doctor” should be capitalized.

Marion Owls gives you a look, angry and impatient enough to give you shivers, but not intense enough to signify murder intent.
Should “murder” be “murderous”?

We were sitting, waiting… and we found out the hideout was empty the entire time!
Needs a quotation mark at the end.

"It is, actually. We found out the suspect may know more about police actions than we thought.
Also needs a quotation mark at the end.

Looking forward to more investigation! :relaxed:

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Thanks for feedback! :slightly_smiling_face: I fixed the typos.

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Okay, I liked this a lot more than I thought I would’ve lol. I’m looking forward to the progress made on it! Loving the dialogue!

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Chapter 5 is taking a lot of time to write, but it is in progress. I will publish it in parts. The 1st part should be ready next week.

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This is awesome! I love your writing style and the characters. I’m looking forward to read the next part.

I know you’re not planning to add romance to this story but imagine how hilarious it will be when Plotson tries to express their interest to Owls (either brother or sister!) and fails miserably. Or if Owls suddenly proclaims his interest to Plotson in the middle of very important situation (such as trying to escape for the his sister with an evidence!)

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He-he-he. Thanks a lot! :slight_smile:

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Chapter 5.1 is added! I’ll appreciate your feedback!

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I found it very amusing that before we were trying to discourage one Owls sibling from continuing the investigation, and now in this chapter we have to inspire the other to keep on going! I liked how we got to go through all the evidence and suspects we’ve obtained so far, and I’m starting to think that their ancestors being fairies might actually be important… :thinking:

I think my only complaint is that it seems like asking about the suspects doesn’t increase or decrease Owl’s inspiration since we can ask about them repeatedly. All the other choices have the purpose of trying to improve Owls’ mood AND going over the story so far, but here it’s just about looking back, making it feel a bit disconnected from the rest of the conversation.

Typos

Your partner says:"I am detective Merlock Owls, and this is my assistant, Dr. Joan Plotson. And you must be John Michurin, the local gardener. We are here to investigate Lily Smellington-Rosewater mysterious death.
There needs to be a space between “says:” and Owls’ dialogue. Also, “Smellington-Rosewater” should be “Smellington-Rosewater’s”.

I’ve already made you and your assistant a huge favor by patiently letting you to slow me down while you do your ‘detective work’.
I’m not sure if “made” should be “did” here. The “to” in this sentence should be removed.

“Maybe it’s not you, it’s because of tiny-tiny invisible gremlins. Don’t let him defeat you.”
Since it’s “gremlins”, I think the “him” should be “them”.

" Mr. Michurin conducts some kind of experiment! This is suspicious!"
Remove the space after the first quotation mark.

" He is not on friendly terms with other inhabitants of that house, I think."
Remove the space after the first quotation here too.

“Some her clothes are just the right colors for camouflage.”
Add “of” after “some”.

"We can do it! We can do anything if we work as a team!
Add a quotation mark at the end.

Looking forward to see what plan the two will create to continue the investigation!

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Thank you for the feedback!
I’ve fixed the typos.

I’ll try to revork this part of the conversation, but it will take time, so it will probable come with chapter 5.2. But what do you mean by “you can ask about them repeatedly”? It should hide used options. Unless you mean “you can go through all the suspects?”

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Yeah, that’s what I meant – Owls first asks if we suspect anyone the most, but we can repeatedly accuse someone new of being the murderer until we go through the entire list. We can also say we shouldn’t jump to conclusions but then jump to conclusions anyway and choose to be suspicious of the suspects. :thinking:

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OK, I’ll fix that later. Thank you for the responce!

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I changed that part slightly. Now you can’t discuss multiple suspects.

Chapter 5.2 is still in progress. In slow and difficult progress.

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Chapter 5.2 resists me, but it isn’t abandoned. I think I wouldn’t be able to publish full chapter here yet, but the part where you can follow different suspects will be finished this month. Examining evidence ang exchanging results with Merlock will be out later.

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