Mass Mother Murderer (renamed to The Pernicious Panacea)

i think I got creative with my MCs name.
Eden: pretty face but the soil is full of deception.

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image0-1

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Lmao :joy: I got some funny ass meme reactions from that.

Ulterior motives, my friends, ulterior motives.

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It would hilariously ironic if this entire time Edina was working on her own plan to kill us while we were working on our own plan to kill her. The mutual hatred is strong in this family.:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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T-that…that would b-be really stupid!

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Excellent! Then the MC can spin her death as self defense! People will feel bad for them and it gets rid of all the leg work of disposing of the body and the following cover up. Less effort overall.

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Yay!! Time to read like crazy :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:!


I love treating Abella like a Pokémon
Pikachu Abella I choose you!”

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I’m only repeating what has been said countless times, but the speed at which you write, Samuel, is extraordinary.

Not much else to say, except I absolutely loved the update and the moment we get to share with the RO (is it even right to call them ROs? They’re more like ‘manipulate and use options’ rather than ‘romance options’, lol).

Another thing that I thought I need to mention is that this line: “Well, it turns out all of that sappy bullshit worked wonders, despite her normally curt demeanor.” made me laugh so hard for some reason. I love how right after that particularly sweet (or, otherwise would be) moment, this is the thought that pops in our mind. You never let us forget the truly demented character we’re supposed to be playing, even for a while.

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So I just finished chapter 6 and damn what a cliffhanger

and I'm just going to post this here

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@Samuel_H_Young
In chapter 6.

The archer frowns, looking thoroughly unamused. “I’d say you’re about a qaurter right,” she grumbles.

Quarter

You know there’s been an outbreak fo the feline flu recently, right?

Of

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I seem to have beaten you to it

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@Samuel_H_Young
In chapter 6.
Spelling error in the choice:

You’re already sexy and shirtless, and now I find out your kinky, too?"

You’re

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Should be “we’re going to the infirmary”.

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I’m starting to see a pattern with your games. There’s always at least one bald person in them. Is this intentionally done!!?

Not necesarrily, it just happens that way. Part of that is because Oztiax and Cherihl are half-goblins, who never have hair.

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I, on the other hand, notice that this MC is the exact opposite of the MC of your other game (the released one), he is pretty much at the top of the game and probably the most dangerous (and one of the most competent) character in the story while the other MC is none of that, despite being the one possessed by an actual demon (which is quite funny TBH)

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Yeah, TMB is an underdog story and MMM is a power fantasy. The serial killer will basically be the most powerful character throughout the series.

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I see. This might sound vain but I’ve always ranked hair high on my attraction list. Although to me, shaved sides is still hot. That’s why I took note of it. Regardless of my weird kinks, this is definitely a good story. I’m torn with how it might end. I know it won’t end well😢

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It definitely won’t end well, but for whom? :wink:

Also, I feel like @TotallyNotACop is mounting evidence so he can arrest me. :grimacing:

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Found some errors whilst reading the story:
MMM%20snip%201

The word “hardly” shouldn’t be there (next to “at all”) - “hardly” should be removed. Found on first page of Chapter 1.

MMM%20snip%202

The word ‘eyeing’ would look better here instead of “eying” though this may be because I’m used to British English and not American English. Found when seeing old Edina.

MMM%20snip%203

The word “back” breaks the flow of the sentence as it is repeated just after. In this sentence the word is redundant. Found when stealing Edina’s old clothes.

MMM%20snip%205

Should be “we’re going to the infirmary.” not “we’re going to do the infirmary.” (the word “do” shouldn’t be there). Found after telepathically talking to the 3rd suspect (chapter 5).

I didn’t comb through the game so I know that I missed errors. I only read the first few pages of the beginning, the end of chapter 5, all of chapter 6 and the rest I skipped (as I have read it before).

The story so far is a decent one, I enjoy the descriptions you use, of both people and emotions, though I must admit that your writing style isn’t really my thing. Whilst your descriptions are colourful and vivid I find that the characters can be a bit one dimensional and lack real depth. As well as this I find that some descriptions or moments can be spoiled by the use of swears which have the ability to both take and give (in terms of the quality of the description) and due to the fact that they are used as often as they are they lose their effectiveness (their metaphorical “kick”) and become placeholders for other words or just become redundant.

TL;DR
Descriptions are lively though characters fit into tropes.

Don’t be disheartened though, I’m not saying this to be demeaning but to instead help you with the story and with writing. I’m writing this to be helpful and constructive and am not trying to be overly negative.

On another note, I believe that it would be good to have more apathetic choices for I don’t believe that a psychopathic MC would have a constant, burning hatred for everything, which is what I picked up from the choices. Just a suggestion though.

Good luck with the story.

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