Mass Mother Murderer [4/15 Chapters, 55k words]

young-adult-fiction
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#585

@Samuel_H_Young Off topic as well, I feel like Ross is the least liked Friend and it’s because everyone low-key gets that sociopath vibe from his character.

On topic, I think this whole game is such an interesting experiment with lies and lying. And how the perception of deception and genuine-ness almost depend more on presentation than the truth.


#586

background musics really just change everything in a scene

that and the fact that the original scene was already designed to make the other guy’s reaction plausible make it quite easy to get that result

would be funny if the MC end up in a similar situation, thinking he is stuck with another psycho because of out of context cue


#587

I’m glad you think so! That’s what I’m aiming for. It’s interesting to me that too often people will not believe honest people because what they’re saying makes them uncomfortable or just seems strange in some way, but they’ll be tricked by people telling lies simply because their delivery is charismatic or whatever they’re saying falls in line with what the listener wants to believe.


#588

So, are things going to be different in the next installment? :wink:


#589

Ah, gotcha! Plus 20, plus 20!


#590

What type of romance should I expect in this story?


#591

One-sided at best. The MC is a psychopath after all.


#592

That is good option if there is no good ending(since it psychopathic mc) but I would love if love become the mc salvation. I mean the mc know nothing of love,empathy or happiness. It would be great if he can be save(maybe cause I m into yandere stuff but that irrelevant right now).

I would only say that my heart is pounding from guilt when I was playing the demo. I understand the character but I cant relate with him so rather than playing as the mc, its more like I m watching a horror movie from the eyes of the mc.


#593

honestly being ‘saved’ would hurt him more than anything, think Angel from Buffy when he got a soul so he could actualy understand all those feelings and regret what he did, it almost drove him insane and has almost driven him insane multiple time afterward, even dedicating his life to good never really eased his guilt

except worst because the MC is going to do way worst than just kill random people to eat (he really hasn’t done anything yet to be a bad guy IMO, except letting his sister drown but that’s not really enough to make him evil in his action, though the intention is definitively here)


#594

Wait, kidnapping and torturing Margo doesn’t count as being a bad guy?

@Shiro_XKuro
I can understand that! The MC in MMM is certainly more defined than the MCs in my other stories.


#595

I was talking about the beginning of the game

oh wait, he already kidnapped her at this point, the kidnapping scene was a flashback, my bad


#596

@Samuel_H_Young
When torturing Margo, the MC has an option to prepare a metal rod to burn her with, but doesn’t actually use it. Can you put in a option to burn her with the rod?

Also, can you increase the number of tortures we can do to Margo to 3?


#597

That option was intended for psychological torture instead of physical torture. There will be plenty of opportunities to kill or torture future victims with fire, though.

Hmm…I kinda like 2 better. Since 3 of the options are based on magic type, you can only have 4 selectable options on any given playthrough, and if you got to choose 3/4 options, that would kind of make it less focused, since you’re currently able to employ psychological torture, physical torture, or a mix of both depending on what kind of character you want to play. If you could choose 3, there would be a bit less replay ability and it would be less personalized.


#598

Well, fuck my life. I’ve been doing lots of brainstorming, and I’ve decided that at least two characters that were initially just going to be minor (Stefen, and Kel, who will be introduced next chapter) will actually have a bit more screentime in MMM.

More importantly, they’re going to be major characters in the sequel. I’d like to add them to the character poll but unfortunately they can’t be edited. -_-


#599

Yup, that’s the big probleme with Polls on this site, they aren’t practical to use

maybe just put a link to a strawpoll ?


#600

Thanks to @Balrog_Demorgothe’s advice, I’ve made some polls on an actual poll-making site, which is something I should have done a long time ago. They’re editable and they’ve got cool statistics that come along with them. They’re in the first post, so feel free to vote in the polls for your favorite characters and your favorite magic types. :slight_smile:

I’ve also added some small character bios to the stats screen.


#601

@Samuel_H_Young This has got to be one of the darkest, if not the darkest, CoG I have ever played. I take my hat off! The reason why I’m writing this is post is a scene I love where The sister says “I love you, okay” just before I watch her drown , it broke my heart a bit and confirmed I’m not a psychopath :smile:. However it also caused a distancing between myself and the MC.

I know the MC is a psychopath but I don’t feel or understand being a psychopath. Intellectually i know that a psychopath has no sense of guilt or empathy and yet as a reader I’m playing such a person. This is an interactive medium so I do believe that it gives the reader a chance to step into the shoes of someone else. I think most of us are not psychopaths or sociopaths, at least I hope so, and this will inevitably create a gap between the reader and the MC. So that scene of my little drowning sister and me watching was a hard on me.

There are two elements I wish to explore: the relationship between the mother and MC; the relationship between the sister and MC. I think these elements can be the bridge between the reader and MC. I’m starting from the assumption that the reader is not someone who will feel it is okay to just watch their little sister die. There are enthusiastic readers here who have no problem jumping into a character of psychopath. And good for them (you all deserve to be in prison and have the keys thrown away :smiley:)

I suggest the needs to be some kind of transition to get the reader’s feet wet before jumping all in the psychopath psyche. And mother dearest is going to be the jump start, I believe. Yes she beats the MC and favours our little sister but I don’t think that is enough. It’s enough for the reader to hate her but I think there needs to be more than simple hate. The reader needs to feel or at least understand where the MC is coming from to want revenge in the form of making mother suffer brutally.

Take Kira for example. I disagree with his actions but I understand them because it’s based on a human emotion I understand, a sense of justice. Who doesn’t want to get rid of ‘evil’ and suffering? His methods are questionable but understandable.

Let’s take the MCs mother. She is a very bad person. But I think she can pushed a bit further. I love the opening scene of her, it shows her craziness. I think she can be fleshed out more. For example to illustrate the basic idea, a scene revealing that the mother keeps the MC in a cage while your sister sleeps in a comfy bed. There is a bed for the MC but mother says that runts don’t deserve to be treated nicely. While my parents have never kept me in a cage, I think such a scene establishes the cruelty of the mother and how she dehumanized the MC. It create animosity towards the sister and begins to plant the seeds in the readers mind of where the MC’s lack of respect for people comes from.

I know a psychopath doesn’t care about people, the point is to make the reader be a bit sociopathic. So the reader is groomed into being a sociopath so that they can understand the mind of the psychopath MC.

But it shouldn’t end there. The mother must do terrible things to the MC. Beatings are bad, but not bad enough :slight_smile:. These are just examples to further the image: let’s say the MC and his school “friends” are planning on buying buns at the end of school tomorrow and the MC asks mom. But she refuses and maybe gives money to your sister. The MC decides to steal the money, like any normal kid will do :wink: . So mom finds out and decides instead of a good old beating, she chains the MC somewhere, like a dog, and leaves them without food or water for a week or burns their hand with a hot metal rod. The reader must suffer with the MC. We know that children learn a lot from their parents, so mother is unknowingly teaching the MC the art of torture.

I liked the closet scene where the mother kept the MC deprived of food and water. And the one where she shoves MC into dirt because they urinated on themselves. However, at least in my mind, this shows the mother is cruel and deserves punishment. But since this CoG is dark, I feel something is lacking. Let’s not forget, the MC ends up kidnapping an innocent person in order to practice so that they can get their revenge. Mother needs to be a bit more sadistic.

The point being, the MC has to believe violence is the solutions to things. I think there should be gradual increase towards killing. Maybe the MC will transfer their frustration first to small animals. Doing what mother does to them. And as time goes, they become more violent. Another example to illustrate the idea is maybe the use of a pet animal. The MC will experiment on them and become more sadistic as time goes by.

[bold] I come to the sister: [/bold]

The problem is that I actually like her or feel sorry for her by the time she dies. I think that’s a good and bad thing. Good in that it shows the callousness of MC. Bad because it creates distance between the MC and me.

But I don’t think the sister should be hated or even made to be cruel. It’s good that she is innocent. It marks an important point of the MC being a serial killer. If the MC treats his sister who is innocent this callously , how does the MC treats their enemies?

I do acknowledge that the MC might hate her because she is a golden apple to mom. There has to be more resentment, I think the best way to do this is playing on the reader’s sense of fairness. Scenes that have her getting prefencial treatment I think do establish that resentment. I do believe it’s not enough to tell the reader that mom likes her better, it needs to be shown clearly. So Yes, prefencial treatment. But also maybe a scene showing how mother dishes out punishment differently.

Let’s say the MC and sister both break the cookie jar. Sister gets time out for ten minutes but the MC gets a beating so bad they nearly pass out. Maybe another scene where the MC and sister have their own toys. One day, sister takes a liking to the MCs new toy and mother dearest just takes it away from you and says its the sister’s toy now. The sister is being a kid but the point is to create resentment towards her for the reader.

So when the scene of the sister drowning, the reader can understand why they are letting her die. Maybe to hurt mom or just the MC hates the sister.

All of this bleeds over to how the MC treats their victims. No one helped the MC. Maybe others knew mother was abusive but thought it was a family matter and thus did not need to intervene. The City Guards probably don’t care that your mother smacks you around (I don’t think at this era in the game there is such a thing as children rights)

That is the end of my rant!..for now

I’m on my phone and sorry for the typos. Just thought to give my five cents. Of course, these are my personal opinions and not the gospel truth. Love the game so far!


#602

I’m glad you enjoyed the story, and I appreciate your feedback.

The MC in MMM is much more defined than the ones in my other stories, almost to the point of being their own character rather than a blank slate. This is why I’ve included them in the “favorite characters” poll, and I think @Shiro_XKuro put it well when they said

I’m not a psychopath, and I would be surprised if any of my readers were, either. And, of course, the target audience for this story isn’t sociopaths or psychopaths: that would just be an extremely small group of people. I would say the target audience for this story mostly includes people who like dark stories and want the opportunity to play a truly evil villain, while delving into themes like amorality, manipulation, revenge, etc.

All that said, there will be a gap between the reader and the MC, just like there’s a gap between the MC and myself, the author. As much as I try to give varied choices so that you can try to play as a different kind of character going about things in different ways, the MC will always be manipulative, deceitful, and cruel, and will always have the same goals of killing their mother.

So, about your feedback for making Edina even more cruel towards the MC:
I understand where you’re coming from, but I actually disagree with chaining the MC up or treating them like dirt from the very start. The mother may be unstable and abusive, but she’s also her own character, who simply loves her daughter and resents the MC because she can detect their psychopathy, and because their father was abusive to her.

Edina’s abuse of the MC is already quite intense and barbaric, but I also want it to be believable. In some of the flashbacks, you get a glimpse of how she was only cold and resentful to the MC, and then later on she even smiles at them and brought a picnic basket to have lunch with them. It was only when she saw that Edina drowned did she truly lose her mind and go berserk.

So I guess what I’m saying is that I want Edina to be her own character with development and motivations, not just a plot instrument used to abuse the MC. Sure, there are worse things that she could have done to the MC, but at a certain point, these things could start to get cheesy, and the other thing is that the MC doesn’t need to have suffered worse abuse to want to murder their mother. They’re already a psychopath, so they would actually fantasize about killing her even if she abused them less than she did in the story.

I know that the vast majority of psychopaths and sociopaths killed and tortured animals before moving onto human victims, and I realize that the material I’ve written here is already the darkest CS story yet. Even so, as a vegan who has a very big soft spot for animals, animal abuse just isn’t something I’m willing to incorporate into the story.

I’m glad that you like Efastia, and in fact, the more people that like her character, the better. I would sincerely hope that none of my readers would actually watch her drown her or treat her like the MC did, but that’s beside the point. In this story, I don’t think creating distance between the MC and the reader is a bad, because that distance was there before the reader even started reading the story. With all the torture, abuse, murder, etc, that takes place in the story, the fact is that the reader will never be like the MC and will never be able to truly put themselves into their shoes.

All that said, I do like the idea of adding another flashback with Efastia to show more of how they were treated differently. I’ll have to brainstorm on that a bit, but I’ll probably be adding a little scene like that somewhere later in the story.


#603

Will we actually get an example of this in the story? That would add so much depth to her character.


#604

Yes, and the father will be in the sequel.