Mass Mother Murderer (Coming soon with gender/name customization)

So, giving suggestions for minor changes and future considerations is productive. Harping over how I should change a major plot point and something that is so integral to the story that the literal summary/tagline of this book is “You didn’t kill your sister. You just watched her drown,” however, kind of just strikes me as unnecessary. I appreciate your view, but there’s literally a 0% chance that I’ll turn around and scrap half of the Mother’s motivations and Efastia’s death scene to replace them with some teenage drama.

If child abuse being present in the story is something that is a deal breaker for you as a reader, this story isn’t for you. It contains torture, murder, kidnapping, extreme psychological and physical abuse, and tons of other disturbing material.

@Terriermon50
Yeah, I feel gross after writing some of this stuff…and yet, I also feel more motivated to write than I have in a long time.

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I’ll be looking forward to the disturbing chapters

What made Edina person she is, I wonder. There should be a story. Nonetheless, she just deserves what MC is going to do to her, really.

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Yeah, these ones were sooo light. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

@Langre
It’s alluded to throughout the story, but some of the reasons for her hatred of the MC are:

  • she was abused by their father
  • the MC is a psychopath
  • the MC let Efastia drown
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Huh? I didn’t pick up on that. I’ll have to do another run through. :upside_down_face:

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Precisely. I think it’s perfectly dark, tone-fitting, and integral as is. The MC is meant to be an unemotional monster. Typical children drama would simply downplay that and de-escalate the stakes already determined. Not to mention the negative effects it would have on the already-established tone.

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@Samuel_H_Young

How the Mind Whisper thing work in game.

Also what about adding option to try to save Emphasia and the realizing that if you dont let go you both drown.

As in Better Her than me Aproach from MC

I feel like there’s not enough options for messing with Margo. I kinda wanted an option to comfort her just to play games with her. “Sh-sh-sh, no need to cry. Everything will be alright.” type stuff. Or if you’re a phantom mage you could even use the voices in her head to screw with her. Like, Calm down, I’m a friend and I’ll tell you how to get out of here, you just have to be patient, only for the voice to eventually lead her into another trap. Kinda the Ramsey Bolton approach to torture.

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I…actually am surprised I haven’t thought of that. That’s…actually really good. I support this.

No. Why do people want to save her? This isn’t a standard choice game. You’re playing a mentally deranged character. Who has no intention of saving anyone. Sorry if I sound rude; I just don’t understand the confusion.

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by saving her it would take longer for our mother to treat us as badly as she did after Emphasia’s death.

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But how would that affect anything? She’s always been a vile woman; if you’re willing to lock away your child for days, no matter the reason, you’re a shitty person inside.

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Damn, that’s a really good idea. I think I’ll use that for torturing Werner, instead, since there are already so many choices in Margo’s scene.

@CaesarCzech
There’s a choice in Chapter 3 that illustrates how that spell goes. (It requires phantom magic.)

And as Alucard said, that’s just not something the MC would ever do, especially since they already hated Efastia. I set your Callous and Avarice stats at 100% to emphasize this.

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So I think I found the perfect meme for the MC, or at least if perfect if they were a Simpsons character

Summary

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Good idea for torture? Not sure if I should be flattered or concerned about my mental health, but thanks regardless.

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Typo I just caught.

Your mother lets out a shrill scream and slaps her hands to her eyes, her jaw dropping. Then, after a moment, she begins to sob, her voice growing into a wail. “What have you done, you sick little freak?” She starts to stumble about, craning her head to gaze desperately at the moon up above, the moon that she’s now unable to see. “What have you done to my eyes?” she howls.

You laugh cruelly, edging forward and raising your hands to strike her. It matters little how much stronger she is when she’s defenseless like this. With your spell only able to last for so long, perhaps you will put out her eyes and blind her permanently. Just as you’re about to reach her, though, she throws her hands away from her face, revealing her wide, shocked eyes.

Wait, no. In only the span of a moment, she recovers. “How dare you use that freaky demon shit on me?!” she roars, the veins bulging on her forehead and her voice a mixture of complete shock and blinding rage.

Before you can react, she lunges forward, shoving you to the ground. You try to crawl away, but she begins to savagely kick you over and over. Crying out in pain, you curl up into a ball, putting your hands over your head as the blows keep falling, bruising you and scraping you until your mind is overwhelmed with agony. “I hate you! I fucking hate you!” she howls. “Why couldn’t it have been you? Why couldn’t it have been you?!”

God. If this was in a TV show I’d have to pause it just to take it in. This is such a tense, but perfect scene. The cruelty, the feeling of FINALLY being able to stand up to her, only for our spell to wear off and witness her immediately snap thereafter, that ending scream quote. Sam, you fucking nailed it here. This is the scene I thought was missing. This effectively wraps up the reason to hate this woman. You deserve kudos for your effective writing here.

And, my final thing: when that random hooligan flees the scene, why can’t we use the blow dart?

Also, I think Voodoo magic is my new favorite. Maybe. The blinding spell, and the vomit spell are just so…satisfying. It’s still close with Phantom though. We’ll see what other delightfully wicked ways we can play with the two sets come to fruition as you continue delivering such content.

P.S.: Forgive the edits. New phone. :rofl:

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Thanks, I’ll fix that later tonight.

I thought you would like it! It’s thanks to you and SirBearington’s suggestions that I wrote the scene. (You wanted another flashback to add a bit more substance, and Bearington suggested a bed wetting scene.) I do think it rounds things out a bit more and just shows a new dynamic to your twisted relationship with Edina.

I just added the dart weapon recently and I have yet to put an option to use it against the robber, though I plan on doing that tonight.

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I just thought of another option to add in the torture scene…make Margo eat a lot of wasabi.

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Damn, it was awesome, it really felt like being a bad guy, especialy the whole thing with being on the case and all, it really felt like being one of those twist bad guy who were part of the team / their superior and respected by the heroes

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The night wind chills the lone woman to the bone as she walks along the moonlit path of dirt, the leaves and grass rustling in her ears as the surrounding trees shake with an almost ghastly ease. ‘Where the fuck is the town,’ her wary mind wonders. Her patience was wearing thin, and it was becoming almost too dark. She kept on her journey regardless.

Snap.

A twig breaks somewhere behind the tiring traveler. Upon instinct, she turns, but her eyes, after scanning the immediate area, produce nothing. A sigh, a prolonged glance behind her, then she moves on. ‘Don’t start playing tricks on me, brain.’

Next comes the audible breathing. At least, what sounds to be. Heavy, yet calculated and muffled breaths behind her on the same side the twig broke-the woman freezes, back completely straightened up now. She focuses hard on the mostly-clear noise, then whips around when it still goes on, heart now thumping in her chest.

Nothing.

‘That couldn’t have been the wind.’ The thought is enough to make her left hand slowly begin to let the small, engraved dagger slip from the sleeve. Another twig seems to break, and the woman’s eyes dart from the path to the brush on her far left.

‘Slow breaths, clear mind, focused senses. Remember your training, Lara,’ she thinks.

But her stalker doesn’t care for trivial matters like fair combat.

The breathing is behind her now.

Standing hairs, trickling skin, and wide eyes as the woman known as Lara swipes her dagger horizontally in the air behind her as she whirls around with a warrior’s quickness.

All she hits is air, however. A blank, literally wooden face sends a wave of hot washing fear down her entire body as she stares into the two seemingly never ending, black, empty abysses that are the eyeholes. She can barely make out a minuscule glint in the right one that show an eye. A few seconds go by as Lara just stares. The breathing continues the same as her vision slowly picks up an eye behind the mask in the ethereal darkness.

A black, soulless orb. Devoid of care, empathy, or compassion. The longer she stares, the colder and harder the stranger’s stare becomes.

The orbs are filled with rage now, but it’s one she’s never even imagined before. A new kind. Anger in its purest form: black, unlimited, untamed, uncontrolled wrath. Unbound and free from the chains and shackles of a regular human soul.

“Wha-” is all Lara can muster before her trained instincts break her from her fearful state. She strikes first again, this time aiming her dagger downward as she steps forward with mock determination.

A hand seizes her weapon one, and the other forcefully grips her throat. The figure’s shoulders and chest rise and fall as the breathing becomes enraged now; all calculated prose in it now seemingly entirely absent.

Just anger. Just hate.

Lara is about to scream, before training her composure once more, avoiding any and all eye contact with that dreadful mask that will simply paralyze her once more. She brings a knee up to her attacker’s ribs as hard as her mind will allow.

Nothing. There’s no armor, no obvious protective muscle or fat she could feel beneath those black clothes; nothing. He had to have felt that. Wait…is it a he?

Lara’s eyes invuntarily climb back up to meet that artificial face once more.

They just stare into her. Those fucking eyes.

That fucking mask. It…looks like a woman’s face!

Another knee is brought up to the stranger’s groin this time. ‘Let’s see which one you are!’

Still nothing. Not even a mere grunt from behind that hollow, lifeless faceplate.

Lara’s adrenaline is lightening her head and clouding her thoughts at this point as she stares into the chest of the opposer.

“What…are…you?!”

The strong hands holding both her wrists still in the air begin to shake, both grips tightening. Significantly. The stranger simply and slowly tilts their head to one side, the breathing somehow subsided completely for some reason.

For a short while that seems an eternity, there’s just the silence and the stare as the two are unwillingly embraced in the moonlight.

Then there’s the scream. The lone cry lost in the invisible, inconceivable blackness of the night. The cry no one in the nearby town, Lara’s destination, will hear. The cry even the animals will have forgotten in the mercy of dawn.

The same cry the killer has heard so many times now.

Just like mother…

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Honestly i think it’s the best take on that whole ‘play the bad guy’ concept that i’v ever played

would be funny to have the character actualy accomplish all his objective just for a magical dooda to suddenly make him normal, that would fuck him up (kinda like Angel in Buffy after he got a soul) but that’s more a sequel kind of twist, the whole plot is already good as is

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