Mass Mother Murderer [12/14 Chapters, 166k words]

young-adult-fiction
gender-choice
nonbinary-inclusive

#1299

Just finished this demo. :blue_heart: it. The mc i Played in this demo might just be the most disturbing and vile Mc I’ve ever played in any cog or hog. That’s something. Most mcs I play always take the heavenly path. But here it’s just stay in hell or go deeper.
Got a quick quesh. Is the 13 chapters just the demo or the full game?


#1300

Thanks! That’s the goal. :innocent:

The 13th chapter will be the end of this installment.


#1301

Oh, Edina;
In life, you birthed me,
In death you shall complete me.
As I grip the axe of the lumberman, tainted by the blood of the baker, the first instrument of torture is clearly revealed to you.
My blow strikes off your hands;
The very hands which taught me violence.
As they part your physique for all eternity, my efforts are rewarded with a cheer from the Netherworld, summoned by your vocal cords.
Hear, o daemon realm; this is the song of her misery at my hand. The very tongue which taught me words of contempt now begs me for mercy.
I revel in the melody.
As I grip the rusty dagger, tainted by the blood of the fletcher, the second instrument of torture is clearly revealed to you.
Your mouth is forced open by my gauntlet, and I carve away your tongue, for actions speak louder than words.
Your curses become but wails of agony, as blood overflows your throat.
The very eyes which looked upon me with hatred now shed streams of tears, mourning your pain. By elegant motions, they too are liberated from your wretched body.
As I grip the pliers corrupted by the suffering of my victims, the third instrument of torture is not revealed to you, for you can no longer see.
And as I turn to you, in order to tear away the teeth from within your mouth, it appears you have fainted.
Although, this will not stop me from accomplishing my goal… these instruments were merely the angels of my will, and manifestations of my resolve.
My hands reach up onto your head, and your spine twists, giving way to my indomitable strength.
The transition into the spirit world begins, and you shall enter crippled. My self is unburdened from your detestable individuality, at long last.


#1302

Some amazing and very fitting poetry! It reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe.

I want to say thank you all for being so supportive. In my first 4 years as an author I had never recieved anything like this, but in the past couple months alone, I’ve been sent fan art for The Magician’s Burden and fan fiction and now poetry for MMM. It’s very encouraging.


#1303

Gotta say, I’m kink shaming, not into masochism and on top of that it’s in relation to family.


A pyromaniac is generally non violent?


Disclaimer: I’m American, so I might call you on stuff that would be correct for the Queen’s tongue.


I thought this would be shorter
  • “Keres!” she shrieks out again, so loud and so vicously that you can practically imagine the bile and maybe even blood coating her throat.

    • viciously

“Why, why would you kill my favorite child? Why would you kill your sister?”

Yeesh I thought parents weren’t supposed to pick favorites :laughing:


  • Your mother purses her lips, eying the basket of perfectly folded laundry before finally giving a grunt and turning around and walking back into the house.
    • eyeing

  • Looking anywhere but her cold, dead eyes, you grab the basket and rush down the hallway to her room, your heart pounding like a drum and your face flushed with anger. Even so, you can’t help but feel a small sensation of victory as you open her door and walk inside. Little does she know it, but you’re one step closer to your goal. The room is a pathetic mess, with a lumpy old matress shoved up against the wall and a mass of flies buzzing around old, rotting bits of food sitting around in random places.

  • mattress


  • You could kill this souless, loverless, friendless, worthless bitch right now with your bare hands, and then you would finally be free. Inching forward silently, you raise a hand out, reaching for her face as her chest rises and falls with slow, deep breaths.

    • soulless

  • As soon as you’re outside, you break into a run, dashing away from the house and collapsing onto your hands and knees. With a grunt, you vomit violently onto the ground, wincing as the yellowish liquid burns your throat and assaults your nose with that disgusting, acidic smell. “Damnit,” you growl through gritted teeth, gripping at the dirt with your fingernails.
    • dammit

  • Garad stands, signalling that his little speach is over, and looks at you expectantly. You stand as well, thinking fast about how you want to play this.

    • speech
  • You suddenly frown, your voice going hard as you say, “Whoever did this is going to pay! I loved Margo’s pastries, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her stay missing on my watch.”

    • I’m surprised he didn’t finger me as different right then and there :laughing:

  • He opens the door for you and the two of you exit his office. Then, you give him a quick salute before he begins to head down the hallway to exit the guard tower. You’ll be leaving soon as well, but first, you’d like to head to your own office to grab your personal weapon. It only takes a short walk down the hallway for you to arrive at your door, where a sign enscribed Keres: vice-captain hangs outside. You pull out your keychain and unlock the door, then head inside.
    • inscribed

  • You step forward, running your hand across the window frame, looking for any signs that it was pryed open, but of course, there will be none. The other guard begins to speak, but you squeeze your eyes shut and raise a hand, snapping, “Shut up, I’m trying to think.” He shuts his mouth and stares at the ground, looking embarrassed. It takes a bit of effort not to smirk. You’re not contemplating anything, you just like fucking with–what’s his name, again? Oh well, it really doesn’t matter.
    • pried

  • You blink hard and take a deep breath, saying, “Good work.” That’s all you can muster through your rage, though; you need to get ahold of yourself and not let your emotions slip.
    • a hold

  • He walks over to you and turns the top of the bag inside out to reveal that, indeed, the baker’s name is stiched in a bold, red text. “So it seems,” is all you can utter, though you remember to give him a little smile in return.
    • stitched

  • You can’t help but smirk to yourself. The man is thoroughly unlikeable, and not just by your standards. Either way, though, you’re going to have to suffer through his bullshit and interview him, if only because it’s the obvious thing to do. Of course, there’s no chance he’ll know of anything that actually happened that night; as far as you know, there weren’t any witnesses, and if he really knew any important information, he wouldn’t have waited for over a day to report his sister missing.

  • unlikable


You’ve had more than enough of this fucker’s drivel. With a discreet wave of your hand and a pulse of magical energy, you cast a particularly vicious vomiting spell. (Requires 1 Mana and Voodoo Magic)

  • (+1 Deception, +2 Arcana, -1 Mana)

Ah darn and here I thought I could just sock mana for judgement day :cry: But there’s a stat!


  • Just as the two of you begin to walk away, though, Stefens’ front door opens again and he hurries out, saying, “Vice-captain, wait.” He takes a deep breath and says, “I just had to get a drink of water and wash that disgusting taste out of my mouth. I may be sick, but I want to tell you whatever I can. I need Margo to come back safely.”

    • Stefen’s

  • You walk casually up to the Rhysing Bread Bakery, only the pale light from the full moon guiding your way in the darkness. You’ve always felt comfortable in the dark, and you know this place so well that you would be able to find your way even on a cloudly, moonless night. As you approach the building, you see a figure stepping out of the door, and it’s just the person you expected. “Is that you, Margo?” you ask innocently.

    • cloudy

My little murderer is way to excited and emotional for this, keeps spacing out, having flashbacks and gets way too visibly excited. Well I supposed it could be worse, at least I haven’t seen a public murder boner yet.


  • Cherihl puts on a grumpy expression but wisely chooses not to reply. The two of you start to make your way towards the Rhysing Bread Bakery’s owner’s home, which is in one of the wealthier neighborhoods. Considering she owns a relatively successful business, that’s not surprising. It takes a fair amount of walking to get there, but you eventually arive at your destination: a handsome wooden home with a vegetable garden out front and a door painted a vibrant red.

    • arrive

  • You stare at her pointedly, arching an eyebrow and clearing your throat. Whether bedrudgingly or sincerely, she will give you the respect you deserve.

    • begrudgingly

  • You and Garad both look expectantly at Abella. She glances between the two of you before rolling her eyes and walking off towards the bickering villagers. Just as it looks like they’re about to erupt into a fistfight, the archer barges inbetween them and pushes them apart. They both immediately begin to protest but she just raises a finger and snaps, “Shutup.” Then, she jabs one finger in one direction and another in the opposite direction, demanding, “You go that way, and you go that way.”

    • in between, shut up

  • Before he can say anything else, though, Abella ushers him away with a grunt. Once both of them have gone their seperate ways, she stalks back to you and Garad, her face stony and her lips pursed in annoyance. “Well, that was irritating,” she mumbles.
    • separate

  • The man shoves random villagers aside as he makes a bid for the nearest alleyway. Abella steps forward and begins to ready her bow, notching it with a non-lethal arrow, but you raise an arm in front of her and growl, “No. He’s mine.”

WHY!


  • To committ a crime right in front of you, the vice-captain of Rhys Falls, is a grave insult that cannot be tolerated.

    • commit

  • Before he can react, you dart forward and chop him in the throat, and then hook your foot around his ankle and shove him down, sending him sprawling aross the dirt.
    • accross

  • Drawing your dagger, you raise it high and then slash it through the air. At the last moment, though, you angle it towards the side so it merely grazes his arm, rather than slicing it halfway off.

    • wish I knew I had a dagger before picking up the sword…

  • The man lets out a dumb grunt of pain as his nose is squashed into the dirt, making a satisfying crunching noise. As you yank him back up by his hair, illiciting more screams, you’re pleased to see that he’s gritting his teeth as blood cascades out of his nostrils. His voice all slurred as the red liquid drips into his mouth, he spits, “You’re fucking crazy!”

  • eliciting


  • A short time later, you and Garad are back in his office. His cape is hung up on the hook by his door, and he’s pacing back and forth, clearly agitated. “Damnit,” he growls through gritted teeth, clenching his fists. “It’s been two days now since Margo disappeared, and we’re barely any closer to finding her. All the intelligence we have is that someone undoubtedly took her and that her brother suspects her ex boyfriend.”

    • dammit

  • A chain arond her wrists is connected to a post in the floor, keeping her bound there, and with no tools even close to being within reach, she has no chance of escape. She is gagged, but when you begin to approach her, she shrinks away, pulling desperately against the chains and letting out terrified, weak groans.
    • around

  • Suddenly, your mother opens her bedroom door and walks out into the living room, frowning as she approaches you and Efastia. Her eyes are red and puffy, and you notice her cheeks are wet from tears. “Please,” she says, her voice impatient, “Just keep it down.” She barely even seems to notice that her daughter is upset. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she adds, “The last thing I need right now is for you two to act like monkeys when I’m trying to sleep. Why don’t you go to the pond for a swim?”

    • Bu- but I ignored her! Always getting in trouble for stuff I didn’t do…

  • Your little sister frowns back for a moment, pushing out her lip in a poutty expression. She quickly brightens up, though, stepping forward and pulling you into a big hug. “I’m sorry, Keres, I was just kidding. I love you, okay?”

    • pouty

  • You have no idea how long you were standing there in the grass, gazing out at the water where Efastia drowned. The water was tumultous and bubbling for a few moments after she sunk, but it eventually calmed down. By now, it’s flat and peaceful, like nothing had ever happened. Your attention is snapped away, though, as you hear footsteps behind you. Whipping around, you’re dismayed to see that it’s your mother. To your surprise, though, she actually looks like she’s in a good mood for once.

    • tumultuous

  • You narrow your eyes, getting a sour taste in your mouth. She would never treat you like that. Not that you want her to do that disgusting, sanguine shit, but it’s better than the second-class treatment you always get instead. Suddenly, though, as if by some cruel fate, Efastia’s body floats up to the top of the pond, just bobbing there. Edina lets out a blood curdling scream and slaps her hands to her mouth, letting her picnic basket crash to the ground. “My baby!” she wails, dashing towards the pond.

    • All that intelligence raising for nothing :sob:

  • Your mother’s door has been left ajar, so you peak through the gap, careful not to make a sound. She has been completely bedridden for the past several days, doing nothing but laying there, staring into space and occassionally taking a swig from the tankard of ale sitting on her nightstand. She hasn’t even had anything to eat or anything else to drink for days. Maybe she’ll just die, but that seems like wishful thinking. It doesn’t escape your notice that she’s still wearing the same dirty, torn up dress from that day, either.

    • occasionally

  • Darkness surrounds you. Not even a sliver of light shines through the bottom of the door, as it seems your mother had stuffed blankets tightly underneath the door, all to ensure that the inside of the closet would be pitch black. You huddle in the corner of the small, dusty space, your stomach growling savagely with hunger and your throat pounding with an unbarable ache of thirst. By now, your eyesight has long since adjusted to the lack of light, and it hurts to even swallow because your mouth is so dry.

    • unbearable

  • You can only imagine how long you’ve been trapped in this closet, but it must be multiple days, at least. The sound of Edina occassionaly wandering through the house aimlessly is all that breaks the silence. You’ve tried your best to break out of the closet, but nothing has worked. It only took you a few hours to realize that for all the incredible spells at your disposal, none of them were suitable for breaking you out of places. Still, you have to do something before the neglect, darkness, and isolation drive you mad.

    • occasionally
      Like the incredible vomit spell! Wait I’ve got an idea, I’ll vomit on the hinges and wait for my stomach acid to dissolve the hinges! Genius!

  • Knowing that the only way you’ll get out of here is if Edina opens the damn door, you decide to at least do something to pass the time. Taking a deep breath, you hold out your wrist and press your nails against it, dragging them slowly down your skin until you begin to bleed.

    • On one hand, I do that in real life on the other hand… intimidation is a dump stat.

  • As you lay there, facing the pinnacle of humiliation, a rage like never before overtakes you. Edina may be your mother, but you’re a fucking magician and you refuse to take this abuse any longer. With a scream and a rush of andrenaline, you smack her hands away and scramble to your feet, whipping around to face her. Little does she know that you’ve been honing your magic, practicing your spells so you could finally outmatch her, finally kill her and be rid of her oppression. She merely sneers at you, though, mocking, “Is that defiance I see in your eyes, brat?”

    • adrenaline
  • Boy’s a little cocky, especially given i have no spells that could kill someone on their own.

  • Before she can say anything else, though, you cut her off with a raised fist. She slinks back, falling silent, and with a satisfied grin, you stand to your feet and walk over to your table, examing the tools of torture at your disposal. Margo must realize what’s about to happen, because she suddenly yells, “Wait, please, you don’t have to do this! I know the code to Rhysing Bread Bakery’s safe and I can get you thousands of coins if you just let me go!”

    • examining

  • You awake the next morning, feeling rejuvinated with fresh magical energy coursing through you. Of course, the sun hasn’t even risen yet, but you’ve never been someone who’s needed much sleep to function properly. Rising from your bed, you immediately head towards the basement, your heart already beginning to thud loudly with anticipation. Finally, after multiple days of having Margo trapped here, it’s time for her to die. At long last, you will kill your mother for the very first time.

    • rejuvenated

And now break time.


I’m at Ch 4


#1304

Haha, I do need a better way of putting that. Burning down a dozen buildings is uber violent, but I meant that he’s a calm and non-violent person when it comes to his temper and bare hands.

The MC is definitely uncharacteristically emotional for a psychopath, but this is intentional. The whole character and the trilogy will be based upon their implacable rage.

Though I will say that serial killers, even the capable and intelligent ones, daydream and daze off all the time. It’s part of their fantasy world that they want to create in reality.

I chortled at several of your annotations. Thanks for pointing out all those typos!


#1305

Yeah the only reason why I didn’t finish it was that I had class. But the again I started because I had three hours of free time and didn’t want to work on school stuff, I’ll get back to it now :blush: Plus I did say I would before, an even beyond that, with this name, it’s my obligation to be this thread.


#1306

Me in my Slytherin scarf and Ed Gein mask.


#1307

The beard makes it scarier.


#1308

I’ve replayed the demo over 3 times now and I still love it just as much. The story is amazing, the characters are amazing, you’re amazing; I just love it so much that words can’t express the happiness i get just from reading it. Please keep up the good work and take care of yourself, also please have this fanart of the mc to show my undying love and support (it’s not that good but please take it).


#1309

Thank you so much, Koshi! The art is amazing and I really appreciate your words of encouragement. :heart_eyes:


#1310

Lol nice!! And I’m a HUGE fan of your stories, i completely love them i can’t wait for MMM i read it about 3 times now and it’s amazing, ive never read anything quite like it. I also read the magicians burden and i can’t wait for the second part, I’m hyped :smiley: and keep up the great work.


#1311

I played the demo,it was freaking amazing!There are occasional grammar errors,though,I forgot where they were haha…
Y’know,whenever I played a game,I’d first play as the psycho but some games didn’t have that choice or the villain route was dull compared to the hero’s.But this game…it’s amazing!Joy is a smart one.She’s fun.It’s kinda ironic that I named my MC Achilles on my first play.


#1312

Well, I’ve switched around the chapter count about 4,000 times because I keep adding stuff to the chapter outlines and rearranging shit, but I think it’s finally settled down at 14.

One of the biggest themes in Chapters 10, 11 and 12 is: Is it better to do something wrong for the right reasons or to do something right for the wrong reasons?


#1313

Knowing the MC, doing something wrong cuz it’s wrong AND fun.


#1314

Mine is more like: I don’t really care as long as it benefits me.


#1315

Seasons 4 and 5 of Bates Motel have a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. There is hope for humanity after all. :sob::raised_hands:

Oh, I’ve also thought of another tagline for MMM: Like a mix between “Dexter” and “Bates Motel” but in a medieval fantasy setting and twice as dark :face_with_monocle:


#1316

Imagine the MC from MMM combined with the MC from The Magician’s Burden.

An already physically and magically powerful person, with their powers supplemented by being hijacked by a demon. :smiling_imp:


#1317

Not to mention that the MC would be willing to use Zaleth’s powers much more frequently. They would hate being possessed but wouldn’t have any moral qualms with whatever the demon made them do. :grimacing:


#1318

The MMM MC wouldn’t gain much, beyond the demon, except maybe a conscience, the Burden’s MC doesn’t have much going for him yet