Mass Mother Murderer (renamed to The Pernicious Panacea)

That could be a good name, too!

@Samuel_H_Young
After we kill our victims do we leave the costume (of our mother) on them or do we take it with us? I ask this because I’m trying to come up with a name for us and this might help.

2 Likes

You would leave the costumes on for sure.

4 Likes

Possible Names
• The Dress-Up Killer/Butcher/Slayer
• The Spectre
• The Doll Maker (Not very original :expressionless:)
• The Angel Maker
• The Raven Slayer (Raven being a reference to our mother’s hair)

5 Likes

Really good suggestions :+1:

Also, I’ve been thinking that I might split each chapter in two, making there 14 chapters of like 15-20k as opposed to the much more ungainly 7 chapters of like ~35k. So this means I could be posting Chapter 1 in the next few days.

4 Likes

@Samuel_H_Young Angelmaker. Has a very Ed Gein feel to it.

Sounds good. Although, question:

When we’re actually killing, will we have the option to stay constantly silent? I’ve always loved the mysterious and even heightened fear that can come from a mute killer, like Michael Myers. When the mask goes on, our former self comes off.

Just imagine a movie-like scene where the actual Captain of the guard awakes in a dimly lit cave, slowly getting to his knees as his head recovers and he almost-instantly realizes he’s…dressed in a woman’s gown? Utterly confused, and vision still spinning, he carefully looks about, tuning around and seeing… another person, obviously male from height and build, but wearing some sort of cloak, with a mask on that horrifyingly resembles some woman’s face. The stranger says nothing, merely grabbing a blacksmith’s hammer from a table the Captain didn’t even notice before. He stares into the man through the eyeholes of that terrifying secondary face, muffled breaths coming from it extremely heavy, but… focused. Like a lion preparing to pounce on a gazelle from behind some brush. Those eyes…empty abysses. What is this? The captain slowly stands before spinning and making a mad dash deeper into the cave.

…Ah, shit. My inner writer came out. :joy:

7 Likes

Yeah, I could put that in. That would be creepy as hell.

That’s some good writing. Where’s YOUR WIP? :stuck_out_tongue:

4 Likes

I’ve had some inspiration. :wink:

Haha.

tenor

4 Likes

MAJOR UPDATE:

I present to you the rest of Chapter 1! This brings the total wordcount of the demo to 11k. Two new characters have been introduced: Garad and Devero. I hope you enjoy, and as always, feedback/comments/typo spotting/bug spotting are invaluable.

11 Likes

Speaking of bugs, I’m completely perplexed by this ridiculous randomtest error. Basically, when you’re choosing your magic type but choose to look at the other options, the option that you just looked at disappears…for no reason. There’s no hide_reuse in the code, so it shouldn’t disappear at all. But it does, and now if you choose to look at the other options three times, the game just crashes. Can anyone help me fix this? Here’s the code:

*label magic 

What kind of magician are you? 
*choice 
	#A phantom mage. [Review]
		As a phantom mage, you possess many abilities that remind one of a ghost or a demon. You are able to fly for up to about one minute, which is a powerful and useful spell. Unfortunately, it can be risky because of how sharply it ends; if you're not careful, you could plummet to the ground and suffer serious injury, or even death. You also have the ability to summon a weak, frail specter. Although pitiful compared to other specters, he has a truly unsettling appearance and can instill immense fear into your enemies. 
		
		Finally, perhaps your most unique ability allows you to speak inside the mind's of others. This can be used for all sorts of purposes: terrifying your victims or enemies, planting thoughts inside poeple's heads, or even alerting your allies to danger. Of course, you don't have any [i]real[/i] allies, but if you're manipulating someone, sometimes it's better if they don't wind up in too much trouble.
		*choice 
			#Yes, you're a phantom mage. 
				*set phantom true 
				*set magician "Phantom"
				(Gained Phantom Magic)
				*line_break 
				As a phantom mage, you've become quite the formidable figure in Rhys Falls. Your flight spell allows you to chase after enemies helpless to escape, and evade attacks that no one else could. Practically everyone is wary of the terrifying specter that you can summon at will, and a few, weaker criminals have almost been driven to madness by his ethereal hand. Of course, your most subtle power of speaking into people's minds is a complete secret.
				
				You've honed the spell so well that you're able to speak in the victim's voice in order to fool them, or even a monster's voice to scare them half to death. Either way, no one has been able to trace these happenings to you, though you're sure some people suspect.
				
				*goto investigate 
			
			#You would like to review the other types of magic.
				*goto magic 
	
	#An elemental mage. [Review]
		As an elemental mage, you have several powerful spells that allow you to bend nature to your will. The first is quite strange: you are able to light someone's hair on fire with just an arcane motion and a pulse of magical energy. You have no fucking idea why you're restricted to only burning people's hair; you've tried the spell on other areas of their body and even on objects, but nothing else worked. Still, the thing you do like about this is that no matter what, this bit of magic is invariably brutal and macabre.
		
		You also have the ability to create large waves of frost. This is useful not only for creating distractions, but it can also significantly weaken your enemies, and dampen fires if you are threatened by one. Finally, your most unique bit of magic is a vortex spell: a black ball of magical energy that you can summon in your hand. Its sole function is to violently drag something or someone towards you, and is therefore extremely useful for attack, or simply to catch someone who is trying to get away, or to retrieve an object before someone else reaches it.
		*choice 
			#Yes, you're an elemental mage. 
				*set elemental true 
				*set magician "Elemental"
				(Gained Elemental Magic)
				*line_break 
				You're one of the few mages in Rhys Falls, and the only one who can harness the elements at such a level. Your powers are varied, which always leaves people guessing about what you might do next, and a few of your enemies have even shaven their heads solely to avoid your vicious fire spell. All of your magical powers are well known to the public, but this matters little to you since an inescapable vortex and a wave of frost are equally as effective whether an enemy knows they're coming or not.
				*goto investigate 
			
			#You would like to review the other types of magic.
				*goto magic 
	
	#A voodoo mage. [Review]
		As a voodoo mage, you have the ability to make people vomit violently with a simple wave of your hand. This may sound bizarre, but it's surprisingly effective in battle, and it can also be delightfully useful for humiliating someone. Secondly, you have a paralysis spell, which makes your victim sluggish and uncoordinated, as if they were running through water in some vivid nightmare. Finally, you're most interesting spell of all is the blindness spell.
		
		This bit of magic allows you to make an enemy go blind for thirty seconds. Not only can this practically incapacitate them in a fight, but it is also one of the most terrifying things one can go through.
		*choice 
			#Yes, you're a voodoo mage. 
				*set voodoo true 
				*set magician "Voodoo"
				(Gained Voodoo Magic)
				*line_break 
				You are one of the few magicians in the village, and the only one with the kind of intimidating, dark spells such as yours. This has gained you some notability around Rhys Falls, and many people have grown wary of your paralysis and blindness spells. Of course, you know that it's always good to have something in your back pocket, so you've kept your vomiting spell a secret. Everyone thinks it's strange when someone randomly becomes violently sick, but they've never attributed it to you. Or, at least, they haven't been able to prove it.
				*goto investigate
	
			#You would like to review the other types of magic.
				*goto magic 
2 Likes

@Samuel_H_Young
Wow that is an amazing update!! You have drawn me in even more! :clap: :clap:

3 Likes

Fuck it. Short fan fiction time, because, since the new Halloween trailer is due literally any moment, I’m in a killer mood (separate post for reader convience):

The Captain stares dead into the old hag’s eyes, the careless, bitter windows into her soul, as he attempts to get past her angry facade and tries to get at what he’s here for finally, after several, painstakingly-long moments of pointless, spiteful and hate-filled exchange.

“Captain,” Edina says defeatedly. “If a fucking fireside tale about my bastard son will make you leave an old woman to drink in peace, so be it.”

The Captain hardens his glare as he slowly leans forward in the rickety wooden chair. “I just want to know what he was like. Is.”

He then leans back again, easing his shoulders with a roll. “And it better all be true.”

Edina squints, clearly unmoved by the percieved, typical attempt at a threat from the head guardsman.

“Oh, where do I start?” She mutters with a frown and empty cieling glare.

Meanwhile, somewhere else…

“He was always a raging little shit,” she begins, while the young man in subject enters his home for the night, cloak stained in blood and mask almost cracked in half.

“A fiesty, ballsy son of a bitch.” A fist slams against the wall of her son’s house; labored, rage-filled breaths destroy the silence.

“He never knew when to quit trying to have his own way with everything.” Candles by her son’s front door wisp in the direction of the monster in question thumping forward. Blood seeps from a cut in his mouth, and crawls through the crack in his mask and two sizable droplets plop on to the wood floor.

“He was always so… possessed,” Edina continues in another house, as her son catches himself from falling against the stand next to his crude bed. A deep, frightening, frustrated growl escapes the young man’s bleeding lips as he heaves up his desk chair and tosses it so hard against the wall opposite that the top of it actually snaps off and spins to the floor upon impact.

“He always wanted more. I tried my best to love him, but the fucking runt couldn’t do the simplest of things. Over and over, I would try to teach him how to grow up, how to look out for himself, but he never listened. Never had any motivation. All his life, he just wanted to stay in the shadow of his sister.”

A loud cry thunders through the front room of her son’s house; an unheard scream in the darkness behind the walls of wood; a floating, broken artificial face failing to conceal the obvious hint of furious sadness in the monster’s voice.

“When she died,” Edina begins, empty dark eyes now fixated on her own firelit floor.

“…It was like his broken little self just broke even more.”

A knock on her son’s door; an unexpected night visitor. Rage consumes the lost soul, and he is a boy again. A berated, tormented, worthless flicker in the flame of his mother’s life. The flame he wills his very existence to put out permanently.

For a second, she can almost see it in her actual fireplace.

For a second, she could almost hear the scream of the guard sent at the Angelmaker’s doorstep.

14 Likes

That update, I can feel myself simmering with murderous intent here through the screen already! How I yearn so deeply to wipe that vapid smile off of his clueless face. Something about cheery characters set me off. Hm.
Nice job.

7 Likes

When describing Devero’s powers it should be “orbs of light”.

On another note: Will it be possible for the MC to reproduce?

4 Likes

Oh, I’d be curious if that were a mechanic in the game. I mean, a lot of horrible people in history did have families. It’s far less suspicious that way, helps the person to blend in and integrate themselves when things go wrong, and it’s kind of sort of expected of prominent people to “settle down” and have a family. (Also, it’s especially creepy when, in interviews, the children of these terrible people are talking about their home life and their parent was either a. a complete abusive, manipulative monster or b. eerily kind to their children who considered them a good parent despite all the evil things they did)

5 Likes

So beautiful :sob::sob::sob::sob:

@lokidemon007
Thanks, I’ll fix that.

That’s an interesting idea, and I do plan on having a sex scene for each RO. However, the story only spans about a week, so I don’t think there’d be a chance to see if any pregnancy came to be.

3 Likes

Maybe in an epilogue?

2 Likes

Played through the update, it was fantastic as always! I feel bad for Devero though, he seems like such a nice guy and I’m pretty sure we’ll end up having to kill him at some point. Also, I feel like Devero might be a RO in future because if we compliment him for finding the bag, he accidentally calls us by our first name.

Other than that, found a few spelling errors:

and thereforw the most confusing one, too.

therefore

Margo was a nice women and…

woman

Devero, meanwhile, gives you an appreciate look.

appreciative

It’s hard to supress a snicker

suppress

Now that foul play is practically guarunteed as far as…

guaranteed

2 Likes

Good idea. We’ll have to see. :slight_smile:

@soprano
Yes, Devero is an RO along with Garad, Cherihl, and Abella.

Thanks, I’ll fix those soon.

The way I play this game, a very evil individual who has a very respected position, powerful magic, and a convincing charm around everyone makes me feel like Tom Riddle becoming Lord Voldemort.

3 Likes