Uh, I just busted a fatty reading that. O.o
All jokes aside, that was some very good writing. You could tell how skilled Lara was but it didn’t matter because the villain was too powerful and unshakable. Where’s YOUR WIP?
@Balrog_Demorgothe
Thanks! 
I’ve got the outline for the sequel already planned and I think it’s something you all will like. But, first things first.
Found quite a few typo’s, grammar might need a little polish in some paragraphs, the writing pace and coding is fine though. Great story by the way.
Thanks, I’ll fix those. I’m not worried about polishing it up myself as far as typos go until right before I submit it to CoG, though I’m more than happy to fix any typos my testers point out. Right now I’m focusing on the actual writing.
Then I’ll save the nitpicking for later. Good luck and have fun with your writing.
But…but…that’s where you guys come in. 
Hahaha, fair enough. 
An outstanding work.
Thanks! I wrote that just before going to bed…is that bad?
Right here! 
Edit: Where are my manners? Thank you as well! You inspired it, obviously!
Meh, I do it all the time.
Touche!
The only scene that i felt was below the rest was when you let the sister just drown, it didn’t really feel like the MC to be so …uncalculating ? it kinda felt weird but it probably can be explained by him being a kid back then
it could also just be me being biased, since the sister was cute and i’m somewhat ‘family is an exception’ when it come to bad guys (that’s what make the Sawyer family fascination in the chainsaw massacre IMO) so take it with a grain of salt.
and maybe having the specter talk wasn’t the best idea, it kinda ruined the ‘spectral’ aspect for him to just talk, that’s pretty much all i can nitpick
Could be cool to have a what if where the MC actualy save the sister and it has a butterfly effect that lead to him being somewhat less evil / a token evil teamate to the guards rather than the traitor in their midst (basicaly just doing what he was doing, minus the serial killing and maybe adding some more brutal with the ones he faces), with the sister as a morality chain (now that i think about it, my what if idea sound a lot like an anime, which could be appropriate given that Devero sound a lot like an anime protag and most of the supporting cast sound like an anime supporting cast)
hell, given the ammount of short fanfic i see in the threads related to that game, i might write the what if myself XD (you have a very imaginative fanbase it seems)
I actually agree heavily here.
The MC resented their sister, saw her drowning, and chose to let her die so they could be rid of her. Kids in general are notoriously short sighted, and this is doubly so for psychopaths; they have particular trouble with balancing short term benefits against future detriments. So it wasn’t until Edina even showed up that the MC realized they had fucked up.
Something that you need to realize is that the MC isn’t capable of love, empathy, or guilt. In MMM, they will never show an ounce of morality.
In my world, specters are like a mix between demons and ghosts. Specters have been in my games, Captive of Fortune and The Enchanter’s Misery, and they’ve always been capable of speech.
Thanks for your feedback, and I’m glad you found Efastia cute. 
Yeah, as i said it could be explained by me being biased or him being a kid
yup, i got that, that’s why i said it could be a cool what if, i mean what’s the point of a what if if it isn’t to see how thing would be if stuff was different ?
I never heard of those games to be honest, so i wouldn’t know, i was just talking from an ‘atmosphere’ / ability point of view (also his text was bit too much like what the MC said in his mother’s head so it just gave me the impression both power were redundant)
well thanks for reading my feedback to begin with, a lot of author don’t bother XD
The Half Goblin and Devero were cute in their own way too and the mother’s character was cool, obviously for completly different reason
pretty sad that i actualy know peoples like the Mother
I should have recalled this, as I’ve read all of your recent work.
How will the Diplomacy stat differ from Deception? There’s a scene where we can lie about retrieving a cake for our mother, but it increases Diplomacy.
maybe deception is just not letting people see you’re a monster ?
while diplomacy is just not making them mad at you ?
that’s how it looked to me at least
There are gonna be lots of choices throughout the story where the majority of or all of the options will involve lying, like when you got on Margo’s good side before abducting her. So, the deception stat mainly has to do with deception in its purest form: making a bold lie believable by having a calm and plain-faced delivery, while mixing some truth into whatever you’re saying to make it seem even more true.
Lying that you’re being kind to help make amends, however, would boost the other stat that it has to do with: diplomacy. Similarly, lying that you have feelings for Margo and being charming about it would boost the other stat that it employs: charisma.
So in that case, all three choices were deceptive, but especially when you have no choice about whether or not to do something, (like where if all choices need the use of magic or if all choices are lies) I choose to not effect that stat, whether it be mana or deception.
On an unrelated note, I just stumbled across this shit on Youtube 
@Samuel_H_Young Off topic as well, I feel like Ross is the least liked Friend and it’s because everyone low-key gets that sociopath vibe from his character.
On topic, I think this whole game is such an interesting experiment with lies and lying. And how the perception of deception and genuine-ness almost depend more on presentation than the truth.
background musics really just change everything in a scene
that and the fact that the original scene was already designed to make the other guy’s reaction plausible make it quite easy to get that result
would be funny if the MC end up in a similar situation, thinking he is stuck with another psycho because of out of context cue
I’m glad you think so! That’s what I’m aiming for. It’s interesting to me that too often people will not believe honest people because what they’re saying makes them uncomfortable or just seems strange in some way, but they’ll be tricked by people telling lies simply because their delivery is charismatic or whatever they’re saying falls in line with what the listener wants to believe.
