@Aquila I agree. I did not mean to say that a plate armored warrior was less agile. Simply that he will tire more quickly (either physically or mentally or both) than a more lightly armored one. And I forgot about the gorget, thanks.
If you are referencing to the plate armor description in the game where I wrote “plate armor is cumbersome to wear”, that is there due to a gamey effect. I wanted to introduce some kind of weakness to plate and speed in battle was the easiest to add.
I like what you have so far, though your use of the comma irritates me with the way I read. Still, this seems promising.
The idea is interesting, the stats are extensive and dynamic, and the plot is pretty diverse. But, there are perpetual spelling/grammar/conjugation errors, the diction level is only moderate, there aren’t quite enough choices in some of the parts, it can be very vague at times, it seems extremely rushed, and the characters are somewhat flat.
I also believe that you should give more choices for when you are asked if you believe that God delivered you, for I believe in neither luck nor a deity.
As of now I’d give it a 2 or a 3, but I would love to see a revised version and I think it has promise, as long as it’s polished.
This is rushed and is still a very early draft. When I write fast I ignore all grammar and spelling. I will go back and fix all those once the first act involving the bandits is complete. And I apologize for the comma thing. Sometimes that irritates me too when I try to read what I wrote.
@dj_cuty If you tell me which choices lack options I can look into it. It has to be reasonable within the historical time frame though. And if you do not believe in god, you have an option within those 3 options. But what about if I add a don’t care option or a something where the PC attributes it as natural causes?
I just think there should be at least 3 choices each time. and attributing it to the skill of the doctors, and health of the mother would be nice:P I love the book it’s just that there are a lot of problems, though I acknowledge that it’s a draft.
@dj_cuty I don’t believe commoner families can afford doctors so that could be an option for nobles. Can you also tell me which characters and scenes sound vague or flat? Is it some of them or all of them?
I am sure that no matter how many times I go through this all those language errors you mentioned will still be there. English is not my native language. I will need a very good proofreader for the final version.
That’s true, but you could still make a choice contributing the birth to the mother’s health and strength or something. and I probably haven’t seen enough of the book to judge the characters as flat, but most of the text is telling you what happened, instead of showing you. It should be more in depth and detailed, in my opinion. And oh okay…well then I have a lot of respect for you because if I can barely speak to a french kindergartner, let alone write a book in anything besides English.
@dj_cuty I can add that. It seems a good enough reason. Thanks for the feedback. I will improve the writing style and add more detailed scenes.
Thanks! I don’t mean to badger, but I would love to see an improved version and you’d gain a lot from revising it. Do you know when you plan to have it published?
Great so far but only 2 origins? I’d think three would be good at the very least.
I think so, too, @HeadhunterX . That’s what I meant about not having enough choices
@dj_cuty Criticism doesn’t count as badgering in my opinion and it is still waaaaaaaaay early to think of a release date. The more I write, the more ambitious I become so unless I curb it in, you won’t get a complete game for some time.
@headhunterx By origins I believe you mean the commoner and noble choice. That is only a part of the origin story. The gender and profession will also affect how you get to be a soldier and I am working on the part where you get the inspiration. For example, a nun in a convent will rarely have the ambition to go to war unless she has her beliefs changed by someone.
However, you will always start your career by working for the count since straying away from that will make me write entirely different scenes and I don’t want the headache. At least not yet. 
Well still, I feel that you should be able to have a “middle ground” sort of origin. That or we should be able to have more flexibility in stat bonuses and checks, because from what I’ve seen the only way to successfully get rid of the bandits is either to have “Knowledge of Forest” skill or to bribe people into telling you where they are.
@headhunterx There are several more ways to “get rid of the bandits.” Without giving away too much, I will tell you one of them. Try to capture the poacher and do not arrest him. He is very useful. As for bribing people, try to have higher diplomacy to charm them into telling you what you need to know.
Regarding stat checks, I am still working on those.
Exactly what kind of a middle ground would you want for family origin? A merchant family maybe? They are neither peasants nor nobles.
I was thinking something along the lines of a mercenary sold/adopted “family” (and yes I know that makes no sense as to why a merc “family” would want a kid)(where they’d have high-ish combat based skills but little to none outside that) but a merchant family would certainly be interesting.
@headhunterx I want the PC’s family to be intact and stable for the story. There will always be two siblings and they become important when the story moves forward. Also the mother will always be alive and the father dies depending on the origin. Within those constraints I can add anything. A mercenary family would be nice but they will move around too much I think. I can add the father to be a man-at-arms to a local lord. Would that be what you are looking for?
What if we could just choose our fathers profession? That’d solve it I think.
@headhunterx Yes it might. But I don’t think it will affect the story much. Do you want the father’s profession to affect your childhood? A mercenary father trying to make you a soldier or a merchant father trying to teach you how to run the family business? On second thought, that does have potential.
I think it would definitely affect your childhood in some way be it dramatic or low key. I’d love to see it happen if you could implement it.
@scrivener I wasn’t thinking of anything dramatic to be honest. My idea was to add the mercenary father or merchant father etc. ideas to the current set of apprenticeship/profession training options, just like a knight as a parent wanting to make you a knight. But I’ll try to think of something. Can’t make promises though.
